While Benjamin Franklin has been credited with such inventions as the urinary catheter, bifocal glasses and the lightning rod, there’s another creation that has received surprisingly little attention — the head press. Pictured above, the head press was one of Franklin’s favorite inventions. “What you do is, you force a person’s head under the press, and then you turn this handle until you crush the person’s head,” wrote Franklin in his seminal work, The Head Press and How to Use It (1777). “It’s really useful when you’re having a disagreement with John Adams and you just want to get him to shut the hell up.”
- James Madison “accidentally” buys prostitutes for foreign ambassadors
- Jefferson eating a tomato like an apple at a dinner and everyone rushing off to find a doctor because Americans thought tomatoes were poisonous
- Washington and Lafayette falling asleep under a tree after Monmouth
- Washington cursing out Charles Lee after his retreat
- James Armistead Lafayette, who was a badass spy during the revolution and gave Lafayette vital information which led to the victory at Yorktown. Lafayette freed him and James was so grateful he took Lafayette’s last name
- Lafayette being given an alligator as a gift and, not knowing what to do with it, regifting it to John Quincy Adams
- the Constitutional Convention going out and getting turnt two days before the signing of the Constitution, and some of the additional charges being a broken chair, cups, and chamber pots
- John Hancock being smol
- Alexander Hamilton’s argument against hanging John Andrè basically being “he’s too pretty”
- Aaron Burr sleeping through Valentine’s Day
- Lafayette naming his ONLY son after George Washington
- Ben Franklin and John Adams once having to share a room with one bed and falling asleep arguing whether or not they should sleep with the window open or closed
- Ben Franklin taking “air baths” which consisted of him sitting naked in a bathtub for hours a day
- Aaron Burr having a knife hidden in the handle of his umbrella, and then LOSING said umbrella
- John Adams’ kid Charles once ran naked across Harvard Yard
- Alexander Hamilton losing his check book and having to write the bank of New York for a new one, while also requesting his account balance which he didn’t know, which he wrote in the check book, which he lost
- Aaron Burr hitting his head on the same pipe twice jfc he’s such a mess
- Thomas Jefferson getting a terrible headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl
- John Adams naming his dog Satan
- Alexander Hamilton’s letters to his totally hetero bro™ John Laurens being censored by his descendants
- George Washington running for the House of Burgesses and getting his constituents totally smashed so they would vote for him
i was doing some research on john adams bc that’s the kind of girl i am.. and i found out that he was deeply unpopular because of an act he passed. they were called the alien and sedition acts. i didn’t think much of it until i read the article and this is what i found.
in the alien and sedition acts, john adams:
did not allow people to protest the government
did not allow immigrants into the US
did not allow freedom of the press
fined and imprisoned those who would “write, print, utter, or publish… any false, scandalous and malicious writing” agains the government
violated personal rights
RESTRICTED FREEDOM OF SPEECH
and it made me think… wow… i’m glad that the United States has come far so we don’t have to worry about all this….
and then i realized… this is exactly what Donald Trump is doing.
history is repeating itself. donald trump is the new john adams. spread the mf word.
Since US history is all the rage now, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stories about the founding fathers.
-John Adams and Thomas Jefferson once visited the home of Shakespeare together… and both broke off pieces of one of the writer’s chairs so that they could take home souvenirs.
-When he was given an official surrender document during the French-Indian War, George Washington blindly signed the thing because he didn’t want to admit he couldn’t read French. In doing so, he basically solely accepted the blame of multiple war crimes. Somehow he wormed his way out of this… one of his methods was to blame his translator.
-Ben Franklin was forbidden from writing the Declaration of Independence because the founding fathers thought he would try to slip in puns and jokes.
-John Hancock was a convicted smuggler. Charges were dropped against him after he hired John Adams for a lawyer.
-Aaron Burr was a firm believer in the intellectual equality of men and women and lobbied for women’s suffrage.
-John Adams named his dog Satan.
-James Madison was our smallest president, at 5'4" and roughly 100 pounds.
-When he was 26, Washington bribed voters into electing him into office with alcohol… he gave certain voters about a half gallon for choosing him.
-Ben Franklin once wrote an essay urging scientists to “improve the odor of flatulence.”
-Jefferson warned Lewis & Clark to beware of giant sloths during their expedition.
-Adams and Jefferson were the original bros; after a lifetime of friendship, bitterness, and more friendship, they died hours apart on the same day- July 4th. Adams’ last words were, “Jefferson survives.” Well, not quite.
-Washington crossed enemy lines during the Battle of Germantown to return a lost dog to General Howe.
-The Star Spangled Banner was based off of a rowdy English drinking song.
-Alexander Hamilton’s descendants heavily edited and even hid some of his letters to his totally hetero bro, John Laurens, claiming “the content was embarrassing and indecent.”
-Ben Franklin opted for the turkey to be the U.S. national bird, claiming that bald eagles were cold and volatile.
-A few days before signing the Declaration, the Constitutional Convention got LIT. It’s rumored that the founding fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 7 bottles of Claret, 7 bowls of spiked punch, 22 bottles of porter, 8 bottles of whiskey and 8 bottles of hard cider in this one night.
What Ham says: Sit down John, you fat mother f*cker!
What Ham means: An open letter to the fat, arrogant, anti-charismatic, national embarrassment known as “President John Adams” (sh*t). The man’s irrational. He claims that I’m in league with Britain in some vast international intrigue?! Bitch, please! You wouldn’t know what I’m doing. You’re always going berserk, but you never show up to work. Give my regards to Abigail next time you write about my lack of moral compass. At least I do my job up in this rumpus. That line is behind me; I crossed it again, while the president lost it again. Aw, such a rough life, better run, tell your wife that the boss is in Boston again. Let me ask you a question. Who sits at your desk when you’re in Massachusetts? They were calling you a dick back in ‘76 and you haven’t done anything new since. You’re a nuisance with no sense. You’ll die of irrelevance. Go ahead, you can call me the devil, you aspire to my level, you inspire to malevolence. Say hi to the Jeffersons! And spies all around me, maybe they can confirm. I don’t care if I kill my career with this letter, I’m confining you to one term. You fat mother f*cker!
After writing to each other up until their deaths, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died hours apart. Adams’ last words were ‘Thomas Jefferson still survives’ (even though he died five hours earlier) and if that’s not the cutest thing, then I don’t know what is.