alexander hamilton: HELLO YES HI THIS MUSICAL IS ALL ABOUT ME I AM THE STAR I AM WONDERFUL LOOK AT ALL THE COOL STUFF I DID WOW GO ME
aaron burr, sir: you’re an orphan? nice lets go mURDER THE GOVERNMENT (ft. drunk squad™)
my shot: im PAst patiently waitin im PASSionately SMAshin every expecTATion every ACTion’s an ACT of crEATion
the story of tonight: more drunk cuties
the schuyler sisters: FEMINISM GIRL POWER F U C K THE PATRIARCHY (ft. peggy bein a lil bitch)
farmer refuted: Sassy Ham™ (ft. dONT MODULATE THE KEY THEN NOT DEBATE WITH M E)
you’ll be back: king george iii is a psycho
right hand man: I HAVE THREE FRIENDS PICK ME
a winter’s ball: salty + creepy burr (ft. LAAAAaaaAaAaaaADIES)
helpless: ELIZA IS A PRECIOUS PURE CINNAMON ROLL D O N ’ T T O U C H H E R
satisfied: did somebody say bitter (ft. goosebumps)
the story of tonight (reprise): drunk and gay (reprise)
wait for it: burr has secrets™
stay alive: FUCK OFF CHARLES LEE
ten duel commandments: oKAY so we’re doing this
meet me inside: ham fucks up™
that would be enough: THE CINNAMON ROLL IS BACK AND SHE’S PREGNANT HAM COULD U N O T
guns and ships: lAFAYETTE
history has its eyes on you: gwash has Feelings™
yorktown (the world turned upside down): that one line @ trump tbh, HERCULES MULLIGAN
what comes next: oh no king george is just hella salty
dear theodosia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
non-stop: HISTORY HAS ITSwhy do you assume you’re the smartest in the room why do you assume you’re the smartest in theNON-STOPhe will never be satisfiedISN’T THIS ENOUGHsatisfiedWHAT WOULD BE ENOUGH
what’d i miss: tjeffs is back from being a hoe in paris and he’s getting down to Business™ 😎
cabinet battle #1: FUCKN FIGHT ME ILL TAKE ANYONE — alexander hamilton, probably
take a break: spoiler! he doesn’t take a break (ft. UN DEUX TROIS QUATRE CINQQQQQQQQ)
say no to this: oh jesus what is that two letter word starting with n, ending with o, it has escaped my vocabulary completely
the room where it happens: so apparently aaron burr is Salt Personified™
schuyler defeated: bros don’t take other bros’ father in law’s senate seat wtf
cabinet battle #2: if u tie ur hair into a ponytail, u are a completely different person: confirmed
washington on your side: salty burr, jeffersalt, madisalt: the salthern motherfucking democratic republicans™
one last time: washington’s gone, thanks a lot jefferson
i know him: no it turns out that king george iii is actually a fCKN PSYCHOPATH
the adams admininistration: Great Googly Moogly, It’s All Gone To Shit™ (ft. sIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER)
we know: so burr’s shady as fuck
hurricane: hoe don’t do it (spoiler! he does it)
the reynolds pamphlet: how to fuck up your own life for no good reason — by alexander hamilton
burn: CINNAMON ROLL IS UPSET AND IT BREA K S Y O U
blow us all away: HE DIDNT MEAN LITERALLY ??¿ (ft. philip organising a threesome)
stay alive (reprise): count to ten in french after this without crying, i dare you
it’s quiet uptown: YOU KILLED YOUR S O N WHAT THE FUCK ALEXANDER CHILL
the election of 1800: alex likes causing drama. what a surprise(!)
your obedient servant: i have never talked shit about you. BUT IF I EVER DID here is a list of everything i said about you and when, it’s 30 years long, take your pick (ft. S A L T )
best of wives and best of women: he doesn’t go back to sleep
the world was wide enough: you done fucked up a-a-ron
who lives, who dies, who tells your story: eliza schuyler hamilton is an angelic cinnamon roll and the world does not deserve her, she singlehandedly made sure her idiot husband made history and she deserves more credit than she is given honestly (ft. your ugly crying)
Dear Hamilton fanfiction writers,
I love all of you. You’re doing a great job and I can’t write fanfiction for shit but I just wanted to say something.
MARQUIS IS NOT HIS NAME. HE WAS A MARQUIS, ITS A NOBLEMAN TITLE, NOT A FIRST NAME. JESUM PETE.
Okay that’s all I love you.
If he opened his eyes, he would see the disgusting truth of his life and how it was going. He would see that he was in fact alone in his bedroom and that the world did in fact hate him. He would see the desk clear of all of John’s things. He would see all of his scarves and hoodies gone from the coat rack. He would see the dresser drawers open to reveal John’s clothes gone, leaving his.
Alexander Hamilton rarely bought clothes for himself anymore. He always wore John’s clothes because they were just one size too big and smelled like him. But John’s clothes were gone.
