jokes idek

anonymous asked:

What's your fav Lorde song/s? Mine is literally everything she's ever released and I'm not even joking 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

idek how to answer this bc same?? but on pure heroine, probs 400 lux, ribs, and a world alone ?? and on melodrama, hard feelings/loveless, the louvre, liability (reprise), and supercut,,, but honestly ,,, also everything ,,, her writing is overwhelmingly good and i’m in awe of her

German Jokes Gothic

You are old. You take a walk in the park with your grandson Fritzchen, whom you constantly tell not to pick up stuff that has been lying on the ground. You slip on a banana peel. “Help me up”, you ask the boy. The wind rustles through dry leaves. Fritzchen’s eyes are cold. “I must not pick up stuff that has been lying on the ground”, he says. You are never getting up again.

You are in East Frisia. You cannot understand what people are saying. Come December, they leave their houses through the windows. They throw pepper on their TV screens. You do not ask why. The more you understand, the more you lose your sanity.

Everyone you meet exclaims “Shark!” Frightened, you ask them: “Where? Where?” You never get an answer. They roll their eyes and walk past you. There is a shark, and you don’t know where it is. It might be right behind you.

There is a rabbit at the bakery, every day. It has a strong lisp. It asks the baker if he has coffee, or carrots. He says no. The baker never has coffee or carrots. The rabbit returns, every day, every day…

You must choose. If you choose A, you are doomed. If you choose B, you must choose again. There is no escape.

Your mother. What about her? You do not know. Everyone else seems to know. There is something about your mother.

You’re drunk. You have been drinking all night. Goethe is still ahead of you. You see him in the distance, laughing at you, then turning and walking away. Desperate, you open another bottle of beer. It doesn’t matter. You will never be as drunk as Goethe.

There is a parrot. It hears everything you say. You do not know what it says to other people but things are never the same afterwards. You slip in the shower and break your neck. The parrot mocks you mercilessly. It is always the parrot.

3 weeks is way too long

Summary: Dan and Phil are bestfriends and they can’t spend three weeks apart from each other so they decide to go up north together. When they get there, Phil’s grandma insinuates something, and Dan has something to confess.

Word count: 3.3k

Genre: fluff

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