john lafayette

THINGS MORE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LAFAYETTE

-wrote in all caps in his letters when he was excited

-slept under a tree with Washington after the battle of Monmouth, both enveloped in Washington’s cape

-basically saved the life of the Queen by kissing her hand

-re-gifted a fucking aligator to President John Quincy Adams cause he didn’t know what the fuck to do with it

-wanted to go kill the Beast of Gévaudan (some big scary people-eating wolf that scared the shit out of the french at the time) by himself at like 6 years old

-called both Jefferson and Washington on their bullshit, telling them to free all their slaves… neither listened

-actually bought an entire island full of slaves with his wife Adrienne and freed them all, gave them money for the work they did, gave them education

-last letter he wrote before his death was about freeing slaves and how sad he was that France was taking so long to give people of colour the same rights than white people

-died holding a picture of his dead-wife to his heart

-cried with Jefferson when they met for the first time in years after both American and French revolutions

-continued to fight and got back on his horse when he was shot in the leg during his first battle

-called his only son “George Washington de Lafayette”

-was socially awkward af, especially when he was young

-a ginger

-left France to go fight for America when the King, his step family, and basically the whole court told him “no”

-had to sneak out of France

-sources differ, but probably left disguised as a woman so no one would recognised him

-gave the biggest symbol of French Revolution  (the key of the just-destroyed Bastille, a prison where the enemies of the King and Kingdom were imprisoned) to Washington

-orphan

-told Washington he was his lost father

-tripped when dancing with the Queen of France and never heard the end of it

-had “sleepovers” on the grass with John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton where they talked about politic

-threw himself in front of a loaded cannon ready to shoot to try to stop an event of the french Revolution to become too bloody

-at some point, pretty much everyone in France wanted him dead

-slept through two of the biggest events of the french Revolution lol

-gave money and helped a lot of poor farmers in need

-fought for other religions than his and the King’s own to be respected and have the same rights (specifically fought for Protestant and Jewish people)

-fought against death penalties

-brought back some dirt from America and told his son to put it on top of his grave when he dies

-redecorated his whole house in France just like American’s homes

-actually told people he was American

-altogether had a slight obsessing problem with America

-had his own room at Washington’s home

-had a ring with Washington’s hair in it

-was one of the richest man in France at the age of 12 because his whole family had basically died at that point

-changed back his family motto to “Why not?”

-was only 19 when he left for America

-was detained in horrible conditions in prison for 5 years (2 of which with his wife and daughters)

-refused the hell out of several powerful positions in politic and in the army because he didn’t found these to be close enough to his ideals of freedom and shit

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 2)
  • What'd I Miss: This guy sounds like a pompous asshole.
  • Cabinet Battle #1: That's that line you like. The shoe fitting one. You've said that too much...
  • Take A Break: Where's the third sister? Did she die? Is she okay?
  • Say No To This: ...damn...just...damn...
  • The Room Where It Happens: I want to feel bad for Burr but he's reminding me of those 'try too hard' kids. Like you.
  • Schuyler Defeated: I knew he was gonna turn into a huge dick.
  • Cabinet Battle #2: He sounds like you did in kindergarten. "He was my friend first!" I think you said that word for word.
  • Washington On Your Side: LANGUAGE!
  • One Last Time: If only he had known what was going to happen to our country...
  • I Know Him: And here comes the other George.
  • The Adams Administration: Spiteful little dude...
  • We Know: Snitches get stitches.
  • Hurricane: This guy's life kinda sucks...
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: No one ruining your life? Don't worry! Ruin your own...apparently.
  • Burn: If only she had actually burned him. Like. Revenge bitch.
  • Blow Us All Away: Oh yeah mini Hamiltons.
  • Stay Alive (Reprise): Does...Does everyone die? (Me: Eventually) Okay there's no need for smart ass comments.
  • It's Quiet Uptown: I'm now in like...a state of hurt and anger and...how?
  • Election Of 1800: That first note actually scared me...
  • Your Obedient Servant: Hamilton's disrespect? Doesn't Burr call his mom a whore every five songs?
  • Best Of Wives And Best Of Women: I've never been more emotionally hurt by a musical...
  • The World Was Wide Enough: Ah yes. I shall call this Act, "Stab You In The Heart Repeatedly".
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: ...who the fuck is telling Peggy's story?
Quick Hamilton Facts

Y'all need to realize that:

Lafayette is YOUNGER than Hamilton by a couple of months.

