jokes pokes

i joke about hal endlessly poking solas but the truth is, that’s what solas likes most about him. how curious and enthused he is by his work, how much hal loves to curl up beside him and listen to his stories on and on, how much hal pays attention. hal is immature and clingy but he means no harm and is always sweet, and so solas doesn’t mind his presence.

uncultureddoubloon  asked:

Could you please explain the "help me" in the bottom of the groom's shoes and how it's a joke/poking fun at/is an example of toxic heteronomativity?

So I dunno if y’all have seen this, but I’ve worked a lot of weddings in my life and  there’s this super funny (/sarcasm/) thing where the groom will write “help me” on the soles of his shoes, so that when the couple kneel down at the altar, everyone will see it and laugh at the fact that this poor man has been trapped into the sanctity of marriage.

Sort of like those cake toppers where the groom is attempting to run away or is being forcibly dragged to the altar with words like game over on it cause he no longer gets to have fun with his life or something because he’s getting married:

Or quite literally, a ball and chain:


Basically the whole “help me” thing? Is a continuation of the idea that there are definite gender norms, and that those genders are in direct conflict with each other, and therefore predispositioned to eventual resentment and hatred. 

It’s the snarky sitcom hetero snide comedy where the wife is always nagging the husband who is the put upon joe average who had life and dreams until he got married and had kids, who now wants to just be left alone to read the paper while his wife looks after his home, his kids, his general emotional well being, and is still cast as the shrew for wanting something more from him than his dispassionate resentment that she won’t coddle him like one of the offspring.

Cause haha, it’s so awful spending the rest of your life with the person you are profess to love and adore…imagine that…imagine losing your freedom, your individuality and quite possibly your own autonomy to another person through a societal convention… *everyone not born male and white looks into the camera like they’re on the office*

Also consider, if a woman knelt down at the altar and had “help me” on her shoes? How drastically unfunny that becomes because we know, we know the way marriage is set up to give one partner the advantage over the other…

It’s just icky. It’s an icky not funny joke which I wish would die out.

instagram

Seeing Hoechlin with his salt and pepper beard got me thinking about Derek Hale with beard mascara (That’s a thing, look it up) and then…

Like, Derek turns 30 and the pack is off doing god knows what at college, when one day he finds a grey hair in his beard and he gets so fucking insecure so he buys the beard mascara and he covers it all up.

Then one day, suddenly, Stiles is in his loft after he’s taken a shower and he walks out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and Stiles says, “Are those grey hairs?”

And Derek’s heart starts pounding because it’s Stiles and he didn’t want Stiles to see that, not just because Stiles likes to make jokes and poke fun at him but also because Derek might like Stiles a little. Or a lot.

And he says, “Let it go, Stiles.”

But Stiles, being Stiles, doesn’t listen and gets all up in his space and cups Derek’s face and tilts it and Derek knows what he’s seeing, grey hairs glinting in the light. He has to concentrate to hold his claws back and he’s so ready for Stiles to make a joke about becoming an old man, fucking tensed for it when Stiles says, “Oh my god, that is both hot and adorable.”

Which, what. What. That hadn’t been at all what Derek had been expecting, but now Stiles is staring at him, mouth open and pupils blown and Derek wants to kiss him so bad. So he does, and again, and again, and he laughs when Stiles runs his fingers through his beard, trying to find the grey hairs by touch, and Stiles laughs with him.

- the end -

what who you stan for says about you:

dee: you’re gay for dee and you want to punch glennis in the face

dennis: you write darkfic and have an aesthetic blog

charlie: charliemac is your otp and you constantly use the word “smol”

mac: you either want to bang mac or be him, you’ve probably tweeted at rob to “let mac be gay”

frank: you’re from r/iasip or you are a balanced human being

Sugilite: What was Sapphire’s deal?

For a long time since the reveal of Ruby and Sapphire, I’ve been seeing posts that (jokingly or not) suggest that Sugilite’s behavior, as a Fusion of Ruby, Sapphire, and Amethyst, was the result of the rambunctious Ruby and Amethyst dragging Sapphire along for the ride.

I kinda get why people say that, because obviously both Amethyst and Ruby are prone to anger and sometimes lack filters and coping mechanisms. Meanwhile, Sapphire seems so calm and in control. Surely Sugilite was mostly Amethyst and Ruby getting carried away.

But y’all have seen “Keystone Motel.”

“This will pass. She’ll eventually just burn herself out.”

Sapphire, when she’s upset, pretends to be above it all, ignores others’ emotions while denying the effects of her own, and even resorts to shaming those she loves when she’s not happy with their behavior. 

She can be callous. Cold. 

Sapphire is just as responsible for everything that went on with Sugilite as Ruby and Amethyst were. 

Now here’s the thing. Fusions can feel like they’re one being–especially when they get used to being fused–and though they’re “a conversation” and “a relationship,” they’re also capable of functioning like a single consciousness despite that they technically can never quite be “individuals.” So I do hesitate to pick apart “what comes from which Gem” when examining Fusions’ behavior. However, much like you can analyze the traits of a child and surmise which parent they “get it from,” you can sort of do that with Fusions. But there’s another element you have to keep in mind when you do this.

A manifestation of the fusers’ influence on each other.

Guide to the Crystal Gems is the source of this tidbit–a canon source authored by Rebecca Sugar. You don’t really see the “influence” aspect discussed explicitly in the show, but this implies that Fusions aren’t just what their components are, but what they inspire in each other. What they think of each other, what they expect from each other, what they want to be together. What they bring out in each other, regardless of whether that element is usually part of the individuals.

Look at Smoky Quartz. Before they appeared, Steven and Amethyst had just had an arc with a competitive and self-deprecating tone which led directly to forming Smoky for the first time. They literally fought each other over who was the worst, had a discussion of not living up to what they were supposed to be, and aired their grievances over the proper path to improvement.

