Happy birthday to my favoritest Giant, #49, Mr. Javier Lopez!!!
People always ask me why Javy’s my favorite player. Well it all started when I saw you pitch for the first time and I fell head over heels in love with your sidearm delivery. I couldn’t be a lamer human being. But it is a known fact that our Night Train has gorgeous mechanics. And it turns out you are one of the most eloquent people to ever walk the face of the earth. So then my lame baseball-nerd crush escalated into full-on adoration, hence you are MY TUMBLR ICON. I’m so happy that you are part of our bullpen. Though I wish I could see you out on the mound more often, I understand that your specialist status means you must be carefully saved for when the times are right. SIGH. Anyway, you seem to be quite a super awesome and super wonderful person/reliever/teammate and I hope you remain a Giant for many years to come.
SERIOUSLY THOUGH LOOK AT HIS DELIVERY.
And because I can…..