journey to self realization

One of the key battlegrounds in the fight for LGBT rights is the local political arena. 

This week, five Mayors from across the United States join us for a Tumblr Issue Time to answer your questions on the ways that they’re promoting and protecting LGBT rights in their cities. 

ASK THEM A QUESTION!

Mayor Ed Lee • San Francisco, CA

The first Chinese-American mayor in the history of San Francisco, Edwin M. Lee is one of the founding members of Mayors Against Discrimination (MAD). In 2016, Mayor Lee appointed Theresa Sparks as the Mayor’s Senior Advisor on Transgender Initiatives, becoming the first city in the nation to have a position dedicated to advancing the rights of and creating policies for the transgender community.

Mayor Jess Herbst • New Hope, TX

Jess Herbst is the mayor of New Hope, Texas and the first openly transgender mayor in Texas history. A lifelong Texan, Herbst has called New Hope her home for nearly 20 years and served on town council for several years, beginning in 2003. She publicly announced that she is transgender in January 2017 following a long journey of self-realization and is a proud member of Mayors Against LGBT Discrimination.

Mayor Jorge Elorza • Providence, RI

Mayor Jorge O. Elorza was born in Providence and grew up in the city’s West End In 2010, he was appointed to the Providence Housing Court, where he served until 2013. Mayor Elorza was elected as Providence’s 38th Mayor and took office in 2015 and is focused on turning Providence around by creating economic opportunity for all, public services that work for everyone and innovative, ethical City government.

Mayor John Dennis • West Lafayette, IN

Mayor Dennis was born in Japan and moved to West Lafayette with his family as a young child, where he was raised and educated.  Upon graduation from Indiana State University, where he received his bachelor and master degrees, Mayor Dennis worked for a period of time in California, where he met his wife Mary.  Mayor Dennis, upon his return to West Lafayette, joined the Lafayette Police Department, staying with LPD for 23 years, retiring as Deputy Chief of Police.

Mayor William Peduto • Pittsburgh, PA

Mayor Peduto took office as Pittsburgh’s 60th Mayor in January of 2014. One of his first orders of business as Mayor was to sign on to the Mayors for Freedom to Marry campaign and Why Marriage Matters Pennsylvania. Mayor Peduto has formed an LGBTQIA+ Task Force, created the position of LGBTQIA+ Liaison within the Pittsburgh Bureau of Police, been an active member of Mayors Against LGBT Discrimination, and celebrated marriage equality following the SCOTUS decision on same sex marriage by uniting 19 same sex couples during a group wedding ceremony during Pittsburgh PRIDE. 

Our panel of Mayors will begin answering your questions on Tuesday April 11. 

ASK THEM A QUESTION!

anonymous asked:

Can you do a top 5 Haikyuu characters with the saddest or emotional backstory? The ones that really pulled at your heart strings and made want to cuddle them forever? At least so far in the story. Thanks!

Top 5 tragic (or not so tragic) backstories of haikyuu characters?

1. Oikawa. His backstory taught me a lesson that will stay forever with me. It taught me that’s it’s ok to be afraid, that’s it’s natural to feel despair when you’ve always been on top and suddenly other people start to catch up on you. It taught me that the only way to go on is to keep fighting. It taught me that’s ok to fail, but never to give up. Oikawa is such an inspiring character who went through so much, and hides everything behind his perfect facade. His backstory of struggles and his self awareness journey towards the realization that he’s not a genius, that being surpassed is not a possibility but it’s already his reality made him incredibly human and gave his character a force to be reckoned with. He will never stop trying to make the flower of his talent bloom again, again and again. It made me feel…so much. I love Oikawa, in all his fragile, flawed, indomitable self (ಥ﹏ಥ)

2. Tendou. *slams fist on the wall* WHO DARED TO HURT MY BABY TENDOU??? His flashback broke my heart in so many pieces. Those kids were so mean to him, calling him a monster just because he was different? He was just a little child who wanted to have fun and play volleyball…I’m so proud of how he turned his pain into his ultimate weapon (and kicked so many asses with it)