Aaron Burr is about a year older than Hamilton.

Hamilton had an older brother, James Jr. Hamilton

Angelica once BITCH SLAPPED Jefferson so hard that Jefferson would sometimes refuse to go to events if he thought Angelica was going to be there.

Jefferson also feared Eliza because of this incident.

Lafayette was the last of the Hamilsquad to die in 1834.

Lafayette was rumored to have an affair with Antoinette. Leave the affairs to Hamilton.

Aaron Burr died 2 years later in 1836.

Peggy died in 1801.

This means that Eliza lost her father, her husband, her son, and her sister from 1801-1804.

Angelica only lived 10 more years after Hamilton died.

Eliza forgave Hamilton BEFORE Philip died.

Eliza liked to tell stories.

Anytime anyone tried to apologize to Eliza for Hamilton’s death (Monroe, Burr, etc), she would scold them.

Lafayette had couldn’t dance to save his life. Marie Antoinette knew this and made fun of him by inviting him to a dance.

Aaron Burr remarried in 1833 and they remained together until his death.

His wife’s name was ELIZA.

Aaron Burr was the lawyer in Maria Reynold’s divorce procedures.

Aaron Burr AND Hamilton WORKED TOGETHER in 1801 for a murder trial.

Monroe tried to duel Hamilton over the Reynolds pamphlet only to be stopped by BURR.

Aaron Burr sucked with money.

Aaron Burr tried to created AMERICA 2.

THIS WAS ONLY A 2-3 YEARS AFTER THE DUEL.

HE THEN RAN AWAY TO ENGLAND.

SERIOUSLY WTF BURR.

  • Historians: OmG AlExAnDeR UsEd A cOmMa WhEn He WrOtE tO anGeLiCa ThEy WeRe In LoVe
  • Alexander: cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish my dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by actions rather than words, to convince you that I love you
  • Historians: John and Alexander were such good friends :)

Eliza: i knew you’d fight until the war was won


Hamilton: war’s not done


Eliza: but you deserve a chance to meet your son


Hamilton: *points at eliza’s belly*


SON’S NOT DONE

I only know show tunes
  • Person: What kind of music do you listen to?
  • Me: *thinks about the fact that I haven't listened to anything but musicals the past year*
  • Me: It's really a variety
Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: Is this that musical that has made you obsessed with dead people?
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: If someone started rhyming my name I would leave. It's so annoying.
  • My Shot: Okay they asked who he was - this - this is not the answer to their question. Oh wait now he's spelling his name - YOU KNOW IN THIS TIME MANY PEOPLE WERE ILLITERATE!
  • The Story Of Tonight: Okay so here's drunk dudes being pals and so not flirting with each other.
  • The Schuyler Sisters: AND PEGGY IS MY NEW MOTTO!
  • Farmer Refuted: You said this was the High School Musical dude right? (Me: Yeah.) STICK TO THE STATUS QUO ALEXANDER!
  • You'll Be Back: Okay George whichever shut up and let America rebel. Rebellion is good - *turns to me* That being said ever start to rebel and you'll be grounded till you die.
  • Right Hand Man: Burr got BURR-NED! Get it? Cause Burr. Burrned. It's funny you're just being stupid.
  • A Winter's Ball: Didn't we already listen to - oh wait no this is different.
  • Helpless: Oh God I hope girls don't act like this. *I give him a confused/dirty look* I mean you should make a boy beg for you not fall at his knees. You should make him helpless.
  • Satisfied: This song is just....*exploding hand moves and noise*....Feelings.
  • The Story of Tonight (Reprise): Another drunk song. And the French dude. (Me: Lafayette) Okay well I'm gonna call him French Fry.
  • Wait For It: Did everyone cheat in this time?
  • Stay Alive: Fucking Charles Lee man. Who's Charles Lee?
  • Ten Duel Commandments: They keep saying "Most Disputes Die And No One Shoots" I feel like they're lying to me...
  • Meet Me Inside: Uh ph, Daddy Washington is mad.
  • That Would Be Enough: How do they know it's a boy? I don't think they had ways to tell in this time.
  • Guns And Ships: Rap off. This dude (Me: Daveed) Yeah him, versus like, Eminem, Jay-Z and...uh other rappers.
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: Okay this went from fun to deep...
  • Yorktown: You know we live an hour from this site...*Looks out window*...We should go and reinact this.
  • What Comes Next: Oh right. Georgey is still there. He can piss off.
  • Dear Theodosia: I feel one of them will die...just how everything is worded. AJ, do I get...feels in this?
  • Lauren's Interlude: Wait what the fuck...is he? Oh my God. Alex's boyfriend!
  • Non-Stop: This is too cheery for killing someone. I quit.
Quicker Hamilton Facts

