“Spidey, about before. You know I think you’re the best, right? And not just the superhero stuff. You’re a big brain, too. You should be over there with Reed and Tony, saving our butts.” “Right, like I’m in their league.” “Okay, so let them do their thing. You can go work on a fallback plan.” “Johnny, look at the time. There’s no way I could… possibly… come up with… a fallback plan!”
inspired by @reioka‘s idea about Bucky wearing sweaters on assassin missions because it’s cozy.
Tony really hated that Natasha was putting him on a blind date, because he could pick out his own people just fine. “The last one you picked try to murder you,” Natasha says flatly.
“You try to murder Clint literally everyday he visits your apartment with his dog, are you sure you’re the best candidate to tell me this?” Tony asks. Natasha shrugs.
“Well, I have a reason to try and murder him. Lucky gets on my couch. The only thing that gets on that couch is me, blankets, and occasionally pizza rolls.”
“Pizza rolls are not an occasional thing, you buy them in the forty-count bags,” Tony replies. “Do I really have to go on a date? I could be building a death ray right now.”
“A.) Don’t build a death ray unless my people rise again. B.) You’ll like this guy.”
“Natasha, you moved from Russia when you were, like, twelve. Don’t call them your people, I’ve already been asked by Steve if I’m harboring a communist.” Natasha actually snorts at that.
“Steve was joking. He knows that he’s really the one who works hard and seizes the means of production.” Tony actually laughs at that. “By the way, wear that oversized red sweater that you swear you didn’t steal from Rhodey. It looks good on you.”
“It makes me look like I’m twelve,” Tony whines.
“No, it doesn’t. No twelve year old has awesome facial hair.”
“You agree it’s awesome?! Score! I told Stephen it was cool.”
“Whatever. You’re meeting Barnes at the soup and bread restaurant on the corner. You know, where Boris sells his ‘authentic’ knives?”
“Oh my god, it’s one of your creepy friends. No, nope, nada. I’m not going.” Natasha levels him with a glare that would be enough to overtake the roll of president and maybe get a free coffee from that hipster place a block over. “Fine, I’m going. But if I don’t come back by one in the morning…”
“I’ll just tell Rhodey that you went on a date and he’ll go ballistic and call the military to find you or whatever. Move, Clint’s coming over to watch Dog Cops with me.”
Bucky is at the restaurant, sitting by himself for all of ten minutes. He hates that Natasha threatens to do this to him. Apparently, he needs “regular interaction.” Whatever that is, he gets it. He pets a dog everyday. Talks with Boris about his knives. Hisses at cats because they’re as bad as Steve’s friend Sam is. (He hates Sam. And his insistence that birds are better than dogs, because They Are Not.)
Natasha texted him that there would be a man in an over-sized red sweater. Bucky doesn’t bother trying to make assumptions; while Natasha is great at many things, setting up dates isn’t always the best. She thought Johnny Storm would’ve made a great match for Sharon, which the most hilarious thought since dogs falling off slides.
Tony sees Bucky, the guy with the Murder Face and a menu in front of his face. He could just ditch this. Tell Natasha that everything was great. But then he runs the risk of hurting this Bucky’s feelings, and that is Not A Good Thing. So, he sits down at the table, and the man puts his menu down.
That face is the best thing since Rhodey showed him that video of Steve falling in the parking lot. (They have a weird friendship, and Rhodey just flat out does not Tolerate Steve a lot.)
“Hello,” Bucky says, voice all gravelly. “Are you Tony?”
“Yes, hello,” Tony says. “You’re Bucky right? Because if this is the wrong booth, then I am ditching whoever Natasha said was Bucky. Wait, you’d never know me if you weren’t Bucky, okay, cool. Oh, wow, this is a thing I’m doing. Rambling.” Bucky smiles at him, and that is like gold all on its own. That could be currency, oh god. Bucky Smiles, worth a million dollars.
“How was your day today?” Bucky asks, sliding him a menu.
“It was pretty good, not gonna lie. I saw two dogs and one video of a baby giraffe,” Tony says. He’s not afraid to admit that dogs and videos of baby animals are awesome. “How was your day?”
“I killed a guy,” Bucky says with a shrug. “I also bought a new sweater.” Tony laughs, because he’s just so casual with the joke that it makes him sound like he actually killed a man.
