joke's on you buddy

How To Avoid Fandom Discourse On Tumblr (And the urge to throw your device out the window):

Step 1: Make an account

Step 2: Post nothing. At all.

Step 3: Never reblog anything. At all.

Step 4: You can like things. But never push the ‘like’ button.

Step 5: Screenshot things you like. But remember, no posting.

Final Step: Once you’ve inevitably lost your mind from either not remembering anything, or if you’ve just said ‘fuck it’ and are doing what you want, delete your tumblr and get everything from screenshots on pinterest.

Jealous Eric and aftercare

You had been dating Eric for a few months. You knew about his temper but he had never even raised his voice at you. You had a few classes with Brooks so you two were becoming really good friends. 

Brooks approached you as you were standing beside your car. 

“Hey, Y/N, I saw that you missed first period this morning so I made a copy of my notes for you. Supposedly we’re having a quiz on it,” Brooks handed you a paper that was filled with his notes. On the margins he had doodled and written in lyrics to a few of his favorite songs. 

“Thanks Brooks!” It was really nice of him and you appreciated the gesture. 

“Can’t have my buddy failing quizzes,” he joked. 

You grinned and playfully punched his arm. “Now that’s what friends are for.” 

Eric was walking across the parking lot towards you too and saw the exchange. He couldn’t hear what you two were saying but he saw you smiling and playing around with Brooks. To him, this looked like flirting. 

He didn’t say a word as he got into the passenger seat of your car. You said bye to Brooks and opened your door. The moment you sat down Eric laid into you. 

“What the fuck was that?” he yelled. “Fucking Brooks? Seriously?”

Your mouth was hanging open for a moment. 

“Answer me!” Eric yelled at you.

“Eric, calm down! He was just giving me notes!” You threw the page of notes into his lap. 

“Then what the fuck is this?” he pointed out the margins. 

“Song lyrics,” you mumbled. “He just made a copy of his own notes on one of the printers.” 

Tears were streaming down your face. Eric’s face was red from him yelling. He looked so pissed. You had never heard him raise his voice before. This was a side of him that you had heard about but never actually witnessed. 

“Baby don’t,” he reach over and started wiping your face with his hand. Please don’t cry. Look, I’m an ass, I am so sorry. Please don’t cry,” he was pulling you across the seat towards him. 

You buried your face in his shoulder and sobbed. Eric stroked your hair as you cried. He kept making shushing noises to try to calm you down. 

“Hey, y/n, look,” he raised your face up towards him. You sniffled but managed to stop sobbing. 

“I love you, okay? I freaked out, I’m sorry. The thought of losing you terrified me,” he kissed your forehead. 

You nodded and laid your head back against his chest. “I love you too.” 

CALLOUT FOR TRANS-JUNK-RAT

-gay

-a raging heterophobe, somebody stop this man please

-i don’t actually know you but you found my “putting chemicals in the water that turn the freakin rats gay” joke funny and ive never forgotten that

@trans-junk-rat is clearly a horrible person and should be beaten with a giant meat hook on a chain 

Fanon Tolkien:  "What are they teaching you in school these days,“ mentors young children while smiling benignly over a mahogany study desk in a well appointed country manor, C.S Lewis wipes a tear from his eye.    

Canon Tolkien: "Fuck teaching I want to go home and write fanfiction for norse mythology YOLO” *attempts to ollie out of english class* *makes his friend a tree*

2

“Uh, hey guys,” you reply a little suspiciously, peering at your screen in confusion. “Where’s Sam?”

“What, you don’t want to talk to us?” Dean asks, brow furrowing in disapproval.

“I believe the fact that she called Sam would’ve dictated that, Dean,” Cas says, glancing at the oldest Winchester in confusion.

Dean rolls his eyes. “It was a joke, buddy.”

“No, but really,” you continue. “Where’s Sam?” Panic starts to creep into your chest. “Is he okay? Did something happen?”

“He’s fine, Y/n,” Dean is quick to assure you. “Just interviewing a witness for the case. I’ll have the love bird call you when he’s finished. Sound good?”

“Sounds good, thanks Dean.”

“Yeah, you two are disgusting.”