Originally posted by taejiwoo

3. Kageyama. More than his backstory as a kid, what hurt me was his time in junior high. When he arrived to Karasuno, Kageyama was like a hurt wild animal, so aggressive just because he was trying to desperately protect himself. He never had a true supportive team and was convinced that he always had to do everything by himself. He was ostracized, made fun of and abandoned, by his teammates and by the only guidance he ever looked up to. And now here we have him, our beautiful blueberry who learned to trust and to rely on others and who’s constantly improving to be the best setter possible, to his favorite spiker and to the rest of the team. He’s finally home, and that’s beautiful

Originally posted by not-haikyuu

4. Tsukishima. Eh, another pretty painful one that explained us why the Tsukki that we know is like he is. The contrast between his little self and his older self is heartbreaking. He was a still cocky but very happy little kid…who was lied to all that time. The sport that his beloved brother introduced him to now is just a constant reminder of the pain and anger he suffered. But still, he kept playing, even if…“It’s just a club”. These were all the elements we needed to appreciate the moment he was hooked on volleyball to the fullest :’) I’m so proud of Tsukki, his character development is one of my favorites.  

Originally posted by juminss

5. Ushijima. “The fact that he’s different from other people, will probably end up being his strength”. This was just a calming and comforting backstory, I loved Ushijima’s dad so much, he was really sweet. First of all, refusing to correct his left handiness was an incredible gesture of love (as a left-handed person, I relate so much), he never pressured him to become a volleyball player, and yet Ushijima did, he joined a strong team, he faced so many opponents that made him stronger, became the ace his father admired so much, he liked volleyball, and he made his dad happy. This is such an perfect (and unexpected) backstory for him. 

Originally posted by vyctornikiforov

That being said, I’m dying everyday waiting for Bokuto’s backstory. I’m ready for the pain Furudate, slay me. 

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

#LastYoungRenegade - out July 2nd, 2017

Who is the Last Young Renegade?

After all this time writing music, playing in a band- checking moment after moment off the bucket list- collecting mistakes, making memories, I wondered what it might be like to write about myself if I wasn’t the one standing in my shoes. Who am I from the other side of the mirror?

I tried to change perspective in my approach to writing and center in on all of the different versions of me that other people might have met over the years, through the ups and the downs, in the public eye and behind closed doors. Would I like this person? Do I like this person? Do I even recognize this person anymore?

I realized that there’s a lot more to me than I’m usually ready to acknowledge, both good and bad. In that realization, I noticed a common thread. We are who we are, even when we try our hardest not to be.

It’s a challenge to accept it sometimes. I gave those other sides of me a persona, and a name– then came the stories like a flood. It was a way for me to confront demons without having to sit at the dinner table with them.

That’s the journey on this record: a story of self-realization. Of growing into your own skin through the eyes of someone watching it all unfold on the big screen, wearing a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt. Like watching an old familiar movie, but suddenly you’re Marty McFly.

We tried a lot of new things on this album, all within the context of what we love so much about All Time Low– There’s no denying that we were binge watching Stranger Things at the time, while also reflecting on the loss of some of our favorite musicians; Prince, Bowie, George Michael… I think the influence comes through in the best ways. We all felt pulled to exciting and different places as we searched for inspiration, approaching something that’s become so familiar to us from a new direction.

I truly hope everyone listening enjoys this record as much as I do. It’s been an amazing journey.The album comes out June 2nd and will be available for pre-order on Friday, Feb 24th. We’ll also be posting some pre-order merch bundles, so stay tuned! Pre-order options will be up on alltimelow.com.

Tracklist
1.
Last Young Renegade
2. Drugs & Candy
3. Dirty Laundry
4. Good Times
5. Nice2KnoU
6. Life of the Party
7. Nightmares
8. Dark Side of Your Room
9. Ground Control (feat. Tegan and Sara)
10. AfterglowxoAlex

Meditation is a good starting point, or even a little bit of contemplative reflection, asking questions like: Who am I without my name or form? What is my purpose if there is one? What do I want out of my life? What am I grateful for? Just a little bit of reflection like that starts you on the journey.
— 

Deepak Chopra

Who is the Last Young Renegade?
After all this time writing music, playing in a band- checking moment after moment off the bucket list- collecting mistakes, making memories, I wondered what it might be like to write about myself if I wasn’t the one standing in my shoes. Who am I from the other side of the mirror?