“Us worst Gems stick together, right?” “That’s why we’re the best.”

Amethyst and Steven literally formed their collective identity based on their low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. They play it like a big joke, of course, cracking puns and offering distractions, but when Sardonyx presses them during their second appearance in “Know Your Fusion,” Smoky heaps on the self-abuse.

“I guess zero plus zero equals zero. They say two wrongs don’t make a right–I guess I’m living proof that that’s true! I’m just one big super-wrong good-for-nothing dud with a yo-yo!”

Delivered with a smile. 

Supposedly it’s a common trait of youngest children to be the comedian of the family–if you’ve spent your whole life feeling like those who came before you have won all the awards, done it all before you, and met stratospheric goals before you even found your feet, you might feel like there’s no point in performing well, so you joke about it and poke fun at everything, including yourself. Amethyst and Steven have both spent a lot of their lives feeling like the youngest child who’s a bit of a screw-up with whom everyone must be patient. Smoky doubles that feeling, and when they start to feel inadequate, out come the self-deprecating jokes.

Sugilite is more complicated because she’s a three-Gem Fusion, but I’d like to first refer to my “How Fusion Relationships Work” post and assert that Sugilite is far more a relationship of Amethyst and Garnet than she is a relationship of Amethyst, Ruby, and Sapphire. If Sugilite were to internally argue with herself the way Alexandrite did in “Fusion Cuisine,” you’d probably hear Amethyst’s and Garnet’s voices, not Ruby’s or Sapphire’s. I could be wrong, but I think Sugilite is better understood as Garnet and Amethyst’s Fusion. Therefore, to find out what comes from Sapphire and what comes from Ruby in Sugilite, it makes more sense to pick apart where their traits feed into Garnet first.

Sardonyx and Sugilite are both Garnet Fusions. And Sardonyx and Sugilite have both shown an incredible capacity for showing off for Steven. We know Pearl loves to perform, but Sardonyx seeks to impress through grace and precision, while Sugilite is about power. That is likely a strong Amethyst trait–she REALLY wants to be strong, and she thinks Garnet is this incredible pillar of strength. Amethyst’s beliefs about Garnet and desire to be strong would feed into making Sugilite the powerhouse she is.

And Amethyst also has abandonment issues.

“What about ME, huh? I had someone who was always there for ME until she started hanging out with YOU!”

What was Sugilite’s apparent main complaint?

“You left me behind!”

She was left alone with no one to perform for, no one to encourage her or make her feel cool for being strong enough to take out all those pillars.

This seems like an awful lot of Amethyst, but what about Garnet?

“We don’t need to be careful. We just need to be huge.”

Get the job done, Garnet. Who cares about Pearl’s feelings? Who cares if there might be some speed bumps? It’ll turn out with the result we need, and that’s all that really matters.

Well, that’s some Sapphire there.

That’s probably exacerbated further when all the frustration and feeling of being left out was amplified by Amethyst’s perspective, and it’s all directed at Pearl. What might Sugilite be thinking about Pearl? “She’s to blame! She took Steven away and abandoned me! She called me ‘too much’ because she’s just too little! And now she wants me to unfuse just when I’m enjoying myself! She’s probably just jealous Garnet didn’t pick her instead!”

There’s a ton of feeling in there and not a whole lot of thinking. And feeling is something Ruby does extremely well. Meaning she does a lot of it, and she doesn’t think about the past or the future. Now is all she can think about, and her incredibly important, long history with Pearl and any future consequences are beside the point in the face of all that emotion. Sugilite feels hurt and angry and vengeful now. And she has a ton of power that this little Gem Pearl wants to take from her. She won’t let it happen.

But here’s something complicated. Ruby is emotional, but she isn’t selfish. She’s almost entirely selfless. I mean that literally, too–at the beginning of her life with Sapphire, she expressed that it didn’t matter if she was broken because there are tons of her. Even more recently in her life, in “Jailbreak,” she cared about what happened to Sapphire but had no thoughts for herself.

“Did they hurt you?” “WHO CARES??”

And if you listen to her rant about Blue Diamond in “Gem Heist,” Ruby still offers an onslaught of anger that has almost nothing to do with slights against her.

“She’s a shatterer! She yelled at Sapphire, she hates fusion and love!”

Hear that? Blue Diamond had specifically threatened to shatter Ruby, but she doesn’t say “she threatened to shatter me.” She just uses general terms about her being “a shatterer” before launching right into how Blue Diamond mistreated Sapphire and hates their union. And, going back to “Keystone Motel,” it’s more of the same from Ruby: she’s angry not because Pearl personally hurt her, but because Pearl disrespected fusion. Disrespected Garnet.

“It’s FUSION, Sapphire! What’s more personal to us than fusion?”

She’s so, so angry, but it’s on behalf of their relationship, not on her own behalf. She’s not mad at Sapphire for wronging her. She’s mad at Sapphire because this is about fusion. Without fusion, Ruby doesn’t even think of herself as worth something to be mad about. But the fusion she’s contributing to? Wow, nobody better EVER say anything against THAT, or insult it for ANY reason!

So, no doubt this is magnified in Sugilite.

“I AM myself, and I’m SICK of being split up!”

Amethyst’s respect for power, Ruby’s respect for fusion partnerships, and Sapphire’s respect for outcome over process all contribute to Sugilite’s motives. But Amethyst’s sullenness over abandonment, Ruby’s single-minded emotion, and Sapphire’s callousness make those motives manifest in a destructive way.

When Garnet is just Garnet, she has effective coping mechanisms most of the time, at least when it comes to losing control. But Ruby’s EXPLOSIVE emotion is very present in Garnet–we repeatedly see her punch first and ask questions later, or break things just because she’s pissed off. Sapphire’s soft-spokenness and withdrawal from full engagement are also very present in Garnet, and we see her withholding emotion or letting her overconfidence make her stubborn. But she’s balanced, and she carries leadership without cracking, and she rarely makes her problems into other people’s problems.

