jim's burger

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since I’m in England I thought i would repost my review of a british film classic. 

King Ralph

anonymous asked:

Okay but what about a McKirk AU where one of them saves the other from an embarrassing situation even though they absolutely don't know each other?

  • Being a bartender is not so bad. The pay is decent, the company usually okay, too. Being a bartender in wedding venues? Not always as great. But the good thing about it is that mostly bridesmaids are easy, groomsmen are horny, general visitors are drunk, and Jim being attracted to mostly anything with a pulse; that works out pretty well. Plus, everyone dresses up nicely. Except maybe Leonard, who looks already drunk when he arrives at the wedding reception.
  • “You familiar with the bride or groom?” Jim asks, pushing a glass of strong whiskey in his direction; something Leonard gratefully accepts. “Yeah, you could say that. That’s my ex-wife and my ex-best friend,” Leonard replies, and Jim frowns. “Yikes. Why are you here?” “I’m the better man,” Leonard replies, “that, and my daughter asked me to be here.” “Ah,” Jim says, briefly hesitating to refill Leonard’s glass, but he does so anyway. “I’m sorry about that, man. Weddings are usually pretty great.” “Oh, it’s fantastic,” Leonard says, “I don’t have to wake up next to her anymore, nor do I have to care for a guy who’s pretended to be my friend for the last 20 years.” Yikes. This guy’s a downer. A shame, too, because Jim can sense such a caring person underneath all of that. Especially when Joanna rushes towards him. It’s like that whole, shitty situation is briefly forgotten - as is his whiskey, and instead he focuses on his girl for a while. Comments on her pretty red dress and the flowers in her hair, and promises they go out together again soon. 
  • They’re gone for a while and Jim doesn’t think much about it. But Leonard is most definitely drunk, a little annoyed, and clearly hurt, too, when he returns. “Do you want some water?” Jim asks him, but Leonard shakes his head. “No, something stronger.“ Jim is about to politely object to that, but another guy walks in and pats Leonard on the shoulder. “How about that ceremony, huh?” “Yes, congratulations,” Leonard says, “you’re sleeping with a witch for the rest of your life. But considering you did so behind my back while we were still married tells me you’re going to be very happy together.” “At least I didn’t drown myself in work because I don’t know how to be a husband or a father-” “You’re not a father,” Leonard interrupts. “What do you have going for you right now, huh? Poor job performance, no wife, a kid only every other weekend. What do you have that makes you so great? Nothing.” “Me,” Jim replies, so out of the blue both Leonard and his ex best friend (or whatever) look confused. “He’s got me,” Jim says, “Leonard and I. We’ve been together for a while.” Leonard looks even more confused now, especially when Jim leans in over the bar to press a quick kiss to the other’s lips, “and I don’t appreciate you talking to him like that. You use that tone on your wife, too? For your sake, I hope not.“ 
  • “Why’d you do that?” Leonard asks Jim once they’re alone again, and Jim shrugs. He shrugs, because honestly, he has no idea why he just said that. “I don’t like people talking down on other people like that. Plus, I figured, for the sake of tonight, what does a little lie matter? Not like you’re seeing a lot of these people on a regular basis. Let them think you date this handsome man,” he adds, gesturing at himself. Leonard laughs at that, and when he does, Jim knows it’s his personal mission to keep this man smiling. Because honestly, he looks so much more handsome like that. “Fine,” Leonard says, “I could date a bartender.” “A handsome bartender,” Jim corrects him, and Leonard smiles lightly. “Very handsome.”