I tried to change perspective in my approach to writing and center in on all of the different versions of me that other people might have met over the years, through the ups and the downs, in the public eye and behind closed doors. Would I like this person? Do I like this person? Do I even recognize this person anymore?

I realized that there’s a lot more to me than I’m usually ready to acknowledge, both good and bad. In that realization, I noticed a common thread. We are who we are, even when we try our hardest not to be.

It’s a challenge to accept it sometimes. I gave those other sides of me a persona, and a name– then came the stories like a flood. It was a way for me to confront demons without having to sit at the dinner table with them.

That’s the journey on this record: a story of self-realization. Of growing into your own skin through the eyes of someone watching it all unfold on the big screen, wearing a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt. Like watching an old familiar movie, but suddenly you’re Marty McFly.

We tried a lot of new things on this album, all within the context of what we love so much about All Time Low– There’s no denying that we were binge watching Stranger Things at the time, while also reflecting on the loss of some of our favorite musicians; Prince, Bowie, George Michael… I think the influence comes through in the best ways. We all felt pulled to exciting and different places as we searched for inspiration, approaching something that’s become so familiar to us from a new direction.

I truly hope everyone listening enjoys this record as much as I do. It’s been an amazing journey.

The album comes out June 2nd and will be available for pre-order on Friday, Feb 24th. We’ll also be posting some pre-order merch bundles, so stay tuned! Pre-order options will be up on alltimelow.com.

Tracklist

1. Last Young Renegade
2. Drugs & Candy
3. Dirty Laundry
4. Good Times
5. Nice2KnoU
6. Life of the Party
7. Nightmares
8. Dark Side of Your Room
9. Ground Control (feat. Tegan and Sara)
10. Afterglow

xo

Alex

Who is the Last Young Renegade?
After all this time writing music, playing in a band- checking moment
after moment off the bucket list- collecting mistakes, making
memories, I wondered what it might be like to write about myself if I
wasn’t the one standing in my shoes. Who am I from the other side of
the mirror?

I tried to change perspective in my approach to writing and center in
on all of the different versions of me that other people might have
met over the years, through the ups and the downs, in the public eye
and behind closed doors. Would I like this person? Do I like this
person? Do I even recognize this person anymore?

I realized that there’s a lot more to me than I’m usually ready to
acknowledge, both good and bad. In that realization, I noticed a
common thread. We are who we are, even when we try our hardest not to
be.

It’s a challenge to accept it sometimes. I gave those other sides of
me a persona, and a name– then came the stories like a flood. It was
a way for me to confront demons without having to sit at the dinner
table with them.

That’s the journey on this record: a story of self-realization. Of
growing into your own skin through the eyes of someone watching it all
unfold on the big screen, wearing a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt. Like
watching an old familiar movie, but suddenly you’re Marty McFly.

We tried a lot of new things on this album, all within the context of
what we love so much about All Time Low– There’s no denying that we
were binge watching Stranger Things at the time, while also reflecting
on the loss of some of our favorite musicians; Prince, Bowie, George
Michael… I think the influence comes through in the best ways. We
all felt pulled to exciting and different places as we searched for
inspiration, approaching something that’s become so familiar to us
from a new direction.

I truly hope everyone listening enjoys this record as much as I do.
It’s been an amazing journey.

The album comes out June 2nd and will be available for pre-order on Friday, Feb 24th. We’ll
also be posting some pre-order merch bundles, so stay tuned!

xo

Alex

All Time Low: Who is the Last Young Renegade?

After all this time writing music, playing in a band- checking moment after moment off the bucket list- collecting mistakes, making memories, I wondered what it might be like to write about myself if I wasn’t the one standing in my shoes. Who am I from the other side of the mirror?
I tried to change perspective in my approach to writing and center in on all of the different versions of me that other people might have met over the years, through the ups and the downs, in the public eye and behind closed doors. Would I like this person? Do I like this person? Do I even recognize this person anymore?

I realized that there’s a lot more to me than I’m usually ready to acknowledge, both good and bad. In that realization, I noticed a common thread. We are who we are, even when we try our hardest not to be.  It’s a challenge to accept it sometimes. I gave those other sides of me a persona, and a name– then came the stories like a flood. It was a way for me to confront demons without having to sit at the dinner table with them.

