john is still in hell btw

Modern Hamilton headcannons(not genderbent)

(this isnt in the “Broken Heart of John Laurens” universe btw)

Alex: A sassy,coffee loving, hoodie wearing dude from the Caribbean. Always has his hair up and has noticeable dark circles but he’s still handsome as hell.Openly Bi and he’s super smart. He’s close to his “adoptive family” which includes, Gwash, Martha Washington  and Lafayette. He loves his boyfriend John Laurens so much (even though he’s screwed up many times and yeah) and would do anything for turtle boy.

John: Gay and here to stay. He is studying to be a doctor but in his free time he’s a freelance artist. He’s part of many human rights campaigns with Angelica and can win a fist fight easily (note: He has lost so he’s not invincible). He also really likes turtles. He even has a tattoo of one. He has a sad and dark side hidden under his happy side. He was disowned and neglected and he feels like he’s often not good enough.

Lafayette: SOME FRIGGIN FAIRY TALE PRINCE FROM FRANCE. Seriously he’s gorgeous and gets a lot of attention from both guys, gals and nonbinary pals. He likes experimenting with makeup and both masculine and feminine clothing (thanks to his boyfriend’s interest in fashion). He’s also really great with hair and often helps anyone who wants it. He is the adopted son of the Washingtons and loves his family greatly. Very smart too. He is the mom friend and is very protective over John ‘cause thats his baby.

Hercules: He’s tough and buff yo. Under that tough exterior though is a sweet teddy bear who likes making clothes and doing makeup. He’s one of the top fashion designers in NYC and he loves it. Very focused on making clothes for all body types. He loves his boyfriend so much and the two act like an old married couple.  Peggy is his GFF (Girl-friend forever) and the two meme the hell out of everyone. James Mads is his brother from another mother mainly cause they look ridiculously similar. It’s scary actually.

Aaron: He’s very smart but insecure. That makes him hesitant to show his own opinions. He is good friends with Alex and James Madison but he’s on the bench about Thomas. He also is kind of flirty but it usually fails. However he gave apick up line to a woman named Theodosia and she laughed. When he was about to retreat she asked if they could get lunch together. Thats how the two became lovey dovey love birds. He’s a lawyer and a pretty good one at that. He wears sweater vests often. 

Thomas: He is always wearing top line clothing (usually in purple hues). Is openly Bi and is filthy rich and very intelligent. He can be a bit…quick to action at times and would probably be in a wheel chair if not for his best friend James Madison. Also James is his secret crush and he tries to let James by going the playboy route. Y’know..to make him jealous. So far he realizes it’s not working out. 

James: James is an awkward, shy and sickly small human. He wears a lot of gray,black and other neutral colored sweaters every..single..day. He’s the type of character that is often seen in the background. He likes baking, gardening and playing violin and piano. He loves emo/alternative music. Like he can play and si This is Gospel on piano really well and sing it well too. It’s surprised a lot of people. He’s very intelligent and is often the voice of reason. Also seen as slightly intimidating too. His GFF is Dolley Todd and she tries to encourage him to be more out there. She also drags him to her girl meetings. Did I mention he is super gay for Thomas?

Eiza: She’s a sweet person who is way to pure for this cruel and unforgiving world. Well her Girlfriend and her friends would say that. And its true. She does a lot of charity work but works as a psychiatrist. SHe loves her sisters and is very protective over Peggy (not as bad as Angelica though). She friggin loves her girlfriend Maria so much and is the most protective over her. Heck she punched James Reynolds in the face at least three times. The two are awesome together.

Angelica: She is a writer for a news paper for topics such as sexism or racism. She is part of  many human rights campaigns with John (who is her best male friend) and can sass her way out of things. Why? She’s fucking smart. Like really smart. She is protective over her sister the most but is also protective over Maria, John, James Madison, Laf and Theodosia Prevost. She is women power in the flesh.

Peggy: The meme Goddess herself. She always references memes in almost every conversation. She is such a joy to be around and will always help her family and friends. She does crazy shit with Herc and the two play pranks. She’s openly bi (more on the female side though) and is part of human rights acts. She can also make some sick cocktails.

Maria: She’s quiet and has a seductive facade. In reality she feels helpless and depressed because of ther loveless and abusive marriage. However with the help of Aaron Burr and Eliza Schuyler she managed to divorce and get a restraining order on her ex. She loves tea and calls Eliza her little tea leaf. She likes hanging out with Theo, Dolley and James Madison (over tea and gossip). She likes gardening and cooking very much and presses flowers. Her laugh is also really cute. Like it starts out like a deep and quiet chuckle of sorts and then it gets higher and gigglier and she snorts a lot during it. She is so sweet.

