• Why did Sherlock show an obvious disinterest in women during his first minute of screen time
• Why did Sherlock wink at John when he first met him
• Why did Mrs Hudson assume that John was Sherlock’s new boyfriend
• Why did Sherlock not correct her
• Why did John say ‘oh god yes’ the way he did
• Why does John call Sherlock brilliant and fantastic all the time
• Why did Angelo assume John and Sherlock were on a date
• Why did Sherlock not correct him
• Why did John ask if Sherlock had a girlfriend
• Why did Sherlock say that girlfriends aren’t his area
• Why did John ask Sherlock if he had a boyfriend
• Why did John smile and lick his lips when he discovered that Sherlock was single
• Why did Sherlock assume that John was asking him out
• Why was the scene where they are laughing in the hallway filmed like a post-sex bed scene
• Why did Sherlock cure John’s psychosomatic limp
• Why did Mycroft say ‘may we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?’
• Why did John instantly trust Sherlock and is loyal to him when he has trust issues
• Why did Lestrade say that John knows Sherlock better than he does even though Lestrade has known him for years and John had known him for a day
• Why the prolonged eye contact
• Why did John shoot a man to save Sherlock even though he had known him for a day
• Why did Sherlock look at John the way he did in the car park
• Why did they get dinner together afterwards
• Why did Sherlock suggest that they go on a date
• Why did Sherlock crash John’s date
• Why did he spin John around by his shoulders in order to ‘maximise his visual memory’
• Why was Sherlock so arsey to Sarah
• Why did Sherlock watch John walk away from Baker Street through the window
• Why did Mrs Hudson ask if they’d had a ‘little domestic’
• Why did Sherlock not correct her
• Why did John sleep on Sarah’s sofa
• Why did Sherlock know that Jim from IT was gay because he is well groomed and uses product in his hair when Sherlock is very well groomed and uses product in his hair
• Why does Sherlock know gay underwear trends
• Why did John say ‘I hope you will be very happy together’ when Sherlock talked about Moriarty
• Why did Donovan say to John ‘opposites attract, I suppose’
• Why did Sherlock look at John after Moriarty said ‘I’ll burn the heart out of you’
• Why did Moriarty say ‘we both know that’s not quite true’ when Sherlock said that he’s ‘been reliably informed that he doesn’t have [a heart]’
• Why did Sherlock freak out so much when he removed the Semtex from John
• Why does that scene look and sound sexual
• Why was John’s first thought ‘I hope nobody saw you ripping off my clothes they might talk’
• Why do they agree to die together
• Why does Sherlock always talk to John even when he’s not there
• Why did Sherlock say that sex doesn’t alarm him
• Why did Sherlock steal an ashtray for John
• Why did Sherlock only look at Irene’s face when she was fully naked
• Why did Irene say ‘somebody loves you, if I had to punch that face, I’d avoid your nose and teeth too’ and look at John
• Why did John get annoyed and say ‘I had a tea at the palace too, if anyone’s interested’
• Why could Sherlock deduce John perfectly but not deduce Irene at all
• Why did Irene say that she wasn’t sure that Sherlock knew ‘where to look’
• Why did Sherlock stutter when John flirted with Irene
• Why was Sherlock’s first thought John when he woke up
• Why did John cancel his date to look after Sherlock
• Why did John get annoyed at Sherlock’s erotic moan text alert
• Why did John count the texts that Sherlock got from Irene
• Why did Sherlock ignore all of these texts
• Why did John’s girlfriend say that John is 'a great boyfriend and Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man’ and that she didn’t want to 'compete with Sherlock Holmes’
• Why was she dressed like Sherlock
• Why can’t John tell his girlfriends apart
• Why did John say that Sherlock acts heartbroken all the time
• Why did John get so angry at Irene when she came back
• Why did he shout 'you’ve texted him a lot!’
• Why did he say 'you… Flirted… With Sherlock Holmes?’ in that tone of voice
• Why did Irene ask if he’s jealous
• Why did Irene (who knows what people like) say that they are a couple
• Why did John not deny this
• Why did John not reply when Irene said 'well I… Am [gay]. Look at us both’
• Why did Sherlock look so emotional after hearing this
• Why did John ask Sherlock how he felt about Irene being alive
• Why did John playfully say 'what, in your bedroom?’ When Sherlock said that they had a client while standing in his room
• Why did Sherlock start talking to John even though he wasn’t present and Irene was
• Why did he say to Irene 'why would I want to have dinner if I wasn’t hungry?’ Even though he always goes to dinner with John and doesn’t eat anything
• Why did John say 'John Hamish Watson, just if you were looking for baby names’
• Why did Irene tell Sherlock to 'impress a girl’ and then he looked at John while deducing
• Why does Sherlock say 'don’t feel obliged to tell that that was amazing or wonderful; John’s already expressed that in every variant available to the English language’
• Why did Sherlock say 'don’t be absurd’ when Mycroft assumed that he loved Irene
• Why did Sherlock randomly say 'I suppose John Watson thinks love’s a mystery to me’ in the middle of a conversation that had nothing to do with John and was about love and sentiment
• Why does Mycroft consult John on matters of Sherlock’s heart
• Why did John look relieved and smile when Sherlock said 'why would I want to see her again?’