That’s the journey on this record: a story of self-realization. Of growing into your own skin through the eyes of someone watching it all unfold on the big screen, wearing a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt. Like watching an old familiar movie, but suddenly you’re Marty McFly. We tried a lot of new things on this album, all within the context of what we love so much about All Time Low– There’s no denying that we were binge watching Stranger Things at the time, while also reflecting on the loss of some of our favorite musicians; Prince, Bowie, George Michael… I think the influence comes through in the best ways. We all felt pulled to exciting and different places as we searched for inspiration, approaching something that’s become so familiar to us from a new direction.

I truly hope everyone listening enjoys this record as much as I do. It’s been an amazing journey. The album comes out June 2nd and will be available for pre-order on Friday, Feb 24th. We’ll also be posting some pre-order merch bundles, so stay tuned! Pre-order options will be up on alltimelow.com.

Tracklist
1. Last Young Renegade
2. Drugs & Candy
3. Dirty Laundry
4. Good Times
5. Nice2KnoU
6. Life of the Party
7. Nightmares
8. Dark Side of Your Room
9. Ground Control (feat. Tegan and Sara)
10. Afterglow
xo
Alex”

“Who is the Last Young Renegade?

After all this time writing music, playing in a band- checking moment after moment off the bucket list- collecting mistakes, making memories, I wondered what it might be like to write about myself if I wasn’t the one standing in my shoes. Who am I from the other side of the mirror?

I tried to change perspective in my approach to writing and center in on all of the different versions of me that other people might have met over the years, through the ups and the downs, in the public eye and behind closed doors. Would I like this person? Do I like this person? Do I even recognize this person anymore?

I realized that there’s a lot more to me than I’m usually ready to acknowledge, both good and bad. In that realization, I noticed a common thread. We are who we are, even when we try our hardest not to be.

It’s a challenge to accept it sometimes. I gave those other sides of me a persona, and a name– then came the stories like a flood. It was a way for me to confront demons without having to sit at the dinner table with them.

That’s the journey on this record: a story of self-realization. Of growing into your own skin through the eyes of someone watching it all unfold on the big screen, wearing a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ t-shirt. Like watching an old familiar movie, but suddenly you’re Marty McFly.

We tried a lot of new things on this album, all within the context of what we love so much about All Time Low– There’s no denying that we were binge watching Stranger Things at the time, while also reflecting on the loss of some of our favorite musicians; Prince, Bowie, George Michael… I think the influence comes through in the best ways. We all felt pulled to exciting and different places as we searched for inspiration, approaching something that’s become so familiar to us from a new direction.

I truly hope everyone listening enjoys this record as much as I do. It’s been an amazing journey.

The album comes out June 2nd and will be available for pre-order on Friday, Feb 24th. We’ll also be posting some pre-order merch bundles, so stay tuned. Pre-order options will be up on alltimelow.com.
xo

Alex”


instagram.com/alltimelow

Katsuki Yuuri’s favourite move the triple axel and self-expression

Welcome to my first attempt of YOI meta-writing - this meta draws attention to Yuuri’s “favourite move” the triple axel, and his growth in mental strength and self-expression. Even half-dedicated fans are aware that Victor’s signature move is the quadruple flip as it’s been remarked several times in the series, Yuuri’s attempts of the quad flip signifies his blossoming relationship with his coach, soulmate and fiance Victor Nikiforov. This meta is about his performance of the triple axel, which in a way is to Yuuri the quad flip is to Victor. His performance of this jump correlates to his growing confidence in self-expression and assertion. Please be prepared that this won’t be a short meta, elaboration with screen maps from the show will be under the cut. Ready? On we go.

Keep reading

Movies and physical disability (updated)

Here are some movies that I’ve seen that adress the issue of physical disability on the plot. Though the list is very short, the idea of posting this is for you to make it longer with your own recommendations.

