Where's The Missus

She loved everything about this prank.

She heard Sirius say that women have weaker pain tolerances than men and launched the Great Marauder prank with Marlene, Mary and Alice where boys were enchanted to be…

"OW, BLOODY OW, IT HURTS, MY STOMACH IS IN RIBBONS. KILL ME!"

"I want chocolate, no ice cream, maybe ice cream in chocolate?"

"WHY DID BOROMIR HAVE TO DIE. WHYYYYY? I WANT TO CRY! I’M GOIN’ TO CRY!"

"Move away I want to sleep, I am so tired!"

Menstruating.

She chuckled as she found James curled in on himself in a corner clutching is stomach and occasionally grimacing. 

"Alright Potter?"

"I take back all I said. Sorry, Evans."

The pouty doe-eyed look on his face was enough to melt an ice berg and Lily Evans was only human.

She chuckled and crouched down to brush a hand against his forehead and nearly yelped when she found him burning.

"James, you’re-"

"Not your fault, was already sick."

Right. Because he had to be rained on at the pitch for practice and instead of soaking his feet in the prefect’s bathroom, James raced up to his Transfigurations tutorial class with the second years. 

Head Boys, he said, never go back on their promises.

Pitying him greatly, because, well, he was James and he was hers he tugged her up from the floor and dearly wished she knew the counter potion to the one day spell to ease his pain a bit.

"I’m taking James down for a nap. Why didn’t you guys know he was sick?"

She ignored the snickers that followed her as she wrapped her arms around James and lead him up the stairs.

She tucked him snugly in his bed and conjured a hot water bottle for his stomach and a cool towel for his head.

"This will help."

He gripped her hand and sighed.

"Thanks Lily."

"No problem."

She watched him try to relax and sleep feeling the urge to tug him against her and soothe, which was stupid because he was James and she was Lily and James and Lily did not snuggle.

"Well, I should…go"

She stood but James quickly held her hand.

“‘Till I fall asleep?”

"Well-"

"Please."

Well she did do this to him, and he did say please…

"Alright, I’ll stay."

She ended up staying for the rest of the night, cradling James, head in the crook of her neck and shoulder, humming songs in his ear.

When she woke the next morning, she saw Sirius’ beaming face over hers.

"Mornin’"

She felt James, warm breath against her neck and knew he was still very much asleep, though less hotter than he had been last night.

She placed her fingers to her lips to signal Sirius to quiet down, let James rest. This only caused Sirius to grin wider.

"See ya later Evans. Say hi to the missus for me."

He gave her a lascivious wink and if only James would not wake up she would have hexed him.

As it is she merely tugged the blanket tighter around James and settled down to let him use her as a pillow.

In his slumber, James’ lips curved upwards.

Marauders Cruise AU Series

The Marauders and Lily all went on a cruise, and the rooms were all next to each other. It went Remus and Sirius, Peter, and James and Lily, and every damn night Peter had to sleep with earbuds in because on one side there was crazy Jily sex and the other had just as crazy Wolfstar sex and why the hell did he agree to this?

Sirius, completely shit faced, run on the cruises’ stage where a game of bingo is being held and starts dancing. An embarrassed Remus has to coax him off with not alcohol. The crowd only laughs.

Lily takes advantage of the twenty four hour pizza bar and soft serve machine on board. James will find her at one am with a slice of pizza in one hand and an ice cream in the other.James is the oblivious when it comes to sex terms, so he’s really confused when a “Russian candy cane” comes into conversation, so some fifteen year old girl in the hot tub with them explains it and he’s just really embarrassed and pretends to drown himself.

Lily and James making it as one of the couples that get to go on stage for the newly wed games and one of the questions ask ‘you haven’t seen ugly until you’ve seen my wife’s…’ And James laughs and writes ‘her old best friend, Severus Snape.’

Peter wins the hairiest man contest only because before the cruise he knew there would be one, so he magically grew everything out.

They all go see a musical show on board and by coincidence of seating, Sirius is stuck with a pretty showgirl on his lap, and Remus is so damn jealous that after the show in their room, Remus reminds Sirius why he’s with him and not some pretty showgirl.

James buys a pound of sweets every day in the candy shop on board. He spends more on candy than alcohol.

Sirius and Lily on the casino deck at least once a day playing the slot machines like old ladies except oops here are their wands and wow they just hit a jackpot almost by magic.

James is the annoying one at the comedy show with the obnoxiously loud laugh that even the comedian points out.

At dinner time, Remus orders about five of everything when he learns you can order as much and many as anything for no charge.Sirius buys everyone the shots that come round dinner time.


For floatyfloatyfloat who suggested this prompt, I tried, but the complexities of Draco Malfoy might be beyond my writing grasp. Thank you so much for sending me this, it was a lot of fun to write (: 

They are first years and Draco is barely eleven, but he walks with his chin tilted up and his spine as straight as possible. Malfoy’s are the not the kind of people who slouch. Harry Potter won’t shake his hand on the train and Draco’s cheeks burn hot with pride and embarrassment. 