• Why did the gay couple that own the inn in Dartmoor assume that Sherlock and John were a couple
• Why did John not correct them
• Why did Sherlock smirk at John when he pulled rank
• Why did John say 'you with your… Cheekbones and turning your collar up so you look cool’
• Why did Dr Frankland refer to John as Sherlocks’s 'live in PA’
• Why did Sherlock defensively ask 'what about us?’ When Henry said 'look at you and John’
• Why did the papers assume that John is a 'confirmed bachelor’ (euphemism for a gay man)
• Why did John say that they 'need to be more careful’
• Why did John not reply when Sherlock asked why other people’s options of Sherlock upset him
• Why did Sherlock and John stare at each other in the mirror while getting ready for the trail
• Why did Sherlock say 'you repel me’ with such poison after Kitty Reilly said that there’s 'all sorts of gossip in the press’ about him and that she can 'settle the record straight’
• Why does Molly say to Sherlock 'you look sad, when you think he can’t see you’
• Why did Sherlock only lose his shit when he thought that John was starting to doubt him
• Why did John chin the chief superintendent for calling Sherlock a weirdo
• Why did John trust Sherlock with holding a loaded gun to his head
• Why was John’s first thought 'people will definitely talk’ after Sherlock held his hand and they ran together down the street
• Why was Sherlock’s first thought 'John’ when Moriarty said that the people he cares about will die
• Why did Sherlock cry on the roof
• Why was Sherlock’s 'last’ words 'goodbye, John’
• Why did John look so heartbroken
• Why did John’s therapist say 'the things you meant to say… But never did. Say them now’
• Why did John refuse
• What were the things he never said
• Why did John say at Sherlock’s grave 'one more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don’t… Be… Dead’
• Why did John mourn Sherlock more like a lover than a friend
• Why were the S*erl0lololo and S***i4rty ship fan theories dismissed as 'bollocks’ when Johnlock, the main ship in fandom, wasn’t mentioned
• Why did Sherlock look so happy to be returning to London
• Why did Mrs Hudson assume that John was about to tell her he was ill when he was actually about to inform her of his engagement to 'Mary’
• Why did John say that he was 'moving on’ from Sherlock
• Why did Mrs Hudson assume that he was engaged to a man
• Why did Mrs Hudson think that Sherlock was John’s boyfriend after years of knowing them both very well
• Why did Sherlock keep asking about John while Mycroft gave him important information about the terrorists
• Why did Sherlock suggest that he jump out of a cake (which is an action which is usually sexualised)
• Why did Sherlock interrupt John’s proposal to 'Mary’
• Why did John not whisper when proposing to 'Mary’, like he normally does when he is emotional
• Why did John say 'one word, that’s all I would have needed. One word to let me know that you were alive’
• What did he need the one word for
• Why did Sherlock say 'you have missed this… Admit it… just the two of us against the rest of the world’ right in front of 'Mary’
• Why did Sherlock look so hurt as he watched John and 'Mary’ drive away
• Why was solving crimes and going on a date linked together via Molly
• Why did Sherlock keep hearing John’s voice in his head
• Why did he call Molly 'John’
• Why did John shave off his mustache because Sherlock didn’t like it
• Why did John not want 'Mary’ to read his blog
• Why does 'Mary’ always tease John about Sherlock
• Why did John look delighted at the prospect of Sherlock coming to the clinic in disguise
• Why was Sherlock so panicked when he realised that John was in danger
• Why was he more panicked than 'Mary’
• Why did Sherlock run straight into the fire to drag John out while 'Mary’ just kind of… Stood there
• Why did Sherlock cup John’s face
• Why is Sherlock in focus and 'Mary’ isn’t when the camera shows John’s POV
• Why did Sherlock want to get rid of his parents when John arrived
• Why did Sherlock say that he likes his 'doctors clean shaven’
• Why did Sherlock tell John to go and save himself when the bomb switched on
• Why did they have an intense discussion about feelings when John thought that they were about to die
• Why did John say that Sherlock is the 'best and wisest man’ that he has even known
• Why did Sherlock pretend to not care/ forget about the wedding
• Why did he try and get Mrs Hudson to leave when she talked about her maid of honour and the end of eras
• Why did Sherlock sadly stare at John’s chair
• Why did he say 'into battle’ before putting his wedding suit on
• Why do we not see any of the actual wedding
• Why did Sherlock not move when the photographer said 'just the bride and groom, please’
• Why did Sherlock look so weirded out when Janine said 'no sex, okay’
• Why is Sherlock so skilled at gauging the attractiveness of men