1. Les intouchables (2011) by Olivier Nakache and Éric Toledano.
French drama about the friendship between Philippe, who is rich and quadriplegic, and his stubborn assistant Driss. This movie is A-MAZING! It’s a must, disabled or not. The film won several awards and both starring actors are super hot, plus, “Philippe” is adorable. I fell in love with him, I wanna marry him and have french kids. (+ Loved the “ear joke” ).

2. Kiss me (2013)by Jeff Probst.
Drama about a girl, Zoe, who is diagnosed with scoliosis at 15 and is forced to wear a back brace. She falls in love with the father of the kids she babysits. It stars Emily Osment, for teenage fans. It’s kindof a teenage drama, but it sums pretty well the pressures on being disabled at that age. (+The plaster scene is gold! It was such a flashback for me that I shed a tear).

3. El bulto (1991)by Gabriel Retes Mello.

Mexican movie about Lauro, a journalist who returns from a coma after twenty years and struggles with recovery and adapting to the whole changes in his family, politics, ideology and culture. He starts a romance with Adela, a friend of the family who used to take care of him. This film is old but still awesome, though idk if you can find it with english subtitles. (+ I adore the scene when Adela shows naked to Lauro to make love to him and he is so overwhelmed that he falls off the wheelchair).

4. The Brooke Ellison Story (2004) by Christopher Reeve (YES! Superman)
It’s the story of this girl who was the first quadriplegic to graduate from Harvard (in science, I think). It has a pinch of inspiration bullshit, but it’s also rough as it’s so true. (+Looking for the data, I found that Brooke Ellison ran for U.S. State Senate in 2006 :O And the prom scene made me cry like a lady).

There’s a Stephen Hawking movie starred by Benedict Cumberbatch, but I can’t recommend it as I haven’t seen it.

Now it’s your turn!

hnppandme suggests:

5. Morgan (2012) by Michael Akers

About a recently paralysed cyclist coming to terms with his disability and finding love. He is also gay but to be honest, it doesn’t make much difference to the plot apart from the fact that the love interest is male. I love that it is not the main plot and just something else added in. Independent movie that won some awards. You can watch it here.

6. Avatar (2009) by James Cameron

(My favourite film ever) “A paraplegic Marine dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home.” I love it so much because the fact he is in a wheelchair has no impact on the plot; it doesn’t matter its just a thing that happens. It still deals with his reaction to it though.

7. Ondine (2009) by Neil Jordan

“This is an Irish tale of romance and tragedy set on the life of a fisherman by the name of Ciracuse. Here, rescues a woman from the sea. However, she begs him not to expose. So, he keeps her at a secret hideout. The man is stuck between the Ondine and his drunkard wife and their paths intertwine.” I don’t remember that much about it but Cirscuse’s daughter Ondine uses a wheelchair and is waiting for a kidney or liver transplant. (I can’t remember which!) It’s weird but it has a nice ending. It’s also the same again, the fact that she uses a wheelchair has no impact on the plot but the difficulties for her family are dealt with a bit.

8. How to Train Your Dragon (2010) & How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

(These are kids films but I really like them!) Set in the mythical world of burly Vikings and wild dragons, and based on the book by Cressida Cowell, this action comedy tells the story of Hiccup, a Viking teenager who doesn’t exactly fit in with his tribe’s longstanding tradition of heroic dragon slayers. Hiccup’s world is turned upside down when he encounters a dragon that challenges him and his fellow Vikings to see the world from an entirely different point of view. *spoilers for the first film* Right at the end of the first one, Hiccup loses a leg and uses a prosthetic. He continues to use the prosthetic in the second film. I love the first one and hope the second will be just as good! One of the other characters has one hand and the dragon is also disabled (for most of the first film). Hiccup having one leg also has no impact on the plot. (you can see a running theme here!) There’s also a TV series with these but I don’t know if he has one leg in them or not. I’ve got the DVDs to find out! He does in a short film in the series too.

9. X-Men Franchise

Superhero films. Professor Charles Xavier is in a wheelchair. I’m not sure how many of the films and they’re not in a chronological order. I’ve never seen them so I can’t comment on what the portrayal/whatever was like.

