lams in hamilton the musical

okey dokey my friends i will try to remember as much as i can

  • in alexander hamilton laurens passes ham his bag and they make really intense eye contact for a few seconds, you can actually see this pretty well in the grammys video (i don’t have a link i’m sorry but here’s the gif) but it’s definitely noticeable on stage
  • laurens has this cute lil smile at “laurens i like you a lot”
  • at one point during my shot ham grabs laurens’ shoulder and is looking at him for several seconds (you start to see them get progressively touchy)
  • it’s where you get this gif from, actually
  • that being said they spend the story of tonight really touchy
  • i don’t have much to say for a winter’s ball but laurens joins in with ham and burr in the “hey”s, it’s pretty funny
  • HOOOO BOY HELPLESS okay i mentioned this before, but during the wedding scene at the end of the song, laurens and angelica walk down the aisle first arm-in-arm, the best man and maid of honor. they are not happy. before they part, they share this look, and there’s definitely a mutual understanding between them (i wrote more about this and the wedding scene here) this is where that subtext was most obvious to me, personally. i wasn’t expecting it and i actually gasped
  • there’s not too much to say for satisfied, but when laurens stumbles out to do his “alright alright that’s what i’m talking about” he is very obviously drunk, so you might could read something into that idk, i didn’t interpret it as the happy kind of drunk we saw in aaron burr sir
  • THE STORY OF TONIGHT REPRISE OH MY GOD basically they spend the entire first half of the song all up on each other with the touching
  • i could be wrong but i think it’s when they’re singing “cus if the tomcat can get married” laurens, mulligan, and lafayette are basically all humping the air and laurens is laughing at ham lmao (this gif)
  • in stay alive i’m pretty sure hamilton touches lauren’s shoulder at “and everyday’s a test of our camaraderie and bravery” but don’t quote me on that
  • and YES IT’S TRUE at “laurens, do not throw away your shot” ham DOES grab the back of laurens’ neck and they DO look into each other’s eyes for several seconds and i DID die but what i wasn’t expecting is that LAURENS GRABS BACK he’s either holding onto the back of ham’s neck or his shoulder i’m not sure BUT IT IS JUST AS GAY AS YOU’RE IMAGINING
  • but i wouldn’t say there was anything overtly romantic about ten duel commandments
  • after laurens shoots lee in meet me inside, ham is immediately at his side. sometime before washington gets there (i think after “go, we won”) they pull each other into a tight hug for a moment, laurens looks reluctant to leave ham when washington asks him to meet him inside
  • okay so tomorrow there’ll be more of us, the one song that’s not on the album
  • it’s small and heartbreaking. ham is sitting in a wooden chair facing the audience, and eliza comes out at the end of dear theodosia with the letter. she reads it to him.
  • hamilton is in obvious distress when he realizes what the letter is saying, looking stunned more than anything. he’s all frozen up. laurens stands next to him, and he doesn’t look sad at all, actually looks rather proud. he even smiles at his last “tomorrow there’ll be more of us” before the spotlight goes out on him
  • hamilton is looking at him though, almost like he’s a vision or something, because he’s still looking at that spot when the light’s gone out and eliza asks if he’s okay. there’s a pause where he looks kinda blank before he says, sorta gravely, “i’ve got so much work to do” and jumps directly into non-stop
  • really, i think the significance of this scene more than anything is that it’s the one song lin decided to leave off the album. he saw it as special, and that shouldn’t be taken lightly

in general, i’d say that if you knew hamilton and laurens were a thing prior to watching the show, that subtext would be pretty obvious to you. if you didn’t, it probably wouldn’t jump out at you, but it’s there. i told my mom after that ham and laurens were lovers and her reaction was basically “ohhhh, i see that”

there are things i missed because i can’t remember every time they were touching or every time they were making eye contact, but just know that there’s a lot of that lol

So, Jealous John.

When you think about John Watson being jealous, you think of Irene. Moriarty. Janine. There’s meta (And I think so too) that says John is even jealous of Mary. But where can you see the birth of Jeaolus John?

I believe that everything we need to know about the series (up to a point) has a foil in “A study in Pink”. We have all kinds of amazing lines like “Why can’t people just think?”, or “I said dangerous and here you are”, that pretty much guide us through the other episodes. So, a major pillar of the narrative like John Watson being jealous, has to be shown in the first episode.

And of course, it is!

Sorry for the shitty gif, but it works to show what I’m trying to say.

Sherlock is trying to make a point: He’s not using; so he shows Greg his patches. Greg says I’m not smoking either! Look! We’re patch buddies!

Look at John’s reaction. He doesn’t like what he’s seeing, Sherlock removing part of his clothing to share a moment with another man. “Hey, don’t touch my…” His eyes then go to the floor “My what, you’ve just met the man”. 

John has not spent a single night in Baker Street, but he just can’t help to be uncomfortable when he feels alienated of Sherlock’s life. This moment is quick, is nothing; Sherlock didn’t even asked Lestrade to show him his patch. But they’re in a “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” kind of moment, and John is not happy about it.

So, behold the Birth of Jealous John!

Note: I really think that the very first man to make John feel jealous is not even Lestrade. Is Mycroft. A mistery man, an archenemy easily remembered by Sherlock, even says he’s concerned about him… But John’s physical reactions are not compelling enough, or are mixed with fear by the abduction, perhaps?. The way asks Sherlock about the man, the timing, the specific questions, the tone of his voice… Just rewatch the thing and let me know what you think.

