joe sly

Promise |Joe Sugg|

Summary -  I was wondering if you could please do a request where Joe dares you to do the birthing simulator?

Word Count - 1,677

Warnings - N/A

“I really don’t want to do this.” You whined, throwing yourself down on Joe’s bed.

“Babe, you lost the bet. You don’t have a choice.” Joe chuckled, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he hovered over his camera that was sat on a tripod in front of you.

“Please don’t make me do this.” You pleaded, sitting up and looking at Joe, hoping that he would change his mind.

Joe chuckled as he turned his attention away from the camera and on to you.

“I would love to say no, but a bet is a bet. If I had lost, you would have made me do it right?” Joe asked, bending down so his face was inches away from yours.

“No. Of course I wouldn’t.” You smiled sweetly, biting down on your bottom lip.

Joe instantly smirked as he stared down at you. “Don’t lie. I love you, but I’m definitely going to make you do this. Just as you would have done to me if I had lost.”

Joe chuckled to himself as he leant down further and kissed the tip of your nose.

Rolling your eyes, you laid down on the bed again as Joe turned back to his camera.

“Jack and Conor are going to be here for support if that helps?” Joe chuckled, his back still facing you.

“How is that possibly going to help? You know that they will both just sit there laughing at me.” You shook your head as you moved so you were lying on the back, and closed your eyes.

A few seconds later, you felt the weight of the bed shift slightly before opening your eyes again to be welcomed by the sight of your boyfriend hovering over you, his hands resting by your head.

“Hey.” You giggled, keeping your hands by your side.

“I love you.” Joe chuckled, gently kissing your forehead before starting to plant kisses all over your face.

“Joe, stop!” You laughed, trying to push him off you.

“I’m just kissing my girlfriend.” Joe smirked, moving his lips down to your jaw line.

His actions instantly shot shivers down your spine, causing goose bumps to run down your arms.

“No, don’t. Don’t start because you know that Jack and Conor are going to walk in any second.” You chuckled, resting your hands on his chest.

“It won’t take long.” Joe grinned, his eyes sparkling.

“Tell me about it.” You laughed and rolled your eyes, as Joe glared at you playfully.

“I’m only joking.” You smirked as Joe moved next to you.

“Better had be or I’ll make this more painful than I need to.” Joe chuckled, gently placing a kiss on your cheek as you rested your head on his shoulder as the door of Joe’s bedroom opened.

“Not interrupting are we?” Jack asked, with a small smirk on his face as he slid his jacket off.

“No, don’t worry.” You chuckled, shaking your head at Jack and Conor.

Why did they always think that you and Joe were up to no good? Like you’d be stupid enough to do anything when you knew that Jack and Conor were coming over.

“Aw, better look next time.” Conor laughed.

“How did you even get in here without us letting you in?” You asked, running your hands through your hair.

“Oli is upstairs.” Jack shrugged, sitting on the bed. “What was this bet you lost then?”

“Oh, that’s not important, most important part is her punishment.” Joe smirked as he pressed record on his camera, and you all sat on his bed.

“So the other day, I was scrolling through the internet as I usually do-” Joe started.

“Why does the sound like the beginning of a weird fairy tale?” Jack asked, chuckling.

“- And I found a video of a lady and her partner, and they had this labour pain machine, and obviously Jack, Conor and I are never going to go through the pain of childbirth but…” Joe continued, smirking at you with a sparkle in his eye.

“Y/N is going to go through child birth today!” Conor grinned excitedly.

Honestly, they were like little children at Christmas.

“Y/N, we’re just preparing you for when you have kids so you know how to deal with it in the future.” Jack chuckled.

They were all clearly looking forward to this.

“So, this is a pregnancy simulator, and I’m going to strap Y/N up to it, and prepare her for her future children.” Joe told the camera, with a smirk on his face.

“I hate all of you.” You mumbled, ignoring the sniggering looks from the three boys that you were sat in the middle of.

“You don’t mean that.” Joe chuckled, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

Rolling your eyes, you laid down on the bed with a pillow under your head as Joe sat at the foot of the bed, with Jack and Conor next to you once Joe had attached the simulator pads to your back and stomach.

“So, Y/N is going to answer questions about our channels, and each time she gets one wrong, she is going to get a ‘contraction’ and-” Joe said, looking down the camera.

