joel's-family

Words With Friends continues to “hand-pick” one person a day that it wants me to play with.

I’m starting to notice some recurring themes. 

First of all, you’ve got:

  • Theme #1: Very Dangerous Children

Roseyb3′s 3-year-old is apparently allowed to pilot a boat, and the dad sees no issue with this situation.

I don’t care if her pre-k has a NASBLA-approved certification course – I, for one, wouldn’t trust her maritime judgements.

As cute as the scene is, Jake’s toddler, uh… worries me.

See that look on his face?

That’s the face of a kid who finds just a little too much joy in the all-consuming wrath of fire.

I can only imagine what he’s envisioning doing to his teething toys now.

Maybe he’ll team up with…

…Rob’s kid, who already has his action movie sunglasses ready. 

If they don’t form a buddy-cop duo as a grizzled by-the-book preschooler and a pyromaniac toddler, I’ll be very disappointed.

Of course, you also have:

  • Theme #2: The Real Names of Classic Characters

For instance, Google says this character’s name is The Great Gazoo, but as his Words WIth Friends account clearly shows…

…it was actually just “Gary” all along.

And you prolly thought Mighty Mouse’s name was Mighty Mouse, didn’t you?

Wrong. It’s Bob. Bob Mighty Mouse.

…also, there’s a sentient mustache named “Kwaffens.”

Learn something new every day.

The most-common theme by far, though, is:

  • Theme #3: Whose Photo Is It Anyway

Which is Kaylah, here? They’re both equally out-of-frame… your guess is as good as mine.

One of these shadow people is cathy. 

Who? No clue.

Maybe it’s actually the sunset that’s named Cathy.

Which of the pairs is Becky? Carol? Bob? Hmmmm?

…well, ok, we can make some good guesses, but still.

This last one’s a double since any of them might be Mark, and it appears at least one of them is young enough to count as Very Dangerous Children, too.

“Come on, kids! Suppertime!” “Aww, gee, ma, can’t we have just 5 more minutes on our Inexplicable Oversized Climbing Frame?”

Some people, though, are simpler to understand. 

They’re just from different dimensions.

Abbey, evidentially, comes from an alternate dimension where everything is rotated 140° to the left.

SuzanneC19 hails from dimension C19, where everyone is a letter floating in the ethereal void of yellow.

Not half as cool as dimension C-137, lemme tell ya.

Crissyteach, meanwhile, is from the dimension where everyone is a tree.

What more can you say?

Of them all, though, Joel…. Joel weirds me out the most. 

He appears to be visiting some manner of monument/shrine… which appears to be inscribed with a modified… 

…84 Lumber logo?

And the shrine is just, like, out in the middle of a desert somewhere?

…surrounded by what looks like might be barbed wire?

I don’t know what the heck is going on, but listen… if you’re reading this, and never hear from me again, tell my family that Joel from the 82 Lumber Cult Dimension got me.

all the way home i’ll be warm

so, thanks to @jakelovesamy for the prompt, and to her and @elsaclack for all of the help!! i’m only including the prompt because it seems important that y’all all know that this started as a creepy cabin drabble. (title is from “let it snow” bc yes i Obviously wrote a christmas fic in mid-june) 

99. “We’re in an abandoned lodge in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you’re totally right, nothing bad could ever happen here.”

Jake Peralta has never enjoyed the outdoors. Sure, that one Cub Scouts camping trip in first grade was pretty fun, but that was mostly because his dad was Assistant Scoutmaster that year, and Jake got to stay up until the sun started to rise, making s’mores with Charlie Daniels and his brother. Adult Jake Peralta prefers snow plows, massage chairs, modern insulation, and easy-access delivery food.

Which makes the fact that he agreed to spend Christmas in a cabin in the middle of nowhere in upstate New York with his new wife’s family a remarkable testament to just how much he loves said new wife.

Of course, the Santiagos are a remarkably awesome bunch of people. Victor warmed up to him - finally - when Jake told the Santiagos about his intentions to marry Amy. He showed them the ring, and Victor decided that anyone who had managed to save up that much money with a credit score below 200 was plenty tenacious enough to be a Santiago. Her brothers, meanwhile, had warmed to him as soon as they learned how much he loved basketball and good cop movies (Luis once told him that there were so many Santiago brothers it wasn’t even that noticeable when they picked up a few extra along the way. Jake had never felt more thrilled to be so entirely a part of something).

Even with all that awesome, being snowed in with all of the Santiagos in an eight-bedroom “cabin” (it’s definitely way too large for that title, and yet still somehow too small for all seven brothers, their spouses, and the kids) for four days over Christmas was not his idea of a dream vacation. Jake has no idea exactly how many nieces and nephews he now has, but he knows that there are at least twenty children that made it to the cabin ranging from scarily-new infants to surly teenagers, and they all call him Tio Jake with an excitement that warms his heart.

Keep reading

  • Joel: Did you know about this? Girls being dropped from 20 feet, it's unbelievable.
  • Wednesday: I know right. 20 feet, walk it off.
  • Joel: ...Wednesday, you do know that normal people just don't "walk off" a 20 foot fall, right?
  • Wednesday: So... all those times I pushed Pubert off a building, and he was all AAAHHHHHH, he wasn't just being funny?
  • Pugsley: I thought it was funny, Wednesday.

the fact that tarjei now is signed to an agency that includes so many famous swedish actors (like for example the skarsgård family, joel kinnaman etc.) makes me so proud of him. he really deserves it. he is 17 years old and is still accomplishing stuff like this. it’s incredible, he is incredible! i’m looking forward to see what he will do in the future because he is for real the best actor i have seen in my life.

  • Joel: Did Wednesday get me the stuff?
  • Pugsley: Yeah, she says she got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
  • Joel: Wow. Where'd she find 12 gallons of fake blood?
  • Pugsley: You wanted FAKE blood?... I'll go call my sister.

Next up is Sarge’s pappi!

His name is Joel, he was an army surgeon, he’s a little stern and introverted, but excitable and goofy around his family, he’s a good cook and likes gardening, claims to like model building, but has never finished one, and his sagely dad advice should only be followed 50% of the time.

  • Gomez: Well, this is what the holidays are about. Family.
  • Joel: Yeah, right.
  • Gomez: Well, what does your family do for the holidays, Joel?
  • Joel: My family's dead.
  • Morticia: Ooh, I'm sorry to hear that, Joel.
  • Wednesday: Dude, your family died?
  • Joel: They're dead to me. My mom doesn't even know I'm here.
  • Wednesday: What?