John was gone.
He opened his eyes for a moment and adjusted to the blurry vision the tears reduced him to. It was all what he thought it was going to be. Alexander was alone, just as he knew he would be.
John and every trace of John were gone, just as he knew they would be. Alexander let out a shaky breath and walked over to his bed, Even the sheets, that John had bought for their shared bedroom, was gone.
An even worse part of the situation was that there was nothing Alex could do. He had moaned another man’s name, somebody that John and the others didn’t even know. He had been cheating on John with another, some black haired young dark and handsome beanie wearing boy. Somebody that John was probably disgusted to think about now.
Alex pulled his hand away from the bed and walked over to the dresser, slowly shutting each drawer. He searched to see if John had taken any of his clothes, a small hope that John still loved him. But none of his clothes had been touched, and all of his hoodies were still on the coat rack.
Alex sighed and looked up into the mirror. He was a mess. His hair was disheveled, there were bags under his eyes, and his lips were turned down into a permanent frown. Alex was broken without John here with him.
A few tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked away from the mirror. Even he was disgusted with himself, and so was the rest of the world. When everybody found out about what he did, he had lost everything.
Washington and him weren’t friendly at work anymore, strictly business.
Jefferson wouldn’t even look his way let alone argue with him.
All of his friends were comforting John. The last time one of his friends talked to him it was Lafayette to completely roast him for what he did.
They all blocked his number.
John wasn’t broken though. His snapchat story was all about how much happier he was without Alexander tying him down. It was him being happy and getting over some stupid boy that didn’t treat him right. Some guy that nobody should have sympathy towards, because Alex was the one that cheated and lied to John.
He was the victim, and Alex was the one at fault. He was the one at the chopping block. Obviously Alexander couldn’t feel hurt because he wasn’t the one that was cheated on. So there was no way that he could be felt sorry for. He was the villain in this story, not the damsel in distress.
Alex sighed and walked over to his shelves, picking up a photo of him and John. The picture had been taken on John’s polaroid.
They went on a date to the park, some time in the Spring. It was the two of them laying in the grass, noses touching and eyes closed. Alex picked up the frame and held it to his chest, like that was all he had left of John.
Scratch that, that was all he had left of John. Alex kept the frame tight against his chest as he slowly walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.
On the counter was a bouquet of flowers. Lilac and red roses. He bought them as an apology to John, but was instead met with John’s car gone in the driveway and a feeling of dread inside his heart
He picked up the roses and put them in the trash can, letting out a sob as they hit the bottom. Next he went to the living room, finding that most of the movies were gone from the shelves.
He took all of the good ones, but was Alex allowed to complain?
Alex was the cheating ex boyfriend that deserved to be treated like this.
He was the kind of guy that was ranted about on tumblr.
The epitome of catchy breakup songs.
No, Alex wasn’t allowed to complain.
So, he went back to his room and shut the door, taking another deep breath before setting the frame on the shelf and shutting the curtains. He didn’t deserve to look out the window at the rain and think about John. He didn’t deserve to look like a helpless damsel in distress. Alex didn’t deserve that.
So he took one last look at his half empty bedroom and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over him. It was the only blanket that John hadn’t took with him.
Even the pillow John always slept on was gone. Alex had nothing to hold, and some part of his brain told him John did that on purpose.
As if John had known that Alex would want to cry about it. As if John had known that Alex would want to curl up in a ball with something that smelled like John, As if John had known Alex would be broken.
But no. Of course he didn’t think Alex would feel bad or sorry.
Alex was the one that had been yelled at and then stormed out in a rush of anger and sadness. Alex was the one that had cheated and moaned another man’s name in the first place. Alex was the one that had lied to John on so many different occasions. Alex was the one that would be forgotten in the story.
He was the obstacle John had to get over to get to the rest of his love story. Alex was the minor conflict, nothing important to the storyline at all.
His story was over, ending on a sour note. Alex didn’t deserve to have any type of story arc or redemption. Alex didn’t deserve the happy ending that John deserved and would 100% get in the end.
Hamilton Characters as Things People Have Said at my School
Alexander- Fuck you for telling me it wouldn’t work and fuck me for not listening
Burr- I need to cuddle with a knife… In my spleen.
Laurens- I get scared whenever I see a vagina
Lafayette- Bad and naughty nobles are put in the shame guillotine to atone for their sins.
Hercules- Height of an arse giant
Angelica- My OxyClean™ vagina
Eliza- I saw the future kirby, it was not pretty
Peggy- Y'all think I’m gettin nudes but nah. I am gettin the pussy. Pussy cat that is.
Seabury- Do you hear the children of the granola?
King George III- George Washington is garlic
Washington- We jwalk as a family
Jefferson- Ive tried vegan mac n cheese, Ive tried vegan EVERYTHING
Madison- I need you to bake me another delicious drug breakfast
Maria- I’m gonna kick society in the balls
Philip- *very quietly* pow pow motherfucker