• Why did John not care about 'Mary’’s ex coming to their wedding
• Why did Sherlock get obviously jealous of Sholto
• Why did 'Mary’ notice this and say 'neither of us were the first, you know’
• Why did Mycroft tell Sherlock to 'not get involved’
• Why did Sherlock compare his love for John to 'Mary’’s love for John multiple times in his best man speech
• Why did Sherlock go catatonic when John asked him to be best man
• Why was that scene so similar to a marriage proposal
• Why did Sherlock call John 'the bravest and kindest and wisest man’ that he has 'ever had the good fortune of knowing’
• Why the elephant in the room
• Why was John looking for cases to go on with Sherlock instead of planning his wedding
• Why was Sherlock scared of John and 'Mary’ getting married
• Why did John make a weird face when he called Sherlock 'mate’
• Why did Sherlock imply that he was John’s 'current commander’ and that Sholto was John’s 'ex’
• Why did Sherlock get up and leave when John started talking about 'Mary’ changing his life
• Why did John compare his relationship with 'Mary’ to his relationship with Sherlock
• Why did Sherlock look so weirded out when Molly said that she’s having a lot of sex with Tom
• Why does Sherlock have a file on John
• What is in the file
• Why did he print out and glue a picture of John’s face onto a picture of the Vitruvian man (the ideal man)
• Why did John and Sherlock go to a gay bar during the stag night
• Why did the lights look like the bisexual flag
• Why did they lie together on the stairs at Baker Street
• Why did John grope Sherlock’s knee
and say 'I don’t mind’
• Why did their feet keep touching
• Why did Sherlock look so upset at Tessa’s story of unrequited love
• Why did he take his arm away from John’s shoulders when Tessa said 'I would of liked to have gone further’
• Why did Sherlock lie on the floor with his arse in the air
• Why did Sherlock refer to the night as a 'wasted opportunity’
• Why did Sherlock ramble about John’s cooking and jumpers in the middle of the speech
• Why did Sherlock tell a room full of women in his mind palace 'not you’ one by one but then pointed at John and said 'it’s always you. John Watson, you keep me right’
• Why did John touch Sherlock on the back when he saw him with Janine
• Why do we see Sherlock give a vow to always be there for John but not see John and 'Mary’ give their wedding vows
• Why did Sherlock teach John how to dance
• Why did Sherlock and John look at each other… The way they did on the dance floor
• Why did John and 'Mary’ act worried, annoyed, angry and panicked to the news of Mary being pregnant
• Why did Sherlock leave the wedding early
• Why did John’s war nightmares come back after not seeing Sherlock in a month
• Why did Sherlock go back to drugs after not seeing John in a month
• Why did John dream about Sherlock
• Why did John dress like and act like Sherlock
• Why are the first glimpses of John and 'Mary’’s married life of them arguing
• Why did Sherlock move John’s chair
• Why did John act… They way he did when he saw Janine come out of Sherlock’s bedroom
• Why did his jaw clench when he heard her getting into the bath
• Why was John so focused on Sherlock and Janine’s 'relationship’ when Sherlock was giving him important case info
• Why did he look so disgusted when they kissed
• Why did Sherlock kiss Janine so… Badly
• Why did John look so heartbroken when Sherlock 'proposed’ to Janine
• Why did 'Mary’ shoot Sherlock
• Why did Sherlock try to go to the John section of his mind palace when mind palace!Mycroft told him to find something to calm him down
• Why did mind palace!'Mary’ shoot Sherlock in her wedding dress when Sherlock went to the John section of his mind palace
• Why did Sherlock restart his own heart when mind palace!Moriarty said 'John Watson is definitely in danger’
• Why did Sherlock never sleep with Janine
• Why did Janine say 'I know what kind of man you are’
• What kind of man is Sherlock
• Why did Sherlock escape hospital while bleeding internally in order to move John’s chair back
• Why did Sherlock and 'Mary’ keep linking John’s romantic preferences to danger to both of them
• Why did Sherlock say 'because you chose her’
• Why did John say 'always your way’
• Why did John’s 'forgiveness’ speech to 'Mary’ seem so stoic
• Why did John leave his unconscious drugged pregnant wife to go off with Sherlock
• Why did Magnussen say 'but look how you care about John Watson’
• Why did Sherlock look so hurt when he was forced to watch Magnussen flicking John’s face and threatening him
• Why did Sherlock shoot Magnussen
• Why did Sherlock get everyone else to leave the Tarmac
• Why did Sherlock say 'there’s something I’ve meant to say always but then never have’
• What did he actually mean to say (Because it clearly wasn’t 'Sherlock is actually a girls name’)
• Why did he say that he thinks the name 'Sherlock Watson’ could work
