joan rivers


This will never not be funny

Haunted House For Sale in Mineral Wells, Texas — Cheap!

A haunted one-bedroom unit in a six-story mansion once owned by Joan Rivers just came back on the market for $4.25 million … and the ghost isn’t even Joan!

Well, bargain haunted house seekers, your search may be over. A small haunted house in Mineral Wells, Texas, is up for sale for only $125,000. It already has a recognized name – the “Haunted Hill House” — a website, nine ghosts and a good location close to the Baker Hotel, another infamous haunted building.

The Haunted Hill House is furnished – in fact, the ghosts don’t want anything removed – and is already a popular rest spot where tourists pay up to $200 a night to stay. What are you waiting for?

OK, perhaps you heard that the property is only appraised at $26,000. Maybe a little history will change your mind. The two-story 2,800-square-foot structure has three bedrooms and two full bathrooms on a two acre lot. It was built in 1890 by Fanny Yeager Kyle who lived there until she died in 1924. Some time after that, the house was turned into a brothel and that’s the source of many of the ghosts. People staying at the home have reported the ghost of a young boy believed to have been a prostitute’s handicapped child who died there. Another frequent visitor is the spirit of a man who fell in the well (the brothel didn’t have a collie to run for help). Becky Foley, the real estate agent representing the house, says there are cold spots, strange sounds, more ghosts and reports of guests being scratched and bitten. Despite all of those things … It’s really just an old house that needs a little TLC.

However, it may not be a good idea to fix it up. The current owners say that paranormal experts who confirm the house is haunted have warned that disturbing the décor or any of the furnishings could cause the spirits to bite harder, throw more objects or worse. They suggest keeping it as a tourist attraction and Paranormal Research Center. Mineral Wells officials would probably like that too since they’re trying to attract more visitors (of the non-ghost variety) to the area. As Becky Foley puts it:

Alleged ghost venues and the paranormal does bring in megabucks.

“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.” -Joan Rivers

Okay, so most of you won’t care about this, but I feel like the above quote really describes Dory before she met Marlin. I mean, think about it: she can’t remember anything, she lost her family, and she’s just sort of aimlessly wandering throughout the ocean.

But. THEN. 

This quote reminded me of Swiss Cheese, obviously. So, I was curious as to how Swiss cheese was made—and what exactly causes those holes in the cheese.


I discovered that there is a certain bacterial culture specific to Swiss cheese that causes air pockets to bubble up and form, causing the holes in the cheese.


P. Shermani 

I know. Who knew there was this connection between Dory and Swiss cheese?

The Joan Rivers quote equates the holes in the Swiss cheese as to what is missing in her life. But, P. Shermani is what causes these holes, and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney is one of the only things Dory can remember.

Maybe what is missing is what you need to remember, to hold on to.