“What’s the sweater like?” Bucky thrusts out his sweater sleeve, and Tony gets to touch it. It’s soft, a cable knit. It actually is a nice color; a dark green that Tony would wear too. “Oh my god, that’s so soft.”
“Yeah, it was on sale too!” Bucky adds. “Seventy-five percent off.”
“That. Is. Amazing. Where?” So, conversation starts. They talk around their food and drink. Bucky learns that Tony is an engineer, super smart, and knows Steve.
They’re walking home–well, Bucky is walking Tony home. Everything is going great, Bucky is telling him about Supreme Evil Sam, when someone is ahead of them. They look dangerous; bulky, breathing heavy, basically every jock Tony had experienced in high school. “Hey buddy,” Tony says, trying to move. The guy grabs him arm–what the heck–and turns him around to face Bucky.
“It’s you or him,” he growls.
“Bucky, please either call 911 or get him breath mints, this guy’s breath is rank,” Tony says as calmly as possible.
Instead, Bucky grabs a knife and nails the guy in the head. It is safe to say that Tony was not expecting that. “Oh god oh god Bucky what the hell did you do oh my god–”
“Tony, please be quiet and help me drag him to my car,” Bucky says. Tony stands frozen. “Tony, I told you what I do for a living. I kill people.”
“Are you gonna kill me?”
“You’re too sweet to kill.”
“Oh my god thank you, that’s so sweet–NO WAIT YOU KILL PEOPLE?!” Bucky rolls his eyes, having the decency to look at least sheepish. “Bucky, no offense, but no one kills someone in sweaters.”
“They’re cozy,” Bucky says. He pops the trunk, lifting the body in. Tony can’t look, and pulls out his cellphone. “Don’t call 911. I’ve been tracking this guy for months. He’s a human trafficker.”
“I’m calling Nat,” Tony says shakily. “Oh my god, what am I gonna do? I can’t go to jail, the judge at court hates me and will sentence me to death!”
“There’s more than one judge, Tony,” Bucky says. “And you’re not going to jail.”
“Hello?” Natasha answers. “Tony, this better be an emergency.”
“You didn’t tell me that my date kills people for a living,” Tony hisses into the phone. “And in a soft sweater!”
“Put him on the phone,” Natasha says curtly. “Clint, don’t try and dominate Lucky in this round, you’ll never win.” Tony passes the phone to Bucky.
“You aren’t supposed to reveal that until the third date,” Natasha hisses. “Did we go over all this for nothing?”
“To be fair, he’s taking it better than Steve did,” Bucky defends. “And Tony likes that I pet dogs everyday and my sweaters.”
“Okay, fine. Come to my place with the car. I’ll dump it.” Bucky nods. “Clint, I swear to god if you touch my borscht I’ll cut your arm off. How do you think Bucky got his arm?” Bucky snorts, hanging up.
“We need to go to Natasha’s.”
“Wait, she knows about this?!”
“She helped me get the job. I don’t kill innocent people,” Bucky says, blush forming. God, he’s getting sappy over murder. Not something that happens every day. “I kill the really, really bad ones. Like human traffickers and people who want to release rare diseases into the atmosphere. I saved Iowa from destroying itself last month.” Tony nods.
“Oh. So it’s bad people?” Bucky nods. “Okay, that’s not so bad. But what if you ruin your sweaters?”
“I’m too good to ruin any of my sweaters,” Bucky boasts. Tony rolls his eyes.
“Sure you are.” Bucky grins at him. “So, next date, I’m choosing where we go, and I choose a shelter so we can volunteer and walk dogs.”
“Best date ever,” Bucky agrees solemnly.
Their third date goes a bit sideways; they have to wash a sweater that got drenched. Bucky cries. Tony tries to placate him with funny videos of cats falling and stories about his utter disappointment of a robot that is his pride and joy, Dum-E.
May: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to change.
Mod: Hi guys! So as you can see, I got some new art programs I wanted to try out. Still don’t have the full hang of it yet as you can see (still trying to set up the colors I like) but I hope you can enjoy this still. Need to work on the format though…probably too small.
ANYWHOO, hope you enjoy the next few stuff that is going to happen.
