john madden narrates gameplay

John Madden Narrates Touhou: Hidden Star in Four Seasons Edition

Been a while since I made one of these, so I decided to do a four-parter.

“We’re back, Bob, and what an amazing third down we have here. Aya Shammymammy is no stranger to fans, but this is the first time we’ve seen her on the offensive line. She has the speed, and that’s gonna help her as she’s up against Lilywhite, who came outta retirement just for this game. Just a simple zigging and zagging and she should break on through!“

“I gotta say, Bob, I don’t know what kinda interference Kamminy On is trying to run here, but a star runner like Aya should have no problem with this. It’s a classic fade and roll maneuver. I mean what is this? Is the defense slacking? This should be a cakewalk for Aya.“

“It looks like I spoke too soon, Bob! The defense has unleashed the dreaded Curvy Lasers play! That’s a gut buster right there. A seasoned player like Aya should know how to run this: it’s a classic column maneuver. You can’t let yourself get dazzled. You gotta stay focused on the front line and use some nimble footwork. Although I gotta say the defense must be pretty rattled to break out a play this old and-“

“HOLY SMOKES BOB! THEY’RE RUNNING THE PHANTOM AGAIN! We haven’t seen this defense in MANY seasons now. It’s pandemonium in the stands, Bob, listen to that crowd roar! Good thing Aya knows what she’s doing here - you can’t fake her out that easy. She’s gonna have to see the holes as she gets to ‘em, but wow. Just WOW, Bob! If this is what the defense has been throwing out in the first half, we are set for an AMAZING second half. Back to you, Bob!

“Bob, I’ll be honest with you, I think this play broke my brain. And I don’t say that often, Bob, you can attest. Here, Yoocury is going for a strong arm forward strike, which makes a lot of sense this late in the game but NO, Bob! Look at this cross-lateral flanking, pow, pow, pow, pow. She’s gettin’ shoved left to right. Meanwhile, she’s got to move her offensive line through these itty-bitty thingies and up here in the middle I … I don’t even know why that is, Bob, I’m sorry. But the clincher’s in the defense - this whole time, Kagyuh just holds the defensive line and doesn’t take a scratch for way, way too long and just … she’s a monster, Bob! If Yoocury hopes to pull this off, she’s got her work cut out for her. Back to you, Bob.”

(Screenshot source: Sapz)

“Alright Bob, we’re back with Raymoo Hackery on offense once again, taking it easy in a match that’ll only last ‘til halftime, but what a game it’s been so far! First off, let’s talk about defense for a minute. Secky Banky is a first string recruit who likes to go long with passes that still fall short here, here and here. Should be a snap for Raymoo, right? Wrong, Bob! Secky Banky uses a move I’m not even sure is legal. The refs didn’t blow the whistle on the head coming off, so my guess is the judges are still trying to find that one on the books. But Raymoo has a golden opportunity there to take advantage of weaknesses in defense to rack up some serious points if she plays her cards right. If not, she’s in for a rough time when she goes head-to-head. Back to you, Bob.”

Caw caw!

So, I noticed a big ol’ pile of new followers, running parallel with the John Madden Narrates Touhou Gameplay thing taking off again. I have no idea why this suddenly took off again after weeks of little activity, why John Madden narrating Touhou gameplay has so much appeal, nor what the Venn Diagram of John Madden Fans v. Touhou Fans looks like as far as reposts are concerned, but I, for one, am very pleasantly surprised. This encourages me to make more John Madden Narrates Touhou Gameplay things. So how about this:

Tell me what stage or spellcard you want to see Madden narrate, and I will choose three (3) for the next batch. No time limit here, just welcoming ideas.

Also, birds can indeed cook spaghetti. That is all.