“oh my ring? this ring? the ring that was given to me by my husband john watson on the day we were married? yes it’s quite fetching isn’t it. my husband john watson has such wonderful taste in jewellry; alarming, given his taste in jumpers. but he is my husband and i love all things about him because he is my husband and i have not taken this ring off once since my husband john watson gave it to me on our wedding day when i married my husband, not even on our sex holiday whilst we did rather naughty things with our fingers–what’s that? oh, excuse me. john, my husband, would just like to have a quick word–” -sherlock holmes, probably

“none pizza with left beef” uni!lock au where sherlock is doing an experiment involving ordering many different kinds of pizza and john is the hunky delivery boy putting himself through med school and sherlock keeps getting flustered when john flirts with him and so he leaves awkward notes in the delivery instructions text box like “those jeans are highly satisfactory on your posterior” and john just keeps getting more and more flirtatious until finally sherlock puts in the instructions “next pizza box must contain delivery man’s phone number”