Seems that Aunt May will be meeting back up with her old acquaintence and fellow blooger @ask-dr-doom
Author’s Note: Ugh. I feel like this is too much of a filler chapter. There were so many different directions I wanted to take and this is the one I chose to go with. I’m so stupid. It’s not the best but the ending will be better. I promise!
Since I did this when I hit 5k followers, I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate hitting 7.5 7.7k (!!!) than having a second installment of my tumblr awards! Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around this long. You’re the real MVPs, and I’m eternally grateful for each and every one of you. 💖💖
Reblog this post! (likes can be used for bookmarking but will not count as an entry)
Must hit 30 notes or this never happened.
Ends May 24th! Winners will be announced on May 26th!
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The ‘I’m Having a Chrisis’ Award: Best Posts
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A +f if not already.
A group promo when winners announced.
5 individual promos (on request) through the month of June.
A spot on my updates tab through the month of June.
My love and friendship!
A +f if not already.
A group promo when winners announced.
3 individual promos (on request) through the month of June.
My love and friendship!
If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask me! Good luck!
do you have any nonbinary headcanons for the spidey characters or any marvel characters? bc i love trans peter to bits but as an nb person i'm thirsty for goodass nb headcanons w solid backing (bc who doesnt love over analyzing)
i like to think that mj is genderfluid and typically stays in the middle of the spectrum feeling like all genders, but occasionally feels like just one or neither. they like they/them pronouns and go by mj because it feels really gender neutral
flash is intersex and identifies as male, he’s insecure about being intersex bc his abusive father mocks him for it. this puts a lot of pressure on him to be hyper-masculine. he doesn’t tell anybody about this until years after high school, the person he tells is peter who becomes his best friend
johnny storm is androgyne and although he prefers he/him pronouns he will be quick to tell you that he isn’t just male. in his free time he likes to dress in drag and go to the local bars with peter, and likes to kiss him on the cheek bc it leaves pink lipstick stains
what i REALLY want is a spider-man: homecoming fic where peter becomes Best Bros with early 2000s johnny storm in high school and then meets captain america in a not-battle at the compound and is like, “uh, what the literal fudge you guys??? are you … brothers? clones? wuh-whhattt?” and everyone else is like “what? we don’t see it”
Do you think that Johnny/Daken's canonical relationship was at least semi-abusive or at least really unhealthy? I see a lot of people really liking it but their interactions in that comic book gave me a lot of red flags :/
Oh yeah, 100%, this is not a healthy relationship in canon. I think my thoughts on that have always been pretty upfront? I know I’ve never written it happy or healthy lol. Not to knock anyone shipping it, everyone should ship what they want and besides I ship this (not in terms of wanting a happily ever after or for them to necessarily even interact again, but more in terms of where’s the 30k dirtybadwrong smutfest), but yeah, I think it’s more than fair to say that in canon this is messed up from start to finish, as one would expect from a relationship between Johnny, who Just Wants To Be Loved, and a master manipulator like Daken.
I’m going to break it down with pictures because otherwise I have to work on fic who doesn’t love a deep read. While, for the record, I don’t believe Daken ever had to use his pheromone powers to get Johnny to sleep with him, he canonically uses them to influence several people in Dark Wolverine #75 alone, and at least one of them sleeps with him as a direct result, so sticking a consent warning on everything. Long and picture-heavy exploration underneath:
I usually get really sidetracked while taking notes at school soooo here’s a buncha random things from my notebook and some doodles from today. Mostly more BH6 cuteness, a healthy dose of Tony Stark, and some fabulous Fantastic Four. Plus there’s a Nat and Steve amid the plethora of Tonys somewhere~ And! Playing off my friend dchanberry’s AU where Hiro takes up an internship at Stark Industries and everything is happy and science. :)
Gotta say, I think Johnny Storm is the best part of this photo set… XD
“If you’re watching this, guys, it means I’m dead. Which sucks, but regardless, there’s a couple of things I want you guys to know. There are a hundred good reasons why – the world, our friends, the kids – but you can’t stop doing what we’ve been doing. You have to push harder than ever.
Ignore how things are. Ignore how they seem. Make the world better.
Oh, and I hope you’ll take my suggestion and give Peter my spot on the team. Franklin would love it, and Spider-Man is, after all, like the second-best super hero ever.”