Jeffrey Dahmer quotes

“I just get angry with other people who think they have a right to somehow try to blame my parents for what happened. That’s not right at all. No one has the right to do that because they’re totally innocent. They had no knowledge of it. And that angers me. There comes a point where a person has to be accountable for what he’s done. Can’t go around making excuses, blaming other people or other things. So I alone am the one who is responsible for what’s happened. The only motive that there ever was was to completely control a person–a person I found physically attractive. And keep them with me as long as possible, even if it meant just keeping a part of them.”

“I separated the joints, the arm joints, the leg joints, and had to do two boilings. I think I used four boxes of Soilex for each one, put in the upper portion of the body and boiled that for about two hours and then the lower portion for another two hours. The Soilex removes all the flesh, turns it into a jelly like-like substance and it just rinses off. Then I laid the clean bones in a light bleach solution, left them there for a day and spread them out on either newspaper or cloth and let them dry for about a week in the bedroom.”

“I should have gone to college and gone into real estate and got myself an aquarium, that’s what I should have done.”

“I think in some way I wanted it to end, even if it meant my own destruction.”

“I wish I hadn’t done it.”

“I’d rather be talking about anything else in the world right now.”

“If a person doesn’t think there is a God to be accountable to, then—then what’s the point of trying to modify your behavior to keep it within acceptable ranges? That’s how I thought anyway.”

“I always believed the theory of evolution as truth, that we all just came from the slime. When we, when we died, you know, that was it, there is nothing.”

“If I was killed in prison. That would be a blessing right now.”

“It’s a process, it doesn’t happen overnight, when you depersonalize another person and view them as just an object. An object for pleasure and not a living breathing human being. It seems to make it easier to do things you shouldn’t do.”

“It’s hard for me to believe that a human being could have done what I’ve done, but I know that I did it.”

“It’s just a nightmare, let’s put it that way. It’s been a nightmare for a long time, even before I was caught … for years now, obviously my mind has been filled with gruesome, horrible thoughts and ideas … a nightmare.”

“This is the grand finale of a life poorly spent and the end result is just overwhelmingly depressing….. a sick pathetic, miserable life story, that’s all it is.”

“To this day I don’t know what started it [the killings]. The person to blame is sitting right across from you. It’s the only person. Not parents, not society, not pornography. I mean, those are just excuses.”

“When you’ve done the types of things I’ve done, it’s easier not to reflect on yourself. When I start thinking about how it’s affecting the families of the people, and my family and everything, it doesn’t do me any good. It just gets me very upset.”

“Your honor, it is over now. This has never been a case of trying to get free. I didn’t ever want freedom. Frankly, I wanted death for myself. This was a case to tell the world that I did
what I did not for reasons of hate, I hated no one. I know I was sick or evil, or both. Now I believe I was sick. The doctors have told me about my sickness and now I have some peace.”

Mofftiss wants us to be yelling at our televisions by the time episode 3 comes on because we can’t understand why John and Sherlock still aren’t happy. We’re going to see the fall of the Watson marriage, we may even see John move back to 221b, but things will not be the same. The two of them have too much history to ignore. They can’t go on like they did in series 2 even if they try to. We might have a whole episode where John is back at Baker Street but he and Sherlock are still not communicating. That would make every viewer think “but they’re back to their old routine… why aren’t they happy? Why am I unhappy watching this?” which is exactly what Mofftiss wants. Friendship isn’t enough anymore. It wasn’t enough to keep them happy in series 3 and we’ll see their breaking point in series 4.

I think John will be a single man by the end of episode 1 and the thought of moving back to 221b bleeding into episode 2. We, as viewers, will be thrilled that our boys will be back together again! But it won’t be enough. Episode 2 will have John moving back into his old room, apprehensive about the new (old) arrangement. Sherlock will be accommodating but disappointed. They will dance around each other and we’ll be screaming for them to just talk about it. But by the end of the episode they’ll kiss in the stairwell and all will be fine. Episode 3 when everything is peachy, John will get severely injured and Sherlock will weep for finally having the heart burned out of him. The end.

The point is we have to all be begging for Sherlock to be with John - not as they were, because that is not good enough anymore. Every viewer has to want them to be together, whether or not they are cognizant of the thought. And what better way to do that than to put them right back in 221b where all was once perfect only to show them still lonely and miserable?

I feel like he’s articulated so many points about this show to me that I have to find ways to quote. The lines are very very blurry by the end of the show. Is Darren Hedwig, is Hedwig Darren? Is the whole thing Tommy, are we all Tommy? Are we all Hedwig? He said this in a very, very articulate, fascinating way (that I just ruined). What he was trying to say is there are all these lines of identity that are blurry, that make for this show to be so interesting to be played by so many different people.
—  Darren Criss on what words of wisdom has the original Hedwig, John Cameron Mitchell, shared about the role (

@only-tears-and-pain-fangirl thank you so much for the question! I’ll try and answer about Sherlock’s childhood/adolecence as whole, then I’ll look into what his relationships would have been like pre-John.