But when Garnet is part of Sugilite, emotion is streaming in from Amethyst AND Ruby, and neither of those Gems likes to think outside the present. If you said Sapphire’s future vision and composure is “drowned out” by such passionate energy, you wouldn’t be far off, but I think it’s more nuanced than that: Sapphire’s traits manifest differently. Amethyst respects the heck out of Garnet, and Ruby feels like Sapphire matters far more than she does. Sapphire holds a good deal of the self-respect in Sugilite–the part of her that thinks she deserves attention, dignity, and honor. There’s still some aristocrat in her. In Sugilite, that respect is up against an overwhelming amount of self-directed belittling and inadequacy. So you get someone who knows she should be respected but feels that she doesn’t deserve it.

Ruby and Amethyst may be the source of Sugilite’s fury and pain, but without Sapphire’s cold indifference, she wouldn’t have ever posed such a threat. Some of the most brutal aspects of Sugilite may have their roots in Sapphire.

anonymous asked:

Can i request the RFA+ minor duo going Victoria secret shopping with MC? And don't stress yourself too much over Requests love~ take all the time you need :)

~Oooooh, yes. LOL! Thank you so much for the request and thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it so much! 


◉ Yoosung 

  • He’s a stuttering and fumbling mess the entire time 
  • Doesn’t have the courage to touch anything 
  • Feels extremely awkward seeing all the other customers grabbing items, and thinks he should try to avert his gaze 
  • He TRIES to keep his eyes on the floor
  • Every time he looks around he is imagining you in the outfits 
    • “Yoosung, what do you think of this?” you hold up lingerie with pink frills 
  • He almost has a heart attack 
  • So many images in his mind 
    • “IT’S P-PERFECT”
    • Shh, you don’t have to yell” you laugh 
  • He can’t control the volume of his voice 
  • Talking to himself in his head, telling himself to clam down
  • He liked the area where theres beauty products and lotions/perfumes 
    • “Oh, this smells nice MC! Want me to get it for you?” 

◉ Jumin 

  • He’s rather un-phased
  • To be honest, he finds lingerie rather unnecessary
    • “Are you sure you want to buy this? I’m just going to be taking it off of you…”
    • “I’m not just here for lingerie, Jumin. I need new bras and panties as well,” you shake your head 
  • He’s very opinionated 
    • “That looks cheap.” “I don’t like that color.” 
  • He’s not doing it to be an ass, he’s just used to speaking his mind 
  • Wants you to look good, and tells you to get whatever you want
    • “Sweat pants?”
    • “They have really comfy ones…” you say shyly 
    • “You’re so cute,” he adds them to your basket 

◉ Zen 

  • He’s screaming internally 
    • YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
  • He’s READY for this 
  • At first he thinks you’re going to stick to the normal bra and panty sets
  • Maybe you’ll be adventurous and go for some lace 
  • But you hold up a lingerie set with cut outs and strings and bow and-
  • He almost has a nose bleed 
    • “B-Babe! Careful! Another guy might see!!!” 
  • He grabs it from your hands 
    • “There are only girls around right now, relax!” 
  • He wants to pay for it and drag you home as fast as possible 
  • He’s spacing out
  • Imagining coming home to you in the lingerie, you’re in the kitchen cooking for him 
    • ~~~Welcome home, Zenny!~~~
    • “ZEN!” 
  • His daydream is interrupted by your nudging his ribs 
    • “Let’s go, I paid already,” you laugh 
  • Gladly 

◉ Jaehee 

  • Finally!
  • She needed some new underwear as well 
  • You guys spend over an hour looking at everything 
  • And stocking up on your favorite lotions 
  • Jaehee has some extremely pretty bras 
  • You guys even got matching ones! 
  • She is sorting everything in your basket out when she pulls up a black silk nighty 
    • “Wh-What’s this?!” 
    • “Darn it! I…snuck it in. I was going to surprise you tonight…”
  • Her cheeks turned bright red 
    • “Oh! O-Okay!” 
  • She fumbled around to put everything on the counter 
  • Inside, she couldn’t help but be excited to see you wearing that later that night 

◉ Saeyoung 

  • He’s making jokes to cover his embarrassment 
    • “Do you think this would look good on me?” he hold up a bra to his chest 
    • “Can you be serious once in your life?” 
  • You both laugh 
  • He’s surprisingly good at telling you his opinion on what he wants to see you in ?
    • He’s actually picking things that are a little more risqué than you had ever thought he would be in to 
      • “What? I am a guy, after all…”
    • Asks if he can come into the changing room with you 
      • “No!”
      • “It was only a joke, calm down,” he pokes your cheek and waits patiently while you try a few items on 
    • Super giddy when you finally pay and head home 
      • “So if you are dressing up tonight…does that mean I can, too?”
      •  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    ◉ V

    • Of course he is super calm about it 
    • Doesn’t like the perfume section though
    • The smells are too overwhelming for him 
    • He wishes he could help pick things out, but he can barely make out the colors of the fabrics 
    • He tries nonetheless 
    • Just smiling the whole time 
    • Choosing things by feel 
      • “This silk is nice, don’t you think? This would feel nice on you…”
    • He does get a blush on his cheeks every now and then and you’re glad he can’t see your staring as you hold back a giggle 
    • A couple times he ended up showing an item to a mannequin 
      • “…Do you not like it?” 
      • “V!…I’m over here…” -_-;;;

