john crocker ask

Homestuck Smash Bros Headcanons

•Karkat would play dark sonic every single time because he’s black, spiky, and looks cool. He has no other reason. Karkat is not even good at this game, he loses first nearly every single time and it is entirely because he goes into the speedy ball and rolls off the stage immediately. He complains loudly every time this happens but refuses to play any other character.
•Dave aggressively mains as Zero Suit Samus, at first to be ironic because haha it’s a chick that looks like a Barbie, but he very quickly realizes that she’s a badass character and her whip is sick as fuck. He also targets Karkat almost exclusively just to hear him complain, Dave would be pretty good if he actually took it seriously though.
•Rose and Kanaya both play as Zelda, but Rose only plays as her usual form and Kanaya only plays as Sheik. Rose likes Zelda for her magical abilities, whereas Kanaya admires her for her impeccable fashion sense. It goes without saying that Rose makes her purple and Kanaya switches her to green.
•Jade plays as Olimar for no other reason than “he’s so cute!! And look at his little radish friends!!” But she completely demolishes in like, every single round. Everyone is tired of it. Olimar has no attacks how is she winning.
•John plays as (blue) Kirby because he loves dropping down on ppl as a brick or smashing them with that big ass hammer, mostly he goofs around with Dave to make a bunch of wackass stages that make it impossible to win in any conclusive way, including The Box™, a stage completely boxed in making it impossible to fly off once you get enough damage. They play for hours in one round, their damage is 999%, every hit sends them ricocheting from wall to wall endlessly.
•Additionally, when Jane plays she will fight John for the right to play blue Kirby because 1) he’s blue fuck you john and 2) his smash ball power is literally throwing all the other characters into a cooking pot if you think Jane will not bring it hard as hell you can eat my ass.
•Roxy plays as jigglypuff and makes it to the end of battles because she sustains literally zero damage. She spends all the time avoiding the fight by floating around in the air and singing her enemies to sleep if they get too close. Once it gets down to her and one other person tho she starts hitting buttons randomly and yelling and sitting on them while they’re playing just to do anything to keep them from winning.
•Callie doesn’t play very much, but when she does it as Toon Link because he’s small and green just like her!! And he looks like one of her drawings how cute!! Mostly though she’s perfectly content to just watch Roxy play and egg her on once she starts screeching.
•Dirk switches between Marth, bc of the swordplay, and Lucario, bc he’s a huge fucking furry. Both characters are actually really good and any game that has him, Dave, and Jade in it lasts literally forever because they’re all so good. Dirk gets v quiet while playing because he’s in The Zone.
•Jake is OK, but he’s far from on par w/ the others just because he’s not used to video games that have controllers as opposed to VR and obviously he would prefer good ol’ fashioned fisticuffs!! But when he does play it’s with Pit because of the annoying ass “hyahh!!” the character makes every time he attacks, “it shows he’s got real gumption!”
•Terezi plays as bright red yoshi and just keeps eating ppl. Just, swallowing them and putting them in eggs. She doesn’t do any fighting she just eats ppl and turns them into eggs, cackling the entire time and high-fiving Dave every time she lays another egg.
•SOLLUX IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY. every time they’re talking about smash and sollux walks in it goes DEAD SILENT. “Hey whatcha guys talking about” and whatever the first excuse is everyone is forced to go with it, Dave of course takes full advantage of this, “oh actually-” and if he finished the sentence before Karkat fucking tackles him then everyone is gonna have a bad time. But it’s because they all know Sollux will completely grasp the game within five seconds of just watching one round, crush everyone immediately and people actually enjoy when the rounds actually last longer than half a minute.

anonymous asked:

if dave and karkat were to get married how do you think that shit would go down

disgustingly emotional. the others have blackmail material for decades. john is in the front row making cute but snarky comments just loud enough to be overheard and then dramatically protesting when jade elbows him repeatedly. he only stops when jane grabs his ear and just. doesnt let go. oh but ofc shes still smiling, watching the ceremony. jake is in back recording the whole thing on his phone. dirk is the dj. just kidding roxy shoves him out of his chair and takes over immediately. kanaya is lowkey relieved she wont be the only troll to give in to the mysterious allure of human marriage after all. terezi and rose are snapping pictures and comparing/debating their usefuless wrt embarrassing the grooms later (terezis are all fuckin useless because she keeps licking the lens. its not her fault this shitty human technology cant capture her artistic merit) and callie is in the background wielding a familiar weapon, waiting for her chance to strike

harley-style submitted:

I may or may not have gotten a bit too carried away with this….

Also I apologize if the mage costume isn’t….er, the one you use for your John. I had no idea what a mage godtier looks like so I based it off what I could eventually remember, namely, the tailcoat thing.