• Why was the first image in Sherlock’s drug induced Victorian case solving mind palace simulation John’s eyes
• Why was Sherlock so angry at a woman being in his sitting room
• Why did he refer to himself as John’s 'unsavoury companion of dubious morals’
• Why did he play John and 'Mary’’s waltz in his violin while they argued
• Why did Molly call Sherlock John’s daddy
• Why did he talk to John when John had moved out of Baker Street months ago
• Why did the maid point out the problems in John and 'Mary’’s marriage
• Why did Sherlock say that he and John were 'together’ in sign language
• Why did John say 'two old friends chewing the fat… Man to man’ so awkwardly
• Why did Sherlock say that the fairer sex was John’s department
• Why did mind palace!John question Sherlock about his sexual experience
• Why did he show jealousy of Irene Adler
• Why did he ask him why Sherlock needs to be alone
• Why did Sherlock keep referring to ghosts and the ghosts of his past etc
• Why was mind palace!Moriarty so… sexual
• Why did Sherlock deliberately overdose before the tarmac
• Why was he reading the story of how they met on John’s blog
• Why did Mycroft say 'do you really think anyone’s believing you?’ After Sherlock said he was reading it because he’s 'so much cleverer’ through John’s eyes
• Why was real John and mind palace!John so angry at Sherlock about the drugs
• Why did he say that he’s 'happy to play the fool’ for Sherlock and 'make him look clever’
• Why did 'I thought that I was losing you. I thought perhaps we were neglecting each other’ 'well you were the one who moved out’ 'I was talking to Mary’ happen
• Why were phrases such as 'the heart of the conspiracy’ and 'they are right, and we are wrong’ and 'the women we have disparaged and ignored’ used
• Why did Sherlock say that John’s 'always right’
• Why did John save Sherlock from Moriarty at the Reichenbach Falls
• Why did Sherlock say that John is 'pretty damn smart’
• Why did Moriarty say 'why don’t you two just elope for god’s sake?’
• Why did 'actually, would you mind?’ 'Not at all’ happen straight after this
• Why did John kick Moriarty (Sherlock’s weakness) off the top of the waterfall
• Why did Sherlock throw his deerstalker (which represents his heterosexual public image) off the top of the waterfall
• Why did Sherlock look so happy falling this time
• Why did he smile so softly at John when he woke up
• Why did Victorian!Sherlock say 'perhaps such things could come to pass’
• Why did Victorian!Sherlock say that he’s 'a man out of his time’
I love Jealous Sherlock so much. I know I’m missing a tonne of them here, but these are the ones I could quickly find or remember being Jealous!Sherlock! I’m also adding Possessive Sherlock here as well, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE “his / My John” SO SO MUCH and literally I fave every fic that has it in there. GUH.
Unimpressed by 221b_hound(M, 3106 w.) – Sherlock has no intention of attending the Met’s New Year’s Eve party. The start of a new year is all but meaningless to him. But he ends up there anyway, having odd conversations, and John does not find Sherlock’s jealousy the slightest bit cute. And then there is dancing. Part10 of Unkissed
Unforgiven by 221b_hound(M, 4721 w.) – Sherlock’s latest case is for his ex boyfriend, the brilliant and handsome Professor Victor Trevor. John is not too happy about that. But things aren’t what they seem, an old friend of John’s is involved in the case, and John has a few surprises up his sleeve. Also - a proposal! Part 16 of Unkissed
Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit(E, 24,284 w.) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they’ve made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.
For you, there’s only me by shock_blanket(E, 19,557 w.) – Sherlock realizes he has fallen in love with John, but believes he is unlovable. Cue lots of pining and jealousy on Sherlock’s part, followed by our favorite cuddly marksman making it all better. Because for Sherlock, there’s only John.
The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death(E, 30,856 w.) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a “harmless” virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.
Surety by hudders(G, 2,477w.) – “Sherlock is pissed because it seems that four pints of larger, two shots of tequila and a glass of wine has resulted in Lestrade becoming a little bit too friendly with everyone. And by everyone, Sherlock really means John.”
Correspondence by Cleo2010(T, 8031 w.) – Sherlock’s been spirited away on a case for Mycroft. Part of the deal was that he and John could communicate via letter until the case was completed. Maybe the cliche is true, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Or perhaps something is growing on the feet in the fridge. Read their letters month by month. Written after series one.
