SUICIDE SQUAD
Puns
  • Harley:Mr J! Mr J! What do you call an alligator in a vest?
  • Joker:...
  • Harley:An investigator! :D
  • Joker:...
  • Harley:What did I do wrong? I'm so cornfused...
  • Joker:*sigh*
  • Harley:Don't ya like puns, Puddin'?
  • Joker:I had a pun about sanity but then I lost it.
Hints

Request : Dick Grayson imagines please!! Can I have one based on the prompt: Person A: Did it hurt? Person B: *rolls eyes* Let me guess, when I fell from Heaven Person A: No Person B: What? Person A: *grins* Did it hurt when you fell for me

-

Dick mindlessly played with your hair as the both of you sat comfortably beside each other on the couch of your shared apartment.

You smiled at the feeling, and continued to flip through the pages of your book, not bothered at all by whatever T.V. show Dick was watching.

“Y/N?” He suddenly spoke up, catching your attention. You made a sound of acknowledgement, signally that you were listening. “Guess what today is.”

You looked up from your book, and raised a curious eyebrow at him. “Tuesday.” You said, not getting what he meant.

He rolled his eyes, “Well I know that, smart aleck, but what happened on this day so many years ago?”

“It’s not your birthday, that’s for sure, or else you would’ve called up the boys, Bruce, and Alfred by now to remind them about it. It’s either that or dropping by Wayne manor to smother them with hugs because you know they won’t be able to fight back.” You replied, laughing amusingly as the image of Dick squishing Damian’s cheeks popped into your head.

Everyone, but your husband, of course, never looked forward to his birthday. It didn’t have anything to do with why they were celebrating it, but rather how they were forced to celebrate it.

“It’s the only time I get to show them some affection without getting beaten up afterwards!” Dick defended himself, which only made you laugh harder.

“Or in Damian’s case—slicing you with his sword.” You corrected, shaking your head with a grin on your face

Dick shrugged, “They all have different ways of dealing with my hugs. Jason usually threatens to shoot me, Tim just brings you up, Cass would always knee me in my gut, Stephanie breaks my nose, Barbara runs over my toes with her wheelchair, Alfred never hugs back, and Bruce is so fucking awkward!”

“My poor baby,” You cooed jokingly, caressing his high cheekbones.

“You got that right.” He huffed before pointing a finger at you with a stern expression. “Don’t change the subject, missy; how dare you forget what day it is!”

“Okay, drama queen,” You snickered, rolling your eyes and closing the book to give him your undivided attention, “give me a hint.”

Dick bit his lip, trying to figure out a way to tell you what he wanted to tell you without actually telling you. You couldn’t help but think he looked absolutely adorable.

He suddenly snapped his finger and gazed at your excitedly, practically jumping out of his seat. “Did it hurt?” He asked, smirking.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, “Let me guess, when I fell from Heaven?” You replied, dryly.

Dick shook his head, his smirk still intact. “No.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “Then what?”

“Did it hurt when you fell for me.” He finished, seemingly quite proud of himself for being able to make that up in a matter of seconds.

A incredulous laugh escaped from you as soon as he finished speaking. “You cocky bastard.” You said, shoving him gently.

“Did you get it though?” Dick questioned, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness.

You smiled softly, “Happy 5th anniversary of our first ‘I love you’, Dick Grayson.”

-

As Those Two? - Jared x Reader

Hey chickies! I got a lovely request from @auntiemama1 ! I hope you all like it! Remember, you can request anything you want anytime you want! In the spirit of Halloween, enjoy! -J. xx

Hey me again, when you have time to write. How about a story of jared and y/n having twins and maybe when they grow up they dress up as Harley and Joker for halloween. I dunno what other can be in it. Hhmmm

“Jared, Halloween is less than two weeks away. What are we going to dress the twins up as?” Y/N asked for what felt like the thousandth time in the past week.

“I don’t know, Y/N,” he sighed, looking up from whatever paperwork he was trying to finish up. “What do you want to dress them up as?”

Giving him a small smirk, Y/N said, “I already told you what we should dress them up as, but you didn’t like the idea.”

“Do you really want to start them out that young?” Jared asked, a look of concern on his face.

“Jared. It’s just dress up to them! They’re not going to realize who they actually are. Besides, Aria would go crazy about playing with the makeup, and you know Aiden would just love having green hair!” Y/N reasoned, hoping it would be enough to convince Jared. 

