john a. boehner

i love debate children:

“can i use that tournament as an excuse to not go to a sweet sixteen even if i’m not going?”

“in my first round i accidentally said presidential erection”

“my partner thought john boehner was pronounced john boner”

“can i borrow a pad to blow my nose? i’m desperate”

“that is the most policy impact i’ve ever heard.”

“you’re really sassy during cross and it’s borderline bitchy” “thank you”

“i was trying to channel how petty you are in cross. do you think it worked?”

“what if someone said Okinawa instead of okie doke?” (my partner looked really dead when i said that rip)

“you make tournaments suck less bro.” “bro :’)”

“i strongly urge an affegative ballot thank you”

“they become bitter” “shut up we’re not talking about your coffee”

“i would just like to point out that my opponents are lying hypocrites”

“you two are getting along a lot better now” “i’m only nice bc i wanna be captain next year”

“get away from me you filthy memers”

“there’s gonna be a lot of anti-american sentiment if we don’t life the embargo” “buddy there’s already a lot of anti-american sentiment tell me something i don’t know”

“these heels make me feel like i’m stabbing my feet with my most hq g2s”

“what if you died to death?”

“i would stab you with my pen but it’s brand new”

“coffee is like the unicorn blood of the muggle world”

“you look like you’re really dead inside” “thanks it’s from debate”

me @ my partner “i don’t understand why debate partners wear identical outfits” (we wore basically the same outfit that day)

@satangela666: “venezuela is cuba’s sugar daddy”

“tribal sovereignty is that in which one is sovereign and exercises sovereign rights”

“we must plant the seeds of democracy around the world and watch it blossom into beautiful flowers” “shut your face”

“i’ve had enough of your depressing nihilist meme culture”

“just ask america why they want cuban doctors”

“i would take a bullet for you in a nonlethal area of the body” “bro :’)”

“i’ve learned so much about our team that i never wanted to”

“is the plural of sheep shoop or sheep?”

“i understand your argument do you have an actual question?” (vibha looked so dead when i said that but we won so it’s ok)

“just debate your date partner”

“if the source is from december 29, can i round it to the next year?”

i showed this to my coach and he started crying i feel so bad for him for having to deal with us
In Major Blow To Trump, GOP Health Care Bill Vote Delayed
The bill faced opposition from the center and right within the party. And Trump, for all his efforts at deal-making, hasn't been able yet to secure the votes.

John Boehner, when he was speaker of the GOP-controlled House, once likened his job to keeping 218 frogs in a wheelbarrow.

President Trump and current House Speaker Paul Ryan are running into the same problem.

NPR’s Susan Davis reports that the long-promised Republican bill to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, has been delayed. It was supposed to get a vote Thursday night, but it has been running into trouble — from both the right and the center.

Oh no. No no no. He’s scared to death of his wife. Scared. To. Death.”

John Boehner, on whether he ever saw Barack Obama sneak a cigarette (context: this was asked to Boehner after he outlined a meeting with Obama in 2011 during which Obama was “chomping on Nicorette,” - Politico)

Seth Meyers Has "A Couple Things" For Steve Scalise About Speaking At A White Power Conference

This week Congress is back in session, and yesterday, Republicans held a press conference where reporters continued to ask why the #3 ranking House Republican Steve Scalise gave the keynote address at a white power conference twelve years ago.

Which brings us to a segment we like to call…“A Couple Things.”

Okay, so Congressman Scalise, couple things. First thing: You said you didn’t know anything about the crowd you were speaking to because tools like Google weren’t available back then. 

Of course, back then we called it “Google.”

Second Thing: You didn’t just attend the conference. You gave the keynote address.

Third Thing: Kenny Knight, The man who asked Scalise to speak at the conference, defended him by saying he and Scalise never talked about race or the Jewish question.

The Jewish question?!

Final Thing: John Boehner said today of Scalise that he knows what’s in his heart. With all due respect, politicians, I don’t want to know what’s in your heart. This isn’t a song from the ‘80s. I want to know what’s in your head.

And if this doesn’t have the answers, Google it.

WATCH: Couple Things: Rep. Steve Scalise at a White Supremacy Conference

Paul Ryan’s google search history July 11th 2017

  •  "Ayn Rand bible" 
  • “Ludwig von Mises bible”
  • “Famous bibles" 
  • “bibles owned by white dudes”
  • “bibles owned by white rich dudes”
  • “swearing like a bro”
  • “swearing with a bible like a bro”
  • “how to hire a private investigator to find guys who made fun of me in college”
  • “law bro”
  • “law dude”
  • “lawyer”
  • “legal advice”
  • “legality of sending US citizen to Guantanamo bay”
  • “legality of sending a former president to Guantanamo bay”    
  • “look ripped in 30 days”
  • “directions to white house gym”
  • “p90x”
  • “p90x for presidents”
  • “executive office bowflex”
  • “official presidential workout”
  • “how to get an agent”
  • “how to file for a trademark”
  • “where to buy empathy”
  • “does the president have to touch poor people?”
  • “bulk tiny american flags”
  • “inauguration” 
  • “DC weather august”
  • “indoor inauguration”
  • “edible arrangements”
  • “mike pence address”
  • “Fort Leavenworth federal penitentiary address” 
  • “secret service code names”
  • “Rage Mortarfury”
  • “does the presidential ‘football’ actually contain a football?”
  • “harry and david gift baskets”
  • “Cock brothers address”
  • “Kock brothers address”
  • “Koch brothers address”
  • “is koch pronounced like cock?”
  • “reddit”
  • “reddit conservative jokes”
  • “gifts for jewish bros”
  • “Sheldon Adelson address”
  • “rubber dogshit”
  • “John Boehner address”  

“There’s no job like ‘SNL.’ There’s no other job you go to where you’re like, 'Oh, this is like that live, late-night sketch variety-musical show that shoots in, whatever it is, 10,000 feet of sound stage.’ There’s nothing like it.”-Taran Killam