  • There are other bartenders present, luckily, so Jim takes some time to just sit with Leonard and talk. Initially just for silly dating lies, but Jim finds that the two of them have a lot in common. They laugh at the same kind of jokes, drink the same drinks, and apparently go out in the same districts. “How come I’ve never seen you before?” Leonard asks, “seems like I would’ve remembered seeing you.” “Because of my strapping good looks?” “You know you get less attractive every time you say stuff like that,” Leonard replies with a grin, and Jim smiles. He reaches out, hand on Leonard’s arm. “Hey, but, maybe you would’ve noticed me if you weren’t so focused on your shitty choice of friends. Don’t let this charade keep you down, yeah? You know which couples stay the happiest? The ones with small, genuine receptions. Where it’s about uniting families instead of showing off the debt you’ll be paying off for the rest of your marriage - weddings are expensive,” Jim says. “You learn all that from being a bartender?” Leonard asks, and Jim shrugs. “I actually organize events. Like weddings. Birthdays. Anniversaries, etc. Bartending is something I enjoy doing because I meet interesting people.” “Handsome people,” Leonard comments, and Jim laughs. “Very.”
  • Jim uses up his break time to join Leonard on the dance floor, where they mostly dance closely together and continue to talk, joke, and laugh at the stupidest things. Leonard does get a few questions from family members. How long have you been together? “Three months,” Leonard replies smoothly, and Jim just rolls with it. “I was instantly smitten,” Jim says, “though he’s a bit grumpy from time to time, isn’t he?” “More like all the time.” “I can hear all of this, I’m right here,” Leonard replies to both Jim and the family member they’re talking to.
  • Jim dances with Joanna for a while, too. They don’t lie about their relationship to her. Instead, Jim says he’s a friend who’s only just discovering how great her daddy is. Because that’s the truth. There’s so much more to Leonard than that drunken miserable pile who walked in earlier. And when Jim returns to the bar, Leonard joins so they can talk more. Joanna sits at the bar next to them, quietly drawing or playing her game boy while sipping on an alcohol-free mocktail Jim has made for her. It’s just different kinds of fruit juices and sodas, but she loves it. Loves especially the tiny umbrella and pieces of fruit in it.
  • Surprisingly, Leonard stays almost to the very end of the night. Hes gone for a few minutes when Joanna leaves with her uncle and aunt, but he’s back for another drink and Jim’s company - something Jim’s happy to give him. “Hey,” Leonard says, when the others start cleaning up and it’s definitely time to leave, “I had a great time. I just wanted to thank you.” “Oh, that’s no problem,” Jim shrugs it off casually. “I’m serious. I know this was all pretend, but if you ever want to recreate some of those dates you told my family about-” Jim laughs at that, walking around the bar to face Leonard properly. “How about instead of those stories, we make a few of our own?” Jim suggests, reaching out for Leonard’s phone to put his own number in it. “When are you free?” Leonard asks. “This week?” “Or tonight,” Leonard says, “I noticed you haven’t eaten, and I know a great burger joint-” “Burgers,” Jim says, “I’m sold.” He smiles when Leonard leans in for another kiss. It definitely feels more genuine each time it happens. Which, probably, has been happening more than necessary this night. “Burgers and handsome company,” Leonard corrects him, and Jim laughs, again. “Very.”