    ◉ Saeran 

    • No way!
      • You’re not dragging me into that damn store!!!!”
        • [2 hours later]
    • He stand with his arms crossed, grumbling in the store 
    • Silent as ever as you look through all of the items 
      • “Stop pouting and help me choose!”
      • “No.”
    • The only thing getting him through this is the promise of ice cream and pretzels from the food court 
    • He keeps scowling in response to your random laughs 
    • He doesn’t know, but his cheeks have been slightly pink since you walked in 
    • Eyes went wide when you picked up a particular black and pink lingerie set 
    • But he immediately looked away and pretended to not be interested 
    • Breathed a sigh of relief when you finally paid and started to head out 
      • “Ya know, you could have helped me out a bit more with choosing things back there…”
      • “Why do you need me anyway? You could have picked anything in there and it would look good on you”
    • You squeezed his hand at his response and he realized what he said 
      • “Oh, shut up,” he could feel you smiling at him, “come on. I’m starving. You said I get food.” 
    I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Damian Wayne x Batmom

    Prompt: You know the song I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus? Pretty much what the title says with Damian being shocked to see Batmom kissing “Santa Bruce Wayne Claus”.

    “Damian, sweetie, what are you doing?” You asked looking suspiciously as you observed Damian setting up a dangerous looking bear trap in the fireplace. As a parent you figured you should at least a little bit worried, as Batmom though little surprised you anymore.

    “I’m protecting us from unwanted intruders.” He answered simply, not bothering to stop setting the trap or at the very least act like he should be hiding what he was trying to do.

    “Protect us from who?” You asked.

    “The supposed magic fat man who breaks into homes through the chimney. He won’t be getting into this home.” Damian said with fierce determination. You racked your mind on how to possibly rein in this situation.

    “You mean Santa Claus?” You asked.

    “Yes. He will pay dearly for breaking and entering into our home.” He said threateningly.

    “Sweetie, Santa leaves presents. He doesn’t have any ill intentions when he comes into houses.”

    “It’s about the principle mother! He has no right!” Damian said righteously. And to think you thought Damian didn’t believe in Santa Claus …

    When night fell and all the boys went to bed you went down to the kitchen to grab a glass of water when you ran into Santa Claus himself. You smiled fondly at Bruce while he set presents under the tree in a bright red suit.

    “I’d watch where you step if I were you. Damian took … precautions.” You cautioned him, leaning against the doorframe as you slowly sipped your water.

    “Believe me, I know. I had to disable a trip wire connected to the trigger of a crossbow.” Bruce chuckled setting the bag of presents down and walking over to wrap his arms around your waist.

    “You should have at least triggered a few of them. An arrow imbedding in the wall or some spilled blood will go a long way to keep Damian’s belief alive.” You joked poking him in the side.

    “Duly noted.” He grumbled. You smiled warmly at him before being overcome by a deep yawn.

    “Come to bed soon? Knowing Dick, it’ll be an early morning.”

    “Go ahead and go to bed. I’ll only be a few more minutes.” Bruce encouraged gently.

    “Alright.” You agreed reaching up to press a kiss onto Bruce’s cheek. “Merry Christmas, Santa.” You said playfully. Bruce smirked and tilted his head slightly so that your lips met. You giggled lightly at the feeling of his fake beard scratching your face.

    “Intruder!” Damian’s voice shouted out furiously from the stair case. “Get your hands off my mother!” He snarled, charging at ‘Santa’ with his sword raised. Bruce sent you a quick wink before throwing down a smoke bomb and disappearing to goodness knows where.

    “Coward!” Damian shouted into the emptiness of the room, hoping that the intruder would show his face and battle him. When it was clear that wouldn’t happen Damian rushed over to your side.

    “Did he hurt you? I swear I will hunt him down if he hurt you!” Damian promised. You gently laughed and hugged him to you, your fierce over-protective son.

    “I’m fine, sweetie. Let’s go back to bed.” You said, already leading him towards his room. “No buts.” You said firmly when he looked like he wanted to argue. He let you lead him back to his room but stopped you in front of you and Bruce’s door.

    “I’m staying with you tonight, Mother. I won’t let him hurt you.” He insisted. You smiled fondly at him and gently ran your fingers through his hair. From the look in his eyes he wasn’t about to take no for an answer.

    “My hero.” You smiled genuinely and opened the door to your room. Luckily Bruce lay “sleeping” in the bed, appearing to never have left. Oh you’re good …

    Smiling to yourself you crawled into bed with Damian not far behind you, falling asleep between you and Bruce. It would seem that Damian scared the intruder Santa off because he quickly fell asleep and didn’t wake up until early the next morning when Dick bounded in during his rounds to wake everyone up.  

    couple’s therapy // derek hale

    summary : stiles is a bit concerned for the reader’s relationship with derek, driving him to host an impromptu couple’s therapy session with results that leave him only slightly mortified and very uncomfortable. 

      Derek wasn’t sure when the entirety of the McCall pack coming over once a week for what they called a “a pack meeting” had become a thing, but it certainly was a prominent event that wasn’t going away anytime soon. He had learned to accept it after the first two months, and now it was routine for you and Derek to prepare the loft every Friday afternoon for an evening of loud teenagers barging into your home only semi-uninvited. 

       This time around, you were both sitting quietly on the couch. Your eyes were drifting shut every once in awhile, but Derek would nudge you awake when you looked as if you were going to pass out. You were curled up on separate ends of the couch when Lydia, Scott, Stiles, Liam, Malia, and Kira burst through the door. You suspected that Stiles had replicated your key. You were greeted with a chorus of hello’s that you and your boyfriend answered in mumbled, sleepy tones. Stiles sauntered into the living room first, taking a seat between you and Derek and ripping open a package of cookies as loudly as he could. 

      Derek opened one eye, staring sideways at Stiles. “Do you mind?” 

      “Sharing? No, not at all!” Stiles shoved the cookies at Derek, who gave Stiles a dirty look before glancing away and settling comfortably back into his couch. Confused as to why you weren’t sleeping under Derek’s arm as you usually were, Stiles elbowed you in the ribcage. 

