10 Things to Know Before Moving to Seattle

1. This is very important: Seattle is situated on a Hellmouth

2. Big Bertha is part of Mayor Ed Murray’s plan to open the Hellmouth and suck us all in. There is a band of teenagers and a librarian, led by a vampire slayer somewhere in the city working to stop him, which is why Bertha keeps breaking down.

3. Jeff Bezos is also in on this plot. He created Amazon with the goal of creating the population boom, luring unsuspecting souls to their doom. When the Hellmouth opens we will all be sucked into it.

4. The news about the Really Big One earthquake is one of the greatest blows to Murray and Bezos’ campaign of evil so far. They were hoping to keep that a secret so we would all live with a false sense of security, never suspecting a thing. The earthquake will happen, though, and you should prepare for the fury of the underworld as you have never seen before.

5. It may seem like Big Bertha is unnecessary, given that the earthquake will inevitably open the Hellmouth. While this is true, because no one knows exactly when the Really Big One will happen, and in an effort to further their own nefarious purposes, Murray and Bezos have concocted a plan to speed up the opening of the Hellmouth.

6. Gentrifying tech nerds moving to Capitol Hill, Ballard, and South Lake Union have been put under some kind of spell. Because Bill Gates refused to join the axis of evil, Bezos and Murray are trying to thwart him by positioning as many Microsoft employees as possible in the city’s most vulnerable areas. 

7. The 12th Man’s coming has been prophesied for many years. We know little of him, except that he will be preceded by a Seahawk and the Legion of Boom. He has the power to tip the scale between good and evil. He is destined to prevent the apocalypse. 

8. These and other prophecies can be found throughout Nirvana’s lyrics such as “Floyd the Barber” and “Hairspray Queen”. Kurt Cobain didn’t commit suicide. He was killed by a vampire, because he knew too much.

9. The Space Needle is a piece of architecture built from a magically imbued   metal from an obelisk known to prevent hellmouths from opening. It’s magic is extremely strong and despite covert attempts by former mayors McGinn and Nickels, as well as Ed Murray, it continues to stand and protect the city. 

10. The Fremont Troll is real (obviously). 

The more you know.

Mark Ruffalo makes a fucking good point that ought to be considered. Widow was never the member of the avengers that “needed saving”. It’s Hulk that plays that part, and if you want a god damn exhibit A: HE FUCKING LEFT THE AVENGERS AT THE END OF AOU DIDNT HE. HE STILL CANT SEE HIS OWN REDEMPTION. Granted, Whedon has done some questionable things in the past. But honestly the hate, and quite frankly childish comments he received earlier today is taking it too fucking far.


Marvel’s “The Watcher” host lorrainecink heads over to Avengers S.T.A.T.I.O.N. at Discovery Times Square to talk with Writer/Director, Joss Whedon, about Marvel’s “Avengers Age of Ultron”!


Why do we put up with these people?

Find out where and how to vote at Save The Day:

Starring Chris Pine, Alan Tudyk, J. August Richards Jillian Morgese, Romy Rosemont, Josh Zar, Zac Oyama, and David Fury.

Happy 50th Birthday to my all-time favorite writer/director, and creator of some of my very favorite characters and shows, Joss Whedon! Thank you and keep up the awesomeness, sir! 

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