The Imperfections of human beings.

I wanted to write some formal stuff about T6T now that I’m on a real keyboard. I spent the entire night just sifting through people’s very angry, upset, hurt posts about John, Sherlock, Mary, and even Molly.  I think people need to step back and realize what this show is actually about: human beings.

I grew up in a hugely broken home.  My mother’s 6 year relationship with the man of her dreams was shattered when he cheated on her after 6 months of being married.  Our lives effectively ended as she spiraled into alcoholism and a massive depression which eventually killed her.  I’ve grown up literally thinking that cheating on your spouse is how Satan prepares you for your eternity in the boiling shit cauldron of Hell.  In short: I. Hate. Cheaters.

Naturally, when I saw what John was engaging in, my anger shot up like a piss volcano.  My instant reaction was fury, to drop the man and his character like a hot dog patty.  But then, I remembered, that this show has one true characteristic above all others: human beings are not just one thing. People, are flawed.  People, are never ever perfect, no matter how much they try to be.

Listen to what Mary said to John.  She said it was so hard to try and live up to the perfection that she thought John was.  That perfection is (and ALWAYS has been, y’all) a facade.  I never did understand why people thought John was an angel when it’s demonstrated in the very first episode that he is NOT.  I was able to see that, but I was able to see his goodness too.  Same with Sherlock.

Ironically, both of these idiots have spent the better half of 3 seasons trying to BE perfect.  It’s a lie. It can never be.  The irony of Sherlock calling out Mary’s “facade” in HLV just…I sat there grinning from ear to ear because honey you are ALL operating behind a facade.  Every single one of you.  John thinks he wants a quiet life but in actuality he is drawn to catastrophic danger. Copy that verbatim for Mary.  Sherlock thinks he’s a perfect thinking machine without emotion, yet he sits and bawls over his childhood pet. Molly thinks she wants a normal dude who goes to pubs but instead she really wants “a high functioning sociopath”. For God’s sake Mrs. Hudson used to help run a drug ring. Mycroft is perfectly fine covering up murders, sending out assassins, whatever it takes to keep his interests intact.  Ha ha ha these people are aaaaall fuuuuuucked.

 Now, I am still furious with John.  John was ultimately responsible for his family’s destruction.  It was inevitable.  His undying love for danger, despite having a newborn baby in his life, put him and his family on a collision course with tragedy.  Sherlock added to this, but he did not cause it directly.  If John had truly been a responsible dad he’d have picked up and moved his family to the damned suburbs or something and quit solving cases with Sherlock…but he didn’t.  Now, he’ll have to deal with that guilt.  The guilt of being a major reason why his baby girl will now grow up motherless. Sherlock was responsible for the final straw, but John was responsible for the haystack.

And that’s the point of Sherlock.  These people are all terribly, helplessly broken.  I think the most pure person in this show is Molly Hooper, and she’s not perfect either.  There’s only ever been one perfect human being and they nailed Him to a cross.

Having said all of this, and while John’s actions in T6T I found to be absolutely unlikable, reprehensible, and gross…I know he is just a man.  His life was changing at an alarming pace.  A new baby, from what I have heard, throws couples into turmoil all the time.  The man still suffers from mental illness.  He is now a single father, hates his best friend (he’ll get over it, y’all, the writing will make sure of that), and his wife went to her grave believing he was a perfect person when he knows in his heart he is anything but. John Watson made his bed, and he’ll lie in it forever now.  It will now be his personal journey to redeem himself for what has happened.  Sherlock has been on his own personal journey for, well, ever. Now it’s John’s turn.  I’m willing to give him the same chance I’ve given to his stupid friend.  

No one is perfect in Sherlock.  No one is perfect in life.  That’s the point.  We can sit and hate the people who’ve wronged us, and believe me, I still hold a lot of hate in my heart for my stepdad for turning my mother into a pile of rubbish and causing me to grow up a mess of a person.  But in the end, it makes zero positive difference in my life.  That hate is an anchor on me, a weight I don’t want and am still filing at it’s chain to free myself from. 

We forgive or we don’t, but we move on regardless of what choice we make.  We’ll have to see if John Watson makes better choices in the future.  For that little baby girl…he’d better.  I’m willing to wait and see.