Also just a small disclaimer : any gifs do not belong to me, but I’ve used them for the purpose of backing up my points. This

As we have only been given very brief glimpses into Sherlock’s childhood on the show, I will try my best to deduce what I can from the material the show writers have given us.


  • I always imagine Sherlock’s younger years as carefree and happy. Despite being a bright, intelligent boy he spent his time as most young children do, playing make believe, fantasising about what he wanted to be when he was older, and surrounded by things that made him feel loved, safe and happy.
  • The question is, what happened to Sherlock, to change this sweet little boy into a self proclaimed sociopath?  It must have been something big to alter the personality of such a happy, bubbly Holmes baby.
  • I can even imagine sweet little Locky looking up to his big brother, wanting to be just like him when he is older, and always riling for his attention.
  • This version of Sherlock absolutely loved animals. Especially dogs. Puppies probably made him squeal with excitement. So he begged his family to get him a dog, and eventually they give in, and that’s where Redbeard came into the picture.
  • Also, not really meta, but I have a headcanon where when Mycroft and Sherlock were children, Sherlock would call Mycroft “ Myc” and Mycroft’s nickname for his baby brother was “Locky”


Mycroft: Initially he wanted to be a pirate

Immediately after Mycroft says this a little nostalgic smile twitches on his face. What do you want to bet that he was thinking about his adorable baby brother dressing up as a pirate, playing with a little wooden sword. That would be a pure picture of innocence - a little Sherlock playing make believe - completely rid of the hardships teen Sherlock/ adult Sherlock is faced with. How much do you think that memory hurts Mycroft? Because he just wants Sherlock to be that happy again, and he gets caught up in the past, and longs for a carefree, bubbly little brother once more, but he knows he’s not going to get that version of Sherlock back.


Sherlock: I love dancing. I’ve always loved it.

When Sherlock made this confession to Janine in TSOT I started screaming. This to me confirms that a child version of Sherlock loved dancing. Imagine the cuteness though. He probably took dance professional dance classes, going on how skilled he appears to be at it. He taught John, remember, and that little twirl he gives Janine is flawless.

Not only do I think he took classes, but I think he would probably just break into dance randomly in the day because it made him so happy.  I can even imagine a younger version of Sherlock dancing just to annoy Mycroft.

I wonder if Mycroft can dance? What if he was the one who taught Sherlock? Because little Locky wanted to be able to dance just as well as his big brother Myc? Oh god. That image is too adorable to bear.

OK, but then it suddenly get pretty sad, when you realise adult Sherlock wants to dance with John. He wants that luxary of being that happy again, but with the man that he is utterly doted on. And obviously this can’t happen because IT’S JOHN’S WEDDING AND HE’S GETTING MARRIED TO MARY.

Then, believe it or not, it gets 110% worse when he is suddenly trapped in a room full of people and no one wants to dance with him. Maybe this is why Sherlock was desperate for Mycroft to attend the wedding? So that he would have someone to dance with just like the good old days. Just look at the tiny, sad smile he makes though. He realises that he is completely alone and he is filled with every single one of his regrets, as he longs after a dancing partner. HE JUST WANTS TO DANCE WITH SOMEONE, BUT MOST OF ALL JOHN, AND HE IS SO SAD.


Mycroft: Oh, by the way, Sherlock. Do you remember Redbeard?

So when Sherlock is trying to convince Mycroft to come to the wedding, and Mycroft declines, he mentions Redbeard. Sherlock’s instant response here is that he’s not a child anymore, therefore \Redbeard/ and everything that name stands for is no longer relevant. Sherlock just shuts down, and it’s like all his raw pain from his childhood stands prominent. I always thought that this was dick move for Mycroft to pull, because he obviously knows what that word means to Sherlock, and what memories he’s pulling up from the past.

Now in HLV, in the mind!palace scene where Sherlock is trying to escape his shock, Redbeard is shown to be a dog. I know there is a lot of speculation about whether Redbeard is just a dog, but for the sake of this meta I’m going to say that Sherlock /did/ have a pet in his childhood called Redbeard. Something bad happened to Redbeard or Sherlock wouldn’t have said “they’re putting me down now too”

I mean every kid who has pets in their life will experience loss sooner or later. It’s the sad fact of life. Not every kid turns into a self proclaimed sociopath. Was it really his dog’s death that caused Sherlock to close himself off from emotion and sentiment. Hmmm? In HOB Sherlock says he doesn’t understand why the “hounds” owners are so sentimental over their animal, but Sherlock is lying here, because he probably understand it better than most.

I’ve seen theories that Redbeard might even be metaphorical for the loss of Sherlock’s other sibling. This to me makes sense too. What if Sherlock was already grieving over a dead family member, his tiny smoll heart breaking, and then his dog has to be put down too? And because he is so young and so impressionable to too intense feelings of grief meld into one, and he decides there and then that he can’t afford to care. He decides that he will put up walls, build a mind!palace, pretend that he doesn’t have a heart because he can’t afford to get hurt so badly again.

Then in TAB when mind!palace victorian John is questioning Sherlock on his impulses, and what made him the man he is today, Sherlock whispers “Redbeard” directly after telling John that nothing made him, he made him. This to me speaks volumes of a child who just could not cope, and as a coping mechanism he just sort of blocked everything out, proclaimed that he was an unfeeling sociopath, but deep underneath all that he’s probably still reeling with hurt.