“And if you lie and change the answers, I swear you won’t live to have children yourself, Sugg.” You told him, giving him a playful glare.

“Anyway,” Joe chuckled, shaking his head at you. “First question, how may subscribers do I have?”

You gripped Jack’s hand as he chuckled excitedly.

“I don’t know, I don’t pay that much attention to your channel.” You smirked, nudging him gently in the back with your foot.

Your answer caused Jack and Conor to burst into fits of laughter.

Joe rolled his eyes but gave you a playful grin. “Come on babe.”

“To the exact bloody number?” You asked, your mind quickly searching for an educated guess.

“I’ll let you have it in the million point the hundred thousand.”

“7 million, 9 hundred thousand?” you mumbled unsure as you tightened your grip around Jack and Conor’s hands.

Joe looked at you, showing no expression what so ever.

“Well done babe.” Joe smirked, leaning over and planting a kiss on your cheek before sitting up right again.

“How many subscribers does Jack have?” Joe asked, a sly smile forming on his lips.

Glancing up at Jack, you let out a deep breath.

“He has like 3 subscribers.” You chuckled, squeezing his hand so he knew that you were only joking around with him.

“And it’s me, you and Joe.” Conor butted in, chuckling.

Jack rolled his eyes and looked at Joe.

“No, like 9 hundred thousand?” You mumbled as your stomach dropped, knowing you had given the wrong answer.

“Nope, he reached 1 million. You went to his party to celebrate.” Joe laughed, reaching for the simulator.

“Oh shit yeah, I forgot about-” your sentence was cut short as Joe turned the simulator up causing you to scream loudly.

“Joe! Stop it!” You screamed, grasping Jack’s hand tightly. The pain was beyond strange. It was as if someone was doing acupuncture but wrong.

Your reaction reduced Conor to tears as he was curled up on the bed laughing.

Joe turned the simulator off again and gently rubbed your knee as the pain faded away.

“Sorry babe but I’m only asking 3 more questions. I promise.” Joe chuckled. He didn’t look sorry in the slightest, and neither did the other two sat next to you.

Conor was still in fits of laughter and Jack was sat chuckling to himself, his hand still holding yours.

“Hurry up because I want to get this bloody machine off me.” You mumbled, actually very thankful that you were holding Jack’s hand.

“Name three of Conor’s covers in 7 seconds.”

“Why 7?” You asked, looking at Joe with a curious expression on your face.

Joe shrugged and chuckled. “Just a random number.”

“Erm, Hello, Never Forget You and …” You rattled your brain for another song that Conor had done his own version of but no.

Instead came a shock so harsh that you couldn’t even scream.

“Joe!” You were finally able to get a sound out of your mouth.

Joe switched the simulator off after a couple of seconds and looked at you, biting down on his bottom lip.

You glared playfully at him and answered the last 2 questions, only getting one of them wrong.

“You okay?” Joe chuckled as he switched his camera off and you sat up, pulling the pads off your body.

“Brilliant.” You smiled sweetly, not wanting to show him, Jack or Conor any reaction.

How else could you get payback on them if they already expected it?

Jack and Conor chuckled as they left the room and went upstairs. Though Jack was rubbing his hand as you had held it slightly tighter than what was needed because he deserved to experience a fraction of the pain that the pregnancy simulator had put you through.

Standing up from the bed and pulling your shirt down into the right place again, Joe’s arms wrapped around your waist from behind.

“It wasn’t very painful was it?” He asked, sounding incredibly guilty.

“Well we won’t be having any kids, put it that way.” You chuckled, turning to face him and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Really?” Joe asked, a serious look on his face as his smile faded.

“I’m only joking; I guess I can go through it again for you.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes.

“I love you.” Joe grinned, leaning his forehead against yours and gently pressing his lips onto yours as his hands made their way up your back.

“Mhm.” You mumbled, shaking your head as you pulled away from Joe.

“Am I forgiven then?” He asked, a shy smile on his face.

“I guess so; Jack and Conor aren’t though because they went along with it.” You chuckled, as a smirk spread across Joe’s face.

“I’ll get them back for you, don’t worry.” He chuckled.

“Promise?” You smirked.

Joe simply nodded and chuckled quietly.



Randy Newman: Sail Away (1972)

My introduction to Randy Newman came by way of Greil Marcus’ influential music book, Mystery Train, where he also waxed extensively about America’s cultural relationship with Elvis, Robert Johnson, The Band and Sly Stone.