Y’all STILL ALSO need to realize:


Lafayette go soooo drunk once that his brother-in-law had to drag him home


Hamilton’s ship caught on fire coming over to America


Jefferson had a mockingbird named Dick


He also owned a goat that killed someone


After being told about Hamilton’s death, Jefferson became quiet and aloof as he quickly found Burr to arrest him.


EVERY. FOUNDING. FATHER. HAD. DADDY. ISSUES


Which is why Hamilton didn’t want to get close to Washington in fear he would be a father figure and let him down.


Washington refused to respond letters from the British because they didn’t address him correctly.


Hamilton was claimed dead after destroying British supply in and trying to cross a river with British gun fire only to show up soaking wet later while everyone was drinking to his memory 


When Lafayette came back to America before his death, he and Jefferson hugged and cried with each other 


They said God Bless to each other


AND Jefferson and Lafayette did a lot of weed and a lot of alcohol


Washington liked to pretend his knife and forks were drumsticks and play music on tables


Despite common belief, Hamilton would often make time for his family and would often right home to Eliza about how homesick he was


Martha Washington outlived four children and two husbands and said the worst day of her life was went Jefferson came to visit.


Laurens was getting out of bed when he hit his head on the ceiling


Hamilton was supposed to go on Washington’s boat during Valley Forge but he wasn’t used to this thing called “winter” and often got sick a lot.


Thomas Jefferson told his grandchildren to flirt with everyone despite their gender so everyone would like them


Jefferson had an expensive bust of Hamilton in his house for no other reason than he wanted one.


Burr set himself on fire trying to light a candle on fire with gunpowder.


TWICE


Hamilton was not only gay for Laurens, but also for the spy John Andre.


He said Andre was too pretty to be hung


Franklin and Adams shared a bed and fought over whether a window open was good for your health while you slept.


Franklin won because he ranted so much that Adams fell asleep.


Lafayette often joked about his name, saying “It’s not my fault, I was baptized like a Spaniard, with the name of every conceivable saint who might offer me more protection in battle”


When George Washington was 17, a girl stole his clothes just to see him looking for them while naked.


Eliza had a mourning ring which she worn on a ribbon around her neck and had a lock of Hamilton’s hair


Engraved inside the ring was the day he died and how old he was


Lafayette was buried under soil from Bunker Hill in France


During World War 1, General Pershing and a perade went to Lafayette’s grave and said “Lafayette, we’re here!”


Sooo…America help Lafayette in a war, just a little toooo late.


After Hamilton’s death, Eliza referred to her late husband as “my Hamilton” and “my Alexander” 


When giving tour of her home, she would stare for many moments at a bust of Hamilton and would whisper “my Hamilton”


Burr bought a coconut for about $40 today because why not.


Hamilton was called “The Little Lion” because of his mouth and small stature.


Burr would often refer to Hamilton as “my dear friend Hamilton, whom I shot”


Burr was attacked by bedbugs and proceeded to sleep on the floor for 6 hours


Burr’s daughter, Theodosia, was lost at sea.