10. Hawking (2004) by Philip Martin

I have seen this and can recommend it. It’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s first leading role and he did very well considering how hard this would have been to play. It’s about Stephen Hawking around the time he got diagnosed with motor neurone disease. It has the decline which it really important as I never see gradual declines anywhere in films. You can tell it’s a bit dramatised compared to what actually happened to him but if you read Stephen Hawking’s accounts of the time, some parts make it directly into the film. It was a TV movie but can be found online and on youtube because on Benedict. It’s also now available to buy on DVD on amazon.

11. Forrest Gump (1994) by Robert Zemeckis

“This Academy Award winner for Best Picture stars Tom Hanks as the good hearted, but painfully slow Forrest Gump, a man who manages to somehow be involved with almost every major event in history during the last half of the 20th Century. Spanning the course of his life, the story follows him as he grows from a weak child to a war hero to a shrimp boat captain, all the while pining for the love of his childhood friend Jenny, played by Robin Wright.” *Spoilers* Lieutenant Dan loses his legs in Vietnam and that is dealt with a fair bit. He is in the film a fair bit and in my essays on the film I classed him as a main character. You might also consider Forrest as being mentally disabled. This really is a fantastic film and if you haven’t seen it go and watch it now!

12. The Elephant Man (1980) by David Lynch

"A Victorian surgeon rescues a heavily disfigured man who is mistreated while scraping a living as a side-show freak. Behind his monstrous facade, there is revealed a person of intelligence and sensitivity.” (Not seen the whole thing myself so can’t comment but I think it’s supposed to be pretty good. It’s also interesting for how people with disabilities were treated in Victorian times.

13. My Left Foot (1989) by Jim Sheridan

“Christy Brown, born with cerebral palsy, learns to paint and write with his only controllable limb - his left foot.” Interesting for comparing then and now etc. Also how a family with very limited income dealt with it.

14. Quid Pro Quo (2008) by Carlos Brooks

“A semi-paralyzed radio reporter is sent out to investigate a story that leads him into an odd subculture and on a journey of disturbing self-realization” All I can say is that it’s quite interesting but very weird. The ending is especially weird.

15. The Fault in Our Stars (2014) by Josh Boone

For the Book: “Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel’s story is about to be completely rewritten.” I love the book of this and hope the film will be just as good. Augustus Waters has one leg and there are other characters with varying physical disabilities. The issue of physical disability is dealt with really well in the book and especially a bit at an airport which I think is fantastic (I really hope it’s in the film). I can definitely recommend the book and I hope I’ll be able to recommend the film.

That’s all I can think of at the moment. I’m sure I know more though. There’s a new Julia Roberts one where she’s in a wheelchair but I have no idea what it’s about or what it’s called. My Sister’s Keeper maybe counts but it’s more dying and morals than disability but the book is much better.

anonymous asked:

How do drugs assist you in spirituality

FAQ: How do drugs assist me spiritually?

First off I don’t recommend anyone begin spiritual drug use just because other stuff isn’t working out so far. Keep giving sobriety a try :) once you pass through that gateway, there is no truly going back.

These are my personal experiences with drug use and no one else will necessarily experience what I have experienced.

Marijuana: Easier time making a Connection, more vivid visions, discovering more about the Universe, learning lessons from the plant spirit, soul journeys.
LSD: Spiritual evolution catalyst (if the timing/factors are correct), connecting with higher mystic concepts, speaking with the Higher Self, discovering more about the Universe, learning lessons from Connection.
Psilocybin (mushrooms): Experiencing true love, improving self love, improving one’s virtues.
MDMA: Soul journeys.
Mescaline: Just…. realizations??? Hard to explain. Only ever done it once. 

[faq project]
[the faq] 

blackcanarydinah  asked:

ya know, ppl get on oliver's case for killing and praise butt allen for not being like that but... Oliver has never stood aside and let a friend die. Even when he was absolutely helpless, beaten, tortured, even when the situation was beyond hope, he still fucking tries. Oliver has dropped a lot of bodies, true. Not always by choice, BUT he has never actively put innocent lives at risk. and he ALWAYS owns up to his fuck ups. AND HE ALWAYS does his best to make it up to the ppl he hurt.