God, doesn’t this make the Redbeard comment Mycroft makes even more painful? Because Mycroft is basically saying “watch out Sherlock, I can see your walls are coming down, your heart is showing when it comes to John. You don’t want to feel pain when you lose him too, do you?”

And then in HLV Sherlock is like “It’s no fun, is it Redbeard?” Which translates to “it’s no fun losing people, hurting, dying, watching as you lose everything you hold dear. It’s agony and I want to block all those bad feelings out”


  • We know that Mycroft and Sherlock argue a lot over their “mummy”. Daddy Holmes is not mentioned much at all, like he’s almost faded into the background. 
  • Now we know that Mummy Holmes gave up her career for her boys but that doesn’t mean she was a natural care giver. And maybe once Mycroft was old enough to look after his baby brother, she sort of took a step back?
  • Maybe that’s why Sherlock is a bit bitter and resentful? Because Mycroft would have experienced a loving, doting mother, but Sherlock got Mycroft as his main caregiver instead? So he got bitter, and resented Mycroft, and that’s where their childish feud started.


Mycroft Holmes: Always so aggressive. Didn’t it ever occur to you that you and I belong on the same side?
Sherlock: Oddly enough, no.
Mycroft Holmes: We have more in common than you like to believe. This petty feud between us is simply childish. People will suffer. And you know how it always upset Mummy.
Sherlock: I upset her? Me? It wasn’t me that upset her, Mycroft!

There appears to be a blame game going on between Mycroft and Sherlock here. Both of them obviously love “Mummy” or they would not be fighting over who upset her. Mycroft loves mummy because she was always so loving and doted on him. Sherlock loves mummy because he wants to impress her, gey attention from her, feel her love and affection too.

I think that something must have happened in their childhood to cause a rift between them, and I think whatever that thing was, it upset mummy in the process. Like maybe mummy Holmes noticed she wasn’t giving her full attention to Sherlock, and that it had caused a rift between her two boys, but by the time she notices the damage is done? And she’s upset, riddled with guilt that she just didn’t do enough with her second born.

Or perhaps Mummy is upset because she had to give up her career as a mathematician to raise her genius boys? A full time job, I would imagine, and no easy task. Hmmm. There are so many possibilities.


Mycroft: I’ll be mother

Sherlock: And if that isn’t an entire childhood in a nutshell.

What Mycroft says in this scene is pretty prominent, don’t you think? “I’ll be mother” translates into “I’ll pour the tea, take care of things, take care of you, Sherlock.”

Mycroft is only taking part in a simple act of care giving here - pouring tea - and yet Sherlock’s jerk reaction is resentment. Because this has been his entire life. Just Mycroft caring for him, smothering him like a parent would, instead of a big brother.


Mycroft: We both thought you were stupid. That is until we met other children

Sherlock says that meeting other children was a mistake, but then he makes a point to Mycroft about “why should you care about being different” so long as you aren’t lonely. And ya know, this tells me a very young Sherlock wanted to be accepted by the other children, despite being different, but wasn’t. This left him as a very lonely little boy. Mycroft was probably his best friend as a child because anyone else bullies, or ostrachised him for being different.


  • Sherlock was orginally never going to become a detective. He was a chem student. We know Sherlock loves science. He’s such a nerd he has the periodic table in his bedroom. But was this a decision that he made on his own? Or did his family push him in this direction?
  • Whatever the case is we know that Sherlock probably didn’t finish university - the drugs most likely became too much before he had chance to graduate. But then again Molly does make a comment about it, so who knows? Maybe he did graduate??? If anyone could give me some clarification on this that would be great.
  • His univeristy years were probably very sad, and very lonely. But he TRIED, he really TRIED, OK? He just wanted someone to recognise him for his brillance, and he wanted people to like him for who he was. But we know that doesn’t happen because of the moment in TBB.


Molly: You’re a graduate chemist. Can’t you just work something out?

So either Sherlock really did graduate chemistry. Or he studied it, never graduated, but just tells people he has graduated because he’d rather do that than discuss his junkie, drug addict past.


SEBASTIAN: Sherlock Holmes.
SHERLOCK: Sebastian. 
SEBASTIAN: Howdy, buddy. How long’s it been? Eight years since I last clapped eyes on you? 
SHERLOCK: This is my friend, John Watson.
SEBASTIAN (latching on to the emphasised word): Friend?
JOHN: Colleague.

So John in TBB is quick to say he’s Sherlock’s colleague and not a friend. God, it hurts so much. Because Sherlock introduced John to Sebastian, an old fellow uni acquaintance, specifically using the word friend. He wanted to prove to Sebastian that yes, he can have friends, and things are a bit different 8 years on from uni. He’s no longer an isolated freakshow - he has John - but John’s denial of their friendship shuts Sherlock down, and seems to prove to Sebastian that Sherlock is still incapable of making friends.

That and Sebastian takes the mick out of the “trick” Sherlock used to be able to do.

SEBASTIAN: We were at uni together. This guy here had a trick he used to do.
SHERLOCK (quietly): It’s not a trick.
SEBASTIAN (to John): He could look at you and tell you your whole life story.
JOHN: Yes, I’ve seen him do it.
SEBASTIAN: Put the wind up everybody. We hated him. 

