josh and andi

#14 - Watching the sun disappear

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You’re My Bodyguard, Not My Owner. (Part 8) (Brendon Urie x Reader)

You drew in a shaky breath as you gazed through the windshield of the SUV, which rounded the final corner into your street, the place you’d called ‘home’ for the past five years coming into view. You hadn’t visited the house since that God-awful day three months ago, and if you had things your way, you’d never go back there ever again. It was the place where your world came tumbling down and you knew that visiting the house meant reliving the worst moment of your life all over again. But, it was for the greater good, and if there was one thing would you pride yourself on, it would be that you were always willing to make sacrifices for the greater good.

The SUV pulled into the driveway and came to a halt. You bent down slightly, allowing you to take in the exterior of the house in its entirety. It still looked exactly the same, except now it emitted an aura of grief, as if the house itself was in mourning, crying out for your dead parents. Biting your lip, you closed your eyes and took in another shaky breath, trying to mentally prepare yourself for the next little while.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped you out of your trance, and it was only when you turned to your right and saw your bodyguard leaning down with his hand on top of the passenger door that you realised he’d opened it for you, and he now stared at you with expectance – and, was that a hint of… concern? – on his face.

“Do you need another minute or are you ready to go inside?” he asked, his voice sounding unusually soft, as opposed to the cold, hard manner he usually spoke in.

You shook your head. “No. I-“ you sighed, trying to gather yourself. “I’m fine.”

Brendon nodded. “Good. Let’s go inside then. You never know how safe it actually is out here,” he said, the cold and hardness returning to his voice.

Stepping out of the vehicle, your boot-clad feet started slowly and unwillingly making their way toward the front door while your thoughts kept drifting back to that day, forcing you to remember the feeling of dread in your stomach when you’d pulled up and seen the black SUVs parked in the driveway. You scoffed lightly as the irony dawned on you; a few months ago, those cars had held occupants who had delivered information that killed you inside, now, they held the man who was the only reason you were still alive.

As you made your way up the front steps, you tried your best to shove the feelings of emptiness and dread from your stomach. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Instead, the more you focused on not feeling anything, the more you felt. So much so, that when you retrieved the keys from your jacket and attempted to unlock the front door, your hands were shaking so badly that you couldn’t even fit the key into the keyhole.

“Here,” Brendon said, his voice once again becoming soft. “Let me.” He gently placed his much bigger hands over your trembling ones, slipping the keys from your grasp before proceeding to open the door.

“Thank you,” you breathed. You mentally cursed yourself for your inability to even open the goddamn door without needing his help, as well as for the shakiness in your voice. While, yes, returning home stirred up thousands of emotions inside of you, you still didn’t want to show any weakness around Brendon, especially because you were one hundred percent sure that that was all he saw you as. A weak, silly, naïve girl.

He just gave a curt nod in response, holding the door open for you. As you entered the house, an intense wave of flashbacks washed over you, ranging from the very first time you ever set foot inside the house, right up until three months ago. You could hear your mother’s laugh echoing through the halls… You could smell the strong scent of your father’s cologne…

“Where should I put this?” Brendon asked, heaving two suitcases alongside him, and for once, you were thankful to your bodyguard for interrupting your thoughts.

“Uh,” you turned around, running your fingers through your hair and sighing, “Upstairs. My room is the second door on the right and the guest room is right next to it.”

He nodded and made his way up the glass staircase, leaving you to once again bathe in the nostalgia your house offered.

~

“So, what exactly are you looking for?” Brendon rolled up the sleeves of his black v-neck, pressing his palms onto the wooden desk in the centre of your home library.

You chose to ignore his question and continue scribbling down your notes, making sure to take down every detail in your dad’s coded message that now jumped out to you. You were now doing immensely better at decoding the message, which was, admittedly, mostly thanks to Brendon and the comment he’d made the day before, about how much you’d meant to your dad.

“Or just ignore me. That’s fine too,” he grumbled.

You rose from your chair and sprinted over to the world map that hung on the back wall of the room, leaving Brendon to pick up your notes from the desk and read over them, allowing him to finally understand what was currently going on in that head of yours. “Huh,” Brendon chuckled, running his tongue over his lips. “Centre of his whole world. Smart guy.”

“Hey, could you bring those over here? Bring a pencil too.”

Brendon made his way over to you, standing beside you with his arms folded over his chest once he’d handed the papers and pencil to you.

