ENTJ:Repeat after me: having emotions is NOT a weakness. No, I don’t think you’re a loser because I saw you cry once. Yes, you’re still the baddest bitch around and no one can mess with you. Yes, I would love to schedule a power lunch with you sometime this week so we can talk more about this.
INTJ:I’m going to need you to stop staring into my eyes like you’re analyzing every facet of my soul even though you’re probably just thinking of all the ways you could destroy me. I’m also going to need you to hug me back at some point I can cling to you all day long until you acknowledge your affection for me you small emotionally distant creature
ESTP:alright Tom Haverford thank you for being a fun friend and going out with me but maybe let’s not reenact the weird combo of the Hangover, Animal House, and Legally Blonde that happens EVERY time we do something together EVERY time we do something together.
ISTP:Hey professor I thought I would come in during office hours to talk about my last test and— oh, you’re out of the office… but at least you left a note this time! That’s an improvement! It says, “science just got ballin bitches haha lmao smell ya l8er”. Professor the next exam is in two days why are you doing this to me
ENTP:ok this argument can go one of two ways, either 1) i agree with you even though i don’t actually agree with you because I want you to like me or 2) i end up trying to argue but really end up crying— oh we’re going with option 2 ok this should be G R E A T
INTP:how did you make a bong out of literally nothing. do you have no regard for the laws of the universe or— how did you disappear. why do you have no regard for newton's laws of thermodynamics. why do you do this to me.
ESTJ:wow i have never seen anyone adhere to a routine so tightly until I met you. why don't you walk on the wild side with me? we can get an unusual flavor of ice cream and talk about capitalism or something.
ISTJ:no i don’t want to watch that war documentary with you again yes i’ve heard the story about your uncle who was in the korean war five times ok fine i’ll watch it with you but i reserve the right to be on my phone the whole time. Why do you care about war documentaries so much you cute turkey you already know who won why is this a universal with every ISTJ ever W H Y
ESFP:come close to me. closer. closer my child. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO A SHOT EVERY TIME SOMEONE AT A PARTY SAYS LET'S DO SHOTS OK??????? unless you want to and as your certified enabler that's ok too u precious pearl
ISFP :OK i UNDERSTAND that sometimes you need to commune with nature by staring at a tree for twelve hours straight but can you PLEASE put on a jacket it’s starting to get cold outside. ok you’re going deeper into the forrest so you can’t hear my nagging THAT’S FINE I HAVE A LOUD VOICE YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THE MOTHERSHIP
ENFP:BE!!!!!! ON!!!!!! TIME!!!!!!! TO!!!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you SWEET and ADORABLE little RAGAMUFFIN
INFP:I love talking to you and I love your crazy brain but CRYING ABOUT ALIENS and WONDERING IF THEY HAVE FEELINGS at 4:00 AM can only happen so many times before I physically restrain you so we can both get some sleep.
ENFJ:I like how we can jam on an emotional level and you are just as interested in knowing the intimate details of everyone’s life as I am and I really appreciate your ability to emotionally manipulate people (i know when you’re doing it and I especially know when you’re doing it to me but I love you so I go along with it lol) but for the LOVE of GOD P L E A S E tone down your ability to do EVERY ACTIVITY to PERFECTION and get MORE THAN 4 hours of sleep a night THANKS. you’re starting to give me an ulcer you sweet potato perfectionist.
INFJ:Yes, Ghandi, I am aware of all of those injustices that you’re telling me about. I’m angry too. No, I won’t go on a hunger strike with y— ok fine I will Jesus Christ put away those puppy dog eyes NO I DID NOT MEAN JESUS CHRIST LITERALLY GET OFF OF THAT CRUCIFIX RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME
ISFJ:I know you love people but you also love alone time. I know baby. I understand. But maybe come outside for a little bit and get some fresh air? Talk to people who aren’t on the internet? No? Your favorite fictional people are going through a hard time and you need to be alone to process this? ok go back to netflix love you sugar muffin i’ll try again tomorrow
and finally, other ESFJ's:I swear to fricking gosh if you bring baked goods to a function where I brought baked goods and PEOPLE LIKE YOURS BETTER I will spread a MILDLY NASTY RUMOR about how your pastries are all store-bought. Do not test me. love ya girl ;*