I frequently imagine snl cast alumnist Andrew Samberg and his wife, Harpist, Joanna Newsom with snl writing alumnist John Mulaney and his wife, Victorian lampshade maker, Annamarie Tendler Mulaney going out on double dates and having dinner together. What would that be like, I wonder.
John Mulaney’s wife makes Victorian lampshades and Andy Samberg’s wife is a harpist. The moral of the story is that if you want to marry a cute comedian you need to take up an obscure hobby that you then make a career out of. I’ve decided to take up basket weaving.
my favorite grindr meeting was the time a guy who was like 20 invited me over to his house and i got there and he messaged me “i’m showering but the door is open so just come in” so i did and i sat down on a sofa in his living room and joanna newsom was playing lightly over the speakers and there were a lot of potted orchids everywhere and there was a large bronze male nude in the dining room that i could see from where i was sitting in the living room. eventually he came downstairs and sat at the other end of the sofa from me and started eating a large tupperware container of watermelon and he was like “listen, i’m trying to get this thing off the ground, like, some new gay slang. ive started saying ‘imagine’ whenever something is really weird or funny. do you think you could start using it?” and i was like “……ok” and eventually he finished his watermelon and wordlessly offered the container of watermelon juice to me and i was like “no thanks” and he was like “sorry, thought you seemed like the type of guy to drink the juice after you finished the watermelon” and then he said he had to go to a miz cracker show and asked me to leave. we did not fuck.
this is so fucking funny to me. i can just imagine joanna writing something as beautiful as, “the nullifying, defeating, negating, repeating, joy of life” and then immediately knocking over the chair next to her in a surge of happiness