Presence by LostGirl(M, 8625 w.) – Sherlock has recently noticed a shift in his own perceptions, but he can’t quite figure out when it started.
Interlude by sussexbound (SamanthaLenore)(G, 2,837w.) – “Are you actually doing anything?” Sherlock scowls. “What?” “Are you busy? Because if not, I could use your help peeling potatoes.” “I’m not eating what you’re making. Why should I peel the potatoes?” John just shakes his head. “Because it might be a polite and thoughtful thing to do for the person who loves you. Just a tip.”Oh…Part 8 of The Homecoming
Understanding by sussexbound (SamanthaLenore)(T, 4,556 w.) – John’s face stretches into a smile that fades again, just as quickly. “It just comes like that, sometimes—all of a sudden. You don’t expect it.” He murmurs against Sherlock’s skin. “What does?” “Grief.” Part 9 of The Homecoming
Sibling Rivalry Or Fighting Over John Watson by Jessa7(T, 8K+ w., Romance and Humour, FFNet) – Mycroft is just as much of a genius as Sherlock is. He keeps randomly kidnapping John for chats, and the locations get better. Cue Sherlock’s younger sibling complex rearing up and jealousy ensues.
Come Home by hudders-and-hiddles (E, 3,763 w. | more pining than jealous but close enough) – When John leaves for a medical conference, Sherlock tries to entice him back home.
The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] by canolacrush(M, 41,710 | Cockblocking Sherlock) – “Look at these photographs,” I said, gesturing to the wall of crop circles. “What do you observe?”“Crop circles,” John replied.“Obvious. What else?”“Are…are those intestines surrounding them?”“Yes. The majority are bovine and ovine in origin. The farmers who have acquired these crop circles in their fields have also had a tenth of their livestock murdered and arranged thus.”“Why?” John said, presumably in a rhetorical fashion.I detest rhetorical questions. “That is what I must find out, John.”
Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid)(M, 10,862 w.) – Sherlock drags John undercover to a gay bar - for a case, of course - looking forward to seeing John flustered by their surroundings (since you know, he’s NOT GAY). John decides that he has hidden both his orientation and his feelings for his daft flatmate for far too long. He is done hiding, time to be honest with his bloody best friend in the world. He just hopes it won’t change anything between them. And then it does.
Paparazzi by SilentAuror(E, 10,543 w.) – John moves back into 221B Baker Street after his marriage falls apart and the paparazzi won’t leave him and Sherlock alone about the status of their supposed relationship. Sherlock, of course, never denies it, until one day he does…
Pattern Behaviour by SilentAuror(E, 14,835w) – Sherlock doesn’t even know why he resents John’s dates so much. Until the day he does know. Slight angst, unrequited feelings (but don’t let that scare you off!) (FAVE!)
OBSESSIVE / POSSESSIVE SHERLOCK
Perdition’s Flames by i_ship_an_armada(E, Treklock, 63,435 w., | mild Possessive Sherlock) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe
The Things You Hide *Adult Edition* by verityburns(E, 10,821 w.) – Sherlock and John have been working and living together for nearly a year, each finding the other’s friendship to be the one thing they would not risk or want to live without. Until something happens to disturb the status quo…
Let Go by thisisforyou(G, 2,743 w.) – In the end, separating John’s things from Sherlock’s in the chaos of their sitting room is like pulling a limpet from a wet rock. Especially when the rock is clinging on for dear life, because Sherlock doesn’t want to let go.
In the cherry blossom’s shade by Eliane(M, 3,934 w.) – “This isn’t new. Sherlock has already done this – has gone through cities, and dingy hotels, and sleepless nights but it was different before. John wasn’t there before. They’re in this together.”
The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night(G, 2161 w.) –Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious. Marrying John was the only thing he could do to ensure John was his.
The Light of Day by allonsys_girl(M, 7297 w.) – Rewrite of the end of Sign of Three. John actually notices Sherlock leaving the reception early, and chases after him. Angsty Johnlock. Happy ending, for sure. Part 1 of The Light of Day
Let the Sun Fade Out by nothingislittle(E, 2711 w.) – “He could warm the sun itself, Sherlock thinks, could heat their flat with just his presence, could brighten the room with one dazzling smile or just the sparkling in his eyes. Everything hurts when John looks this beautiful, but it’s a dulcet, aching pain, one that consumes Sherlock from the inside, that sends soft pangs through his abdomen and lodges a lump solidly in his throat. John glows, he glitters, he’s light itself, Sherlock thinks, and doesn’t even bother to scold himself for exaggerating, because he’s not, he’s not, John is everything, he’s beautiful and he shines, he’s everything.”