He watches Ron Weasley and Harry Potter during the beginning of that first year. They walk together and sit together and they have a sort of easy friendship that Draco knows means borrowed answers and Quidditch strategy over astronomy homework. 

Then, suddenly they are with her all the time. She drags them from their seats in the back of the classroom to new ones in the front, and raises her hand too high and knows all the answers. She doesn’t know what’s coming. She still thinks she belongs here. He sneers at her and calls her names. He picks fights and says horrible things and feels so much older than eleven, he is carrying generations of hate and pride in his veins. He can feel it, even then, weighing him down. 

They decide they hate him, maybe they always have, and he decides he hates them too. They fight and taunt and he throws around words he probably shouldn’t. They stand so high above him, on mountains made of courage and chivalry and Doing What Is Right. He spits at their feet.

February of his second year, he watches Ron Weasley get detention for skipping all his classes to stay by the side of his petrified friend. He wonders if Hermione Granger will ever know he did that. He wonders if she’ll ever wake up. He doesn’t care, really. She is, after all, a mudblood, and nothing good is coming for those who are unclean. 

He decides he doesn’t like being twelve and sits up alone sometimes to lie on the common room floor, waiting for fish, or if he gets lucky, the giant squid, to pass over the glass in the ceiling. The three of them continue to hate him and he continues to throw barbed insults and play the part of the antagonist. He thinks it’s disgust, what he feels when he sees the way they are worshiped by the other students. He tries, and fails, to stuff his envy away. He hates them and he cannot fight the rage that prickles all over his skin and rises hot in his throat.

In their third year, he gets hit, hard, in the face by Hermione Granger. Her two friends smile like they have the sun stuffed in their mouths. They think she is special, they are proud of this girl with the sky and the stars in her eyes. He knows she is dirt. Disgusting, filthy dirt.

The end of third year, on the train ride home, he sees them in their compartment. They are laughing, a trunk on the floor is being used as a footrest. Draco is overcome with distaste. They have candy strewn across the seats, a large cat asleep on a cushion and Hermione is giving the two boys a disbelieving look while they stuff chocolate frogs into their grinning mouths. He bites his tongue and doesn’t understand the way his heart clenches at the sight of them together.

In fourth year he watches them fight and break and fall apart, and fall back together. He waits. He knows more than the others, his father trusts him. Harry pulls Cedric Diggory out of the maze and Draco knows this is the beginning, his own head spins though, and he throws up later. He goes to Madam Pomfrey and she tells him their is nothing wrong with him. The lifeless body was limp and helpless in Harry’s arms while he staggered out of the maze, blinded by his own fear and tears. 

In fifth year, Dolores Umbridge is in charge, and Draco bites his tongue and follows orders. He doesn’t really mind the ridiculous tasks he’s given. He tries to get Potter caught, because it is routine by now, and he acts as confident as a fifteen year old boy who is watching the world break can. He can’t quite ignore the way his skin feels glued to his bones and his eyes don’t want to open in the mornings, but he tries that too. He can feel all the pieces of himself falling away, until nothing is left but his flesh and blood. 

Then, his father is in prison. His proud, smart, witting father who knows the answers and the plan, and the way things are done. His father who would lend him books and write him letters, alone in Azkaban. Harry Potter is filth and Draco Malfoy wants to see him dead. He wants him to pay for the things he has done to Draco’s family, he wants him to hurt the  way he has hurt Draco. 

He is fighting then, and the war is real, and his father’s world is now his own, and he has the mark burned against his flesh, he tries to scrub it off in the middle of the night on the bathroom floor, but he knows the mark will be there forever, just like the ache inside his chest. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who have sunlight snug against their hearts, where Draco feels the empty ache, are the farthest thing from his mind, because everything hurts and this is who he is and he cannot find the energy to pick himself up off the cold tiles. 

Christmas Week, Day 5: AUwhere Jily lives and Harry tries to tell them about his first boyfriend Draco,for anon.

The words died in Harry’s throat at the moment he entered the kitchen, finding his mother humming softy as she baked. He watched her as she twirled around, taking in the smile on her face; for he didn’t know whether he would ever get to see her smile again.

“Son?”

Harry jumped and turned around, only to find his father raising his eyebrows at him.

“S-sorry, I was just…”

“You look awful.”

“He looks like you, James.” Lily chuckled as she approached Harry to kiss the top of his head. “Good morning, my baby.”

“You still married me, Evans.” James smirked, and Lily straightened up to kiss her husband as well.

“I did.” She smiled.

“Seriously look at your son, Lils, he’s as pale as the Giant Squid.” He said, frowning.

“It’s just… Never mind.” Harry sighed and turned around to leave.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Lily asked concernedly.

Harry stopped and turned around to face his parents, unable to look at them.

“Well, I… I’m in love.”

