joke reviews

ME: H-hey. Hey friend.

UNSUSPECTING FRIEND VICTIM: What do you want? 

ME: So there’s this book…

TOTALLY SUSPECTING FRIEND VICTIM: Oh no.

ME: It’s really good! And stuff. I mean not really. Psht. You might totally hate it, but it’s fantawesome and if you don’t read it I’ll cry RAWR. 

TSFV: Well-

ME: (not listening) AND IT HAS SO MANY GOOD THINGS AND CHARACTERS AND PLOT AND GAH WHY DON’T YOU READ IT?! YOU SHOULD READ IT! READ IT! WAAAAH

TSFV: (alarmed) I think–

ME: IF YOU DONT SAY YES THEN YOU DON’T LOVE ME BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOU DON’T KNOW ME AND TO KNOW ME IS TO READ THIS BOOK OR REALLY THIS WHOLE SERIES SO JUST PICK IT UP OMG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!!!

TSFV: (slowly backs away) …

ME: So you’ll read it? 

*clears throat*

GO. WATCH. MOANA!
IT’S SUCH A GREAT MOVIE I WAS LITERALLY CRYING THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING.
The characters are AMAZING.
The animation is BEAUTIFUL.
The story is FANTASTIC.
The voice acting is SOLID.
The music is PHENOMENAL.
Humor. Diversity. Adventure. Representation. Strong female lead. All that good, good stuff!
I strongly recommend watching it omg :)

Love Letters (Jumin x MC)

Jumin begins writing love letters to figure out how to confess to you. 

Word Count: 1694

Honestly, I don’t feel very good. I don’t feel sad or anything don’t worry, but I think I’m getting sick. That probably won’t affect uploads but if I’m unable to post, that’s more than likely why. Also, this is an alternate version to Letter by Letter in a way. I saw that some people thought it was going to be sweet love letters so, here it is! I hope you enjoy and have a marvelous day!

————————————————————————————————————–

Jumin sat at his desk in his home, tapping his pen against the desk.

In front of him lay a blank sheet of paper, his thoughts running rampant through his head.

The words he was about to write were for you. 

He just didn’t quite know how.

He wanted to say so much.

There was so much to say about your after all. 

Your utterly beautiful heart that was drenched with tenderness.

Your smile that could light up even the darkest of nights. 

Your small stories that you make you break into small bits of laughter between your words. 

The glimmers that hovered in your eyes, always expressing your emotions.

How you always seemed to know what he was thinking somehow. 

You knew him so well. 

You understood him.

That hadn’t happened before with anyone. 

Yet he couldn’t be happier that it was you.

The thought of saying those words, however, left worry welling inside of his chest.

What if you didn’t feel the same? 

What if you no longer wanted to be around him?

Perhaps that was the point of the letters.

To express something he’d never be able to truly do.

   “My Dearest MC,

                               I often struggle with revealing my feelings due to the reactions I fear from the rest of the world. But I’ve never had that with you.

                              You’ve always accepted me, even knowing of the knots and tangles in my mind.

                              I dare even say you’ve untied some.

                             I’ve felt more human with you than I ever have in my entire life.

                           You’re absolutely extraordinary. 

                           I don’t quite understand what I did to deserve someone as fantastic as you in my life. 

                         However, I couldn’ t be more grateful.

                                                                                    Sincerely,                                                                                                                             Jumin Han”

That night, you had called him, with him immediately picking up. 

“Hello!” You exclaimed, your bubbly tone drifting through his phone. “How was your day?” 

He couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your voice.

“Would it be odd to say much better now that I’m talking to you…?” He hummed, lowering his book.

He looked towards his desk, pink beginning to dust his cheeks. 

And possibly yours.

You didn’t respond for a moment, before letting out a few faint, flustered snickers. 

“I um…would it be odd to say that I feel the same way?” You replied. “I’ve been looking forward to calling you!” 

“Am I really that great of a conversationalist?” 

“Well, it’s hard to resist your puns.” 

“You mean…like right meow?” 