anonymous asked:

McKirk AU where Bones is a doctor who helps injured soldiers with PT sometimes and Jim comes in after his chopper is shot down for a back injury (I may or may not have based this idea on Jack Ryan)

  • Jim’s been jogging in the morning for as long as he can remember, having that suddenly taken away from him takes a huge hit on his mental state. He joins the military in the attempt to make the world a better place, but a helicopter crash brings that to an abrupt end. Jim is bedridden for months, the pain in his back and his legs nearly unbearable. The doctors say that’s a good thing, though. Say that means he’s not paralyzed. But there’s definitely times where Jim feels like he would take being paralyzed over suffering to that constant ache and discomfort in his legs.
  • More annoying than the constant ache, though, is that his legs somehow seemed to have forgotten how to function properly. They don’t always react as quickly as Jim would want to, or they don’t react at all. Now, Jim’s quite fast with a wheelchair, but he’s too stubborn not to want to walk again at some point. It takes him at least another month or two before he’s finally able to move his legs enough to stand on his feet, but only briefly so. He thinks that rehabilitation training’s going to be easy - but boy, was he wrong. 
  • Leonard McCoy is the core reason it isn’t easy. For every step Jim’s body is able to take, Leonard demands he takes two. Pushing himself was a thing Jim enjoyed when working out. Now, not so much. Everyone in the training room is busy on their own rehabilitation. People are walking on a treadmill, slowly. Some manage to run short distances again under close supervision. Others are on crosstrainers, or whatever else their trainer has advised them to. Leonard doesn’t let Jim touch any of the fancy equipment. Instead, he gives him a walking stick to lean on, and he makes him walk. Despite all these people doing their own thing, Jim feels oddly exposed when he walks. Like they’re judging him. But really, the only one clearly judging is Leonard.
  • His body has been nagging at him all day, and at some point, while Jim’s doing his best to cross the room, it just gives in. Hitting the ground itself isn’t so hard, but the damage done on his own ego feels more painful. “I can’t do this,” Jim says when he notices Leonard approach. The other crouches down in front of him. “I know you can,” Leonard replies. “How?” “Because if you weren’t going to be able to walk again, you wouldn’t be able to take those steps you just took,” Leonard replies, “c'mon. Ten more minutes, then I’ll give your legs a good massage.” “Better come with a happy ending,” Jim huffs. He takes Leonard’s hand, grunting when the weight of his body is put back on his strained legs. “Keep dreaming,” Leonard replies, patting Jim’s shoulder, and taking a few steps backwards. “Ten more minutes, James.”
  • “You know, I’m not even sure you’re a real doctor,” Jim says one day. He’s lying on his back on a yoga mat, and Leonard’s on his knees next to him, helping him pull his leg to his chest. The position is a little awkward, the stretch definitely uncomfortable. “You’re right,” Leonard says, “I’m not. You’re the last two credits I need to become one, though.” “I’m a school project to you?” Jim asks. “Yeah,” Leonard replies, blatantly honest. “Oh, that’s great. You’re not even a qualified doctor,” Jim complains - something he learns to regret when Leonard’s fingers dig into his legs a little tighter. “Nobody said anything ‘bout me not being qualified,” Leonard says, and Jim has to admit that it does feel pretty good when Leonard’s hands massage the strained muscles on his legs and his thighs. “Were you a masseuse before you tried your hand at torturing people for a living?” Jim asks, and Leonard snorts. “Totally,” he replies, though Jim can tell that’s not true, “you ready for a walk on the treadmill?” “Do I have to?” “Yes,” Leonard says, “you have to if you ever want to properly walk again.”
  • Jim needs some form of goal in his life to function properly. If he doesn’t have a goal to work towards, it just doesn’t really happen as quickly as it could. And unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to care about his own wellbeing as a goal enough in itself. Bones finds out about this, though, he’s keen on giving Jim goals to work towards. First, ten minutes on the treadmill earns him a Wendy’s burger. Jim gets it on day 2. Then, twenty minute gets him a bottle of Jack & Daniels. Again, Jim succeeds. But then Jim starts setting his own goals; more intensive training for longer leg- and back massages (to which Leonard reluctantly agrees. “Anything else you want?” He asks, hands skilfully massaging Jim’s lower back for a massage. “Hmm, Jim says softly, which isn’t really an answer at all, “go out on a date with me.” “What?” “A date. With me. You can even buy me dinner.” Leonard laughs. “I don’t think so.” “Okay, then I’ll buy you,” Jim replies. “Tell you what,” Leonard says, getting Jim to sit up straight, “the day you really run out of here, I’ll take you out to dinner.” He gently pats Jim’s shoulder, smiling at the other’s determined little smirk. 
  • Leonard is busy with his school, too, so he’s not there as much over the next few weeks. Jim makes some decent progress in that time, though, because he’s determined to have that date with Leonard. It takes him a while, though. Running hurts his leg and his back, and the first couple times he trips over his own feet, or strains himself to the point he can barely walk the next day. Christine Chapel gives good massages, but she’s nothing like Bones.
  • At long last, Jim is discharged. Leonard takes him on a date. Jim expects a nice dinner, but Leonard takes Jim outside instead. They go on a walk through the park, and Leonard brings his dog with him. “You have a cheesy picnic planned, too? You old romantic,” Jim teases, and Leonard nudges his side. He has something better. A greasy hotdog stand and a seat in the warm summer grass near the lake. Jim throws the dog’s ball a couple times, grinning when Leonard’s hand rests on his leg. “What are you gonna do now that you’re released?” Leonard asks, and Jim shrugs. “I like to focus on the present, not so much the future. Y'know, what am I gonna do today versus what am I gonna do tomorrow,” he replies. And then he boldly leans in, lips brushing over Leonard’s until the other leans in to kiss hi back. “So, what are you gonna do today?” Leonard asks, and Jim chuckles. “You, probably.”

