job cigarettes

Benevolence 6

6/20 Get some background on how Taeyeon got back into Baekhyun’s life. Baekhyun’s health has been messing up and he’s been acting strange around Taeyeon, not only that you get to jump into Y/N’s past life (her past may trigger some people and it’s based off of my personal experiences with my own mother)


Word Count: 2,594

                             Y/N  at 14 years old

“Stop hitting me!”, I heard her scream and shove him off of her, it made me sick. I could feel all of the bumping against walls and shoving against tables. It frustrates me to no end. My own damn mother being abused just a few rooms away from me. The worst part of this all is the fact she isn’t sick, or mentally ill and doesn’t know any better. She’s 47 years old and her boyfriend is 24, she’s fully aware of the fact that him beating on her is completely wrong her only excuse is that she knows she’ll hurt him if she fights back.

He wasn’t even supposed to be here, if brother knew my mom was dealing with the same shit she was dealing with back home her little boyfriend would be gone in an instant. What really pisses me off is when my mother says if my brother ever decides to stay that her boyfriend has to go? What about me and my respect as a person living in this house? Do I need to hear him brag about the fact that he might’ve given you an STD from how many girls he’s cheated on you with? I hate whenever my mom tells me about how not to let a boy disrespect me and how I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend yet I have to put up with hers everyday. 

I didn’t even want one at this point, all of her bad experiences with men fucked me up honestly. I guess the one good thing you’ll always be able to say about my mother was that she was always honest with her kids. My older brother is 9 years older than me he was the only planned pregnancy at only 17 years old, meaning she was in a relationship with my brother’s father for a little over 20 years.To put it simply, she’s been allowing men to abuse her, her entire life. However, the man she’s dealing with now is worse than ever, he extremely rude and abusive not only to my mom but continuously makes comments towards my little sister. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t have the guts to say anything to me. My mom says it’s because of the vibe I pull off, that I’m a good judge of character. She gets so pissed whenever I threaten to tell my brother, she then threatening to take away some of privileges including my sewing machine. 

Breaking me away from my thoughts I heard my door swing open and shut, looking up to see my mother standing there panting with frustration, tears ready to roll down her cheeks. She was embarrassed she knew I heard all of the disgusting things he said out there. Every time they fought like this she’d run to my room to tell me that she was being stupid and that I shouldn’t ever accept this treatment. It hurt me a little knowing that she was also only coming in my room because her little boyfriend didn’t have the guts to. Her words meant nothing to me as she knew that I was uncomfortable with him living in my house.

“Don’t, I’m so tired of having this talk with you over and over again mom.”, I snapped turning away from her, she disgusted me in so many ways. I didn’t hate my life she got me the things I wanted, I never asked for much. Most of the time I’ve never gotten them exactly when I wanted them but still, I got what I wanted and I always took care of my things. One thing I can’t stand is misplacing anything, we were homeless due to her fuck ups 3 years ago. My older brother’s father had just gotten out of prison feeding my mother lies and bullshit about marriage and happily ever afters. She had completely ignored the fact that he cheated on her their entire relationship before prison I don’t know why she thought anything would change. Once she found out that he wasn’t really going to ‘mandatory work’ but to the same woman’s house he was cheating on her with she broke down. She quit her job, started smoking cigarettes again and got us evicted. 

No, this isn’t like other stories where we were forced to leave our homes, she chose not pay rent because she wanted to move away to Florida. We didn’t end up going of course, we lived in hotels for almost year. Forced to throw away some of my favorite belongings, scared of whether or not we’d have enough money to spend another night in a hotel. The last few months we were forced to stay at shelters, I hated it more than anything, now we’re here while she’s repeating the same mistakes.

“You know it’s not okay to be treated like that Y/N, the only reason why I’m not fighting back is because I know I’ll hurt him.”, She spoke as if she was a responsible parent. “I’m really sorry you had to hear what he said.” I turned back around to see a tear rolling down her face. That’s once thing that always made me so confused her sadness, if she was tired of disappointing me or having her little boyfriend work her nerves why not just end this all?