        “Um, ouch,” you muttered, shoving Stiles away. “Stop harassing older women, that’s not how you get a girl to go out with you. Lydia won’t love you if you act like this toward her.” You pushed Stiles again, sending him into Derek’s side and letting out a laugh when Derek growled, grabbing Stiles by the back of his shirt and sending him flying off the couch. 

        “Both of you are quite hostile tonight,” Stiles shook his head. “And you seem really distant toward each other. Anything going on?” 

        “Maybe we’re just tired,” Derek replied, yawning. You nodded with him, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. 

        Not convinced, Stiles continued, “Yeah, but you two are always so touchy feely with each other that if you were really, genuinely tired and not being distant on purpose than Y/N would be drooling on your shoulder right now and not on your nice pillows. For old people, you’re very affectionate.” The rest of the pack filed in, taking their seats on the floor and the other two chairs. 

       “I don’t drool,” you protested as Derek said, “We’re not old!”

       “See!” Stiles exclaimed. “You’re not even in tune with each other anymore. It’s sad. I’ve see this happen to the best of couples. It happened to Malia and I,” he pointed to his ex girlfriend with a sad look on his face before Malia scowled at him. He returned his only somewhat condescending stare back to you and Derek, looking at them almost pityingly. 

       “Stiles, what exactly are you implying?” Derek asked, folding his arms over his broad chest in an intimidating manner.  Unbothered, Stiles said, “I’m not implying anything, I’m stating that I think you and Y/N are drifting apart from each other and need some couple’s therapy. Luckily, I am proficient in giving advice and supplying people with statistics.” 

       “Since when does anyone listen to your advice?” Scott said with a laugh. Stiles sent his best friend a glare. 

        “Anyways,” Stiles said loudly, “Studies show that majority of happy couples are having sex at least twice a week. Now,” he turned to everyone as if he was a teacher, clearly delighted to have the attention on him, “as you should know from health class, sex releases endorphins, which increases the bond between a person and their partner. So, if you guys are being distant, it might be because you’re not going at it enough.

        Derek, holding back his laughter, reached over Stiles and squeezed your hand. You were practically about to burst, you were holding in your giggles so tightly. “Um, Stiles, I think it’s safe to say that the sex thing isn’t an issue.” 

       Adamant that he was correct, Stiles ignored him and continued talking, “I mean, you’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Y/N looks exhausted, and you, Derek, look dead, no offense. Clearly, you’ve been arguing. Probably screaming back and forth at each other for hours before we got here.” 

       You snickered, then said, “Yeah, I’d say there was definitely some screaming.” Lydia’s face went bright red at this comment as she finally realized what you were hinting at. Catching your attention, she made a gagging motion, causing you to laugh harder. Scott was the next to catch on, and he looked absolutely terrified. He poked Kira in the arm, explaining what was going on low enough so that Stiles couldn’t hear. Liam was filling Malia in on what was happening as well, but the poor boy appeared horrified at the doings of two people he considered to be second parents to him. 

        “Exactly!” Stiles snapped his fingers. “There lies the issue.” 

        “Stiles, I think the issue here is that you’re an idiot.” Derek smiled at him. 

        “Look, I’m just trying to help you guys,” he said defensively. “When couples stop being intimate with each other, it leads to eventual break ups, and divorce in the case of being married to the other person. I happen to think you and Y/N make a lovely couple, and it would be a shame to see your relationship end because you couldn’t face the facts.” 

       “Trust me on this, intimacy is not the reason we’re being so distant right now,” you informed the boy, patting his shoulder gently. 

        “Then what is?” He questioned impatiently. 

        “Well, kiddo,” Derek gripped Stiles’ other shoulder, “when I say that intimacy isn’t a problem, I mean that it really, really isn’t a problem. It’s probably the least of mine and Y/N’s worries, to be completely honest.” 

        Scrunching his nose, Stiles looked around at the flushed faces of his pack mates and the barely stifled smiles everyone had on their faces. “I- I don’t get it?” 

        Clearing your throat, you said, “Derek and I are already a pretty… intimate couple. So intimate, in fact, that the reason we’re being distant is because we’re actually kind of tired from, um, previous actions… if you catch my drift.” 

        Stiles at first still appeared confused, but when you and Derek began cracking up again, realization dawned in his eyes. The look of disgust on his face was enough to send you into a fit of laughter, practically falling onto the floor when the teenager jumped up from the couch, gagging and making an array of faces. 

        “You are disgusting,” he shuddered. “I cannot believe- how could you just… oh my god! You’re two old people having sex, I’m so grossed out right now I might cry, I’m just… Y/N, you’re like my big sister and you’re having sex and you just told me and you just had sex like an hour ago and now you’re tired from it and I’m actually going to puke now and maybe die okay goodnight!” With a last horrified glance at you and Derek, he practically sprinted out of the loft, practically in tears. 

        The rest of the pack filed out shortly after, tears of laughter in their eyes, and you apologized to Liam since he was the youngest and probably the most petrified- save for Stiles. After they were gone, you snuggled up next to Derek on the couch, resting your head on his shoulder. He kissed your head lightly, arm around your shoulders. 

        “What an enlightening couple’s therapy session, huh?” You joked, poking Derek’s side. He rolled his eyes again, as he always did when Stiles or anything to do with Stiles was mentioned. “Aw, c’mon, honey, it was pretty hilarious. I think I really learned a lot,” you laughed. 

       “Yeah, I learned that Stiles is dumber than I originally thought and that you have a really cute laugh,” Derek paused. “Actually, I knew that before, so I only learned one new thing today. I mean, everyone else caught on, even little Liam. And he’s, what, five?”  

        “Sixteen, Derek,” you patted your boyfriend’s chest. 