WE HATED HIM. There. It’s all there in one single sentence. Sherlock wanted to make friends, made deductions to try and impress, didn’t know how to connect with people because of how little children associated with him as a child, and what did he get in return? Pure, unfiltered hate. Sherlock didn’t deserve that. He deserved friends just as much as any other university student does, but instead he probably found himself feeling more lonely than ever. Do you know what the real nail in the coffin to confirm this is? It’s the tiny sad look on Sherlock’s face, as though to say, “I know you hated me and it still hurts”

I would not be surprised if this is the turning point for Sherlock - where his drug addiction began. He was depressed about not having friends, being away from his family, suddenly completely and utterly isolated. He didn’t start drugs because he was bored. He started shooting up because quite frankly it’s a better option than focusing on all the hatred that is being forcibly shoved down your throat at every corner. That brings me on to my next point…


  • He probably spent his teenage years mostly high, strung out in drugs dens, sleeping on the streets rough. To have a big enough homeless network to help fake his death, I think Sherlock must have started off building his connections young, and what better way to gain the trust of the homeless? Be Homeless yourself, win them offer, make them think you’re exactly like them.
  •   Can you imagine it? A drug addled teen!Sherlock who has fallen so far that he turns his back on his family, probably runs away, and spends his time with at the “arse end of the universe with the scum of the earth”  as John so eloquently puts in HLV.
  • There is plenty to make us wonder when Sherlock’s drug addiction begun, and what age he started to clean up. How long had Sherlock been “clean” before he met John? And how far did Sherlock fall, how close did he probably come to OD’ing, before Lestrade came along and offered to take him on as a consulting detective at the yard?
  • There is plenty of evidence to back this up. Quotes from characters that would have helped Sherlock clean up his act, get off the drugs, and find a purpose in life.


Sherlock Holmes:   You can’t just break into my flat.
DI Lestrade:   And you can’t withhold evidence. And I didn’t “break” in to your flat.
Sherlock Holmes:   Well, what do you call this then?
DI Lestrade:   It’s a drugs bust.
Dr John Watson:   Seriously. This guy, a junkie? Have you met him?
Sherlock Holmes:   John.
Dr John Watson:   I’m pretty sure you could search this flat all day and you wouldn’t find anything you could call recreational.
Sherlock Holmes:   John, you probably want to shut up now.
Dr John Watson:   Yeah, but come on. No.
Sherlock Holmes:   What?
Dr John Watson:   You?

Sherlock has just met John, and he wants to hide his junkie past from him, because he doesn’t want John seeing him as a useless drug addict. Imagine it. You’ve just met this amazing person, you instantly feel a spark with them, and you manage to impress them and get them to move in with you. They know nothing about the demons you face, they think that you’re fantastic, they shower you in praise. In their eyes you’re a mad man, a genius, but you seem pretty harmless.

And then along comes D.I Lestrade and his “sniffer dogs” and the facade that you tried to put up is shattered in front of this wonderful, lovely man.

I mean, did you see the look that Sherlock exchanged with John when the sudden realisation dawns on his face? It’s obviosuly a very sensitive subject, and it begs the question how long has Sherlock been clean? Is his drug usage far, far in his past, or was he using into his late teens/ early adulthood?

I mean I think the look itself is challenging John, to see if the fact that he is an (ex) junkie is going to be an issue. I think he’s so starved of genuine human connection by this point that he’s scared he’s going to lose John, terrified that his new flatmate will leave him based off presumptions of his past, and concerns that he’s now flat sharing with a drug addict.

But John just sort of stares and says “You?” because I think that he’s shocked that someone as brilliant as Sherlock would use drugs. But there’s also a lot of concern in that single glance, you know? It’s like John tries to perform a doctors examination in a tiny miniscule second, to see if Sherlock’s OK, or to check for any recent drug usage.

Even at this point John feels some concern about Sherlock’s wellbeing. Please just kill me now, my heart can’t take this. Because yeh, before this point Sherlock would have had big brother looking out for him, and Lestrade too, but he’s never had a friend - or an acquaintance at this point - care that he turns to drugs when things get too much.

Sherlock: So you set up a pretend drugs bust to bully me?
Lestrade: It stops being pretend if they find anything.
Sherlock: I am clean!
Lestrade: Is your flat? All of it?

From Sherlock’s exchange with Lestrade what do you wanna bet Lestrade has actually found drugs on Sherlock’s possession recently? What if before John, when the cases were few and far between, Sherlock would go back to bad habits? Or even sadder, he keeps drugs on his possession just to remind himself of what he used to be? The junkie kid, the drug addict, a boy without a purpose.

When Sherlock exclaims that “he doesn’t even smoke” and shows Lestrade his nicotine patches, Lestrade shoves up his sleeves to show off his own nicotine patches, I have this sad headcanon.

Lestrade discovers teen!Sherlock when busting a drug den. The kid is high as a kite but he makes some amazing deductions, and Lestrade can see past the homeless junkie, and can see the good man beneath it all. So he makes Sherlock an offer and tells him if he sobers up he can come and work for the yard with him.

At this point Sherlock probably points out that Lestrade is a hypocrite because he smokes, and is also an addict of sorts too. So Lestrade, desperate to save this brilliant kid from the destruction of drugs, promises that he’ll quit smoking cold turkey if Sherlock does the same.