He sighed again, dragging a hand down his face. “You really want to dress them up as those two?”

“Please, Jared!”

“Alright, alright. Fine. We’ll dress the twins up as them,” he said, sounding defeated.

“Aw, thank you so much, baby! It’ll be so much fun!” Y/N squealed, wrapping her arms around his waist and placing a kiss on his cheek, giggling. “And we can have some fun with it too.”

In no time, Halloween finally arrived and everyone was excited. Well, everyone except for Jared. He had been keeping to himself all day while Y/N got the kids ready for trick or treating. When the twin were ready, Y/N went down to the studio to find her missing husband.

“Jared? What’re you doing in here? Aren’t you going to get ready?” she asked, walking over to him and sitting next to him on the couch they had in there.

“I’m not going,” he stated simply.

“What? What do you mean you’re not going! I thought we agreed we were all going? I already have everything out for you upstairs,” Y/N frowned.

“I said I’m not going.”

“Why not, J?” she asked, placing a hand on his arm.

He looked down at her hand on his arm, not wanting to look Y/N in the eyes. He’d been dreading this day ever since he agreed to her wishes. He’d never really wanted to let them dress up as Harley and the Joker, and he certainly didn’t want to dress up Mister J. He’s had a lot of trouble transitioning from Joker back to Jared, and he didn’t want to end up doing something he regretted.

“I… I just don’t,” he said softly, not wanting to give anything away. But Y/N noticed that something was wrong. She always does.

“Jared… What aren’t you telling me?” she asked, becoming worried. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to dress up as… him,” he answered, continuing to look everywhere but her.

“Are you having trouble with him again?” Y/N asked gently, knowing she was entering rough waters.

All Jared did was nod. Recently, he had been starting to think like the Joker again, falling back into the old habits he had created while shooting the film. He had started texting Margot again, beginning to become infatuated with her as if she was still Harley. They had had some issues with that during filming that sometimes Jared would ignore boundaries and temporarily forget about the wife and kids he had at home. He had never cheated on Y/N. He would never do something as stupid as that, but sometimes lines became blurred. 

“Sending her messages again?” Y/N whispered.

Jared nodded again. He didn’t want to admit that he was still struggling with Joker, but he couldn’t hide anything from her. Even though she said she was alright with the way he talked to Margot, Jared still knew that it bothered Y/N. And he hated the thought of making her feel that way again. Sometimes, he wished he had never accepted the role, but what’s done is done now. 

Rubbing her hand across his back, trying to relax his tense muscles, Y/N said, “Stay home tonight. Just take the night off and rest. I’ll take the kids out. When they’re done, I’ll drop them off at your mom’s house, and we’ll have the night to ourselves. Sound good?”

Jared finally looked up at Y/N. She always knew exactly what he needed, and it never ceased to amaze him. She just got him, and he could not be more thankful of that. 

“I love you,” he mumbled before pulling Y/N in for a slow kiss.

“I love you too, Jared,” she murmured in return after they broke away from each other. 

So Y/N took Aiden and Aria out, a mini Joker and mini Harley skipping on front of a big Harley. The trio got plenty of compliments, thankfully not many people noticing it was Jared Leto’s wife and children. Once they finished, Y/N dropped them off at Constance’s before heading back home and giving Jared the night he needed so desperately, making sure that he forgot all about the Joker and his obsessions. 


Wow, I’m sorry this turned out a lot darker than originally planned. This was supposed to be something funny and light, but I guess that’s not what my brain wanted right now. But I still really like how it turned out. I think it shows how long the effects from method acting can last. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it!

They Were Still my Parents

Relationship: Dad! Joker X Mom! Harley Quinn X reader. Slight Digger X reader 

imagine: imagine being Harley’s and the Jokers child but getting sent to Belle Reve with your mom and joining the squad.

Warning: Suicide Squad Spoilers! Sort of Death? (i guess you’ll see what i mean) Sadness, slight angst, a whole lot of feels.