        “Same difference,” he said. “Anyways, maybe we could start being a little more intimate.” He winked at you, placing his hand on your cheek and turning your face toward him. 

        “Derek, we literally have sex every day, how much more intimate can we get?” You raised your eyebrows, letting out a squeal when Derek suddenly lifted you in the air, lips pressing against every area of your skin that he could reach as he said, “How does twice a day sound?” 

    Tickle Fights With BTS

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    Suga/Yoongi-

    Originally posted by strawberrie-kookie

    • Tickle Fights would probably occur during lazy days.
    • You two would just be lying down and suddenly you feel a hand against your side.
    • And you laugh which gives away the ticklishness
    • Then that beautiful stupid smirk would appear on his face.
    • I mean he probably already knew you were ticklish but forgot so this was a nice reminder.
    • They wouldn’t last long but he would only do it to see your smile and hear your laugh.
    • Because he is a fluff ball and appreciates the sound of your laugh and the sight of you smile.
    • Might tickle you once you’ve been crying but like after he had comforted you and just wanted to see your smile.
    • He has super soft hands though. I can sense it.

    Rapmonster/Namjoon-

    Originally posted by ksjknj

    • Tickle Fights would happen when he feels extra stressed.
    • But he wouldn’t start them. So you would be the one to start them.
    • But you’d have to start them when you can tell that he is stressed as it would be a great stress release for him.
    • Of course it wouldn’t take him long to complete control the situation and to be the one tickling rather than being tickled.
    • Sometimes you would be able to tell that he was working way too hard and without a break so a way to stop him if only for a little while would be a tickle fight.
    • He would definitely resist for a tiny bit but soon after you would be begging him to stop.
    • The grin and dimples he would have would be amazing.
    • They would be a way to cheer each other up if one of you were having a particularly stressful day.

    J-Hope/Hoseok-

    Originally posted by jhope-ah

    • Tickle fights with Hobi would happen when he has energy he has to burn.
    • Like Hobi to me seems like he gains energy when being with people and talking to people so after a show, practice and even though he has just worked his butt off he would still have energy to spend on you.
    • So maybe as soon as he comes home and you would be lying around he would attack you with kisses and then suddenly his hands like just started tickling you.
    • It would entirely be sincere.
    • To him it would be a way to show you that even though he is busy he will always have time and energy to love you and be with you.
    • Tickle Fights are just fluffy lovey cuteness. Does anyone else need this because now I made myself want a tickle fight with Hobi?

    Jin-

    Originally posted by bangtannoonas

    • Jin’s would be all playfulness. Probably in the mornings when you two have just woken up.
    • You would probably start it without realising.
    • Like he would be downstairs cooking breakfast and you would’ve just woken up and went downstairs to see your chief of a boyfriend in only some sweats just cooking away.
    • So you would wrap your arms around his waist and accidentally brush his side and then he’ll giggle away.
    • So you’d keep doing it and he’d keep laughing covering his mouth as his laughing got louder.
    • Eventually he’ll turn around and try to tickle you too.
    • He leaves it so long because he loves the feeling of your skin on his even if it is not sexual.

    Jimin-

    Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

    • This shy little muffin would just attack you at random times of the day depending on what you were both doing.
    • Like just walked through the door? BAM Jimin is attacking your side with his not so Mochi hands anymore.
    • Cleaning? NOPE your on the floor under Jimin as he tickles your sides non stop.
    • There is no stopping this man.
    • Always be expecting, always.
    • I feel like for him it would be a game on how many times he can get you begging for him to stop.
    • But really he did it because he loves your smile and your laugh.
    • Plus it makes him seem less baby when your begging him to stop tickling.

    Jungkook-

    Originally posted by bangtan

    • This evil little Maknae would use tickle fights as a way of punishment or torture.
    • They’d be sweet to of course.
    • But mainly they would be used as punishment.
    • Don’t let his act fool you.
    • As he is extremely competitive If you ever beat him in literally anything he will tickle you.
    • Mainly because he loves the laughs you make when you can’t hide them or control them.
    • He is actually sweet and just loves it when you don’t hide anything form him especially your laugh and smile.
    • Jungkook is actually precious and hates people hiding themselves from him.

    V/Taehyung-

    Originally posted by sgfgdolans

    • Tickle Fights are something he would do just to get your attention back on him or if he is bored.
    • If Tae has had enough of the drama your watching but you’re watching it he will get super bored and just craved your attention.
    • So he jokes pokes relentlessly at your side and you know you can’t ignore him, even if you do try.
    • Tae just loves you so much that he wants your attention most of the time.
    • Like he will always be attached to you so it wouldn’t be so hard for him to just poke your side.
    • It wouldn’t be too bad for you though. 
    • While you have him tickling you get to stare up at his boxy smile and hear his goofy little chuckles as you squirm and wiggle.

    -Admin Kira

    anonymous asked:

    Unpopular fandom opinion that I think you'll agree with based on your fics. Iwaizumi is not always pissed off with Oikawa. Iwaizumi is not abusive towards Oikawa. They have a very close and long lasting friendship. Why would either of them stay together if their friendship was that toxic

    STRONGLY AGREE!

    I am so, so, so tired of all the joke posts and memes about how Iwaizumi wants to stomp on Oikawa, hit him, yell at him or just generally abuse him in other ways. Yes, okay, maybe a few of these were once “funny” in the very beginning of the fandom but it’s gotten to the point where Iwaizumi is mischaracterized as this brute and Oikawa is mischaracterized as this annoying brat. It’s not just a single joke, or here or there - it almost seems like some people just accept this as how their relationship is supposed to be?

    Somehow their relationship (although in canon is described literally as perfect trust) is being portrayed as this disgusting, toxic, abusive relationship and I hate it! If their relationship were really so toxic there would be no reason for them to stay together at all.

    send me unpopular opinions

    Y'all please don’t hate on jason x kim shippers like let people do as they please. I saw some of that in my last post but I was just poking a joke at how most people who bought the movie are gay trimberly shippers.