This fascinates Sherlock - he’s a bit of a betting man - so he challenges Lestrade. The cases, and the support of someone who is going through their own withdrawals, is enough to sober teen Sherlock up.


Mycroft: Have to phone our parents, of course, in Oklahoma. Won’t be the first time that your substance abuse has wreaked havoc with their line-dancing.’

I think from this quote alone it’s easy to envision a reckless teenage version of Sherlock, disobeying their parents, going out to score a hit, and then most likely ending up in hospital or in a police cell when it all goes wrong. Can you even imagine how devastating this would have been on Mrs and Mrs Holmes? Their youngest son lost his way at some point, and from what Mycroft said, you kind of get the impression that whilst he was hopped up on drugs he may have done some rather unforgivable things that still affect the entire Holmes family to date.


Sherlock:  Brother mine, do not appall me when I am high.

When Sherlock was a young teenager, Mycroft was probably able to restrain him a lot better, but now Sherlock is an adult he’s able to pin Mycroft down and get his revenge. He probably resents Mycroft from his darker, druggie days. Is this because Mycroft didn’t interfere enough at the time? Or did he interfere too much? It’s anybody’s guess, but either way, Mycroft obviously hit a sore nerve.

If he didn’t interfere enough and get Sherlock the help he needed, then it could explain why Sherlock is so angry when he interferes now. Like his brain is all “you choose now to help me? What about when I really needed you? You should have cleaned me up, but instead it took Lestrade and the cases? What is the point of you, Mycroft?”  Could Mycroft sticking his nose into Sherlock’s every day life, kidnapping John, and spying on him have to do with guilt? He wasn’t there for his brother before, so he feels the need to make up for lost time?

But it is just as plausible that Mycroft interfered way too much, and has always been a busy body, and that’s why Sherlock’s resents him over this so much. Which brings me on to my next point…


Mycroft: I was there for you before, I will be there for you again. I will ALWAYS be there for you. 

Okay, so I know there is a lot of speculation about whether this scene in TAB is even real, or whether it is just happening in Sherlock’s mind palace. When I was watching it the first time around it struck me as really out of character because Mycroft never so openly admits that he cares for Sherlock. It just seemed a bit touching of Mycroft to say? Like he’s usually the mysterious big brother lurking in the shadows, showing his care from afar.

Oh man, I really want this to be a real scene. Or at least a real thing that Mycroft says to Sherlock, even if it’s somehow bleeding in from reality or something. It’s not such a far stretch that Mycroft does care. I mean when John calls him out on in in TSIP and asks if he really was asking John to spy on Sherlock because he worries Mycroft replies with something along the lines of “of course”

So whether Mycroft’s concern in this scene is real or not might be up for debate, but the fact that he loves, worries, and cares about Sherlock is definitely not.


Mycroft: Wherever I find him, whatever back alley or doss-house, there will always be a list.

So, in TAB Sherlock admits that he almost overdosed to prove a point, right?  And he wrote up a list to let Mycroft know what he had overdosed on. This directly parallels the flashback  to teen!Sherlock in a drug den, completely out of his mind, only just barely able to pass over Mycroft over a list. This to me shows us that this isn’t the first time Sherlock overdosed, and that somewhere in the past Sherlock had come close to losing himself to drugs entirely.

I can’t believe that Moffat and Gatiss gave us this scene. Like how much do you think they cackled to themselves when they added to Sherlock’s already tragic backstory? What is worse than seeing Sherlock that helpless, moaning, sweating, shaking, so dependent on Mycroft’s help because he is just that out of it?

This very brief image, candle flickering, barely a beacon of hope, is enough to me to confirm my worst fears about how Sherlock was in his teenage years. It’s heartbreaking. It hurts so much just to think about the version of Sherlock that existed before the cases, and pre-John.

OK, time to finish this rather long meta/speculation post off. In conclusion Sherlock was a bright, happy child, who wanted nothing more than to fit in. He tried and tried to win people over, but instead was isolated and probably told to “piss off” more times than he can count, so he turned to drugs to drown all his sorrows out.

Then John comes into his life and he has a friend, so he has no need for drugs anymore. He’s no longer lonely, so what would be the point in it?  But then John moves out, marries Mary, and the lonliness that he feels is even worse than before. It crushes him from the inside out. So he turns back to drugs - and when he thinks he will never see John again - he overdoses on the plane because he can not bear the thought of how lonely or painful his 6 month mission will be when he will not be returning to John, his best friend in the entire world.

Also, just a quick and friendly reminder. Mycroft still sees his baby brother as small, innocent, and precious. He sees how fragile Sherlock’s heart is, and can see past the drug addict, and into the past where a little boy version of Sherlock cries for his big brother to help him:

Tagging people that may be interested: @inevitably-johnlocked, @watsonyourbed, @byebyefrost, @softlygasping, @fandoms-have-ruined-my-life, @sweeter-than-cynicism, @13monkton, @beneviolent-ginger

If anyone wants to add their own thoughts that would be great too!


I realized that I don’t really blog about my personal life in here so I guess I’ll starting treating my blog like a diary now.

So today I went out to have lunch with my friend Claire at Jack Astors. A little info on her: I first met her at a debate tournament last year and then went against her during DECA, so in a way, we’re kinda enemies but bffl. Anyways, we got a cute waiter with a hella nice butt, wow.