Undertale - Starter Sentences
  • SPOILER WARNINGS AHEAD! Please proceed with caution. As always, feel free to change any pronouns/words to your liking.
  • "You're new here, aren'tcha?"
  • "Golly, you must be so confused."
  • "Hey buddy, you missed some."
  • "Is this a joke? Are you braindead?"
  • "You just wanted to see me suffer."
  • "Ah, do not be afraid, my child."
  • "Welcome to your new home."
  • "Here, take my hand for a moment."
  • "I should not have left you alone for so long."
  • "Surprise! It is a butterscotch-cinnamon pie."
  • "I want you to have a nice time living here."
  • "I have seen it time and time again. They come. They leave. They die."
  • "I am only protecting you, do you understand?"
  • "Hmph. You are just like the others."
  • "Attack or run away!"
  • "I know you want to go home, but..."
  • "I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but... We can have a good life here."
  • "My expectations... My loneliness... My fear... For you, I will put them aside."
  • "Do not worry about me. Someone has to take care of these flowers."
  • "Quick, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp."
  • "I will bathe in a shower of kisses every morning."
  • "Hmm... Maybe this lamp will help you."
  • "He's playing poker by himself. He appears to be losing."
  • "I can't be your friend!"
  • "I guess this means I have to go out on a date with you?"
  • "All that pressure to succeed... Really got to her..."
  • "You know what would be more valuable to everyone? If you were dead."
  • "You think I'm gonna be friends with you, huh?"
  • "We're gonna be best friends!!"
  • "Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now!! Pound them to dust with your fists!!"
  • "Uh, you know, like a robotic TV star or something."
  • "Now he's an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?"
  • "Yes, she scrawls her name in the margins of the notes. She names programming variables after her. She even writes stories of them together, sharing a domestic life. Probability of crush -- 101%."
  • "Yeah, you gotta save your money for college and spiders."
  • "D-Dude... I can't... I can't take this anymore! Not like this!! Like, [NAME]! I like... I like, LIKE you, bro!"
  • "I found a gun in the dumpster!"
  • "He's like, my robot husband. He just doesn't know it yet."
  • "You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19-years old, and I've already wasted my entire life."
  • "Never interact with attractive people."
  • "Why do people find him so attractive? He's literally just a freaking rectangle."
  • "Future? What future? I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever."
  • "This was all just a big show. An act. [NAME] has been playing you for the fool the whole time."
  • "All so you would think she's the great person that she's not."
  • "Nice day today, huh? Birds are singing, flowers are blooming..."
  • "We could be like... Like a family..."
  • "You really are an idiot."
  • "Killing me is the only way to end this."
  • "If you let me live... I'll come back. I'll kill you. I'll kill everyone you love."
  • "Don't you realize that being nice... just makes you get hurt?"
  • "Let's go to the garbage dump!!"
  • "She's so confident... And strong... And funny..."
  • "I'm just a nobody. A fraud. All I've ever done is hurt people. I've told her so many lies, she thinks I'm... She thinks I'm a lot cooler than I actually am."
  • "If she gets close to me, she'll... She'll find out the truth about me. ... What should I do?"
  • "Let's roleplay it."
  • "I kiss her back... S...softly... I... l-look gently into her eyes... I START HOLLERING!! [NAME]!!! I LOVE YOU!!! [NAME]!!! KISS ME AGAIN, [NAME]!!!"
  • "...WHAT did you just say?"
  • "You don't have to lie to me. I don't want you to have to lie to anyone anymore."
  • "[NAME]... I want to help you become happy with who you are."
  • "Anime is real, RIGHT?!"
  • "[NAME] and I finished our training early. Very early. So I sent her home. Very home."
  • "Is that your ex? Gee, that's rough, buddy."
  • "OH MY GOD. Will you two just smooch already?!"
  • "It's all your fault. It's all because you made them love you."
  • "Your life will end here, where no one remembers you..."
  • "No! I don't need anyone!"
  • "[NAME]... Do you know why I keep doing this? Why I keep fighting to have you around?"
  • "I'm doing this... because you're special. You're the only one that understands me."
  • "I care about you, [NAME]. I care about you more than anyone else in the world."
  • "I'm not ready for this to end. I'm not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again."
  • "I'm so alone... I'm so afraid... [NAME], I... I... I'm so sorry."
  • "I always was a crybaby, wasn't I?"
  • "I wish I could tell you how everyone feels about you."
  • "I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you hate me. I acted so horrible. I hurt you. I hurt so many people. There's no excuse for what I've done."
  • "Maybe... The truth is... [NAME] wasn't really the greatest person."
  • "You're the type of friend I wish I always had."
  • "Take a deep breath. There's nothing left to worry about."

this whole thing is just so funny to me because percy was so READY to be smooth and sweep vex off her feet and leave her flustered (and hopefully not have to walk away this time) and vex just

turned it around on him

like, OH, you thought YOU were the one who was going to be smooth? jokes on you buddy, vex'ahlia is a lady who knows what she wants and gets it.

anonymous asked:

tuafw you and a buddy are joking around in a rude sort of way, but it's never followed up with their usual 'i'm joking lmao' so??? they must have not been joking? And you're really hurt because you value them and look up to them a lot and it's the final straw in a list of things that pushed you into a meltdown and now you're exhausted and bitter and hurt and you don't know how to try and fix things so you just Suffer™ (can i be owl mage?)

  • Kaname : So you don't think about the future?
  • Yuuki : No.
  • Kaname : Never?
  • Yuuki : No.
  • Kaname : You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
  • Yuuki : Kaname, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
  • Kaname : I know the feeling.

I sure do hope I get invited to like 3 of my friend’s weddings so I can make a speech at the reception, it’ll go a little like this….TO THE GROOM (to the groom to the groom to the groom) TO THE BRIDE (to the bride to the briiiiiide briiiiide) FROM YOUR GOOD FRIEND (skylar) WHO IS ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE…..

anonymous asked:

Autistic piece of shit

Both of these things are true! ✌️

I’m not sure what you want from me. If you’re just a troll, or if you’re trying to chip away at my self esteem? Because jokes on you, my buddy, my pal! I have NO self esteem. Absolutely none. So you won’t get much out of harassing me.

Thanks though, for referring to me as an autistic piece of shit instead of a “piece of shit with autism.” I appreciate it!

Me on a date.
  • Me: So do you like memes?
  • Date: What?
  • Me: Hey buddy, you in London?
  • Date: What? No we're in Michigan...
  • Me: Such wow!
  • Date: ...
  • Me: Dan Howell.
  • Date, slowly sliding out from their seat: ...
  • Me: SNORRY, SLEASE SNO'T SNO!!
  • Me, shoving spaghetti in my mouth: Thanks Pete.