You erupted into muffled laughter as you clamped a hand over your mouth.

It was still more beautiful than any symphony, though.

“You know, maybe you should’ve considered becoming a comedian?” 

“I’ll inform my father I’ll be stepping down in the morning to pursue my dream.” He stated. “I’ll be dedicating every show to you, so you’ll have to show up I’m afraid. I wouldn’t have realized what real dream if it weren’t for you.” 

He truly wouldn’t have.

But in actuality, you were his dream.

“I’d be happy to come.” You chimed. “Will Elizabeth 3rd be there as well?” 

“Of course.” He said. “I’d want her to attend such an important event after all.” 

“Well, we’ll both be surely cheering you on!”  

“Perhaps you should drop by soon to help me review jokes?”

“I’d love to. When would it be best?” 

“Day after tomorrow. I have an extended meeting tomorrow and I’d hate to accidentally ruin this due to my carelessness.” 

 “Alright, it’s a date then!”   

Jumin stopped breathing for a moment, the air getting caught in his throat before he erupted into embarrassed coughs. 

“I-I mean-” You scrambled to reorganize your thoughts, constantly stumbling. “I-It’s not a date! W-well if you want it to be I-I’d l-like that a lot b-but…” You continued on before letting out an exasperated breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re fine.” He stated, regaining his composure.

His heart couldn’t help but keep feeling as though his heart may burst.

Even if not legitimately.

It was a date of sorts.

“M-Maybe I’m just tired or something I-I don’t know.” 

 “Perhaps you should take a cat nap then.” 

You paused before sniggering. “Another pun?” 

“Yes, but if you are tired, please get some rest. Your health is very important.” 

 “Right, right. Thank you Jumin, you’re the best.” You murmured, yawning. “Get some rest too! Okay?” 

“I’ll be sure to. Sweet dreams.” 

You ended the call.

And the last thing on Jumin’s mind was sleep.


The next day you filled his mind like sand on a shore. 

He had paced his room before he left for work, thinking of how to make tomorrow perfect for you.

The main question in his head: what would make you happy?

After all, all he wanted was for you to be happy.

     “My Dearest MC,

                               I often think of what I define my world as.

                              But I now think after all of these years I’ve figured it out.

                             You are my world.

                             The world is meant to be an astounding, and beloved thing, opening opportunities to all, opening doors many would’ve assumed were locked.

                            I can think of no other epitome for such a thing, other than you.

                          Although, in another way, someone being your world, relates to them being your everything. Cherishing them with all your heart and soul.

                         You fit that definition as well for me.

                                                                              Sincerely,                                                                                                                             Jumin Han”

The meeting had been uneventful but somehow feeling to have gone on for an eternity. 

Jahee had noticed the dragging of his steps as they made their way back to his office.

“You still have quite a day ahead of you, should I request some espresso shots?” 

“Yes Please.” 

“Right away Mr. Han.” 

As he entered his office and she went off, he felt a buzzing in his phone. 

Texts. 

From you.

“Hope you survived the meeting!” 

“Fortunately I did.” 

“I’m proud of mew!” 

He chuckled softly at your response.

“That was very clever.” 

“I learn from the best!” 

“I’m honored.” 

That kept him going until he got home, giving him a boost he found the espresso shots couldn’t quite do. 

And when he arrived at the penthouse, the first thing he did; was write.

      “My Dearest, MC,

                                  I never truly knew what love was before recently. 

                                 I knew most people felt it for someone else, but I never had. It was as though there was a missing puzzle piece in my scattered brain.

                               And then you entered my life.

                              And I have fallen utterly in love with you.

                             You did something I thought previously was impossible.

                            You taught me what love was.

                            And perhaps in a perfect world, you fell for me in the process.

                                                                       Sincerely,                                                                                                                             Jumin Han”

The next day seemed to fast forward, only coming to an abrupt halt as he began preparing for your arrival.

He had felt his heart nearly jump from his chest as he heard the door knock.

He made his way to the door, opening it happily to find you. 

You rushed towards him, hugging him excitedly. 