Their mash potatoes game is on point, try it sometimes :P

We then went to the famous Toronto Black Market and got these cute shirts. Claire got a skater hat and wore it for the rest of the day, thug life.

Anyways, Claire is a big fan of books (send her book recommendations because it makes her day) so we went to Indigo (a book store) and sat there for like 4 hours reading books

We just got started reading John Green’s Paper Towns and it’s such a good book so far. 


We then went to a coca cola event at Eatons Centre ( huge mall in Toronto ) and we got coke cans with our names on it! Oh and the coca cola people asked us if they could take a picture of us, so if you see us in one of their commercials just know that this was it okay!!

Overall it was a really fun day with my bffl, tell me about your day!

The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all around obnoxious asshole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was asked to be best man it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest, and kindest, and the wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man, redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship.
Mis-contexualizing John Green.

I’ve seen many people flipping out over a part of my post which quotes John Green saying:

2. Breast cancer is a made of suck disease that attacks one of my very favourite organs of ladies.

I’m sorry but I might be mis-contexualizing John in this particular instance. Sure he said this, but if you watch the entire vlogbrothers video (You can find the video herewhere he says these words, you will know that the point he’s trying to make is:

People are more likely to donate money for breast cancer research because of reasons such as this, and are less likely to give their money for causes such as research for diseases like cholera or malaria. These are actually bigger world problems, but people who haven’t experienced them have a hard time imagining them as bigger problems, than say, breast cancer.

He’s just trying to make this point in the cute funny way that he always does, and I really don’t think he’s being misogynist or as someone put it, “reducing women to disembodied organs”. 

painfully (trans) lesbian peggy schuyler
  • that struggle when you’re a trans lesbian and you want to look fem enough to make dysphoria go away but you’re trying to look “stereotypically lesbian” to attract other girls
  • angelica suggests peggy get a haircut and wear her hair in a pompadour!! she really likes the idea and does it and she really likes the results
  • she starts wearing those buttons too, just to get the point across
  • flannels??? yes. she starts borrowing beanies and “boy clothes” from john and is very upset when they all smell like weed, not because she hates weed, she just doesn’t want to come off as a stoner (even though she is one)
  • catherine complimented her burgundy lipstick once and now it’s all she wears when she’s over
  • she went to brooklyn to the lesbian herstory archive (if you haven’t been you really should go!!! it’s amazing! i went with my partner in march and it was great and trans inclusive) and snapchatted the whole thing, and made sure that dolley showed catherine every snapchat
  • unrelated kinda but john is her snapchat bff and they have a 267 day streak


ok I’m still thinking about park ranger sherlock like:
•park ranger sherlock getting distracted and looking at birds for hours
•seeing john walking his dog every weekend and making an effort to talk to him
•sherlock yelling at people who drop trash or try to feed the animals
•sherlock and john taking walks together and sherlock pointing out the different types of trees
•sherlock rescuing a bee he finds on the ground

I need this as a fic ok

Mycroft deserves more love.

Remember this scene in TEH?:
Sherlock: “He’s different – so what?  Why would he mind?  You’re quite right. Why would anyone mind?”
Mycroft: … “I’m not lonely, Sherlock.”
Sherlock: “How would you know?”

There are two important informations in this short discussion.

First: Sherlock thinks that Mycroft should get himself a friend/goldfish too and is trying to tell him, that there surely is someone who don’t mind that Mycroft is different, like John doesn’t mind that Sherlock is different…Sherlock now knows, that friends make him stronger, not weaker…

Second: Mycroft never had a friend in his live…That’s the “How would you know”. Mycroft apparently knows no other way than being alone. And that’s horrible guys. That’s really horrible.
Sherlock had Redbeard, his older brother and we know that there was Victor Trevor at some point (who Sherlock Holmes calls ‘a friend’ even in the ACD works).
But Mycroft had nobody apparently. 

Furthermore I really can imagine that Mycroft had an eating disorder as he was a teen. Maybe he still has and that’s why he reacts in this aggressive way on Sherlock’s comments about his weight (Brothers know exactly how to make each other mad…). Some of the reasons for developping an eating disorder are high entitlement, high need for control and high perfectionism. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

And then he had also to look after his difficult and troublesome little brother the whole time…
I can imagine that Mycroft’s past was very stressful, lonely and full of self-doubt…And then young Mycroft plunged into work and made a great career to fight all the stressors.

And he never ever had a friend…
That makes me so sad…
He really deserves more love.
One of my wishes for season 4 is that someone hugs Mycroft.
Just a little hug and a compliment.
He deserves it.

Let’s straighten things up, I don’t support John Murphy because he’s “attractive” and I love them bad boys with good lips. I love him because he’s an actual inspiration to me because he refuses to give up even though everyone thinks he’s an disease basically. He himself probably thinks he is too sadly.

He peed on a guy. So what. He was angry. We do stupid things when we are angry. Just ask Bellamy. Is that the best thing people can come up with? Bellamy and Clarke killed an entire nation (they did what they had too do and I obviously don’t hate them but I’m just trying to make a point). There are no good guys.

The thing with characters like John Murphy, the bitter, sarcastic assholes with tragic backstories that are hated by the main characters, is that they are actually very misunderstood. When many people dislike a character, person or thing, make other people naturally dislike them as well. John Murphy is that thing. When people get an image of how one person is, that image usually sticks.

