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Today I Will Do What Others Won’t, so Tomorrow I Can Accomplish What Others Can’t – Jerry Rice
Living the present, trying to fill every day of our life, is what makes our days valuable and productive. Sometimes it’s necessary to do things that we would like to avoid. And sometimes we feel like giving up or procrastinating, like everyone else. But while others procrastinate, we sh…Read More
Maybe this is a photo overload, but I think it’s good for me to get a look at the last 8 years.
In these photos, its clear to me that there is a steady increase in weight, beginning at around 200 lbs in the white tank top and swimsuit pics, and slowly creeping up to 287, in the most recent of these pictures of me with my uncle and 4 beautiful drag queens.
I’m embarrassed that I let myself get as heavy as I have. I’ve struggled with my weight since moving back to the US when I was 8 years old. For 14 years, I’ve been the fat friend and its been hard. Over the years, I’ve fought with depression, overcome suicidal thoughts, I still deal with an anxiety disorder daily, and its all been compounded by my weight.
I don’t think that I’ve received the most criticism, in fact most people have never spoken unkindly to my face, but others can’t hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself anyway. Negative self talk has made any shred of self-confidence a rarely appearing luxury that I envy in others.
I know that #fatattack2015 is supposed to be an uplifting day of self acceptance, but I guess I’m not there yet. I’m working on it though. I say 5 kind things to myself each day, and I can see the improvements. I feel better, I can deal with more, and some days I feel sexy as hell and tell the negative thoughts to fuck off.
Until my thoughts are always positive, and I can feel great in my own skin, Im eating healthier, I’m working out more, and I’m focusing on my mental health. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the fit friend, but I aim to be the one who is most loved by herself.
Untitled by Flash Parker Via Flickr: Choeung Ek Killing Fields, Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
There are more than 5,000 skulls in the Buddhist stuppa at Choeung Ek. Reportedly, there were 8,000 bodies dug from the mass graves on site with hundreds more likely unearthed. On average, one mass grave site is discovered every three years, containing anywhere between 250-400 skeletons.
People compare the killing fields to the concentration camps open to the public in Europe. I suppose that’s a fair assessment, but there’s something more raw about the death and destruction in Cambodia, as if it has been laid bare over time as a reminder of just how quickly humanity can descend into madness. Moving stuff.
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