“Hi!” You cried, a grin stretching from ear to ear.

“Hello, how are you?” 

You stepped back, folding your arms awkwardly across your chest. “Uh…a bit hungry actually.” 

“You are? Did you eat lunch?” 

“I didn’t have time.” 

He nodding as he set his hand on your shoulder, giving a soft squeeze. “I’ll go inform the chef. Just sit tight.” 

Your face darkened at the gesture.

How come?

“N-No that’s fine you don’t have to do anything-” 

“I’ll just ask for something simple. How about…pasta? You like that don’t you?”

You nodded. “I do. That sounds…great. Thank you Jumin.” 

“My pleasure.” 

He shut the door behind him, making his way to the chef and informing him.

He was told it’d be done shortly, just to sit tight and wait in the penthouse. 

Maybe that would help you.

He could only hope.

He returned to the home, opening the door and finding you in the office. 

He forgot to put away the letters.

You were reading the letters.

Your eyes were wider than dinner plates, your jaw dropping. 

Yet still the hint of a smile. 

“MC I-” He stepped forward, his face roughly the same shade of a strawberry. “Y-You don’t have to feel the same b-but please don’t be upset-” 

“I guess this is a perfect world.” You raised your head, locking gazes with him.

“W-What?” 

“In your letters, you say, that in a perfect world I’d have fallen for you too.” You explained, heat radiating off you. “Well, it must be a perfect world then. Becuase…I love you too.” 

He processed your words, shock rippling through him like a tidal wave. 

“Y-You do…?” 

You nodded rapidly, without any hesitation. “I do.” 

Jumin reached out to you, taking your hand. 

He pulled you to him, holding you as though you may fly away at the slightest breeze. 

You sank into his touch, burying your head into his neck. 

And for a moment, time stopped.

It was simply the two of you, enveloped in the other’s arms and adoration.

And a brand new, beloved path full of joy unfolding for both of you.

A month ago, me and my lovely sis @ravenlindberg watched “50 shades of grey” together. Dubbed. In japanese. With Kenjiru Tsuda playing Mr Grey. 

That was quite the ride. As in humour for the first 96 minutes and endless cringe after that. There’s a reason an amazing test like this exist XD

And I found the snapchatchats I did with poor @ashethehedgehog, it was also kind of a ride to go through again and I thought I would share some of it. Sorry for tormenting you like that ashe ;_;

In summation; the movie itself wasn’t good anywhere, and I fail to see how this can be classified as a romantic story, but hearing Kaibas voice to all of it was amazing, so I give the movie ten out of ten.

This episode was SO jokes {TVD 8x15 Review}

Hi all! You know the deal. I write my thoughts in real time so anything I saw at the beginning that might be a mistake may be corrected by the end. This review will have anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Steroline, anti-Bamon, anti-Bonenzo sentiments and will most likely have references to other shows and to the misogynoir, anti-blackness and racism in the narrative. If you do not like it, you do not have to read this. Are you ready? OK! Let’s go.

1. So I’m stopping a very promising Kdrama to watch this. The Kdrama is called Mirror of the Witch, I’m on the first episode and already there are more consequences in this drama than all eight seasons of TVD. So far it looks exceptionally dark and mean-spirited, I think it might actually disturb me. Anyway. It’s still entirely ridiculous that Cade’s last words are “Go to hell.” Like why? Also why would Stefan say, “You first”? Wasn’t Cade already in hell? Like didn’t he sort of create it? And now he’s just … dead? What was that dialogue?

2. I like how opening the door to Cade’s world will only destroy everything for “miles”, like that’s such a small scale, shouldn’t it be the end of the world if the devil is walking among us? Or is he not the devil, is Katherine the devil? I’m confused about the Hell hierarchy, you see.

3. Also I should mention I have a cold and I took cough syrup and it SAYS non-drowsy but last night I was knocked the fuck out so if I get a little loopy near the end, it could be that. Or it could be that watching TVD has finally addled my brain. Who knows.

