joke humor sarcasm

how to get rid of acne: a guide by ppl with clear skin

- wash your face every morning!! every night!! between meals!!! all the time!!
- shower at least once a day. even better, twice a day. why not three times a day? never stop showering. live in the shower
- eat nothing but bread crumbs and the occasional saltine cracker
- do this one weird exercise that will bend your spine in THREE DIFFERENT PLACES!!!
- just :)) relax :)) never be stressed ever :)) calm down :))
- don’t sweat. just stop sweating. suck the moisture out of your skin if you have to.
- massage yourself with apples!! bonus points if you have a friend do it for you
- just eat this incredibly expensive rare fruit that only grows on the top of a supposedly dormant volcano in hawaii!!! make sure you cut it into thirds first!!!
- rub this satanic zombie goop on your face. now guranteed to clean those pores WHILE scaring the shit out of everyone around you
- put your face over a pot of steaming hot water!! does it burn? that’s good!! keep going!!! wait until your skin begins to peel off!!! tada no more acne!! :)))
- use st. ives!! rub it all over yourself while reciting the lord’s prayer!!! leave it on over night! never take it off