A/N: I will write a part two soon but I felt like this was just getting to be to long

~~~

“Ring-a-round the rosey, A pocket full of posey’s,” You were singing, quiet obnoxiously. It was a part of your favorite game, annoy the guards and maybe, just maybe, they might let you out into the yard, if you were lucky they might see your mom. “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!”

“Shut up kid!” One of the guards yelled at you. You scowled and went up to the bars of your cell, taking off the hideous orange jacket you had tied around your waist. You reach outside of the bars, wrapping the shirt around a guards neck.

“How about you shut up?” You growl as the man struggles for air. Grasping around his neck. More guards come rushing in. 

“Y/N!” You look up glaring at the guard that said your name. You slowly unwrap the shirt from the mans neck. 

“In the flesh,” You say sarcastically bowing for extra effect. A new guard with a face that looked like it had never seen emotion walks up, followed by a black woman who seemed quite interested in the little stunt you pulled. They both looked like they meant business. 

“Y/N Quinzel,” The woman said approaching your lovely cage. You snickered, they had put your mothers last name in because no one knew your fathers.

“Big dumb lady.” You say placing your hands on your hips. 

“Your going to want to change your attitude real soon Miss Quinzel.” She murmurs.

“Yeah and why’s that huh?” You ask teasingly placing your hands on the bars that kept you inside this retched cage.

“You’ll see.” The woman said with a mischievous smirk before you were shocked from the bars and knocked unconscious.

~~~

The next time you awoke was when a needle was being plunged into your neck.  By the size of the needle, it wasn’t just some flu shot. You knew your world was going to change very soon. 

The next time you saw your mother, you were on a helicopter, going to your certain death. But she also mentioned your father was going to save you from certain death. So points for not dying. 

You bounded across the roof. Knowing very soon that your father would be coming to rescue you and your mother. All of a sudden gunfire rang out across the roof and you spotted a helicopter.You heard your fathers maniacal laugh as you ducked behind a large object with your mom. Deadshot was next to you starring at your mothers neck.

“What I gotta hickey or something?” She asked him before looking at the pink cellphone that your father had managed to get to the two of you. It was time. The bomb planted in your neck had been disarmed. You could finally leave. Deadshot shook his head at the two of you, telling you not to go. Your mother ignored him and stood up, you followed only for deadshot to grab your arm tightly and not let you go. Your mother was to far ahead to notice.

“What are you doing? Let go!” You screamed at him attempting to take your wrist back. Something must’ve clicked inside his head because he let go and you went after your mother who was now on the helicopter as it was leaving.”No!” 

You turn around anger in your eyes. 

“How could you?!” You screamed at Floyd Lawton. “That’s my family! And you kept me from them!”

“Y/N-” He started only to be cut off by Amanda Waller.

“Deadshot kill that woman.” Amanda says pointing to your mother who was dangling on the rope that swung from the helicopter. You stare with wide eyes at the actual devil Amanda looking feverishly back and forth between her and Floyd. 

“Please don’t.” You beg as he lines up his gun and shoots. Your mother rolls down the rope a little before popping back up and smiling and laughing. You chuckle in relief before you hear the orders to blast the helicopter out of the sky ad you see the missile rapidly speeding towards your parents. The vehicle spirals to the ground and you choke on your sobs falling to your knees. Digger wraps himself around you lending a comforting hand, something you didn’t know he was capable of.  

“Come on love,” He whispers in your ear. “Don’t let them see you weak.It’s alright.” 

You realize he’s right. You quickly brush yourself off and follow the group off the roof. You pause and look at the area in the sky your parents had just been. 