“In geographical terms, the centre of the Earth is right… here,” you spoke marking Çorum, Turkey with a cross on the map. “Coordinates 40 degrees 52 minutes north, 34 degrees 34 minutes east. Then…” you ruffled through your papers, searching for the correct information. “That’s plus 7 degrees 54 minutes north… and… minus 25 degrees 24 minutes east, which gives us… coordinates 48 degrees 46 minutes north, 9 degrees 10 minutes east. And that places us at…”

“Stuttgart, Germany,” Brendon finished your sentence for you as you circled the city, a broad smile on your face, before stepping back and sighing in relief. “Alright, we’ve got a city… now what?”

“Now…” you trailed off, spinning on your heels and making your way to the biggest bookshelf in the room, running your fingers along the spines of the books as your eyes scanned the rows for the one book you were looking for. Your fingers stopped on a brown, leather-bound book, and you removed it from the shelf, dropping it onto the desk and sitting down to page through it.

“I don’t understand,” Brendon furrowed his eyebrows and took a seat opposite you. “What does a family holiday album have to do with any of this?”

“It has nothing to do with any of this,” you shrugged. Using all of your strength, you began tearing the book at the spine, which in turn, allowed the key hidden inside to drop onto the desk with a metallic clunk. Smirking, you held the key up and turned to look at Brendon. “But this does.”

~

One would think that finally decoding a super secret code that could possibly help save the entire world would bring enough peace to someone’s mind to allow them to fall asleep without any problem, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for you.

Maybe it was because it was the first time in months that you were back in your own bed, or maybe it was the fact that simply being in this house knowing that your parents would never come home made you sick to your stomach, but no matter how hard you tried, there was just no way you could bring yourself to fall asleep.

But eventually, after hours of tossing and turning, you were finally able to force yourself to go to sleep; except this proved to be even worse than staying awake.

The nightmare happened in fragments. Very short, very graphic fragments. You tried your hardest to wake yourself up. To try and tell yourself that it was just a dream and you could control it. To try and bring yourself back to reality so that you didn’t have to watch your parents get murdered.

But it was no use.

You watched them die. Over and over.

It was the worst kind of torture imaginable; watching the people you loved most in the world being brutally murdered and not being able to do anything about it. It was especially worse knowing that it was something your mind made up. Something you did to yourself.

Apparently, you’d been much more vocal in trying to wake yourself up than you were aware of (or unaware of, since you were asleep), because not too long after you’d watched your parents die for the sixth time, you were woken up by the feeling of strong arms enveloping you, pulling you into an equally strong chest while their owner whispered soothingly in your ear.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Brendon whispered, trying to reassure you. You were still in a slight trance from the nightmare, and you still thrashed about, which caused Brendon to hold you closer. “It’s okay, it was just a bad dream. I’m here; I won’t let anything happen to you.”

This managed to calm you down significantly, and now, instead of trashing about wildly, you just curled yourself up, whimpering quietly, the images from your nightmare still fresh in your mind.

Brendon continued to hold you, and began stroking your face, wiping away your tears and shushing you. When after a while, your crying still hadn’t ceased, and you were clearly on the verge of having a panic attack, he realised that he’d have to find a way to distract you from your mind. And then, Brendon found himself doing something he previously swore to himself he’d never do again…

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down

Hey moon, don’t you go down

Sugarcane in the easy morning

Weather vanes my one and lonely,” he sang softly. Although he started apprehensively at first, after noticing that your frantic sobs had decreased to soft sniffles, he started again, more confidently.

“The ink is running toward the page, it’s chasing off the days

Look back at boat feet and that winding knee

I missed your skin when you were east

You clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn, that fragile Capricorn

Unravelled words like moths upon old scarves

I know the world’s a broken bone

But melt your headaches, call it home

Hey moon, please forget to fall down

Hey moon, don’t you go down

Sugarcane in the easy morning

Weather vanes my one and lonely…”

Looking down at your now extremely peaceful, sleeping state, Brendon couldn’t help but let a small smile grace his usually stone-cold features. “Sleep well, moon.”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