I have nothing to add because you’re right, Oliver wouldn’t have pulled 1/3rd of the shit Barry has pulled. Maybe it’s because they’re on opposite ends of the the hero’s journey, and their moving Burt towards some self-realization and common decency, but he’s coming off as a shitty person who coasts on the excuses his friends make for him. He’s far beyond coddled, he’s allowed to walk around disconnected from the fact that he’s caused all these problems. He killed Iris. His moment of selfishness brought about the death of Iris, and the stress and terror she’s had to live with since she found out (not to mention what he did to cisco and caitlin and joe and Wally). Oliver holds himself responsible for everything, even things that aren’t his fault. Burt barely holds himself responsible, if at all.

2

Science, math, geography, history, biology, language, art and physical education cannot be conceived, explained, observed or even exist without CONSCIOUSNESS.  ~Anon I mus

Every now and then, I like to flip my perspective. 

Instead of focusing on the path ahead, 

on dreams, goals, aspirations, desires,

I imagine myself at the end of life looking back.

Some don’t like to do this, in fact, they would never dream

of doing this - some would consider the act too morose, too macabre …

It’s natural to fear death, so why forward the clock?

But I have to ask; from this perspective, 

how would you wish you’d have lived?

Perspectives ~

i just made the most amazing playlist that’s basically a soundtrack to my life in the key of my gender journey™ and my self realization/coming out process and yall really need to see it

“Project Love Yourself”

My story about body postivity. (The first in a series about self love)

A few years ago, as i was on my journey of self discovery, i realized that some things i discovered about myself weren’t going to be things that the world around me appreciates. This went for both my beliefs, personality and even my body. This idea of parts of me being wrong or taboo disgusted me and i started a project that I currently refer to as “Project Love Yourself”.

This is about my body positivity journey

I am a curvy girl, some would say fat. Fat, big, whatever you want to call it. For a good time of my life it really got to me, the word fat was an insult. I would obsess over my body in the mirror. People would tell me things like “Your body is perfect if only you lost a lil weight”, “if only you toned up” if only if only. I was always almost perfect, I always had just one flaw i needed to work on.


In 2015, i did a semester abroad in Sweden. There I ate better, biked everywhere and had a relatively healthier lifestyle. I doubt i lost any weight (not that i checked) but my body toned up a bit (ever so slightly). But the changes to my body weren’t what made the difference to me, it was the difference in the society around me. There was much less judgement and fear and i had a lot more freedom. This gave me courage to embrace myself as i am. The changes I made were ever so slight but made a world of a difference to me.
I started wearing crop tops. One of my biggest problem areas was my stomach, having the safety of clothes hiding it was a crutch i never thought i could live without, with the pressure of modesty that is usually around in Egypt gone, i was able to slowly walk with no crutches. It was a slow change, a long process. First i could only wear them with high waisted pants, have them be ever so slightly cropped, but i kept pushing myself knowing i had the space to.


After i came back from Sweden, i gained quite a bit of weight. I wasn’t moving as much, wasn’t cooking my own food, naturally, my body reacted. People, also did, and with them my insecurities crept back up. Idiotically, i was made aware of my weight, and i KNEW how much i gained. I went into this phase were i convinced myself i was trying to live healthier. Everyone around me was dieting and going to the gym, i don’t have the patience or the self discipline for either so i started eating salad at work, or taking the stairs (and then i was forced to take the stairs because the elevator at home broke down for a couple of months). then of course like i always do, i stopped.


I’ve been in a really tough mental space recently and i have been eating a lot. Food is my safe space, i enjoy it. I don’t have to think of the stress or the problems or my mental health, i can be lost in the taste and the indulgence that food provides.


And yes, that is not healthy, but you know what’s also not healthy, having a relationship with food like it’s the enemy. Or having a relationship with your body that causes you to see your every so-called flaw. That causes you to think your belly is ugly or your thick thighs aren’t sexy. That makes you look at yourself in the mirror with disgust and shame. That is NOT healthy.


As part of my “Project Love Yourself” last Easter, before i went off on vacation i bought myself a bikini. I packed my one piece, just in case i wasn’t able to muster up the courage to wear it in public. I had been meaning to do this since last summer, and i finally pushed myself to, and i’m really glad I did. It makes you realize that no one around you notices your insecurities more than you do, that the time you spend criticizing your own body is a waste of space in your head that can be spent thinking about puppies or babies instead.


