jonas polsky

Topical Joke Takeover 9/11/13

by Jonas Polsky

AT&T is under fire after they tweeted a picture of the 9/11 memorial being photographed by one of their phones. AT&T quickly took down the offensive image, and replaced it with a picture of a Holocaust prisoner playing Angry Birds.

Pope Francis has purchased a used car. Of course the Pope wanted to accessorize the car, so he put a little figurine of himself on the dashboard.

The wealthiest 1% of Americans took home 20% of the nation’s income in 2012. To give you an idea of what that means, the “Occupy” protesters that were sleeping in public parks, actually live there now.

…but in their defense, during Christmas millionaires worked a lot of overtime.

As Anthony Weiner was driving away from his mayoral concession speech, he reportedly gave the middle finger to a reporter. She then took a second look and realized, that wasn’t his finger.

Anthony Weiner is happy that the mayoral race is finally over, so he can focus on his nude modeling career.

Today, Obama paid tribute to the victims of 9/11. He then surprised everyone in attendance by saying, “And guys, I kinda think Syria caused 9/11.”

Apple’s new iPhone 5S can only be unlocked via the user’s thumbprint. Once the thumb is pressed on the pad, you gain access to the user’s top secret world of information, that they share publicly via social media.

In Los Angeles, the FBI has arrested a TSA agent for calling in a bomb threat at the airport. The TSA could have been a bit more careful, because when the man was hired the questionnaire asked, “Are you a terrorist” and he selected “choose not to answer.”

A recent survey shows that people don’t trust polls, and don’t want to participate in them. I gotta say, I find that hard to believe.

In New Hampshire, a man was arrested after he robbed a bank while wearing a Barack Obama mask. Much like the real Obama, the man said he was broke, desperate, and running out of options.

In New York City, a new luxury hotel suite has a going rate of $45,000 dollars per night. And if you think that’s bad, the free continental breakfast, costs six grand.

Previous Topical Jokes: http://jonaspolsky.tumblr.com/post/60738652125/topical-joke-takeover-9-8-13