joffrey baratheon*

Not What It Seems.  Hamilton College!AU Part 1

Word Count: 1350

Warning(s): Mention of death

Request: None

A/N: I’m sorry this is crap.

Tagged: @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit @myladymojo @whenthingsgettoughdontpushmeaway @interwebseriesfan24 @pixel-pisces @eternallyademon


Alexander Hamilton was never one to think of murder. He saw himself as a peaceful man who was full of thought, yet now in this moment the thought of committing such an act was strong, for he was going to slaughter whoever kept stealing his fucking pens. It happened every time he had to go to that ridiculous  psychology class. Every tuesday and thursday he would walk in with a bundle of sleek black ballpoint pens, only to have one left at the end of class. He didn’t actually know how the holy hell this kept happening, but he knew that the moment he found out who it was he was going to go all Joffrey Baratheon on them. 

“It’s a woman! My roommate is a woman!”, His friend Aaron Burr whispered harshly at the group of males that sat in the library together. Hamilton was too busy fuming about his missing pens to know how the subject of Burr’s new roommate was brought up. 

“You’re acting like it’s such a terrible thing. A female roommate could be beneficial to you. Make you see that not everything is gloomy and depressing”, Hercules stated calmly as he began to sketch out a design for his fashion design class. His father was a tailor and seemed to inherit the same passion for clothes as his old man. 

“Herc is right, and it not like her being a female is against the rules. The female to male ratio is off, and there are way more females attending this year than any year before. So a lot of the dorms now have both sexes.”, Alexander explained as he recounted his pens. There was only 14 left, he would have to go back to the store to get more. 

There was a moment of silence as none of them had anything to say. Lafayette was practicing his English by translating Burrs French textbook. Burr was tapping his pencil against the table as he finished some math equations. Hercules’s sketch was starting to look like a blue summer dress. John who has yet to speak was in nose deep into his marine biology textbook as he was trying to do his research proposal that was probably concerning turtles. Alexander was scrolling on his phone, trying to see where he can get more of his favorite pens at a cheaper price. This is usually what happened when the group of males got together, they didn’t talk much when they didn’t have to, and enjoyed the comfortable silence that surrounded the group. 

“I have to go”, Hercules calmly spoke as he began to put all his supplies back into his messenger bag. This caused all the boys to perk up.

“Go where? You never leave early”, John stated as he look at his wristwatch, “It’s only 5:30 we have 30 minutes left of studying before we leave”

John Laurens, was a person who believed heavily on time. He hated being late for anything or leaving before a certain time. Though this sometimes became a problem, the group was thankful for him. It was a collective decision for John to be the one to remind anyone about daily activities or when something started or ended. He kept a timetable of everyone’s class schedule just for emergencies. 

“Today is Tayah’s and mine three year anniversary, so I’m taking her into the city for dinner. Got this whole thing planned out and everything, so I can’t be late. I’ll text you all later.” And with that the group of five became four. 

Hercules left the remaining group dumbfounded and shock, as they couldn’t ever remember the time when their friend mentioned anything about a girlfriend. Taking a look at one another they all tried to think of something to say.

“How in all things holy did none of us know that he has been in a relationship for the past three years?”, Burr asked slowly as if he was trying to think of how he was going to form the question.

“I thought he was gay”

All eyes were on the French student, as he fixed his ponytail. 

“There is a saying that 1 in 5 are homosexual, so I just assumed it was him”, Lafayette continued, “I mean we never seen him in the presence of a woman, he is always doodling those dresses, and has a terrific fashion sense.”

“You do realize that I’m the gay of this group right?”, John spoke up.

“But three years? How could we not know for three years? How do you hide a relationship for three years?”, Hamilton asked completely ignoring the gay statements.  

Hamilton began to scroll through the university’s student profiles trying to find anyone named Tayah. There were seven female students with that name. 

“Who cares. Herc obviously likes this girl a whole lot if he’s been committed for so long, we should let him be. When he’s ready, he’ll introduce us to her”, John explained as he closed his textbooks. 

Silence fell over them again. All of the equally surprised, and didn’t know what to say. 

“So going back to Aaron’s roommate. Is she cute?”, Lafayette asked pushing away the French book to the other side of the table. 

“Well she is cute, but not as cute as-”

“If you say Theodosia I will shove this pen down your throat”, Alexander interrupted Burr as he pointed one of the few pens he had left at him. 

“She’s cute, but she doesn’t talk much. I asked if she would need anything for dinner or if she would be fine being by herself tonight. All she said was, ‘I’m going to make a cake’.”, Aaron paused as he leaned back in his chair, “The woman is going to make a cake for her dinner! If she can’t cook we are both screwed. I can’t cook and if she can’t cook then we are probably going to starve.”

“At least you know she can bake”, John laughed as he got up to stretch his long torso.

This caused Burr slam his head on the tabled, none of the boys bothered to ask if he was okay as the started to put their stuff away. John looked at his watch and reminded them that they had 10 minutes left of study time. Waving his good friend off, Alexander stood up and placed his backpack on one shoulder. 

“Hercules already left. So there’s no point. How about we all get some food and go watch the football game.”, Alexander threw his arm around John pulling the young man close to him.

“You don’t like football Alexander, you said it was a sport for idiots”, John replied back as he watch his other two friends gather their own stuff. 