    I ship trimberly as much as the next gal but let’s not be *that* fandom. Don’t shit on other ppl, it’s just a ship

    adrienette headcanons no one asked for
    • Mari and Adrien don’t really try to keep it a secret but they aren’t exactly making it public either (but everyone knows)
    • whenever someone asks if they are dating they just kinda go, “hmmm yeah.” and then smile really lightly (and then everyone dies of adorable)
    • Whenever they are at someones house they are just tangled together on the couch
    • they are constantly touching 
      • brushing hands/shoulders walking next to each other
      • always sitting really close
      • holding hands
      • heads on shoulders 
    • Adrien has been planning his “i love you” for a very long time
    • it involves dinner and flowers and the eiffel tower 
    • one day they are talking on the phone 
    • and it kind slips out as they hang up. Mari says it back like nothing really happened. 
    • Nino’s like, “aww that’s cute when did you guys start saying i love you?” 
    • and adrien FLIPS OUT. he had a plan. that wasn’t it.  
    • so he calls Mari back immediately and she starts laughing
    • they didn’t even notice it was a different thing they had never said before
    • Chloe and Mari start being friends by poking jokes at Adrien
      • “has he slipped into Chinese yet?” “yeah that fucking nerd, i don’t even know that much Chinese”
      • “Don’t let him drag you into Ouran” “Hmm, too little too late. I think he thinks he’s tamaki.” “He is tho” 
    • Mari and Adrien aren’t exactly totally into PDA
    • Like yeah they are affectionate but they don’t really kiss in front of people
    • in fact, Alya has never seen them kiss
    • she therefore believes they have never kissed
      • “I know you guys haven’t kiss, you shouldn’t be afraid, blondie, just go for it”
      • *in adrien’s mind* if that’s not kissing what the fuck is.
    • then she and nino walk in on them high key making out and alya wishes she never saw anything because they are sweet and innocent they shouldn’t be doing that 
    • even though that’s exactly she wanted
    • they quickly become a fucking power couple (but not as big as LadyNoir)
    • everyone’s coming to them for relationship advice and they are just like, “I don’t know? Love each other? Is that not what just happens?”
    • they are just light and happy and adorable and supportive of each other and stable and loving 
    • they love each other
    interview | cole sprouse x reader

    Originally posted by dylanobrienbaby

    request

    written by: yours truly

    edited by: @jugheadxreaderinyourhead

    anonymous said: I loved guest star!! 😍 I was wondering if you could make a fic about cole how youve been keeping your relationship for months now and fans are suspecting that youre dating because of all the bts and photos of you and his ig and in one interview that youre having together someone questions you guys about it. sorry if this was long 😂 i love your fics 😘❤

    a/n: basically this is another guest star part but an interview!

    “god i’m so nervous”. you mutter pulling on your fingers as you wait in the green room with your boyfriend cole and co-star kj. we were about to endure a joint interview and it was your first lot of press you’ve done for riverdale.

    but it wasn’t that factor that made you nervous, it was that people were becoming more and more aware of your romantic relationship with cole.

    you’d been able to keep it under wraps for the whole two years you’ve been dating but now that you were both sharing the small screen people had caught on.

    so you had to control yourselves whenever you were out. refraining yourselves from snap chatting each other or posting photos all over your instagrams.

    you had to be strictly platonic. you didn’t need any sort of bad press if you two were to break up. so for now you weren’t a couple, you were just a couple of besties.

    or atleast that’s what you thought. you thought were pulling it off. but more and more accounts for your ‘ship name’ with cole had popped up on both twitter and instagram and not to mention the constant questions when meeting fans in the flesh.

    especially when they caught you out mid-date. when you two had to coyly pretend that you were waiting on other friends to excuse the fact that you were out together without the rest of the cast.

    and to be quite frank you were getting sick of all the pretending and running around. sometimes you just wanted kiss your boyfriend or hold his hand whilst you walked down the streets.

    not that you really had the opportunity to take a leisurely stroll down the road, being famous disney stars and all.

    “you’ll be fine”, cole whispers walking toward you making sure no one was staring at the two of you. he placed a soft hand on your shoulder, instantly filling you with comfort.

    “just breathe okay? if they ask don’t say yes but don’t say no, yeah? that way we aren’t lying or avoiding the question” you nod smiling to the boy as a young women calls you over to the interview room.

    the three of you file in, sitting down on a huge plush couch, each boy on either side of you as the interviewer sits in her own seperate lounge chair.

    the interviewer starts her intro off strong turning toward the three of you. “kj apa as archie andrews, y/n l/n as c/n c/l/n and cole sprouse as jughead jones on the cw’s riverdale!”

    the three of you all smile greeting the interviewer, and the camera crew, as you settle into the interview, talking about the upcoming season and possible plot.

    you were too busy worrying to even pay attention to half the stuff that was spewing from the ladies mouth, that you barely noticed her turn to you and begin to engage in conversation until kj smoothly nudged you.

    patting down your dress you push your hair off your shoulder as she addressed you directly.

    “so how is it for you to go from disney to the darker side of the cw?”

    “i mean it’s a lot different to disney i’ll tell you that”. you pause the group laughing to themselves “i didn’t even really think i’d be coming back to acting but i couldn’t resist the role”.

    she nods playing with the cards in her palms. “so anything in particular that’s vastly different?”

    “well - it’s still directed for the younger generation but i feel like in disney it was more so for the children than the preteens for example…and the content we’re filming is a lot heavier than the stuff we dealt with on y/d/s but it’s also just as fun and exciting as i remember”.

