jordan gets fast

3

blackbird-brewster

4

Happy Halloween! Be safe, but have lots of fun! 

They boy and I both worked during the day, then we came home to carve our pumpkins! Mine was a jerk to carve, but he helped me and it turned out pretty well. Also, we’re stinking cute and I’m enthused by my shirt. The sales woman at VS said she bought it and her two daughters are witches for tonight. I like her. 

And here’s a shout out to jordan-gets-fast because her recipe for chorizo and sweet potato enchiladas is on point. She made these for us when we visited and 10/10 will definitely keep making them. I did, however, also add a few black beans and some onion.

Anyway, have a great evening! I’m going to go and eat another Reese’s. I haven’t eaten but a few pieces all day which makes me proud! (4 small pieces).

Over the course of my 18 week Hanson’s Marathon Method adventure I attracted quite a crew of followers. I’m amazed that so many people are interested in my word-vomit and sweaty selfies. 

Now that the intense training cycle is over, I anticipate that I’ll be spending less time talking pacing and more time talking everything else.

My life isn’t 100% running. I love the sport, but that’s not the only reason I created this blog. I came to Tumblr for a really unhealthy dose of “fitspo” and pro-eating disorder blogs. Thankfully, what sucked me in and got me to stay was the community of real people tracking their real progress and posting real results. 

My original handle was “losingmylard”. Talk about some self hate, huh? I posted screen shots of my calorie tracking and obsessed over fluctuations on the scale. I continued a lot of really unhealthy behaviors. I harbored a lot of shame in regards to my weight and used this as a journal to bitch about how much I hated being overweight.

Then, somehow, I fell into the #runblr community. I found myself neck deep in blogs focused on healthy physical activity and balanced lifestyles (not 100% food centered). I changed my name to “jogwithjordan” and took up running.

Up until that point I’d run very, very little. I begrudgingly completed run workouts assigned by our cross country ski coach, but I never thought it was something slow and overweight people could or should do. With runblrs rooting for me, I knew I could totally do it.

I started with C25k and grew to absolutely love runner’s high. I trained for my first half and my life became more focused on moving and burning calories than restricting incoming calories. It was great. I got faster than what most people considered a jog and switched my name over to “jordangetsfast”. 

I continued to focus on exercise and really lost my grip on food. With distance running came more and more food. I had a larger appetite, I’d burned more calories, so I ate more calories. This was fine until I ran the race and stopped training consistently.

I started to slip back into the negative thought cycle that is disordered eating.

My senior year of college I battled to manage my eating habits. I spent time with a nutritionist and a therapist. I started, again, to attempt to reconcile my relationship with food.

Disordered eating is a really dark place. It’s a void in my head. It’s an obsessive calorie counting world with life consuming consequences.

I spent some time going to Overeaters Anonymous and even earned my 30 day binge-free chip. That community was full of colorful people. I liked the camaraderie, but found something much more sustainable here on Tumblr. OA was full of people who spent their lives in Anonymous meetings. Not that that’s a bad thing, but they were harder to relate to. I came out of OA with some great tools that I still use. 

My nutritionist and therapist also gave me strength. I was able to live my life without regular appointments and excessive weight gain. My body found somewhat of an equilibrium: slightly overweight, but manageable.

I made my internet presence scarce for bit, went through a pretty significant break-up, had bunion surgery, and met a cool guy before I detached myself from the friends I’d shared my URL with in college and became “jordan-gets-fast”. 

Shortly after, I decided I was going train for and run a marathon. It was probably one of you dumb asses that that lit that fire under my ass. My training cycle went fantastically. I enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. 

Unfortunately, overeating has once again been normalized for me. Largely to make up for running-induced hunger, but normalized nonetheless.

That brings us to now. I have 15-20 lbs that my body would really benefit from losing. Not just to look better and run faster, but to be kinder to my joints and lead a life less prone to weight related diseases.

I’m well aware that weight loss is a simple math equation. Consume less than my body burns each day. Unfortunately, that involves counting calories, tracking exercise, and monitoring progress. I wish I could do it alone, but I’ve proven pretty obviously that I can’t.

I need a therapist. I dread going through the vetting process, but since I graduated college and left the University’s service network, I haven’t found a new provider. It’s draining to search for a well suited team, but that’s probably the only starting point that leads down a healthy path.

What I’m trying to say is, that’s what’s next.

I’m not going to stop running (I’m already thinking about a next race), but I’m going to spend some time working, once again, with a therapist and nutritionist to get the disordered eating cobwebs out of my head.

This time, with Cam’s help, I hope that we can make permanent changes rather than continue this cycle.

If you’re not into that, I totally understand. I appreciate you stopping in and I wish you the best on your health and fitness journey. If you are into that… here we go. I sent inquiries to two eating disorder therapists yesterday. Baby steps.

2

@jordan-gets-fast tagged me to SDS so I just did, but I also had to share my breakfast with you. I couldn’t decide between sweet or savory so I made both. I put them on the same plate and laughed a little because I know it drives some of you nuts when I do that. So good though! First time trying Kodiak Cakes! And see what I did here with the selfie? First interview and I think I’ll be a perfect fit!!! AHH!!!