4. They really do hype Katherine way too much.

5. Sorry, pausing because my cat is being extremely affectionate and I would rather play with her for a little than watch what trash this episode is going to be.

6. But now she’s on my keyboard. It’s like she’s trying to spare me.

7. The lighting in this episode seems to be darker than normal, I can barely see anything.

8. I think it’s funny that Caroline keeps waking up expecting to see Stefan and he’s not there.

9. Matt’s hair is SO stupid though. LIKE WHY.

10. I have it paused because the video is loading still but like seriously, he looks thoroughly unattractive like this and out of character I think Zach is pretty cute, so like ugh, why am I subjected to this.

11. Why do we care about Matt’s dad again?

12. Or his mother for that matter.

13. Like remember when she came to town and then made out with Damon and then they discovered Vicki was dead and she made out with Tyler? Or was Tyler first and then Damon? Either way, she’s messy af. The only interesting dynamic was her and Caroline and Elena. She’s pointless.

14. “That was a lifetime ago, things have changed since then” that should just replace the title of TVD. “Didn’t Damon kill your sister?” “That was a long time ago.” “Didn’t Damon kill your brother” “That was a long time ago.” And now apparently abandoning your family because of man pain and cowardice and immaturity is “a lifetime ago” too but oh no, Stefan was a ripper a literal century ago and we need to harp on it forever.

15. Real talk, I already feel kinda woozy but it’s fine it’s like being buzzed and it’s probably the only way I will get through this episode.

16. Why would Dorian agreeing to help them on how to get rid of the “Queen of Hell” be misconstrued as him being “cool” with Stefan though? Isn’t getting rid of someone who is supposed to be the devil Plus be in everyone’s best interest? Like whatever, it was just another chance to take a shot at Stefan. Transparent as fuck.

17. That red looks nice on Kat.

18. I like how Katherine is in this world, everything is supposed to be going to shit and Matt isn’t like “Mom, Dad, I hate you but you need to leave town because you could possibly die” he’s just like yeah fam, I’m rescheduling our awkward dinner date. Like lol. It would be more interesting if he didn’t give a shit if they died but this is just the writers being the writers. In Buffy, when the Mayor is supposed to devour all of Sunnydale, Buffy forces her mother to leave town and tells her if she doesn’t her presence will get her [Buffy] killed.

19. I love Stefan’s face when Damon says “she’s obsessed with Stefan” like BITCH WHO TOLD YOU TO TALK?

20. Why does it have to be a wedding though? It could just as easily be an engagement party or a rehearsal dinner, like sooooooooooo forced.

21. I mean, I don’t blame Bonnie for hating Stefan but Damon was responsible for killing Jeremy and kidnapping Jeremy, Enzo was responsible for suffocating Jeremy and she’s cool with both of them, hell she fell in love with one of them so I’m just like girl, I guess. The writers are ridiculous because it just feels like they don’t know the web they’ve created with these characters and understand that they’ve turned pretty much everyone into a hyprocrite.

22. And as a non-Beremy shipper, I still think Bonnie loved Jeremy more than Enzo and Beremy was a problematic af ship but at least some things were halfway earned, Bonenzo is pure dialogue, fam.

23. Oh and looks.

24. I don’t even know why Damon needs to tell Stefan that what happened to Enzo will haunt him like Stefan isn’t new to guilt. Why are they making it seem like this is Stefan’s first rodeo?

25. My video keeps fucking buffering. I might switch sites because I love myself too much to drag this out longer than I have to. Because I am only eight minutes in, that’s not gonna fly.

26. OK so everything is just buffering. I was supposed to have my data back, what is this.

27. Right now I have it paused on Damon. I really don’t get what anons mean when they tell me his arms are huge. Like I don’t see it.

28. WHO CARES ABOUT MATT’S MOM? What’s her name again? Kelly?

29. Is she dying?

30. She’s dying.

31. Oh she’s dead. Ish.

32. “Oh please don’t be mad at me, Caroline” that actually sounded like Stefan was talking to his mother.