Hi Ivy! Well, here I am, back to the grindstone with the Big Kahuna of Series 4 questions: why do you think Mofftiss chose to have John beat up Sherlock in TLD? They didn't have to go there, right? What was the point of going that far, and then not even showing us the emotional 'pay-off' we assume happened before TFP? Why do this if the point of the show is to portray the devotion between Sherlock and John and their journey to a legendary partnership?
Perhaps we can come at this by considering what narrative function John’s violence serves in the story.
First things first: an important part of John’s characterization is that he cannot express his most intense feelings in words. He doesn’t say the things he needs to say.
I don’t think you can overestimate just how much John hates himself in The Lying Detective. He has failed in every way that matters to him: he cheated on his wife (as far as he’s concerned), he’s abandoned his daughter. He’s drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He’s hallucinating. John is broken. He says nothing, which means he’s not yet completely broken.
The slow breakdown of John Watson isn’t just about Mary’s death, but that does bring it to a head. It’s also about the still-steaming revelation of Mary’s past and how she lied to him from tip to tail. He placed all of his faith and trust in Sherlock, and he failed to deliver. He feels betrayed, but unable to express that. He must accept things as they are because it’s the right thing to do, but he can’t do it. He hates himself for failing everyone he knows, and he hates everyone he loves for failing him. He is rudderless. Still: he says nothing. He hasn’t quite hit rock bottom yet.
And then he finally does.
When John breaks completely and hits and kicks Sherlock, he has been dragged into a case after forcefully pushing Sherlock out of his life, repeatedly reminded that he’s a failure even at the one thing he’s valued for (writing about Sherlock), and has to face that fact while waiting outside a loo while Sherlock get high, literally on his way to killing himself again. Then he watches Sherlock apparently falsely accuse a man of being a serial killer and then threaten him with a scalpel. Sherlock is out of control too. It’s John’s job to keep Sherlock in line, isn’t it? But what good is he at that?
John is angry with Sherlock for letting Mary die, for betraying him, for failing to be the man John believes him to be. John hates himself for failing to live up any even a single one of his own standards. Hurting someone he loves, something he also did to Mary without her knowing it, is, I think, the ultimate expression of how broken he has become. He is there to protect Sherlock, but he does the opposite. It is his final and ultimate low. John is now utterly broken.
He does not apologize for his actions. Or at least, we don’t hear him apologize. He stands at the foot of Sherlock’s hospital bed and bears witness to the evidence of his rage, the damage he caused to someone he loves. How long does he stand there? We don’t know. How does he feel? Does he regret what he’s done? Is he ashamed of himself? He comes to say goodbye, but he can’t face a conscious Sherlock. He still can’t say any of the things that matter.
He walks out of the room expecting to never see Sherlock again. Mary forces John to admit that he can’t stop thinking about him. And that he hates himself. Is he sorry? I think he’s beyond sorry, but he says nothing.
Until he finally does.
I think the violence, the balled up emotions that never get expressed, are there to underscore the moment when they finally are. Finally, finally, when Sherlock asks John if he’s okay, he is truthful: no. He is not okay, and he will never be okay.
And then the floodgate is open. John says the things he never said. He asks the questions he always wanted to ask. Having reached the ultimate rock bottom, John is finally cracked entirely open. He is talking, and he is honest. And 221b blows up so that they can rebuild it and start over.
I think John hurts Sherlock in order to explode the part of him that holds him back. It is Sherlock’s guilt made flesh and blood, and it’s the action that pushes John to finally be brave to open his mouth.
I’ve asked to divulge whether I’m going to “do Johnlock” in my modern version of Sherlock Holmes. And, um. Yes and no. But hopefully not in the queerbating way. (If it is in anyway offensive to LGBTA+ folks, please tell me!) Here’s the main details.
*Sherlock finally kisses John*
*John pulls away in surprise*
John: Sherlock… I’m sorry to disappoint, but I like girls…
*Sherlock starts to look down, sadness and shock slowly corrupting his features*
John: And guys. Hope that you don’t mind.
*drags Sherlock in for another kiss*
“So you’re…all packed then? Ready to go?” Sherlock half-whispers, standing in the living room with John. The dull light outside casts short shadows across their faces. It’s gray, and cool. Raining, of course.
‘When is it not anymore?’ Sherlock wonders.
“Uhh, yeah, yep. Train leaves in a couple hours. Should pro…should probably head out. Umm, ” he checks his watch again. “Right about now.” He pulls his eyes back up to Sherlocks, setting a hardness to his jaw. There’s nothing to say here, nothing to do, he thinks. This was never going anywhere, you moron.
You can’t break what never existed.