It seems to be either two ways, either you hate him, or you would defend him to death.

I would hate a guy like Murphy if he was a bitter racist, misogynist asshole. But he isn’t. He’s actually a very open minded guy because everyone has been so quick to judge hIM on being the bad guy in all scenarios.

Consider he’s been captured, tortured and raped by grounders but sTILL treats them for who they are rather than where they come from.

Just think about the first time he met Emori. The first time he saw her, he didn’t see her as a grounder, he saw her as someone who needed help and he gave her his water bottle. And I think that is pretty beautiful.

He literally treats people fairly and gives everyone a chances because he himself wished he could be given more.

third time’s a charm (or so they say)

(or, how alexander hamilton fucks up everything in one way or another on three separate occasions)

PROMPT : could you do a John Laurens x reader story where he constantly messes up trying to get the reader to go on a date with him, so he gets A. Hamilton to help, but it only makes it worse? Lots of fluff! Thanks!

A/N : listen buddy laurens is my baby okay this is so fun to write!! thank u for this!! and this is in lauren’s point of view!! there will be a part two where he succeeds dont worry

WARNINGS : a lot of swearing (come on it’s john what do you expect)

Keep reading

Your name is JOHONN EKBERT, and you are a TROLL.

You’re not sure why you even made that specification. Of course you are a troll. You’ve always been a troll, for your whole EIGHT SWEEPS of living. To need to specify like that implies that, at some point in time, you were, or will be, NOT A TROLL.

You are becoming dangerously SELF-AWARE. You immediately dismiss the non-troll NONSENSE.


Your name is JOHONN. JONN for short, though, since your name is STUPID and making people try to pronounce it correctly is also STUPID. You are a PRANKING MASTER, your CHEERIFYING TRICKS and TERRORFUL TRAPS gaining a reputation all of their own for their INGENUITY and LASTING CONSEQUENCES, in the rare occasions when you are spurred into anger.

You have been told that you may be considered for conscription into the secretive but apparently illustrious LAUGHSASSINS GUILD upon your maturity, despite your atypical blood colour for the profession. You don’t know how you feel about this, but you have been ‘AssureD’ that it is an utmost HONOUR.

Other than PRANKING, your INTERESTS include DRESSING UP IN DISGUISES, COMEDY MOVIES, and GAMES, especially if they are of the BATSU variety. You could say you have rudimentary skills in PROGRAMMING, if by RUDIMENTARY you mean TERRIBLE.

You have started to use a new chat client called TROLLIAN, which is only in it’s beta stage. Your trolltag is cachinnatoryGallivantor and you tend to speak in an aiiiiry and casual manner, laughing all the while.

What will you do?



So today at work we were talking about the new Mummy movie and the bizarre casting picks of all the people who aren’t Sofia Boutella. 

One of my co-workers proposed Rami Malek, and asked why he wasn’t being cast.

I’d like ya’ll to please imagine Rami Malek, in 1920s linen adventurer attire, accidentally uncovering a tomb and releasing Sofia Boutella from her slumber, and chasing her around Cairo completely terrified but trying desperately to do the right thing and save everyone, and she keeps making snide comments like “you remind me of my cousin” before she murders like twelve people at once, and at the end Rami Malek’s companions (including John Hannah in a fan-nod supporting role as the comedic bumbling Token White Guy) have to save him because Sofia Boutella has captured Rami Malek and tied him to a pillar or something. Oded Fehr shows up at some point too as the wise mentor character who, shocker, does NOT die. Everyone is saved and Sofia Boutella slumbers to rampage another time. 

IDK I think this is a beautiful idea and it’s a real shame Hollywood thinks what this movie needed was Tom Cruise in his 5,000th role as a leading action hero and not Rami Malek, talented and adorable rising star, who I would gladly watch in 10 movies of a franchise about fighting mummies and running around museums.

Note: I found this on my feed and I didn’t call it bullshit, crap, etc. Although I am trans mtf, I can very much see the point they’re trying to make and agree somewhat. I’d like to see what you guys think! Source:

the usage of memes in the original meme game 2000 is so baffling now that i think about it. like in meme game 3000 (sequel to meme game 2000) its very tongue in cheek and even then, the cast is almost entirely dumb 20 year olds having a good time and trying to make each other laugh and it like, makes sense? like Sitara is absolutely the kind of person to post rage comics ~ironically~ and quite frankly Marcus and Wrench are the kind of people who would earnestly find shit like the original cool guy troll face comic funny as hell. theyre kids, theyre in a very light-hearted, humour-filled optimistic game you get my point

but in meme game 2000? there is no humour. like that game is gruellingly serious it has no time for jokes about anything. John Watchdogs actively condemns other characters for ever making jokes or trying to make light in any situation whatsoever. im not kidding, there are scenes where he reacts to jokes with blunt, humourless anger that someone is trying to make him laugh. the idea that this guy would even know what a meme is is ludicrous, let alone the idea that hed want anything to do with them. the usage of - even when the game was released - outdated and unfunny memes feels so much like the developers were slapping that shit in with literally no awareness of what they were doing or any thought whatsoever other than “this is popular right”. like fucking hell . whose idea was this.