band members as things i've heard at school
  • patrick: i may be "tiny," but i can still kick your ass. don't try me bitch.
  • brendon: i'm not gay but i do have a major man crush on nick jonas, not gonna lie
  • someone: i thought it was ryan reynolds?
  • brendon: oh yeah. him too. also harry styles, justin bieber...
  • pete: i haven't slept in three days but i should be fine, ill grab a coffee at lunch
  • pete: *falls asleep on his desk literally 10 minutes later*
  • ryan: sorry i took so long, i was having a breakdown in the bathroom
  • gerard: *whispering* oh my god what the fuck is she thinking? double denim? what is this, the fucking 80's?
  • andy: i love you guys but can you please, please not?
  • someone: build!that!wall!
  • joe, loudly: HOW ABOUT NO, THANKS?
  • dallon: i'd literally rather be dead than hang out with you tomorrow
  • dallon: so yeah sure we can hang out, when?
  • frank: i'm a simple man, i love dogs and i like boobs
  • tyler: you ever come to the realization that school is kinda like prison? we're forced to do things, we have to eat at certain times, we're forced to interact with each other..
  • josh:
  • josh: you just blew my fucking mind
Emo Quartet Fandoms rn
  • Twenty One Pilots: WTF IS GOING??!?! THE EYE SHUT OMG!?! ARE THEY RELEASING NEW MUSIC?!! ARE THEY TAKING A BREAK?!?!I DON'T KNOW!! I'M SO CONFUSED!! WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?
  • Panic! At The Disco: Yeah! Beebo is killing it in Kinky Boots! Ryan is active on instagram! New music coming soon! WOOHOO!
  • Fall Out Boy: IF I CAN LIVE THROUGH THIS I CAN DO ANYTHING! FUCK YEAH CHAMPION! THE BOYS WERE ON TEEN TITANS! CHAMPION MUSIC VIDEO SOON!
  • My Chemical Romance: Nope. Still nothing. Apart from the fact that BOB FUCKING BRYAR CAME OUT OF HIS CAVE.
  • Me: I don't like overplayed songs.
  • Also Me:
  • I CHIME IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOORS
  • SUGAR WE'RE GOING DOWN SWINGIN'
  • WISH WE COULD TURN BACK TIME TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS
  • WHEN I WAS...A YOUNG BOY...MY FATHER
  • THATS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART WIN
  • DON'T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT

hello confirmation that cyrus turning around was intentionally to show that he likes jonah!! can i just point out that they are clapping and cheering! i have never been this happy, i mean, look at them. look at josh. look at asher. listen to peyton. listen to everyone in the room. they support it. they are just as excited about this as we are. this is happening people & i couldn’t be happier!!

  • Me: Bands meaningful lyrics saved my life.
  • Twenty Øne Piløts: Coconut coconut shark in water
  • My Chemical Romance: so give the BLOOD, BLOOD! GALLONS THESE STUFF.
  • Panic! At The Disco: Everybody scream, its almost halloween, do the trick or treat!
  • Fall Out boy: dhdh hfhfjd frjsof susjef cm
2017 APMAs “Highlights”

I use the term “highlights” loosely ‘cuase it was a mess

  • Alex Gaskarth spinning around in his cute jacket while rocking the bandana look
  • Lynn Gunn looking honestly surprised when she won best vocalist after being the only woman nominated
  • SUPER LOW AUDIO QUALITY PER USUAL
  • The set it off singer trying to crowd surf during an acoustic performance
  • Dan “soupy” Campbell giving out the Subcity grant to Cassie Wilson who got to represent the disabled community and bring awareness to the need for more accessibility in music venues with her project Half Access
  • The singer of Nothing More looking like a modern tarzan, shirtless and wild and somehow vocally covering Skrillex while riding a robot??? 
  • Kellin Quinn not-so-subtly making fun of said robot immediately after in an interview
  • The Plain White Ts throwing it back to 2005 with Hey There Delilah and reminding us all that they haven’t released anything as good since
  • trying to take Derek of State Champs seriously singing the line “without your kisses ill be needing stitches” (honestly kinda impossible)
  • unintentionally showing that State champs won best music video without announcing the other nominees
  • all the winners taking forever to get to the stage because they put all the bands in the balcony or something
  • the blue haired boy in waterparks calling his mom a mind freak????
  • josh dun playing the trumpet to fucking smash mouth’s all star
  • some really well synchronized drumming honestly
  • terrible masturbation jokes
  • a nice tribute to Chris Cornell (soundgarden) by Pierce the Veil performing black hole sun
  • I guess falling in reverse still exist and people haven't realized ronnie radke is a fucking joke cuase they gave his band an award 
  • Laura Jane Grace getting the icon award and giving a well-written speech with some good inclusivity shit
  • a preview for an incredibly awful looking horror movie starring andy that they accidentally started to replay a second time
  • I guess they forgot to turn on kellin’s mic whoops
  • Alex Gaskarth deciding to go onstage with SWMRS for no real reason and looking a bit tipsy, red solo cup in hand
  • a bunch of very audible mic checks
  • Neck Deep begging us to buy their album when it comes out
  • Vic trying to read a prepared speech on his phone but giving up because he couldn’t get it to turn on

you can watch it here if you’ve got 4 hours to blow

5

tonys 2017 | best performance by an actor in a leading role in a musical nominees