anonymous asked:

bob and linda wedding hc: bob doesn't care about the whole "don't look at the bride in her dress before the wedding" so when he went to see linda before the ceremony she yelled at him for it lmao(probably wasn't what u were looking for but yea,,)

AHH YES!! and bob gets really emotional on their wedding day too. let’s face it, they’re both sorry sacks of tears on this day, but theyre just so overwhelmed with happiness they cant contain it. it kinda becomes a domino affect; bob sees linda in her wedding dress and he’s never seen anyone so goddam immaculate, he kinda breaks down a lil, which in turn makes linda crumble. and all the while, their friends and family are trying to calm them down, cause damn!! theyre late for their ceremony!!

“ahh, but bob my eyeliner’s smudged!” and then bob just messes up his hair with his hands and says “now we’re even” and THEN THE TEARS CYCLE AGAIN

anonymous asked:

McSpirk Road trip au please! I really love all you headcanons! you're the best!

Awww, thank you so much!! I love you too Anon. Keep throwing your headcanons at me, I’ll get to them eventually (college is making it hard on me, but I’ll do them)!

  • “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts its cakehole.” doesn’t apply to Jim Kirk. Leonard may be driving, Jim switches radio channels literally every 2 minutes.
  • Jim gets degraded to the back seat. Spock sits next to Leonard instead.
  • They’re driving from the Academy to Riverside, to surprise Jim’s mother and introduce her to Jim’s boyfriends. 
  • Jim lies sprawled over the back seat, pillow under his head, book in his hands, and it isn’t so bad at all to be back here. He sneaks a peek at Spock’s hand resting on Bones’ leg, while the Vulcan studies the map with his free hand, and the sight of it makes Jim’s heart melt. Maybe also a little turned on.
  • They stop at a shady motel and drop their stuff on the kingsize bed. Then they go out for food. Jim wants burgers, Bones wants steak, Spock wants salad, so they all get takeout from a different place and eat it in bed together while watching TV. 
  • Spock drives, Leonard takes the backseat. Jim starts messing with the radio.
  • Jim gets degraded to back seat again. 
  • Bones “I know this route take a left it’ll be great” McCoy ends up getting them totally lost in the middle of nowhere. 
  • They all get annoyed when hungry, and end up arguing over whose fault it was that they took a wrong turn (Leonard), who was in charge of getting enough petrol (Spock), and who was going to buy food for on the road (Jim). 
  • When they get to another motel, Jim and Spock sleep on the two queens separately. Bones settles on the couch. 
  • Spock being the one to get up and push his queen against Jim’s. Then, he goes and grabs a sleepy Bones from the couch, guiding him to lie down between the two of them. Come morning, no one’s still angry.
  • The car breaks down and Jim and Spock sit back in the soft grass while Bones pops the hood and gets greasy and all hot-mechanic and Jim’s so confused because how can a man getting dirty possibly look so hot. “We need to break down the car more often,” Jim says to Spock. “Agreed,” Spock says, without any doubt or a that’s illogical, and Jim wraps both his arms around Spock. He just loves his boyfriends loving each other so much. 
  • Not finding another motel on time so they have to sleep under the stars. It isn’t so bad, though Spock gets cold easy, being used to Vulcan temperatures. So he lies in between the two of them on their pile of blankets on the ground, and they stare up at the night sky. Quietly talking about hopes and dreams. Jim’s curled against Spock’s side, Bones is, too. 
  • The next morning, Jim’s driving. Spock is in the backseat, Leonard reads the map next to Jim. Jim still fiddles with the radio.
  • Jim gets degraded to the backseat. 
  • They arrive at his mom’s house in the evening. Jim climbs out of the car and runs to the front door, hugging his mom and kissing her when she opens the door. He drags her out to the two boys by the car and proudly introduces her to Spock and Bones, the two best boyfriends in the world.