((love the watercolor effect youve done! always wanted to try watercoloring hahah! tbh this expresses their personalities so well :> ))

anonymous asked:

So I was rereading your essay on Dirk and Rose being furries (love it, btw) and you mentioned that every other kid except Jane was also a furry. Would you mind telling us why that is? Jake's and Dave's evidence is pretty obvious, but I'm curious about the rest. I don't doubt it at all btw, in fact I think the reason I'm asking is because I think I noticed evidence for one of them and then promptly forgot, which annoyed me. So yeah, if you wouldn't mind enlightening me, I'd be very grateful.

I mean Jade is also pretty self-explanatory, so at this point we’re down to Roxy and John, right? Roxy is PRETTY FUCKING THRILLED to see the birth of Jasprose, and I can’t really see her talking to Jade about furries and not being super down to draw herself as a catgirl even if she hasn’t yet. 

I was almost about to admit there’s not actually THAT MUCH canon evidence of Roxy being a furry but then I remembered: She’s dating a snake girl. So yeah that ship sailed.

As for John, he literally bemoans his own lack of a furry alt-self in conversation with Rose.

So there I rest that case. 

Also while it’s true I’ve said Jane isn’t a furry I should stress that comes with an appended Yet, because really the girl already made a Trollsona. Just wait until Jade has a furry themed birthday, it’s just a matter of time.

And it is my personal conviction that all these different species are mutually furries to one another anyway, because like. They are. 

anonymous asked:

What do you think about next gen homestuck? Like which pairings would have kids, how that whole thing would go

I’m not super into next-gen/kids stuff as a general rule but my fast & loose thoughts on the matter have always run along the lines of: 

rosemary - already have like millions of kids by proxy and probably not interested in human reproduction for a plethora of reasons

dirkjake - they have a bunch of dogs and a single cat which rules over the dogs with an iron paw, between them and the consort animals they have no interest in further living entities dependent on them. everyone breathes a sigh of relief

davekat - I waffle back and forth on it, I think initially dave is uninterested in the idea completely and ofc karkat has troll sensibilities and finds the entire concept bizarre and offputting but as time goes by i think dave would think about it a lot and i could see them eventually deciding to ectobirth a probably very spoiled hybrid god child

roxy - I always put her and john in the camp of “will eventually have kids” and in my personal post-canon universe playground where johnroxycallie happens they get around to it way in the future & the kids are blessed with 3 parents. as for actual canon though idk & not really interested in thinking about it

jane - I always again put her in the camp of “definitely wants kids”. ectobiology means her options are wide open whatever ur interpretation of her canon romantic situation atm but I like the idea of her taking millenia to enjoy being corporate god queen of universe c before worrying about potential scions to her legacy. in my personal post-canon universe playground she eventually hooks up w a fuschiablood troll cause they’re basically immortal too

jade/davepeta - personally i can’t imagine they ever would want kids of their own they’re having too much fun aggressively getting up in everyone else’s business and helping ppl who struggle with self worth and existential despair with their advanced knowledge of ultimate self. they spoil everyone else’s kids and also their “kids” wrt dirk and jake

terezi - has no idea what this is about and is too busy to entertain such disturbing notions besides


SO I HEARD YOU GUYS LIKE my weird demonstuck au omg irhgserg i really really appreciate all the super nice tags and comments on john and jade guys, it really means a lot. ; v ; so i finished the whole set for you sweethearts!!

Links for individual info plus background: John, Jade, Jane, and Jake

anonymous asked:

a dad approaches! Jake, what do you do?

you slowly move closer to the fence JUST in case it was needed. looking up you see a guy walking your way, oh hell no. you stare the male down trying to scare him away but your shades covering your eyes doesn’t work. for your luck mun doesn’t have the sprite for that daddy ready so a little kid in an orange sweater runs up to him and tugs at his shirt pointing towards a table happily, the man rolls his eyes and sighs following what seems to be his child over with a small little smile, point for strider and avoiding responsibility. you slide further away from the player’s screen until your pressed fully against the fence looking around for a way to escape, dammit, you seriously hate going to places and not knowing anyone. you know roxy (jades friend’s mom) but she seems occupied talking to a guy with a big smile in his face, glasses, and scars, it looks odd but kinda cute on him? no no no, it looks “cool” mr smiley man you guess youll name him for now on. roxy seems delighted with him holding the guys hand happily. wait, are they a couple??? and roxy never told you? wow what a friend. 

mr smiley man looks over at you, shit they noticed that you were staring, you look away quickly and over to jade just gotta make sure the kid is still safe from all the strangers at the party, two boys seem to have joined the party with them, one had brown hair and big round glasses, the other had some ribbons in his messy hair. you have no idea were jade finds her friends, they are always so..different to everyone else