    “so you and cole -” you freeze at the mention of him, “both disney kids coming back to acting. kj what was it like to know that you were working with some of the greatest names in disney?”

    you breathe a sigh of relief taking a sip from the glass of water on the table as you listen to kj rattle on about how much he adored cole and dylan.

    “both of their shows i watched religiously. me and my mates used to love it aye. especially y/d/s with uh y/n we loved her a lot - im pretty sure one of my mates had a poster of her”.

    you blush giggling to yourself. “so you had a crush on y/n?” the interviewer laughs, kj turning red at the words. you continue laughing placing a hand around his arm.

    “aw kj!!!” you swoon embarrassing him further. cole joined in on the fun, “yeah he was a big fan we kinda had to push him a bit and be like ’hey buddy“.

    kj shakes his head furiously to the camera his words rushing out in defence “nah nah nah”. sending you and cole into a laughing fit as the kiwi struggled to cover up his words.

    “i mean i was a fan. like who wasn’t aye, but nah it’s a lot of fun filming with them and we all are good friends with the others too. but ugh yeah- it’s hard to go out anywhere because fans notice them from a mile away”

    the interviewer laughs “wait people still notice you as your disney characters?” we both nod cole taking the lead.

    “i mean it’s very flattering but as you can see im not the same kid with the blonde shaggy bowl cut so sometimes i question how they’d recognise me- especially from friends”.

    you smile the interviewer looking to you for input “what about you?”

    you nod leaning back slightly into the couch feeling coles arm against the top of the couch.

    “they do yes, i go anywhere and they all yell ”c/n“ and sometimes i just forget and then they’re running and i’m running and then they’re screaming and i’m screaming”.

    the room started to laugh.

    “it’s a very weird situation” you giggle the interviewer cutting in.

    “and you looking nothin like that girl anymore- you look amazing!”

    you place a hand over your heart in awe “thank god for that” you joke poking fun at yourself. “i grew up and hit puberty and sometimes when i hear someone say ’hey you look like that girl off y/d/s? i’m like damn i must be having a rough day”.

    the interviewer giggles “oh don’t be so hard on yourself- doesn’t she look hot now boys?” she slaps kj’s leg and they both nod.

    “god yeah she’s come along way from disney-even though i still had a crush on c/n”, cole comments a smile growing on your face at the compliment.

    “so are you all single?”

    your heart plummets at the question. the dreaded question for anyone in the industry is asked whenever they are in one or aren’t. no one wants to be asked this question ever.

    cole answers first surprising you “i’m not no”.

    “i am” kj chirps taking a long drink from his water.

    “i’m not either” you clear your throat smiling, refusing to make eye contact with cole.

    the interviewer smirks knowing she got the answer you wanted “oh so you two are off the market”. she pretends to act surprised “well who are they”.

    cole replies cutely “for us to know and you to never find out- all you need to know is she’s beautiful and one of a kind”.

    you fight off the blush tinting on your cheeks as the interviewer wraps up the interview.

    “one last question before you guys leave- serpent jughead? yes or no?”

    “yes yes yes” you stammer feeling confident. “have you seen jughead in a leather jacket? serpent jughead is the best thing to come out of riverdale”.

    cole blushes and the interview is officially over. cole’s manager walking over to escort us back to our green room.

    “i think you might have just outed us” he teases walking dangerously close to you, his hot breathe on your neck.

    “what can i say- serpent juggie just does some indescribable things to me”.

    tag list: @hauntedcherryblossombanana-blog @sadbreakfastclb @jugandbettsdetectiveagency @kindfloweroflove@fragilefrances@mydelightfulcollectiontyphoon@onceuponagladerhead@natalieroseg @sardonic-jug

    “aphobe” doesnt specifically mean “person who thinks aces & aros don’t belong in the community”, though that does fall under the banner. an aphobe is anyone who behaves in a bigoted manner towards ace or aro people in reaction to their being aro/ace.

    anyone, lgbtq or straight, who dismisses asexuality/aromanticism; anyone who has hurt or insulted or assaulted or abused an aro or ace person because of them being aro/ace; anyone who’s referred to an aro person as emotionless or heartless or incomplete or a robot because of their aromanticism; anyone who’s told an ace person they’re frigid or broken or childish or missing something because they’re ace; anyone who’s told an aro or ace person that any relationship they have will result in their innately abusing their partner purely because of their orientation; anyone anyone who tells an aro or ace person that they’re just going through a phase/they’ll grow out of it/they’ll realise that they’re wrong eventually; everyone who thinks that being aro or ace is something to be repaired, to be fixed, to be treated like a disease or disorder; anyone who mocks or belittles or attacks someone for being aro or ace - everyone who does any of these things is aphobic.

    while this covers pretty much every “proud aphobe” on this site, it also extends to a great deal of society - as well as violent groups like terfs, truscum, nazis, biphobes, conservatives, and evangelical religious people.

    it’s not just your cute/mocking joke to poke fun at oversensitive people on tumblr; it’s a word used to group together a collection of people that includes violent/extreme bigots. aphobes aren’t “mostly lgbt kids on tumblr”; the term exists to describe and label the behaviour of a group of disgusting people who (even if you don’t care about aces or aros) more often than not target other vulnerable groups and minorities.

    that’s the sort of people you proudly proclaim to ally yourself with when you claim the term for yourself. don’t get on your high fucking horse and scream persecution if people assume you’re just as disgusting as the rest of them, because what you’re saying is “i’m a proud member of this group of bigots, but i’m not like those other bigots! how dare you!”

    “aphobia” isn’t some kind of radical lgbt rallying cry; it’s a signpost saying that you’re exactly as progressive as any straight homophobe/transphobe/biphobe out there that you claim to hate - just towards a different group that’s somehow popular to bully right now.

    important: don’t reblog this if you’re going to mock or attack it, please. a bunch of the stuff i’ve mentioned has happened to me and/or people i care about, so this is kind of a personal post.