Burr had sex with A LOT of ladies in Europe…after he killed Hamilton

  • Washington: *pats John and Alexander on the back*
  • Washington: Good job, gays!
  • John: *nervously laughing* You meant gu-
  • Washington: Did I fucking stutter
Stuff My Mom Has Told Me During Hamilton (Act 2)
  • What'd I Miss: "Where'd his accent go?"
  • "That's Thomas Jefferson mom."
  • "No that's Lafayette."
  • "Same actor. Different character."
  • Cabinet Battle #1: "Why can't the debates be like this?"
  • Take A Break: "....where the fuck is Peggy?!"
  • Say No To This: "That God damn note what in the shit?!"
  • The Room Where It Happens: "So is Burr like, the person who tries too hard to be cool? Also there was three so what does he mean he arranged the seating?"
  • Schuyler Defeated: "Why do half these songs start the same?"
  • Cabinet Battle #2: "Fourth wall break!"
  • "What?"
  • "They mentioned Lafeyette! Fourth wall break!"
  • "Mom, same actor, different character. Lafayette and Thomas knew each other."
  • "Not important."
  • Washington On Your Side: "I've never been so ready to drop kick someone."
  • *Casually scoots away*
  • One Last Time: "Alex has such daddy issues..."
  • I Know Him: "I had actually forgotten about the King..."
  • "How?"
  • "I don't know! I thought he died!"
  • The Adams Administration: "This song is so short."
  • "It's not the full bit."
  • "What?"
  • *plays full one*
  • "Alex has a lot of anger issues."
  • We Know: "Wait - why do Jefferson and Alex hate each other so much? Is that sexual tension?"
  • "Mom..."
  • Hurricane: "You know I was in a hurricane once..."
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: "Wait why do the three sound shocked? They already knew! They read it as if they hadn't!"
  • Burn: "Hello tears I forgot about you..."
  • Blow Us All Away: "I forgot they had kids...wait wasn't he just nine?"
  • Stay Alive (Reprise): "My God...you ever try and take a gun to fight someone and I may just kill you."
  • "That is /not/ the point of this song."
  • It's Quiet Uptown: *she just refuses to stop hugging me*
  • "Mom...please..."
  • "Shhh let me show my love..."
  • "Mom your tears are in my hair!"
  • The Election Of 1800: "What the shit?! Stop having depressing songs then a fun one!"
  • "Please let go of me..."
  • Your Obedient Servant: "This is so passive aggressive..."
  • Best Of Wives And Best Of Women: "This sounds so cute but...it's so sad?"
  • "Have you learned nothing throughout this?"
  • "...I want to hate it. I can't."
  • The World Was Wide Enough: "He...does know when people get older they need glasses right? Glasses don't mean murder. Otherwise you and your four eyes would be killing every day!"
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: "That's Washington! I recognize that voice! It's so deep and sexy!"
  • "Mom this is an emotional song."
  • "I know! That voice deserves more action!"
  • "Mom..."
Listening to Non-Stop
  • Me: *smiling happy for once*
  • Hamilton: I am not throwing away my shot
  • Company: Just you wait
  • Me: what
  • Company: what
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda: what
Hamilton As Things My Girlfriend Has Said
  • Alexander : "You know, come to think of it, coffee is the most pleasurable thing."
  • *I give her an odd look*
  • "Well I love you but coffee helps me stay up till horrible hours to finish my work."
  • --
  • John : "You look hot today. No homo." *Finger guns*
  • "Babe we're dating."
  • --
  • Hercules : "See all my clothes are 100% made by me and my hands. I poured my blood sweat and tears into this - "
  • "It says made in China."
  • "Maybe I made it in China?!"
  • --
  • Lafayette : "Some days when I'm mad at you I want to only speak in another language bug the problem is I only know English and not even very well."
  • --
  • Aaron : "Normally I'm a calm individual but see, Abigail makes me want to drop kick her into a well filled with sharks."
  • "Is...is she not your best friend?"
  • "She is."
  • --
  • Angelica : "See whenever people doubt me I laugh because I'm better than every person in the world and they're just jealous of my feminism strength."
  • --
  • Eliza : "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you cheated on me."
  • "Well I never would."
  • "No I know. But if you did I'd probably burn everything you love and go Carrie Underwood on you."
  • --
  • Peggy : "How is it my mom forgot to invite me to my own birthday party?!"
  • --
  • Thomas : "See macaroni and cheese is a gift from God. Like he loves it too. Cause who wouldn't?"
  • "Aren't you an atheist?"
  • "A GIFT FROM GOD AJ!"
  • --
  • James : "I swear I've been sick my whole life. Death is trying so hard to get me but they will fail! *coughs for a good five minutes* Fuck off death..."
  • --
  • George : "Why do I have to adopt all the worst fuckers?"
  • "You don't have to - "
  • "No I love them and they are my fucker children."
  • --
  • Maria : "I'm a sexy son a bitch who needs to learn how to make better life choices..."