jokes that's not why people cry

tsc books summed up (spoilers duh)
  • -tmi-
  • city of bones: what the fuck??? hot guy with tattoos??? my best friend is a rat??? mOm
  • city of ashes: family problems. umbridge 2.0 turns out to not be so bad. it's almost like the universe has something against simon lewis being human
  • city of glass: if you thought family problems were bad in the last book, oh boy you have another thing coming. actual incest happens compared to the previous incest-that-wasn't-incest. everyone is an asshole at some point except maybe baby max and yknow what happens to him
  • city of fallen angels: guESS WHOS BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN
  • city of lost souls: we can't even focus on the fact that clace is now happily incest-free because of what the shit going down. alec is insecure but we love him. poor amatis. alec becomes a hero yay
  • city of heavenly fire: a lot of people die. we get vague tid references and we meet mini emma and jules before the parabaDRAMA goes down. people walk in on other people doing things. we visit hell for a family vacation.
  • -tid-
  • ca: "i would literally rather be reading than doing any of this"
  • clockwork prince: more family problems also im crying and wow these parabatai are both gorgeous
  • clockwork princess: ducks and demon pox. lots of feels. tessa kicks ass.
  • -tda-
  • lady midnight: i swear that these kids were like 12 what happened why did they grow up and why are they so much cooler than me?? cristina is awesome and malcolm is not. we meet the angel that is kit. this is the book where people still thought Diana was irrelevant lmao joke's on them
  • lord of shadows: HI I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR THIS??? WHY IS MY HEART BEING RIPPPPED OUT OF MY CHEST IM CRYING LIKE EVERY OTHER PAGE except kitty that's cute. asH (morgenstern)? it's a really big damn book
  • qoaad: not even out yet but we're all probably going to die. but is clary?
  • -bonus-
  • tftsa: hi im Simon Lewis and im cool but i don't remember being cool anyways let's hear about waywood that shit is sad
  • the bane chronicles: glitter 💫 and a long line of people who aren't as cool as alec up till we meet alec. shadowhunters suck
  • tlh: we are all going to die wtf is happening with the family trEE?
  • codex: dictionary that you actually enjoy reading
  • twp: (chant this) KITTY KITTY KITTY (sing this) aaaaand a plus sized drusilla blackthorn with her own!! friend group!! yeS!!!

kokiri85  asked:

Every time Clark doesn't get something, a joke or an opinion or why a certain song makes some people cry--the kind of stuff that hits all people differently anyway--he secretly worries it's a Human Thing that's just beyond his ability to understand.

three cheers for feeling like, instead of punching through steel, superman just punched through your heart

and i hate to be that person but this gives me a lot of emotions about clark and bruce, because nine times out of ten, jokes are going over bruce’s head rather than clark’s. it’s not an alien thing, it’s…. just a thing, it turns out. whenever someone makes a star wars reference, bruce looks at clark helplessly - “who is yoda why does tim keep calling him space shrek clark please stop laughing at me” - and whenever someone (hal, or barry, or both) makes an elaborate pun clark looks at bruce with a pained expression