33. Yeah this BE scene is giving me nothing.

34. Liz did a TERRIBLE job protecting MF, who are we kidding? And toasting with your rape victim about how her mother became your best friend and now her daughter will be your family is disgusting.

35. Lol yes use the SE necklace that Damon kept taking to give it to Caroline on her wedding day for Stefan because we’re ignoring how important that necklace was to SE, sure.

36. Seriously, Caroline looks at Alaric with more love than she does Stefan. Like just marry him, y'all are more compatible and have more chemistry than you and Stefan anyway. Like omg.

37. “I hope I get to see this one day with you and Elena” lol the FLATTEST delivery ever. Like do you even mean it? Do you REALLY? Think hard, Stefan.

38. “I want to be a part of your happiness” I mean I guess. I don’t like Bonnie being arbitrary in her blame for Stefan but like can the girl be selfish and feel what she feels when she feels it for once? And indulge? Like??

39. I also find it interesting that Stefan and Caroline don’t have a private moment before the wedding, like I know this isn’t how we wanted to do this blah blah blah. They’re so segregated even when they’re together.

40. Do the writers not know of any alcohol other than bourbon?

41. The slow mo doesn’t change the deadened expression on Paul’s face, guys. Sorry.

42. Also Alaric’s speech is stupid, who becomes “family” with the people who have continuously terrorized your life and are responsible for the people you’ve lost? Like that’s when you see a psychiatrist because you have serious emotional issues.

43. “You saw light in me when all I saw was darkness.” WHEN WAS THIS? NO LEGIT WHEN? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. Madly in love, you don’t even look madly in love, you look SO chill. OMG.

44. LOL bout you’ve been ready since you saw him at school. You were on his jock for one episode, then you onto Damon and were unfortunate enough to be his victim, then it was Matt, then it was Tyler, then it was Klaus, then it was Tyler then it was Jesse then it was Klaus then it was Stefan. Girl bye.

45. That SC dance looks SO AWKWARD.
LOL SLOW MO DOESN’T MAKE SHIT BETTER UNLESS IT’S ALREADY GOOD

46. Of course Matt’s dad isn’t dead. I mean he got stabbed when it was light out and now it’s dark but he’s still gurgling. Jesus. We met him THIS season, Julie, you can kill the irrelevant fucker off.

47. I don’t know why Caroline is STILL wearing the necklace.

48. HER NAME IS KELLY. I WAS RIGHT.

49. Why isn’t Caroline vamp speeding into the house?

50. Really? That’s your reaction to your kids potentially dying?

51. So like the smoke is having no effect on Bonnie?

52. And them siphoning her doesn’t hurt?

53. Caroline is legit calm when she thought her kids were dead for a minute.

54. LMFAO SO WHO ISN’T IN HELL? Vicki was in hell, Kelly was in hell, so like ERRBODY GOES TO HELL THEN? WHAT CRITERIA IS THERE? Like if I run a stop light do I go to hell because it’s against the law? What if I jaywalk or accidentally step on an ant or something? BECAUSE SERIOUSLY.

55. STEFAN WHY DON’T YOU EVER CHECK ANYONE’S PULSE?

Final thoughts: This episode didn’t enrage me like I thought it would, it’s just thoroughly ridiculous because it attempts to haphazardly rewrite history and Paul was such a lacklustre groom, like faaaam, those vows were horrible. And Caroline and Stefan are just so isolated from each other, like they don’t feel like a couple or a pair, they don’t feel like one, it’s so very cold. Kelly coming back with her daughter to destroy MF is like, I mean I guess, Katherine’s plan isn’t even original, Stefan was going to burn MF to the ground first anyway, like we’re seriously recycling plots in the same season too? This was actually laughably bad.

archiveofourown.org
On Sleeping with Sherlock Holmes

Description: “If I freeze to death in the middle of the night, I’ll haunt you,” John mutters. “Glad to know you’ll stick around,” Sherlock jokes. 

Review: Bed sharing fic that eventually leads to a first kiss. Really cute and sweet, good read for just before bed. 

Rating: General 

★★★★★