jo stanley

Septimus Heap Characters as Quotes From History of The Entire World I Guess...

If you haven’t seen it, here is the link to this glorious masterpiece by Bill Wurtz. Please watch it, otherwise, the aforementioned text may not make much sense to you.

Silas Heap: And make crazy sounds with their voice. “gneurshk.”

Sarah Heap: Don’t worry about Rome, it won’t fall.

Simon Heap: Do you sin?

Sam Heap: Fuck it, time to plant some grass.

Jo-Jo Heap: Whoops, half of Europe just died.

Edd Heap: Nope can’t walk yet. And there’s no food yet so I don’t care.

Erik Heap: Damn, said Amsterdam.

Nicko Heap: Some of it’s water. Fuck it. Actually, most of it’s water. I can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. 

Septimus Heap: Is it tonga time? I think it’s tonga time.

Jenna Heap: Get the hell out of here. Will you get the hell out of here if I give you 500 elephants? Ok thanks bye.

Marcia Overstrand: Britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island.

Alther Mella: Some stars burn out and die, bigger stars burn out and die with PASSION.

DomDaniel: Oh, fuck, now everything’s dead.

Beetle: Hi, I’m Gandhi, and if Britain doesn’t get the hell out of India I’m going to starve myself in public.

Merrin Meredith: It’s sad. I’m sad. I miss you.

Stanley: That’s bullshit. This is bullshit. That’s a scam. Here’s 95 reasons why.

Marcellus Pye: The sun is a deadly laser.

Lucy Gringe: Heyyyyy, said the Romans, eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast.

Spit Fyre: New shit just got made!

Milo Banda: Hell yeah, now we got business.

Syrah Syara: Also, the sultan of Oman lives in Zanzibar now: “That’s just where he lives.”


Mark Stanley as Professor Bhaer in PBS/BBC’s upcoming “Little Women” mini series.

As much as I loved Gabriel Byrne in the 1994 adaptation, this is more in line with how I imagined the professor to look based on the novel. The casting all around seems pretty spot on. Can’t wait to see it!