I’m not there yet, not completely, but I’ve made it far. I still cover up my stomach in pictures where i’m sitting (Seen below) . I’m still hyper aware of my stomach rolls and my arm flap. But I’m getting there. Slowly but surely! 

So. That’s a Tarot number. 

That’s the tarot number. Kaneki’s tarot number. 12. The Hanged Man. I’ve screencapped more than just Mutsuki’s eyes there because really, the rest of the dialogue on the page is explanation enough for what the tarot means here.

The hanged man, upright, is about resignation and letting go. It alludes, depending on the deck and the scholar, to Odin, suffering to gain wisdom, or Judus, hanging in atonement. It is about suffering or sacrificing in order to gain something. Judgement, epiphany, forgiveness, wisdom. The hanged man references someone who has voluntarily tied themselves or let themselves be tied up there for a reason, and it implies someone meant to or meaning to use this sacrifice, suffering, or suspension for something.

The tarot here is on Mutsuki’s eyes, which for the first time since the Quinx surgery are without a kakugan. If the ever present Kakugan was a symbol of something violent Mutsuki refused to see, or some truth Mutsuki insisted on hiding or hiding from, than it vanishing symbolizes realization or acceptance.

From a Jungain psychology perspective, the Hanged Man marks the start of a journey into the deeper self and the subconscious, a forced or voluntary abandoning of the tight reins of the ego and a surrender to the wildness of the subconscious - a necessary step in the process of true self understanding. As one Jungian psychologist puts it - “self-excavation.”

It is also, unquestionably, a parallel to Kaneki’s acceptance of himself as a ghoul after Yamori’s torture.

Neither are/were “okay.” But the body given to them - forced on them - by mad science - Kanou or the CCG - saved them. Torture left them with new truths about themselves and their past - about how they defined themselves. And left them “hanging.” Left them with a choice.

Kaneki comes out of Yamori’s chains a cold, more violent, broken, vengeful and suicidal person. His realization’s are that he is a ghoul, but also that he has to fight, to pluck, and protect.

Despite all of Tooru’s negative self talk following regaining his memory, I actually think that his acknowledgement to Akira that he is not okay, and his willingness to admit to himself how he feels is a step above where Kaneki was after his own torture. Because it took Kaneki years to realize.

And still, I think, Kaneki has a strained relationship with the violence he’s done and his capacity for it.

Tooru is in a precarious position now, hanging like that. But it is also potentially the start of a journey of true self realization and understanding.

One Kaneki, Mutsuki’s parallel here, keeps stumbling on and restarting. Kaneki has been the Hanged Man for years.

Hopefully Mutsuki’s ability to self reflect will give him a chance to move past it more successfully and to make better decisions for himself than his erstwhile mentor.

Stop Grinding My Gears

pet peeve

noun informal

  • something that a particular person finds especially annoying.

Someone from Kenyon once used the expression “grind my gears” when discussing her pet peeves and I have adopted the same ever since. I just really like the imagery it creates.

Picture this 

I hate when people are tardy.

Versus

Habitually tardy people really grind my gears!

Amirite or amirite?


I have a lot of pet peeves. A ton.  People annoy me all the time. My biggest source of annoyances stem from inefficiency or traditionalists for the sake of order. I constantly iterate myself, my thoughts and my processes as part of my life journey towards self-realization. Once I am made aware that something can be done better, I do my best to pivot towards it.

Those that do not, bug the heck outta me. Like, why?! Don’t you want to be the best version of yourself? A lot of times this boils down to wastefulness. Like energy, money and natural resources are not infinite. Do/make more with less.

Example 1 – Not following the rules / being selfish

Car tries to get to Point B faster (right turn lane) by driving down the center lane and squeezing into the right at the last second. Car blocks all lanes causing unnecessary traffic backup.


…. You know, I was going through all these different examples in my head, there seems to be a common theme. It really grinds my gears when I observe what I interpret as a lack of empathy. Like, why don’t you care?! If only everyone cared a little more, the world might not be such a fucked up place.

I guess it all boils down to my own issues about caring too much. I know I care too much, about everything and it bugs me when other people do not care as much as I. Over-caring is a compulsion and its draining.