joel benjamin illustration

​I Took the Internet Addiction Quiz and I Won

I’ve been clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for a long time and know a fair amount about addiction, which is why I’m able to recognize exactly what’s going on with me and the internet: I am trying to patch a hole inside me that cannot be patched by anything external. The internet gives me dopamine, attention, amplification, connection, and escape. It also distracts, disappoints, and paralyzes me, as well as catalyzes my false sense of self. I am cobbling together the dregs of what I can still use to get high into a shitty dopamine party.

Also, I don’t know what I’m doing. Lately I feel like the internet is cobbling me together. I feel like there is no longer any barrier where I end and the internet begins. I’m kind of scared.