Alternate Titles for Every SU Episode Thus Far
  • Gem Glow: coOKIE CAT!
  • Laser Light Cannon: Amethyst Makes A Bad Projectile
  • Cheeseburger Backpack: Steven Is Still A Bit Of A Fuck-up But We Forgive Him
  • Together Breakfast: *the face*
  • Frybo: NO DAD IM GIVING UP ON YOUR DREAM
  • Cat Fingers: Jesus Christ What a Catastrophe
  • Bubble Buddies: We Literally Trapped An Awkward Kid And His Love Interest In A Bubble And Their Relationship Still Isnt As Forced As Bruce And Nat
  • Serious Steven: Steven Is Banned From All The Rides
  • Tiger Millionaire: Amethyst Is Best John Cena
  • Steven's Lion: Introducing The Best Character
  • Arcade Mania: Garnet Cheats At A Video Game By Constantly Seeing Every Future All The Time
  • Giant Woman: All I Wanna Do Is Get This Song Unstuck From My Head
  • So Many Birthdays: Btw This Show Is Hella Depressing. Have Fun.
  • Lars and the Cool Kids: Lars Is Fake AF
  • Onion Trade: Devils Dont Come From Hell Beneath Us They Come From Beach City
  • Steven The Swordfighter: PARRY! PARRY! MURDER!
  • Lion 2 The Movie: Why Dont You Tell Me You Can Do These Things That You Do???
  • Beach Party: Gems And Dads Are Both Cheating Bastards
  • Rose's Room: Steven Breaks the Matrix
  • Coach Steven: The Nicki Minaj Episode
  • Joking Victim: Lars Is A Huge Dick
  • Steven And The Stevens: Steven Accidentally Makes Fall Out Boy And Then Murders 152 Of Himself
  • Monster Buddies: Potato Chips Are The Most Effective Training Method
  • An Indirect Kiss: Amethyst Falls
  • Mirror Gem: Delicate and Elegant Lapis Lazuli Makes Fart Noises
  • Ocean Gem: Fear Waterbenders
  • House Guest: What The Hell Greg
  • Space Race: What The Hell Pearl
  • Secret Team: Square Mom Is Alpha Mom
  • Island Adventure: Survivor: Awkward Teen Romance Edition
  • Keep Beach City Weird: Snake Conspiracies, or Snonspiracies
  • Fusion Cuisine: They Turned Into A Giant Woman
  • Garnet's Universe: This Is All Canon
  • Watermelon Steven: Steven Creates Life And Everyone Is Cool With It
  • Lion 3 Straight To Video: Rose Quartz Has Twenty Seconds Of Screentime and You Cry Your Eyes Out
  • Warp Tour: Ladies And Gentlemen, Introducing, the Dorito Nerd
  • Alone Together: Two Kids Perform The Gem Version Of Marriage/Sex To Get Into The Club
  • The Test: Steven Is Insulted That His Moms Didnt Try To Actually Murder Him
  • Future Vision: Multiverse Theory Except You Start Crying Halfway Through
  • On The Run: The Boxcar Children Except You Start Crying Halfway Through
  • Horror Club: Sadie Should Totally Date That Conspiracy Theorist
  • Winter Forecast: Future Vision Except Without All The Crying
  • Maximum Capacity: Amethyst Is A Bitch If You Dont Marathon Her Shows With Her
  • Marble Madness: Endless Balls
  • Rose's Scabbard: Pearl Is Hella Gay For 50% Of Steven
  • The Message: Greg Saves The Day But No One Gives A Shit Because Lapis Is Back
  • Political Power: Mayor Dewey Is Actually An Okay Guy
  • The Return: Master Hand Fucks Shit Up
  • Jailbreak: Garnet Is Actually Two Lesbians That Sing The Most Kickass Song Ever Aired On Television
  • Full Disclosure: They Fucking Put The Ringtone IN The Song That Is So Clever Like Seriously That Part Killed Me
  • Open Book: Cosplaying In The Matrix
  • Joy Ride: Teenagers Notice Important Plot Points And Dick Around With Them
  • Say Uncle: We're Fucking Watching You, Fandom. Now Stop Drawing Buck Dewey And Sour Cream Making Out.
  • Story for Steven: Young Greg Is Suddenly Hella Hot
  • Shirt Club: Steven Takes On A Mission Himself, Which Leads To Him Assassinating The Mayor
  • Love Letters: Straight Tobias Funke Hits On Two Lesbians. It Doesnt End Well
  • Reformed: Amethyst Plays Real Life Super Meat Boy.