“Yes, I did say that, but Jefferson is on the team and I want to be there when he falls on his ass or gets tackled to the ground.”

“Your hatred for that man is astonishing Alexander”, Burr calmly stated entering in the convocation as the four men began to exit the library.

“I like seeing him fail, it bring me happiness. Nothing wrong with being happy.”

It wasn’t unknown of the mutual hatred that was shared between both Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson. Ever since the first day of sophomore year the two of them butted heads. When asked to describe Thomas, Alexander would say: ‘a devil, maron wearing idiotic moron who doesn’t know jackshit.’ Those were the exact words he gave the New Colonies University newspaper when they required him to make a statement on the new student. 

“Is that blood?”, Lafayette asked interrupting the convocation about Alexander’s rivail as they approached the food court. This sparked curiosity in Hamilton’s brain as he began to follow the red splotches. 

“Hamilton what are you doing?”, Burr asked as the group began to follow their reckless friend to where the trail ended at the pizza standing. Gently Alexander stretched his hand out to push the door open. All four of them were met with the unwelcoming scene of a dead body and blood splattered everywhere.

Crowns: 1. Robert Baratheon  2. Joffrey Baratheon and Tommen Baratheon 3. Renly Baratheon  4. Margaery Tyrell  5. Cersei Lannister  6. Joffrey Baratheon   7. Driftwood Crown Euron Greyjoy  8. Cersei Lannister

Just a few friendly reminders to everyone:

— This is about the oldest Sansa is supposed to look in text.

Sansa is eleven when:

  • She is betrothed to Joffrey
  • When the Trident Fight happens
  • When her father literally kills the symbolic representation of her soul (and possible psychological/spiritual twin) because of a fight other people had
  • When she gets drunk for the first time
  • When her father first lets her outside the city limits with no one but another eleven year old girl and Septa Mordane for a guard
  • Sandor Clegane first threatens her life (an incident that came about prompted by her paying him a compliment)

Sansa is twelve when:

  • She begs for her father’s life
  • She watches him die
  • She is made a prisoner of war
  • She is beaten regularly
  • She is nearly gangraped by a mob
  • Sandor Clegane sneaks into her room drunk off of his ass, forces her onto a bed, holds a knife to her throat, threatens her life again, and nearly rapes her
  • She feels the need to sneak out at night with a knife under her cloak to go meet with a drunk knight she isn’t sure she can trust
  • People start commenting on/staring at her boobs A LOT. (Sandor, the seamstresses, Tyrion, every man at court, random stable boys, Myranda Royce)
  • She is stripped and beaten in front of the court
  • She is threatened and is practically dragged to the Sept to marry Tyrion, an event she doesn’t know about until she is in the damn wedding dress. She is told she’s going to be “wedded and bedded” regardless of what she wants.
  • She is molested by Joffrey in front of a crowd
  • She is threatened with rape by Joffrey
  • Tyrion molests her

She is thirteen when:

  • She learns she’s basically lost her entire family to her husband’s family
  • She is unwittingly implicated in a regicide plot
  • She is taken into the custody of the most prolific pimp in Westeros, a man who sold her best friend into sexual slavery, first to a brothel, then to Ramsay Bolton
  • She becomes a fugitive from the law, entirely reliant on said pimp, who is responsible for her fugitive status
  • Marillion tries to rape her
  • Petyr kisses her without her permission (sexual assault)
  • Lysa tries to kill her for said sexual assault
  • A sick little boy starts trying to suck on her boobs in the middle of the night
  • Her captor/”father” starts prompting further kisses from her and has her sit in his lap while he promises her gifts

Just feel like people need to keep this all in mind. Because it seems like people are really into either a) shaming/judging Sansa for the way she copes or b) romanticizing and/or eroticizing certain relationships that are inflicted upon an underage girl by much older men. And I don’t even mean as shipping. I’m not talking about fanfiction or people thinking that Sansa and this person might make a good pair eventually or something. 

I mean like, people who try to justify the textual stuff and pretend it’s not problematic, assault, or exploitative. Shipping is one thing, but trying to argue that there’s nothing wrong in text about what transpires between Sansa and person a, b, or c is a whole other matter entirely. 

Furthermore, I’m really, REALLY getting sick of people seeing Sansa as “learning to manipulate men through her sexuality”. I’ve seen several people ACTUALLY CLAIM that “using her sexuality to influence men” is the “ONLY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT” SHE GOES THROUGH.

She’s a little girl who has gone through a process of rapid sexual abuse and grooming. SHE IS NOT A TEMPTRESS OR SEX KITTEN. NONE OF THE SEXUAL CONTACT SHE’S HAD HAS BEEN CONSENSUAL. SHE IS SEXUALIZED FROM AGE ELEVEN. 

These arguments are the same sort of thing I’ve seen from people who want to claim Lolita is sexy. Lolita is about a girl who gets coerced, imprisoned, and raped by her step-father. 

Sansa’s story is not sexy (at least not thus far), it is the worst type of sexual. It is overwhelmingly traumatic for someone so young. It is purposely an inversion/deconstruction of romance and eroticism. 

…. Also, stop expecting a highly sheltered 11-13 year old to process trauma and abuse like an adult.