She felt like ending her life.
Her once happy heart had become nothing
but a beat to a song nobody wanted to hear.

With tears in her eyes, she shut them tightly
and remembered the prophecies.

She imagined the planes and the airports
and the passport filled with a hundred stamps.

She imagined the lines on the paper
of the songs she would write
and the ambient melodies to flow along with.

She imagined the twinkle in her eyes
as she stood on a stage before the millions
and the overwhelming sense of Gods presence.

She imagined the lives before her
and how her story would impact the broken hearts,
mending them back together again.

She imagined the heads she would lay hands on
and the miracles of souls set free, healed and
made whole by the power of God.

She imagined the embracing hugs from
the self harmer who got set free from depression
and the tears of happiness falling from the eyes
of the girl who got set free from fear of rejection.

She imagined the girl in the wheelchair
dancing in the isles, praising the Lord
because he had just healed her.

She imagined the children prophesying
dreams, visions and words of encouragement
as thousands fall under the anointing of God.

She imagined the spontaneous and free worship.
The prophetic songs she would sing out
and the declaration proclamations she would
speak over the lives God had asked her to speak into.

She imagined the joy of never giving up,
even if it was just to reach those people.

She opened her eyes, tears streaming down
her cheeks like rivers of living water.

She put the knife down and this she did pray;
‘Lord if this is what you have called me to,
then just as Isaiah 6.8 says
“Here I am. Send me.”
I desire your will above mine.
In Proverbs 19.21 it says;
“You can make many plans,
but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”
and as my favourite scripture
found in Isaiah 60.22 reads;
“At the right time, I, the Lord,
will make it happen”

I pray you would be a constant reminder
of the bigger picture in my little existence.
'Cause Lord, even if I have to cry myself
to sleep every night until I reach those people
and see this dream come alive and even if it
means resisting every temptation to hurt my body
and it means fighting against the spirit of fear
and rejection and depression and anxiety..
I will do it. You have made me a warrior
and I am ready to go into battle for your people.
I can do this without fear for your word tells me
in Jeremiah 20.11;
“The Lord stands beside me like a great warrior.”
I want to be the David, to whatever Goliath I am facing.

My life is in your hands and I want you to turn
my mess into your message and my test into
my testimony. If I am going to go through hell
to get to those you have chosen me to help,
it will be a war worthy of picking up my sword for.

She felt like starting her life.
Her once saddened heart had become something
like a beat to a song the world needed to hear.