john cena my life

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am i kicked out of the fandom? 
i literally did this in 5 minutes 

2

50 Shades of Fieri: A Guy Fieri/Pepe the Frog Fan Fiction

Pepe slammed the door to his room, and threw his backpack onto the floor. He shuffled over to his bed and collapsed onto it. Today was a long, hard day at school. Kids were teasing him again for the pictures of Guy Fieri on his binder. He told everyone that he just really admired his cooking skills, but that wasn’t the only reason behind it; it was also because he had a secret crush on Guy. He didn’t know if it was the bleached hair or his booming voice, but something about Guy Fieri got Pepe’s blood pumping and green body electrified.

Pepe sighed. If only Guy was here right now. 

That moment, the one and only Guy Fieri busted out of Pepe’s closet. “What the hell?” Pepe exclaimed, jolting up from surprise. Guy glanced around the room until his eyes fell on Pepe, and he smiled.

“Guy Fieri, what were you doing in my closet? How did you even get in here?”

“Shush,” Guy said as he scurried over to Pepe, “none of that matters right now. The important thing is that I’m now out of the closet.”

“B-but how did you even know to come here? How did you know I-I-”

“How did I know you loved me?” Guy finished Pepe’s sentence. Pepe blushed a deep red. He’d never imagined to have this conversation with him.

Guy smirked. “I know a lot of things, Pepe. But I especially know two things in particular: good food, and delicious frogs. And damn, you sure do look…zesty.” Pepe blushed even harder. He felt a rush of emotions trail down to his crotch. “Y-you should go,” Pepe choked out, “my parents could come home any minute.”

“Oh, no,” Guy said as he slowly walked behind Pepe, “I’m not going anywhere until I’ve finished my meal.” Pepe shivered. Guy was now directly behind him. He licked his lips hungrily, preparing to taste Pepe. Guy leaned close into his ear. Pepe could almost feel Guy’s goatee tickle the back of his neck. And in a voice so low, so seductive, Guy whispered, “I’m taking you…to Flavortown.”

Pepe immediately swiveled around and kissed him, working his hands through Guy’s luscious blonde locks. Guy grabbed Pepe’s butt, kneeding it like he kneads dough for a flavorful pizza. Pepe pulled away only for a second, and said, “I like it spicy.”

Pepe pushed Guy down onto the bed, and howled like a wolf. Guy shimmied out of his pants, and struggled to undo the buttons on his button-down flame shirt. Pepe straddled him, sloppily kissing and licking Guy’s neck and chest. “I can’t wait to strip you like a piece of meat on a bone,” Pepe whispered sensually into his ear. Guy felt shivers trail down his back to…down there. Pepe noticed Guy’s increasing breathing and quirked an eyebrow. “Are you ready to get slammed with the heat?” He asked, slowly pulling down the front of his minion-printed boxers and pulling out his enormous, emerald pepper grinder.

Guy’s eyes ignited with anticipation. He flipped over onto his stomach, already aching to feel Pepe pound into him. “Serve me your best,” Guy moaned.

“Wait, Guy,” Pepe hesitated, “I don’t have any lube.”

“Don’t worry,” Guy said, “I came prepared.” He reached over to his pants which were strewn across the edge of the bed, reached into the pocket, and pulled out a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Pepe’s eyes widened in intimidation and…excitement. He grabbed the bottle, tapped some of the liquid into his palm, and began to work it onto his shaft. He hissed, the spiciness causing him to feel a unique mixture of pain and pleasure.

“Spread your cheeks,” Pepe demanded. Guy obeyed, perking up his big ass instantly. Pepe lined himself up with Guy’s entrance, and screeched, “FEEL THE HEAT!”

Pepe slammed into Guy, both screaming out from the sensations. “That’s capital ‘T’ Tender,” Guy said. Pepe thrusted in and out, starting to create a steady, quick rhythm. The sounds of both Guy’s and Pepe’s groans filled the room. A few minutes later, Guy warned Pepe, “I’m going to cum.”

“So am I,” Pepe forced out. “On the count of 3. 1…2…3…”

They came together, spitting out a slur of cuss words and names of different spices. Pepe pulled out of Guy, and flopped next to him on the bed. Guy kissed his cheek, pulled his clothes on, and climbed out of the window. “Pepe?” Guy said, with one leg out the window. Pepe raised his head in response. “That was some super duper weenie,” Guy said, before climbing the rest of the way out and disappearing down the street. Pepe never saw him again after that afternoon, but will always remember the finger-lickin’ good time they’ve had. 

oh but what a shame,
what a shame the poor groom’s bride is,
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jOHN CENAAAAAA

youtube

has this been done before