“Clearly you’re not that sorry.”, I deadpanned she wasn’t sorry and neither was he, when you’re sorry for something you did you stop doing it. You can only make a mistake once and certain ones twice anything after that is no longer a mistake it’s a choice. My mother wasn’t a weak and stupid woman she just didn’t know how to fucking say no to that bastard.

“Y/N, watch how you speak to me, yes I’ll have my man disrespect me but I will not allow my own children to.”, She spoke firmly towards me.

“Why should I respect you when you let someone who clearly respects no one around your children? He knows I’m in here mom, yet he said all of those things knowing I could hear it.”, I snapped at her, this is what pissed me off. When she tried to justify what she was letting him do but then not allowing us to do the same thing.

“Remember what you promised you’d do for me?”, She asked ignoring my question. We both knew exactly what she was talking about and honestly I was just doing it prove it her that I’m stronger than she is. I promised to not have sex with more than one person, I was only to have sex with the person I was to marry. She wasn’t worried about be being abused she was actually worried about me doing the abusing, I was never one to obey a male. Since my father passed away when I was 2, I didn’t remember anything about him but, I was always told he was a responsible parent. I couldn’t look up to my brother because he’s still doing everything except what he’s supposed to be doing as responsible parent, yes his dumb ass had a baby at 16 years old. I grew up around boys so I’ve never been scared to hang out with a male. Whenever I was at school boys were disrespectful as well so I’ve never really given a fuck about the male species. Yes, I found them attractive and yes I’ve watched porn and got turned on. I just never had a need to ask a male or anyone for that matter for affection or assistance. I’ve always done everything on my own. 

“I know and unlike any promises you made I intend to keep mine at whatever the cost.”, I responded.

“You’re not like your brother and sister, it’s too late for me to try and save your brother and I can already tell your sister might follow down my path but, you, you’ve never taken shit from anyone.”, She stopped to let out a laugh “Y/N, you have grown men scared of you.”

I knew I did and I like it that way, leave me the fuck alone, I like being alone it’s way less dramatic this way. I barely leave the house anymore as is, can’t I at least enjoy being in my own home? The saddest part of this all no matter what happens in the future a part of me will always be disgusted with my own mother, because she has a choice in all of this she just continues to let it happen for her own selfish reasons.

“Mom, I hate you I’m just letting you know. It’s not the teenage kind of hate I really hate you for what you’re doing and what I have to deal with because of it.” She looked shocked and almost hurt by what I had said but, it was the truth…..

Three months later.

After the day I told my mother I hated her was the day she got rid of her boyfriend. We never saw him again and she never spoke of him again. 

“I’ll back I’m making a quick run.”, My mom yelled before she was out the door. Those were the last words I had ever heard from my mother. I was at home alone with my little sister for 14 hours. 

Yes, I worried she was supposed to be back way before then but my calls were unanswered. My little sister had been crying for hours wondering why it was taking so long for her to come back. It wasn’t till 19 hours when my brother showed up at the door that I knew something was really wrong. My mother had died in a car accident. My mother had died knowing I hated her and that I was still disappointed in her. The worst part of this all and why to this day a part of me still hates her is because she died going to pick her boyfriend up. They never broke up and he had the audacity to tell me this three weeks after the funereal. I couldn’t help my reaction, I scratched one of his eyeballs so hard that he couldn’t even get a prosthetic eye. The damage for him hadn’t ended there, I was finally able to tell my brother all that was going on and he beat my mom’s ex until he was unrecognizable. My brother served 6 months in jail before he took me and my little sister in forced to moved back to our hometown. At least my little sister was, I study aboard in multiple countries before I moved to Korea.I was never home I was always in another country. I stopped talking to my family completely because everyone knew my feelings towards my mother. Eventually they’ll forget me and that’s what I want, I’ll always keep my promise to my mother and one day whether I’m going to heaven or hell I’ll be able to apologize to her.

  Almost a year ago with Taeyeon and Baekhyun..

Taeyeon and Baekhyun sat face to face on her sofa awfully close. Baekhyun eyes were already streaming tears since Taeyeon had not spoken to him since the night of the break up. He missed her dearly, even though she wasn’t his exact ideal type she made him happy and he knew she would never cheat on him.