  • Mom: Why are you always staring off into the distance? Are you okay? What are you thinking?
  • Me: A month without uploading he comes back with a tag (whoo)
  • That no one even tagged him he's not a challenge to drag (ouch)So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe (cringe)Cause this motherfucker's 'bout to get dragged by his fringe First things first, you're freakishly tall it's weird you look like a noodle (true)You've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle (hobbit)Throw in a really annoying posh voice and, yup, that's Dan (posh)
  • You're what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fucked Slenderman
  • You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? (ooh)You're so close to being forgotten, the hate's imaginary (whoa)The only reason you get views is you're another white guyThat people ship with his friend cause they think it's kawaii Oh Reasons why Dan's a fail (Yay!)I'll give you some
  • You never tweet, you overeat, all you do is cry and sleep
  • Your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality (uh huh)Your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university And anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete You were vegan for like three weeks, then what, you missed the meat? (milk)Wow, I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity! You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
  • But can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic (boo, oh)I could go on there's more if I check
  • There's more things on this list than chins on your neck
  • On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
  • A 100? Yeah, when getting out of bed makes you out of breath? (real)So your celebrity crush was J-Law but now it's Evan P.? (mhmm)What the fuck even is your sexuality?
  • It's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry (what is it)I think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry
  • I'm-I'm joking obviously Okay that went deep... Repress it? Yup! Before I start crying let's wrap this shit up
  • I'm gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza (feelings)Shout out to the other youtubers especially Ryan Higa (jerk)A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation Met with no depreciation it's the YouTube nation Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year! (or 3)
  • To see my last one (from 10 years ago), just click over here (fail)So leave a comment with your reaction, you can call me a liar Cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire
  • [Sobbing]
gold's joke.
  • Silver: *answers his phone* what do you want, gold?
  • Gold: wanna hear a super hilarious joke?
  • Silver: you have five seconds. enlighten me.
  • Gold: okay, so the masked man, giovanni, professor oak, and red's mom all walk into a bar... silver? you there? ...huh. little stink. he didn't stay for my joke.
  • --
  • Green[f]: *answers her phone* hey delinquent. what's up?
  • Gold: silver hung up on me!
  • Green[f]: gee, imagine that.
  • Gold: i know! he didn't even stay to hear the end of my hilarious joke!
  • Green[f]: huh.
  • Gold: okay, so the masked man, giovanni, professor oak, and red's mom all walk into a bar, and guess what happens?
  • Green[f]: tell me gold... did you design his joke so that it would offend every one of us?
  • Gold: red's mom turns to- wait what? green? ...they must have formed a coalition against me. i guess i'll bug yellow then.
  • --
  • Yellow: *picks up her phone after the fifth call* gold if this isn't an emergency i don't want to talk to you.
  • Gold: it IS an emergency! no one will hear the end of my joke!
  • Yellow: ...Gold, i may seem like a nice person, but i can be really nasty if i don't get my afternoon nap. get the point?
  • Gold: okay, okay, i'll ask Red.
  • --
  • Red: *picks up his phone* hey dude.
  • Gold: you wanna hear a joke? it's super funny.
  • Red: sure, i could use a laugh.
  • Gold: alright! so the masked man, giovanni, professor oak, and your mom all walk into a bar. Your mom turns to the masked man and says, "hot enough for ya?" and the masked man says-
  • Red: wait, you put MY mom in your joke?
  • Gold: yeah! but wait, i haven't gotten to the best part yet! so the masked man--
  • Red: uh, sorry gold, i just remembered i have some training to do.
  • Gold: but you gotta hear this!
  • Red: sorry. maybe next time. bye.
  • --
  • Gold: hey blue!
  • Blue[m]: don't wanna hear it.
  • Gold: but you don't even know what i'm gonna say!
  • Blue[m]: yes i do.
  • Gold: uh, no, you don't.
  • Blue[m]: i know that i'm not gonna care.
  • Gold: oh come on, just listen to my joke!!
  • Blue[m]: fine. enthrall me.
  • Gold: sweet! so the masked man, giovanni, professor oak, and red's mom walk into a bar together and order sundaes--
  • Blue[m]: what are grandpa and red's mom doing with two criminals?
  • Gold: i'm getting there. so they order sundaes and it's really hot out, and red's mom turns to the masked man and says, 'hot enough for ya?' and the masked man turns to old man oak and says, 'you know why i always give the cold shoulder?' and oak says--
  • Blue[m]: gold?
  • Gold: yeah?
  • Blue[m]: you know that, technically, i can kill you, right?
  • Gold: ... point taken. *hangs up*
  • --
  • Crystal: *answers her phone* hi gold! how are you?
  • Gold: terrible! nobody will listen to the end of my joke! they all just keep hanging up on me, even though i made it just for them!!
  • Crystal: oh, i'm sorry to hear that. what's your joke?
  • Gold: okay, so the masked man, giovanni, professor oak, and red's mom all walk into a bar and order some chocolate sundaes. it's really hot out, and red's mom turns to the masked man and asks him this: 'is it hot enough for you?' and the masked man turns to professor oak and says, 'do you know why i always give people the cold shoulder?' and oak says, 'cause that's all you have!' get it crys?!?
  • Crystal: ...... hey gold, i have a joke for you. what do cliff diving, playing with fire, and you all have in common?
  • Gold: ... they're all cool?
  • Crystal: they're all insane. *hangs up*
  • Gold: *sits quietly* you know now that i think about, the joke really isn't all that funny.
"You only go for older men, that's why you're in love with your teacher."

No.

I only go for guys who are well-groomed and hygienic, self-confident but not cocky, responsible, witty, smart, smell amazing, make me laugh, laugh at my jokes, are comfortable crying and seeing me cry, console me, give me their opinions and respects my own, make me furious, asks me for advice all the time and helps me out with problems I’m having, enjoy debating with me, plays mental mind games with me (the good kind, of course), aren’t rude or unsympathetic to people in general, don’t treat everyone the way they treat me, can spend hours (literally) talking about anything, and honestly makes me happy just by being around them.

Show me a boy my age who ticks all those boxes and I’ll give up my 53-year-old teacher who already does.