I probably listened to Newman last among all these artists, but I’ve become a distant admirer of his wry wit and often mordant humor – in fact Randy pretty much owns the definition of “mordant” in the popular music dictionary.

And he’s ironic on an epic scale, of course, whether addressing the sensitive issues of slavery (“Sail Away”) or imperialism (“Political Science”), his self-effacing self (“Lonely at the Top”) or even Jesus f’n Christ (“He Gives Us All His Love”) and his ol’ dad (“God’s Song (That’s Why I Love Mankind)”).

Beyond that, there’s meticulously crafted novelty songs (“Simon Smith and the Amazing Dancing Bear”), subtle sensuality (“You Can Leave Your Hat On” – the same made famous years later by Joe Cocker), and transcendent beauty amid comic hysteria (“Burn On,” about the oft-combusting oil spills coating the city of Cleveland’s Cuyahoga River).

I’ve long since sworn off Greil Marcus, deeming him to be yet another, elitist, biased old rock critic (and exchanged him for the true master of musical essays, Peter Guralnick), but I suppose I owe the guy some thanks for hipping me to Randy Newman’s work.


Request:  Imagine having a game night with the Wests (Iris, Joe, Wally, and if you want to add Barry you can)

“Alright, I’ll, um, I guess I’ll see you guys later” you smile to the newly come together family as you head towards the door.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Joe asks, his tone a mixture of amusement and incredulity.

“Out?” you offer, unsure yourself of exactly where you intended to go, knowing only that you meant to give the West family some time to themselves, some time without their temporary lodger hovering around like a fly that simply wouldn’t budge.

“But it’s family game night” Iris pouts, making sure to exaggerate just how put out she was feeling.

“Exactly” you laugh, unable to take her ridiculous look any longer.

“Y/N,” Barry starts, walking around the couch with a serious look on his face. “If I’m here, you’re here. You’re as much family as I am.”

“Plus,” Joe adds, a sly smile making its way onto his lips, “I’m pretty damn sure you’re at least ninety percent of the reason Wally even wants to come here.”

“I-what?” you stutter, confused and more than a little shocked at Joe’s words.

“Oh, come on,” Iris pipes up, grinning knowingly at you. “We all know you like him, and it’s just as obvious that he likes you.”

“Stay” Barry encourages, taking your bag from you and putting it back on it’s hook.

“Well, when you put it like that” you shake your head at the crazy trio you had known all your life. “What are we playing?”

anonymous asked:

I need some smut in my life 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 maybe one where you are in vacation with the buttercream squad and your boyfriend jack and you have sex? and the next day the boys tease you about it? or something? idk but this fandom needs a hell lot of more smut

here you go!!! sorry it took so long i have sooo many XD XD thanks for your patience! 

The walls were thin. Very, very thin. They weren’t aware of that. Perhaps if they had been aware of it they wouldn’t have made so much noise. But then again, this is Jack Maynard we’re talking about, and he knows what he’s doing when it comes to not-so-appropriate bedroom activities, and nobody could really blame his girlfriend for not being able to keep her exclamations to herself. But that didn’t mean the Buttercreams were going to cut her some slack or give her the benefit of the doubt, oh no.

They were going to tease her. And they were going to start by knocking loudly on their door at seven in the morning. “Yoohoo, room service!” Joe called, his voice high-pitched and mocking. Jack’s eyes flew open at the noise, and he immediately groaned, rolling over onto his side, his arm bumping into his girlfriend, who was still fast asleep.

Joe knocked again, and giggled, pressing his ear to the door. “Excuse me sir, but your breakfast is going to get cold,” he whistled. Jack frowned, rubbing his eyes, blinking a few times. He was exhausted and the last thing he wanted was to deal with an overly hyper pre-morning tea Joe Sugg, and any one else he had dragged along with him to torment Jack. But he knew better than to ignore him, so he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stumbling to the door.

Keep reading

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”


     [SAL smiles in spite of the flush that sweeps across his cheeks, and shakes his head in disagreement. He’s a lot of things, but beautiful? His mind won’t let him believe it, but he does his best to accept the compliment gracefully. Shooting Joe a sly wink, he gives him the once over and quips-]

               “Ya keep talkin’ like that, and ya might get lucky tonight.”