The thing that strikes me the most in the Pilot episode, especially after watching the extended pilot and recalling the whole arc in season 2, is how much of Harold in the pilot is performative. He’s a drama queen too, he knows the power of imagery. He meets John by the Brooklyn Bridge, in his best suit and had John fetched by a limo and then he meets Shaw in an abandoned building that, I assume, is one of many of his properties, and then with Carter he also orchastrates the meeting in a way that would leave an impression with Carter, same with Fusco, to a limited effect, and with Zoe. 

Meeting with Zoe though was less performative since, I think he knows Zoe can see through him and already knows about him. 

The only people he doesn’t meet in his own terms are Root and Greer. In both cases he is the victim. 

But I digress, the thing I’m most fascinated about is the idea that the story Harold told John is not true, he promised John he wouldn’t lie to him and yet, in the first meeting he embellishes his story. Maybe because he knows that the truth won’t fly with John, maybe because he doesn’t know John enough yet. In this regard, he and Root are similar in their introductions. 

They both tell a story about themselves that’s not exactly the truth.

(BTW, I just wanted to put a disclaimer that I love Harold, sometimes I’m annoyed as hell with him but at the end of the day I still love him. I find his whole character fascinating and complex and his foibles interesting and understandable– which is not the same as thinking that he is always right and justified. I think he is human as everyone else and that’s what I love about the show.)

Harold tells John he bought the library because it was the ‘decline of Western civilization’, which is true to an extent. Its true he bought it but its not true that he let it fall into limbo because of an ulterior motive. He let it fall into limbo because he forgot about the library. Nathan had to remind him about this: 

Nathan: “You following me now? Is that what we’ve been reduced to?”

Harold: “You didn’t return my call. I simply thought–”

Nathan: “It’s never "simply” with you, Harold. There’s always two layers to everything you do. You’re worried that I’m a liability. You don’t trust me.“

Harold: "This isn’t exactly the kind of place that inspires trust, Nathan.”

Nathan: “[Laughs] You bought it. Don’t you remember? You thought it was a tragedy the city was shutting down libraries. "The decline of western civilization,” you said. You made me buy 15 of them, you said we’d find something to do with them eventually.“

2x21 - Zero Day

Harold has, in his possession, 15 libaries and probably in various states of disrepair because he forgot that he owned them.

The very presence of Nathan Ingram in the series is a debunking of almost everything Harold told John about himself.

Harold claimed the Irrelevant list ‘ate at him’, or maybe it did, but Harold never showed it while Nathan was around but in the very second episode we learn that Harold didn’t really build the Machine alone, or at least that Nathan provided some help even if the main engineer who toiled at the Machine was Harold and then we learn that the Irrelevant list didn’t haunt him as much when he made a decision to delete the whole list. Its a stance he stuck with for years.

Nathan: "When were you going to tell me?”

Harold: “I wasn’t gonna tell you, I guess. I’d rather I didn’t know myself.”

Nathan: “All these people. And this damn machine knew. You knew… That someone wanted to harm them, kill them… And you did nothing?”

Harold: “You knew what we were building here. This thing looks for plotters, for schemers. It looks for malicious intent. We built it to stop terrorists before they could act. But a machine doesn’t understand the difference between those crimes that are relevant to national security and the ones that are irrelevant. Irrelevant?”

Nathan: “So you taught it the difference? You want to play God? Is that the deal? No, I don’t. That’s the whole point. There are exactly eight people in the world that know that this thing exists. If anyone else ever found out, there’d be such an outcry… They’d turn it off. The intelligence the machine produces has already foiled a half dozen major terrorist plots.”

Nathan: “How are we supposed to live with this, knowing that someone out there needs help?”

Harold: “Well, we don’t have to. I’ve coded the machine. Every night at midnight, it deletes the irrelevant list. We didn’t build this to save somebody. We built it to save everybody.”

1x02 - Ghosts

By the end of Zero Day and God Mode we finally get the true story about the Harold we meet in the Pilot. Its a dismantling of the story he liked to show the world (John).

He claimed to have cared a lot earlier than he did but the truth was Harold didn’t let the Irrelevant list bother him for a long time. He had to make a decision building the Machine and he committed to that decision. He felt secure in the knowledge while he can’t help a few people, he could at least save a great many more.