I don’t “have a thing for older men” I have a thing for this older man. If I could turn it off I would but I can’t and we’re in too deep for me to crawl out. It’s honestly not my fault.

a month without uploading he comes back with a tag - whoo That no one even tagged him in he's not a challenge to drag - ouch So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe - cringe cause this motherfucker's bout to be dragged by his firing First things first yore freakishly tall it's weird you look like a noodle - tru You've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle - hobbit Throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that's dan - posh You're what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fucked slender man You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? - ooh You're so close to being forgotten your hates imaginary - woah The only reason you get views is because you're another white guy that people ship with his friend cause they think it's kawaii Oh Reasons why dans a fail -yay I'll give you some You never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep Your jokes are shit posts and memes with no originality - uh huh Your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university And anything from your past you just delete you were a vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? - milk wow I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic But can't make toast without tumblr saying your problematic - boo I could go on there's more if I check There's more things on this list than chins on your neck On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death 100? Yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath - real So your celebrity crush was j-law but now it's Evan P - mhmm wtf even is your sexuality It's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry - what is it I think it's to hide that you're secretly a furry *cough* I'm joking Obviously .. Okay that went deep Repress it? Yup Before I start crying let's wrap this shit up. I'm gonna go, then masterbate and cry into a slice of pizza - feelings Shout out to the other youtubers especially Ryan Higa A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation Met with no depreciation it's the YouTube nation - youtubeee Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year - or 3 To see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here - fail So leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar Cause you just witnessed the roast of Danisnotonfire

anonymous asked:

Who do you think have the best drunk attitudes? And who turns all dramatic?

—–Ennoshita, Aone, or Yaku are definitely nice sweet drunkards.

-Ennoshita is kind of talkative when drunk, he gets really motherly though. But not in an annoying way. He’s always making sure everyone is comfortable, they don’t feel too sick, and making sure no one will drive drunk.

-Aone gets kind of cuddly and clingy. He’ll follow his friend/s/o around and sit next to them. If they’re his lover, he puts his arm around their waist and rests his head on their shoulder.

-Yaku gets super sweet. “You look super nice in that.” “I think your haircut really suits you!” “Do you need anything from the store? I can go!”

—-Bokuto, Kuroo, Nishinoya, and Sugawara completely change attitudes when they are drunk. They’re like a whole new person.

-Bokuto and Kuroo (you can expect them to be together when drunk-ALWAYS) sing and make crazy terrible jokes, and try to hit on too many different people. When that doesn’t work, they hit on each other, thinking that practice makes perfect. Honestly, they are just a mess. “That sounded so good bro, why didn’t it work?”

-Sugawara gets SUPER flirty when he’s drunk. He will flirt with ANYONE. Alcohol goes through his system pretty quickly though, so it’s pretty short lived.

-Nishinoya is a sad drunk. He’ll cry about anything and everything. Dropped his cup? Crying. Out of alcohol? Crying. Messes up his hair? Crying.

anonymous asked:

YOU CANT DO THIS TO US. WE WERE ALWAYS WITH YOU FROM THE BEGINNING. It's not trolling. It's not funny. It's not 'playing with us'. That's just rude and cruel. You're hurting people. Some of them are CRYING. Now thats not how you thank people who supported you. We DON'T DESERVE THIS, and we love you for what you do, but this isn't even like you. Please remove this joke or say the truth.

Are you serious? Why the F would we joke about a spoiler? You guys asked us to find out so that’s what we did. Let me just say this right now. We did our job! We posted the info that came from two separate, reliable sources. Both said it was Tobin! End of story. Don’t go TD on us like you guys claimed you would never do. -Prime

anonymous asked:

Lets talk about normila

First can we talk about how no one ships Normila more than Normani and Camila themselves? 

Now onto my all time favorite Normila moment: 

No one sees all of Normani’s sides as well as Camila does. She understands that she comes off shy, but there is so much more to her. All of Normani’s clouds hide all of her amazing sides, but around Camila the rainbow is clear as day

CAMILA LITERALLY JUST WANTS TO TOUCH NORMANI AND NORMANI JUST GRABS HER HAND LIKE ITS THE MOST NORMAL THING IN THE WORLD 

they can’t even keep their hands off each other in the meet and great pictures they literally have to show their love 24/7 

LET’S NOT FORGET THAT CAMILA IS THE ONE THAT TAUGHT NORMANI NOT TO CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND THATS WHY NORMANI IS SO MUCH MORE OPEN IN INTERVIEWS NOW 

you’re girlfriends we all know 

SHE LITERALLY HITS HER BUTT ON STAGE I FEEL YOU 

normani is the one who makes her laugh the most like at the beginning she thought normani hated her and now they joke around so much she pees?? i just?? 

One of the best moments is when Camila wrote her the poem, it just shows how much Camila truly loves Normani and would do anything to show her and Normani was so happy and she almost cried it still hurts tbh 

in conclusion normila is the strongest ship and makes me cry goodbye 

(gifs aren’t mine)