“Right, well, safe journey, and I’ll uh…I’ll see you when I see you.” Sherlock shifts his weight forward, and begins to extend his arms, but drops one at the last second, going for a handshake instead. John takes his hand and shakes it firmly. He also holds it, warmly. They both think about how else they could say goodbye but neither can break the seal.
“Congratulations, again John, really this is incredible. You’ve earned it.” So earnestly Sherlock says this, and it’s true- he’s so proud of and happy for John. The head surgeon position in Paris opened up about a month ago, and John was hesitant to leave Sherlock-err, umm, his life here, behind. His job and the cases and the flat, and…Sherlock. Sherlock.
But what end did he think he was holding out for? Sherlock said- and reiterated himself, he doesn’t do- whatever it was John couldn’t even bring himself to think about. Whatever it was he wanted. Because God almighty if he thought it then it would consume him.
From that first case to the whole Irene thing to The Fall. Those years where John remembers only working and sleeping, after Sherlock died. Those two years when nothing else but existence occurred. And then when Sherlock came back and John finally woke up. And it felt like the first time he met Sherlock again. Songs he had listened to for decades suddenly made sense. Possibilities were everywhere. He didn’t mind, even enjoyed, the rain.
But it had been a year since Sherlock came back to him and still John saw no change. So when an opportunity to start over without the indescribable agony of loving Sherlock like this presented itself, John hesitantly accepted.
“Thanks yeah, I’m uh, I’m excited. Adventures and all that.”
‘You have adventure here too, so why are you really leaving?’ Sherlock questions to himself.
“Yeah, adventures. Well umm I’ll uh, walk you out?”
They walk silently down the stairs. John opens the door. Silence. He pushes his trunk out onto the steps, without a word.
“I’ll be sure your boxes get sent right away.”
“Thanks mate,” the word slips out with a little bitterness. “Thank you…Sherlock.” He tries to compensate. John swallows hard trying to keep the sobs down, clenching his jaw again. John hails a cab to the door of 221B.
Sherlock can only wave in response. As John turns away, dragging his trunk behind, Sherlock gives a half-hearted salute, and turns sharply, closing the door with a gentle click.
Sherlock closes the door to their-his flat. As this realization dawns on him, he lets his hands slide down the wood and to his sides. The motion of moving downward catches his whole body though, and he’s curled up on the floor against the door suddenly. Sherlock breathes shallowly, fighting two strong urges- crying hysterically, and pushing it all back down because if he lets go now he may never stop crying. It’s build a bridge or drown. Neither is more appealing than the other yet, so he waits in limbo.
John’s cab ride is no more pleasant. He keeps his eyes on his shoes, unable to look at all the familiar places he’ll likely never see again. The restaurants they got takeout at when it’s 3 am. Sherlock’s favorite curry place. Angelo’s. The streets they ran down chasing whoever. The Thames, The Eye, Big Ben. The places Sherlock said really, very funny things that always but shouldn’t take John by surprise. The places they almost died. The place Sherlock did.
On the platform John can’t help remembering the time Sherlock took him to Angelo’s on stakeout. That conversation.
Flattered by your interest. Not my area.
All the things he thought those first few days, trying to figure out what he felt.
All those people that think Sherlock is gay.
How he never denies it. And…how John says “I’m not gay”. Because he’s not. But all of this bullshit he’s been fed and is still trying to unlearn.
That one time, “that’s what I was suggesting.”
“No it wasn’t. At least I hope not.”
I hope not.
All those “People will talk” moments. “I hope no one saw that.” I hope not. I hope not.
‘I’ve done this. I pushed him away. He thinks I’m not interested because I was scared. I pushed him away. I have to…I’m…’
John jumps up and starts walking back towards the street. ‘I have to tell him. I have to try.’
Sherlock can’t get those words out of his mind.
Married to my work. Abhorrent. Virus in the data.
He thinks I don’t want him because that’s what I told him. But that first night. He asked, or he tried. And all that he told me about growing up.
He always chooses cases over dates. He could have stopped ages ago. He could have not moved back after I went away…if he would rather have something else, someone else. But now he’s going to so…but after six years… who wouldn’t try to move on?
Why do I have to be alone? Why? John has proven time and time and time again that he cares. He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. He…he sees such good in me. Me.
Sherlock sits upright immediately. If he cares about me and could have left long ago had he wanted to, if he had opportunity to find someone while I was away but didn’t, then…
“Whatever remains, however improbable…”
John’s train departs in five minutes and Sherlock is a good ten minute walk from the platform.
So it’s a good thing he’s not walking.
The Belstaff billows behind him as he tries to politely shove people aside. After the upteenth ‘excuse me’ you just get tired of niceties.
The seconds flash by as he sprints to platform twenty-seven.
Two minutes. Platform twelve. Thirteen.
