(something a bit different, but a while ago i was super into embroidering disposable camera photo prints)

Workout Log 4-12-17

Oh, man. I need new compression pants. They kept wanting to fall down this morning and it turns out it’s really hard to pull your pants up while running on a treadmill. I have pants that fit and all, but I really, really like running in these.

So, you’ve probably already figured out I did cardio this morning. I’m probably just going to make this a cardio-heavy week because come tomorrow we’re going to be gearing up to leave state anyway and head to my sister’s house for the holiday weekend. Our gym doesn’t participate in Indiana, so I’m just going to be running on the riverwalk by my mom’s house if it’s not too flooded. 

I don’t have anything major to really report this morning. 5 mph pace, 7 mph bursts; yadda, yadda. 

Playlist Picks: Another contender for “it’s catchy, sue me” is Britney Spear’s Toxic. Every time you hear that guitar riff and that string sting it’s “oh, yeah.” Maybe this is a bit too much of a ballad for a workout, but I adore this song which is why I don’t care it’s a moderate tempo. Breaking Benjamin’s Forget It. I feel like they were pretty big when I was still in high school, and I still overall really enjoy the album this was one.

Sweaty, barely lit gym selfie. My hair looks like crap and I actually love that. 


My collection of art journal type books (as of December 2016) is officially too big for a stack, they had to be laid down. 

Workout Log 4-1-17

So, my boyfriend and I are very different about waking up. I springboard out of bed and he’s “a minute, a minute, in a few minutes, a minute, a minute.” 

It’s not a big deal today because it’s Saturday, and my experience tells me more people are like him than like me anyway–but. I guess it sort of has been my pet peeve my entire life because I come from a long line of “be ready at 10 AM” people who don’t even start laying their clothes out until like–noon. I’m all over here like “dude, that wasn’t the deal.” I WANNA GO TO THE GYM.

And, we got there. Today was leg day! I had to skip last week so–woohoo! I didn’t lose any lifts, either.

Treadmill Warm-up 10 minutes
Lunges 3 x 12
Sumo Squats w/ dumbbell: 20 lbs 3 x 12
Calve Raises w/ dumbbells 20 lbs 3 x 12
Squats w/ dumbbells 20 lbs 3 x 12
Bridges w/  dumbbells 20 lbs 3 x 12
Leg Press 150 lbs 3 x 12
Hip Abduction 85 lbs 3 x 12 (+15)
Hip Adduction 70 lbs 3 x 12
Leg Curl 70 lbs 3 x 12 
Leg Extension 60 lbs 3 x 12
Stretch/Walk 10 minutes

Playlist Picks: I like themes, and today’s theme is “my school bus ride CD player binges circa 2005.” I have Green Day’s Jesus of Suburbia and Evanescence’s My Last Breath.

On another note, the 1 month push up challenge is complete! Thinking of squats this month! 

This was supposed to be Day 5 of the October challenge.
I decided to write about my favourite book of all time, Pride & Prejudice.

And for the art part, i decided to go with a silhouette of my OTP - Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth Bennet (cause silhouettes are easy to paint, tbh)

Transcript: (Hey there, everyone! I mentioned a few days ago that on my next leg day workout, I would like to challenge myself to leg press the amount of weight I’ve lost, which is 170 lbs. The reason I wanted to do this is because, with every step in my day to day life, I used to carry 170 lbs on my body. You can imagine how difficult and taxing that would be over the course of a day. And, I’m here to report to you that it was actually surprisingly easy. Not in a smug, “Meh, that was so simple!” But, I was genuinely surprised that I was able to lift more than I thought I could. I’m not repping at that much; I’ve been repping at 130. What I really do think is this means I can do more on my leg days from now on, and maybe it won’t be too taxing. At least not as taxing on my body now as it was back then. Anyway, that’s what I came to tell you here today. Have a great day, have a great weekend. Just have fun, guys! Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing great. I promise you. Bye!)

My voice gets so high and squeaky when I’m nervous. Ahh! 

I had a video of the leg press, but the piece of crap video editor I was using online wanted $30 for me just to paste another 4 seconds onto my video length. By this point I just kind of needed to get on with my day! Sorry!

Also, just so it’s clear. I’m a novice at weight lifting. I know that leg pressing like crazy is totally doable, but a few months ago this probably would have been murder for me!

Anyway, these are more or less my thoughts.

  • I can lift more than I thought, even though I’ve yet to do sets this high.
  • It was empowering to learn that what used to cause me daily aggravating pain and turmoil is almost no challenge at all for the body I’ve been creating all these years.
  • Rather, it filled me with strength and energy.
  • I will only become stronger than this.


Life Update #6 - 11.14.2017

I have been seeing a therapist for the past couple of weeks, and I’m not so sure if he can help me. I feel like all my problems are beyond fixing.. and I’m scared that he’s going to give up on me. I know I’m not the easiest to understand.. hell, I don’t even understand myself. I don’t even know who I am. He keeps asking what I want out of therapy and what to expect, but I don’t expect to get anything out of it. I don’t have expectations of him to heal me because I know he can’t. My emotions are fucking chaotic. They contradict themselves. They maniplute me and I don’t know how to get rid of all those things without getting rid of “me”. I don’t know.. my goal to be happy is one that isn’t as realistic as I had hoped. My reality is that happiness just isn’t something that’s meant to be. And I need to accpet that that’s okay.