“They weren’t great role models,” You tell Digger as he pauses in front of you waiting. “But they were still my parents.” 

~~~

Normalized

I didn’t follow this exactly, but I added smut ;)

Pairing: Joker (Suicide Squad) x Reader

Words: 1,101

Warning: Unsafe sex, smut

Originally posted by psychojokerjl

I take a deep breath as I turn into the dark alley that leads to my tiny apartment. A few feet in, two men jump out in front of me. Not knowing what to do, I stagger back. Once the two men start walking toward me, the word run screams in my head. But before I get the chance to, each of they grab my arms tightly.

“Get off me!” I scream, squirming in efforts to release their grip on me.

In the midst of my squirming, a tall, pale man slowly walks around the corner. His maroon button up shirt blows in the wind, showing many tattoos. Something about him seems so familiar, so attractive.

I clench my jaw as I stare cold into his eyes as he approaches me. “What do you want from me.” I demand, trying once more to get out of their grip.

“What I want from you is simple,” He stalks forward, staring back into my eyes. “It’s you.” He purrs as he strokes my cheek.

Keep reading

Stockholm Syndrome - part 9

Sorry I said I was going to post this yesterday, I just got stuck on how I wanted it to end and I still don’t really like it, but hopefully it’s alright! Fluffy smut will be in part 10, ahaha!
I was thinking about doing this from Jokers POV too?? Idk, ahaha
Warnings: violence, swearing and OOC

“Where is he?” I asked Frost and Panda as they walked in the room, to see me sat on the cold concrete floor stabbing the newspapers that were spread across it.
It had been just over two weeks now and we were living in an old factory of sorts, similar to the one J had taken me and Alfred to play one of his games.
We couldn’t find J anywhere, I’d already had the goons break into Arkham and I personally searched every room, but he wasn’t there. They had put him somewhere different this time. If he was even alive.
“There’s no records of them arresting him, Y/N” Frost replied, avoiding eye contact.
“Boss would want you to be kept safe” Panda tried to reason with me.
“WELL HE’S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW” I shouted, jumping up from the ground, hitting his head with the dull side of the knife. Stopping as my eyes started to water. “How’s the business?” I asked, changing the subject.
“It’s doing good. Since you killed T, everyone is still scared, doing business as usual.”
I half smiled, at least J would be proud. Wherever he was.
“Good,” I muttered to myself as I walked away from them kicking the papers along the floor, when my eyes fixated on one picture, it was of Bruce Wayne. I threw the knife at it, pinning it to the ground. I knew what we had to do.
“Boys…” I purred with a grin “I’ve got a plan.”

I got dressed in an all black long dress and fedora looking like I was dressed for a funeral, which if things went wrong it would be. My bag was packed with, knives and grenades while I had a gun strapped to my thigh. It was time to confront Batsy, again.
With a purple lipstick grin spread across my face I walked outside to see Frost and the goons get ready, loading everything into the van.
Frost opened the passenger door to his jeep and bowed his head as I got in. It reminded me of Mr J on our first date, my heart began to ache again.
“Thanks, Frosty.”

The drive to Wayne manor was quiet and slow, the complete opposite of Mr J’s driving style, but at least this way we’d make it there alive.
Two goons jumped out of the van behind us and attached mini explosives to the metal hinges of the gates, blowing them off in seconds.
Frost drove forward up the driveway until we were at the door of the mansion. The last time I came here I came in peace, but now, I wanted to burn it to the ground and expose Bruce for who he is.
I got out of the car as more goons broke down the heavy wooden doors with battering rams, Frost followed close behind me like he does for J.
“Knock, knock! Anybody home?” I cackled walking over some rubble.
No answer.
“Don’t ignore me batsy, I’m not playing anymore.”
“Y/N?” Alfred’s devastated voice called out from down the long hallway to my left.
“This isn’t a family visit, Uncle. I want Bruce.”
“He’s not here, ” he said, putting his hands up as he came into the light to see all the heavily armed men. I smiled at him and shook my head, pink and grey hair swaying side to side.
“You never could lie, Al. Just like the time you told my parents went to a better place after they died, remember.”
“Y/N please I’m begging you.”
“I just want to know where J is” I said, my voice almost cracking at the thought of him “and stop stalling so he can get suited up. I know what you’re doing.”
I shook my head in frustration, and cracked my knuckles.
“Sorry, Uncle. Boys tie him up. Do not kill him. Then search every room and hidden rooms until you find at least one of them. Frost, Panda come with me.”

Alfred protested as I walked away down to the door that lead to Bruce’s basement and garage, he was always said that it was off limits. I used to think it was because he had loads of expensive cars and bikes, but now, I’m sure it was where he hid all of his secrets. I just didn’t want to look weak and walk in with a group of men helping me.
Panda attached more explosives to the door, Frost stood in front of me protecting me from any debris from flying into my face.