Even Harold’s: 'Everybody is relevant to someone.’ isn’t originally his. It was Nathan’s. Just like Alicia Corwin was Nathan’s friend and not Harold’s.

(When he told the guy in Proteus he was an amateur at being someone else, he knew where he was speaking from. Its another thing he and Root have in common– the ability to be someone else.)

He took up the Irrelevant list cause as both tribute to Nathan and as penance. He is still operating on the guilt that he could have done something to prevent Nathan and a group of people from dying.

And then Harold articulates it in The Devil’s Share:

Doctor: “I’ve been working with the survivors of the ferry bombing earlier this year. Their trauma is similar to yours. More extreme, of course. Many of them experience a sense of responsibility for what happened.”

Harold: “Survivor’s guilt. I’m familiar.”

Doctor: “Well, then you’re also familiar with what I’m about to say next– that you think your friend’s death was your fault. Otherwise, you’d have to face a very painful truth.”

Harold: “Which is what?”

Doctor: “That you are not God. You don’t control who lives or dies. That powerlessness also means that your friend’s death is not your fault. I assure you, Mr. Wren, in time, the guilt you feel will pass.”

Harold: “Let me ask you a question then. Does survivor’s guilt pass when everything that has happened actually is, in fact, your fault?”

3x10 - The Devil’s Share

How awful it is to know that the reason why people died was because of you, literally was because of you, that he erased the very list that could have been instrumental to saving all the people in the Ferry and Nathan.

Two horrific events marked a chance in Harold’s adult life and it changed him forever, the first instance he changed the world with him and the second changed him from just someone who cared in an abstract way to someone who believed every individual mattered. It was a hard and harsh lesson he had to learn.

Root, and sometimes Shaw and John, particularly in Death Benefit trying to get him to think of the bigger picture? Its not something he has trouble doing, but he is actively fighting against that part of himself. Harold from one extreme to another without finding the middle ground.

I really love how season 2 turned everything Harold said around. Just like the way the extended pilot and then Terra Incognita showed that how much about Jessica being the 'one that got away’ was just a story John told himself.

anonymous asked:

What do you see bro and johns relationship to be like?

!!!! okay first off everyone makes bro out to be this super cool sex god type guy but let’s be real here. he sells sex puppets on the internet for a living, his best friend is a ventriloquist doll, he stocks his kitchen with shitty swords and explosives, and he dresses like a fucking golf dad. i’m not sure about you but he kinda sounds like a loser to me. and john? forget the word shota. just throw it out the window, i’m am so done with it. john is cute, yeah, but he’s also an asshole and dork too. which is why i think his and bro’s dynamic would be really interesting. john sees right through dave and bro, he doesn’t buy into all this “coolkid” bullshit like almost everyone else does. he’s not afraid to speak his mind even if it’s going to offend someone because he kind of has no self-preservation skills??? let’s just say it’s gotten him into a bit of trouble in the past. and bro has 0 issues with messing someone up for insulting him. but when john does, he just can’t??? in fact bro can kind of appreciate his honesty. well, to a point. but if they were to meet in canon, and if sburb never happened and the world was never destroyed, it would happen when john eventually met dave in person, because how can you have a best bro and never plan to meet him? it was bound to happen. anyways, it would probably be when john was a bit older, like 18, and bro would be all “yooo dave who’s your friend?” casually leaning against a counter or something trying to look cool. and bro would expect john to be all “oooh bro /blushu/ you’re so seme take me now” pfff yeah right okay this isn’t a brojohn fanfic. at first john would barely pay attention to him other than to make a few snarky comments but bro would be determined to make him notice him. anyways one night john ends up watching shitty tv movies with bro and it’s like 2am and they’ve been talking all night and john kinda realizes that he maybe likes bro more than he thought he might? (and btw i personally choose to believe john was telling the truth when he said he’s not gay, he’s pansexual ok just roll with me here) and then when john leaves he gives bro his pesterchum and they end up talking more and more and the next time he visits dave (he’s like 19 here) he just kisses bro, he just fucking goes for it because why the hell not. and they end up in this weird long distance relationship thing and at no point does john stop being a rude piece of shit and bro’s still a huge loser who tries to get john to watch anime with him and takes him on dates to conventions when one of them visits the other (which john actually loves because he enjoys comics and anime and bro does too because he’s weeaboo trash). and god, i could go on but i’m not going to because i’ve already written more than i planned to and i have no idea where i was going with this i just got carried away… but yeah. brojohn \m/