One minute. Platform fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen.
He hears someone shout his name and is taken somewhat aback. Who the hell knows me here? What do you need?
But it seemed so familiar. And then he sees him. John. Dr. John Hamish Watson…Sprinting towards him?
They skid to a stuttering halt in front of platform eighteen. A pause, and an exchange of one another’s names, out of breath and weak and shocked. Reality sets in and they know. Finally, at the same time, they both know.
Eyes close, Sherlocks hands cup John’s face and John’s find Sherlocks waist. They kiss, softly, quick pecks because goddamit they’re so out of breath. They pull back just enough to see each other’s faces, laughing. And take a moment. Foreheads lean together and they catch their breath.
“Again then?” John inquires hopefully.
This time it’s deeper. Gentle, and so satisfying. They stay like this, long after John’s train has announced it’s depart (and neither notice). They don’t know who started first but they pull away when their faces are wet and red with tears and they can’t breathe again. Sniffling and gently wiping away the tears, they stroke hair and faces and arms. Squeeze hands. Nudge noses and nuzzle necks. They lean their foreheads together again and laugh.
“I love you Sherlock.” John says between sniffles.
“I love you too John.” He whispers croakily. “Come home. Please.”
“Thought I already was home.”
Sherlock considers for a moment, assessing this response. An approving nod and a simple “Smooth”.
They laugh again and start walking, Sherlock taking John’s bag off of his bad arm.
“What do you want for dinner?” Asks John.
“Dunno, but I’m starving.” John thinks this may be a loaded response, mostly because Sherlock looks directly at John’s lips.
Eventually they find something delicious and satisfying.
NOTES: I wrote a thing. This is something I had a conversation with @sherlcckholmes
This is obviously a very unoriginal theme but I wanted to put it into my own words so *shrugs*. I hope you like it! I’ve never really written anything other than short headcanons so this was an adventure!
Originally requested by anon: can you do one where Sherlock comes home from a long case which he finally solved but is beaten up and and bruised and he doesn’t understand why is reader is so worried because Sherlock + human emotions = ? Winner of Sequel Friday #2
Pairing: Sherlock x reader
Word count: 2,690
Warnings: None, I think.
A/N: I know I said I would add a bit of smut, but I couldn’t find a way of doing so because it would be too rushed. Sorry! Maybe, if you want a third part I will focus on that.
To say that
her behaviour changed after Sherlock’s strange confession would be a lie. (Y/N)
was still the same professional, friendly, caring girl Sherlock had fallen for
within an instant.
made sure to take good care of him, and so his bruises were healing and his
limping was almost gone. Sherlock was afraid that her interest would be soon
lost without his wounds and so he would try his best to get rid of the ice and
heat packs whenever she wasn’t looking, or faked to drink the medicine just so
it would last a bit more.
know, John.” (Y/N) sighed to the phone, “He was fine and now he… He sunk.” She
stood silent for a while, and Sherlock observed her from a slight creek on the
door. “Yes! I’ve done everything; the bruises are still there… I’m getting
worried, John, what if it’s something else?” Sherlock rolled his eyes, “Fine…
All right, thank you… Bye.” She hung up, and Sherlock rushed back to the bed
before she saw him.
John?” He asked innocently as she entered the room.
Mary and he are taking the baby to the park for a while and then they will come
over.” She replied softly.
bad. Her eye-bags were pretty big by then and her hair was messy, her usually
pink lips were pale and her whole complexion seemed to have changed. She looked
skinny, and sad.
you still worried?” He inquired tiredly, “I’m good now.”
not.” She stated, staying at the door. “The bruises are still there without a
single change… It’s like you haven’t been on treatment or something.”
hesitated to speak. He knew it was his fault, his own envious fault, wanting to
stay ill just for the sake of having her focused only on him. Sherlock knew he
had to tell her the truth, he felt bad when seeing her like that, but what if
she lost interest?
You never know what a game of Never Have I Ever can (surprisingly) uncover. As it turns out, someone wasn’t nearly as inexperienced
heart and body considered
as everyone had thought.
Sherlock had always been extremely reluctant to join their Friday evening pub trips. After tonight, however, Lestrade was beginning to think that at least part of the reason had nothing to do with the Consulting Detective being “busy with work” as he so insisted.
Perhaps next time they should try Truth or Dare, thought the Detective Inspector, as he helped John drag a heavily inebriated Sherlock towards the cab they’d hailed.
How absolutely priceless would it be, to have the Posh Boy text something interesting to that secret girlfriend of his.
A/N- I don’t know much about anxiety and panic attacks. I really do hope I haven’t offended anyone with this! If I have please let me know and I will take it down… Or if you want to suggest ways for me to edit it please do!