The two men lead the way through the cars until we reached a door that was secured by 3 different security codes. Straight away I walked up to the buttons and pressed in his Mom’s birthday, his Dad’s birthday and his birthday. But the last one failed.
I screamed, hitting it with my fist before realising, it was Alfred’s birthday. Bruce was many things, but he wasn’t that smart.
Frost walked in first to find what could only be described as an arsenal of weapons, computers bigger than most peoples houses and the infamous Batmobile.
“Y/N” Bruce’s deep voice boomed from behind me, I turned around to see him dressed completely normal.
I turned and smiled at him innocently as the two men aimed their guns at him.
“Hey, Brucey. Where’s Mr J?” I asked getting straight to the point.
“I don’t know.”
I walked over to him and looked him up and down, he was hiding something.
“I’ll repeat myself once more, and once more only. If you don’t tell me the truth after that then your big secret will be the only thing shown on TV for a week” I stated waving my arms around the room, while Panda laughed and pointed to the camera at the head of his costume.
Bruce glared at me.
“Belle Reve prison, ” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hand.
I smiled happily until I noticed the fresh bruises on his knuckles. Instantly I reached for the gun that was strapped to my thigh and raised it to his head.
“Liar.”
I shot him in the shoulder like it was a reflex. He roared out in pain and applied pressure to it.
“Whoops, I slipped.”
He didn’t even fight back, he just stumbled back over and moved out of the way of the door behind him, shaking his head.
“What happened to you?”
“The Joker happened to me, didn’t you hear it was all over the news?” I laughed, walking directly in front of him “I just want him back.”
“He’s in there.” Bruce stated in defeat, looking me up and down with disgust “getting a taste of his own medicine” he spat as Frost and Panda restrained him.
The door next to us was protected with another password, I sighed, frustrated as the 5th code I used didn’t work.
“You were family to, once.” Bruce scoffed, so I entered my birthday and the door slowly slid open.
My heart would have sunk if I still cared for him, but he and Alfred had hurt me more emotionally that Mr J ever had. Even though I didn’t care, they clearly still did.

The room was dimly lit, but I could clearly see J’s half beaten and bruised body tied to a metal bed with rope. His shot wound had been cleaned and bandaged.
Frost notified all of the goons to come down to where we were over the walkie talkies.
My eyes flooded and my blood boiled as I glared back over at Bruce, I wanted to kill him but Mr J liked having him around. It was a strange but true.
“You’re no better than him, y'know?” I gritted through my teeth “at least he has a method to his madness. You just think you’re better than everybody else!”
I ran into the room as the goons arrived to help Frost and Panda with Batsy for if he tried to fight back. J was passed out, he’d have looked cute and sleepy if it wasn’t for the black eyes and bust lip.
One single tear rolled down my cheek as I stroked his face gently to wake him, his eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the light.
“Hey, madness.”
“Y/N?” he groaned. I began to untie his arms so he wouldn’t see my tears “you’re not real” he mumbled to himself.
“You wish” I laughed bending over his face to kiss him.
It wasn’t like any other kiss we had shared before it was gentle and loving but the longer it lasted the more passionate and hard it got, like it was giving him life. He smiled and purred as I pulled back to go and untie his feet.
“You look like you’re dressed for a funeral.”
Laughing I slowly I pulled him up, he winced in pain which was unlike him. Pain never affected him, ever. I held his head in my hands and stared into his eyes, they looked soft, not cold and mischievous.
“Medication” he slurred rolling his eyes back like he was going to pass out.
That’s when I noticed the electro-therapy equipment and tablets on the table behind him.
“If we’re going to be together no matter what, then they want me to be sane. Honestly, it’s half worked honey” he tried to laugh. I brushed his messy green hair back away from his face and shook my head.
“I love you, crazy and all.”
“Y/N” Frost shouted, taking us out of the moment.
“Shit, let’s go.”
J nodded and jumped down from the bed only to almost fall back over, I caught him throwing his good arm over my shoulder as we walked out together.
“See you around Bruce” J laughed maniacally as we went past him.

I sat him in the in the back of the Jeep when we got outside and got in with him laying his head on my lap as Frost got in the driver’s seat.
“Where are we going?” he growled.
“The warehouse, then calling Dr S” Frost replied speeding off.
J stared up at me and stroked my face.
“What?” I giggled.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again princess.”
“Ditto.”
The rest of the drive was silent, as soon as we got back Frost jumped out to call to the Doctor. J swung himself round to sit up, as I went to get out of the car he pulled my arm back and kissed me.
Our lips crashing together desperately, he was hungry and needy, wanting affection after all of the shit he had been though for the past two weeks. He pulled away, holding the back of my head and resting his forehead against mine.
“I’m sorry, Y/N for what I did to you” he stated, my heart fluttered in shock. I wanted my J back, I didn’t like him being nice.
“Don’t be, I’d let you do it all over again” I whispered with a smile “and more…”