“Why’d you have to break up with me?”, He asked voice already searching for pity. The break up was so hard on him, all he did was cry causing his singing voice to get fucked up. Taeyeon was fine as in she was the one to cause this, she didn’t intend to make him like this she just felt unloved.

“I’m almost thirty Baekhyun.”, She chuckled letting her finger trail down his finger and fall down his chin. “I need a man to settle down with me and take life seriously, I don’t want to be an idol forever. You like to go out and party all night while I enjoy staying home…besides don’t you have a girlfriend?”, She asked scooting away from him.

 Baekhyun was so caught up with Taeyeon that he had forgotten about Y/N. His feelings for Y/N were real they just didn’t make him forget about Taeyeon, However he didn’t want to mess up any future with Y/N because of Taeyeon. Shuffling further away from Taeyeon Baekhyun realized what had been happening. Taeyeon was asking to meet with Baekhyun again because she wanted to know more about Y/N. Taeyeon was never too open with just throwing herself at people and it would’ve been even more awkward for her knowing she was dating Baekhyun. 

“You didn’t even want to see me you just wanted to befriend Y/N. I’m not comfortable with that so stay away from her.”, He snapped getting off of Taeyeon’s sofa.

“So you coming over here to see me was any better.”, Taeyeon blurted out before covering her mouth. She wasn’t the type to blurt things out like that and it kind of turned Baekhyun on.

“Stop Taeyeon, I love Y/N.”, He spoke trying to convince himself.

“I’m not doing anything wrong, you are if you love her go to her and stay away from me.”, Taeyeon snapped getting off of the sofa as well. “I wanted to befriend Y/N because of my own reasons you clearly aren’t that in love with her if you’re here with me.”

“I just wanted closure!”, Baekhyun snapped tears rolling down his face, Taeyeon always had a way of doing this to him making him feel like a child like he was completely beneath her. He’s sure she doesn’t mean to make him feel bad about himself but, he was still a grown man and wanted to be treated like one.

“I told you what you needed to hear Baekhyun whatever we had is over, I refuse to step into someone’s relationship.”, She raised her voice which was very unlike Taeyeon to do. “Stop loving me, it’s that simpl-” before she could finish her words Baekhyun’s lips were on hers before they fell onto the sofa.

This continued for 3 weeks before Taeyeon finally admitted she was still in love with Baekhyun. She then became a little selfish wanting to see Baekhyun all the time making him forget plans he had with Y/N. She eventually realized that something needed to be done so she didn’t have to sneak around with Baekhyun anymore.

“I want to move in to your apartment.”, She blurted out of nowhere one night after having sex.

“No, this has to end anyway and I have to tell Y/N and beg for her forgiveness.”, He said bluntly before removing himself from Taeyeon’s mattress. She didn’t want it to end yet she had to do something.

“Why not have us both? If she truly loves you then she will accept it. You have needs Baekhyun.”, She grabbed his back “Why are you letting her decided everything? The three of us all together makes you feel better than sneaking around doesn’t it?” Baekhyun didn’t know how to react he loved them both Taeyeon maybe a little more, so he went with her plan. It’s just that he ended up taking things into his own hands more than she wanted him to. Now all three of them are stuck in a mess at least Baekhyun and Taeyeon are.

Bitch, you ruined my relationship let’s not play victim.” Kai spoke towards Taeyeon as he waited for Baekhyun in the kitchen…

 yes the mc may seem like a hypocrite but remember the fact that a lot of children who see their parents being abused follow in their footsteps, NO my mother is not dead and no our relationship is not fuck up nor am I, it’s always been in my mind that if I ever allowed my anger towards her actions to turn into hate something like this could’ve happened it’s because of the fact that she talked me through everything that I’m okay though it does make me not have a lot of pity or forgiveness for a lot of people when it comes to things But anyways hope you enjoyed 

The Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air) Drinking Game

‘It’s a miracle. A modern radio miracle.’ -Host John Cameron

Julian ruins the show (1 shot)
The Narrator is the voice of reason (1 shot, make it a double if Julian ignores his advice directly after)
Host John Cameron is over dramatic (1 shot, and 1 eye roll)
The Act of the show isn’t human (finish drink)
John Cameron is suicidal (finish drink, pour one out for ol’ Johnny C’s mental state)
Leticia has to save the day (1 shot)
Leticia does something and you realise you are head over heels in love with her (finish drink)
Season 1, episode 5 (drink continuously until the episode is over, cry for a while before going onto episode 6)
A polar bear is mentioned (finish drink, punch a wall)
Jacques tries to act cool/tough (1 shot)
Julian Koster makes you question your understanding of reality (finish drink)
François or Pierre appear alongside Jacques (1 shot)
Julian the Janitor actually does something to do with his job (finish drink, astonished)
Cigarettes are mentioned (1 shot)
The Narrator uses his Soft Dad™ voice with Julian (1 shot, tearfully)
Julian tells someone some of his tragic backstory (finish drink)
A saw sings (1 shot)
The end of s1 (Drink. Keep drinking. Don’t stop until s2 comes out. Oh god I’m crying, KEEP DRINKING.)

Credit to the ever-wonderful @rotatinghumancircus for helping me write this, BOTTOMS UP 🥂

I don’t think I’ve ever seen this on the Tumbls -It’s about Gautier visiting Petrus Borel and Jules Vabre, and especially interesting as a little vignette of tobacco use at the time. This would have been around 1830-1833: 

From Theophile Gautier’s A History of Romanticism, specifically the chapter on Jules Vabre: 

On a shutter placed upon trestles were laid out the drawings and working-plans of the job, a package of cigarette paper almost used up, with its engraving of smugglers and its Catalonian motto, and a tobacco-pouch made out of the webbed foot of some sea-bird, and whence escaped, as golden hairs out of a net, a few bits of Maryland tobacco, too few, alas ! to  furnish material for a last cigarette. 

At that time I had not yet taken to smoking, but I was already aware that there is no greater privation for men in the habit of gargling themselves with tobacco, than the lack of the weed. I had therefore brought a package of Maryland in the hope that my friends' pride would not take offence at so insignificant an offering…

They had had no smoke since the night before, however, and Petrus, opening the package, drew out some of the tobacco, rolled it under his thumb, the colour of burnished gold, in the small leaf of papel de kilo, lighted it at the candle stuck in the neck of an empty bottle, and put it to his lips with an unmistakable expression of enjoyment such as rarely showed on his stoical countenance. His great eyes, half Spanish, half Arab, flashed for an instant, a faint blush coloured his olive skin, jets of smoke  shot out alternately from his nostrils and his lips, and ere long he disappeared within the encircling cloud, like Jupiter, the cloud-compeller. Needless to say that meanwhile Jules Vabre, the miraculous comrade, was engaged in doing precisely the same thing.  


The pain lasts just a moment.

but there is another world where poussey gets out of prison and starts working her way up in a kitchen, long nights learning to dice onions with deftness on the job and smoking cigarettes as she walks home and watches the sun rise

and another where she goes to amsterdam and there are bicycles and narrow stone streets and good coffeeshop hash, and poussey takes it all in with wonder on her lovely face and she stumbles her way through elementary dutch

another world where she takes a train, back to germany, or south into france, and it doesn’t matter where she’s going, because she’s free, free, free, and every city is full of new experiences waiting to happen

or one where she and brook get a life together, a tiny apartment in their corner of the world, and they put up curtains, get a cat, drink wine underneath the stars and forget that they ever feared prison could ruin them

poussey who keeps lighting up rooms with her smile. poussey who could have gone anywhere, everywhere, who should have grown old with a beautiful woman and a beautifully curated library, with friends and sunshine and anything. anything. but this.

     cigarette held in-between his fingers, blue eyes scan the area for the least threatening person. there is hardly an abundance of options but he quickly settles for a man who looks friendly enough. the interruption is unwarranted but he desperate, forcing on his false mask of confidence as he approaches.     hey, you got a lighter on you?  ’   //    @singingrass

"This is the first time 
Since the first time I saw you, I was attracted to you
I can’t forget you 
And then a last time 
Even in this place, you seduce me..."
- Cigarette