“Bloody Merlin, my time has come.” James said rubbing his hands together. “Son, I believe it’s time we have…” he made the sound of drums. “The talk.”

Lily laughed.

“Dad… It’s…”

“Sit there.”

Harry sighed and went to sit at the opposite of his father at the kitchen’s table, while Lily tried really hard not to laugh as she watched the two love of her life.

“Dad, can I speak?”

“Absolutely.”

Harry eyes him for a moment, glanced at his mother, and then back at him.

“Okay, I have been thinking about telling you for a while, but… it was harder to do it than to just think about it. So… here it is…” He held his breath as he spoke. “I’m sorry if it disappoints you, and I hope it doesn’t because… mom, dad, you mean a lot to me, and I can’t imagine losing you.”

“For Merlin’s sake Harry, what’s wrong?” James asked, slightly more serious.

“I… I would like to invite my boyfriend to our Christmas lunch.” Harry blurted out.

James stared at him, then glanced at Lily. She shrugged and nodded. He looked back at Harry, nodding too.

“Do you know if he likes Whine Wine, though? You know, just so that he won’t die of thirst in case he doesn’t…”

Harry stared at them, his eyes wide.

“Err… I think he does… I mean, the Malfoys are used to that kind of things, aren’t they?”

“The Malfoys?” James choked.

“Yes?” Harry said, his voice slightly higher than usual.

“Your boyfriend is Lucius and Narcissa’s son? What’s his name again?” Lily asked.

“Draco.” Harry cleared his throat.

“Draco…” She smiled. “Well, tell Draco he is welcome at our table.”

“Wait, wait, wait, does Lucius knows this?” he asked, failing at holding back his laughter.

“James!” Lily folded her arms.

“No, no, no problem but… Merlin I wish I had seen his head when he heard that his one and only son is going out with a Gryffindor… with my blood!” he burst out laughing.

“Harry, tell Draco we’ll be glad to have his parents at home as well.” She glared at James when his laughter shot up in crescendo. “They are welcome too.”

“Err… Okay?” Harry said, blushing.

Lily smiled and went to hug him.

“We love you no matter what, Harry.” She whispered into his ear.

thefangirlfeminist1997 ha preguntado:

Hey! Not sure if you're still taking requests, but: AU where Lily's spent her whole life being insecure about how she looks but it all melts away when she's with James because he makes her feel safe and beautiful?

Thething about growing up with Tuney is that bony knees look even bonier and that uncooperative frizzy hair becomes even more frustrating than what it should be. She blames her father’s genes, because both her mother and Tuney are pretty as periwinkle. Never mind that Tuney’s face is a bit too large (she looks a bit like a horse), because her hair is as perfectly blonde and soft as ever, and her hands are as elegant and cold, and her long long legs are never-ending. But Lily? Lily’s not short enough to be cute, but not tall enough to be, you know, tall. Her hair is too rebellious, her nose too weird and her freckles, God, let’s not get started on her stupid, orange and ridiculous freckles.

The thing is she’s got more important things to do than contemplate her obvious lack of perfect horsey beauty, like finishing her Transfig homework, but James bloody Potter is staring at her with what she calls his possessed psycho eyes, and it’s almost as if he’s in love with her or something. It’s terrifying. She’s tired of telling him to stop looking at her and to mind his business, but he’s making her feel self-conscious. The bastard’s too good looking.

“You still have bony knees,” he says, mesmerised.

Lily wants to stab him in the eye with a sharp pencil, but the only thing she has is the stupid quill they expect her to always use.

“It’s weird, ‘cause you grew up before than me, but you still have bony knees. I know ‘cause your skirt never covers them.”

“You’re a creep, stop staring at my knees.”

Potter blushes a pretty shade of pomegranate, and his hand automatically flies to his hair, like it always does when he’s nervous or embarrassed. Or when he’s flirting with her.

“I stare at your knees ‘cause when I stare at your face I get nervous and stupid shit comes out of my mouth. Like right now. You’ve got beautiful eyes, Evans, and your bony knees are cute. It’s ok, I like that you never cover your knees, because then I have something to stare at and I even imagine that I can grab—”

“Potter, shut up,” Lily says, and the hand that’s holding the quill is shaking like a leaf, she’s so nervous. She can imagine where his thoughts are headed right now, and she’s got mental images now, of his bloody perfect arms grabbing her by the knees and—

She’s got to stop, she has to focus. They’re friends now, good friends even, but lately she’s been having these thoughts, and he’s been making these comments and…

“Y-you should’ve stopped at the cute knees part,” she says at last, and Potter laughs, messes up his stupid, gorgeous hair once again and stands up to go find his friends, she presumes.

She can’t be sure, though, she’s too busy pressing her legs together and trying to get her heart rate to normal to look.

It’s been a long time since she’s felt pretty, since Alice took her shopping and they flirted with those blokes at the ice cream parlour. But James is better, he makes her feel sexy, and in being sexy she’s beautiful, and safe. She hates him a little bit for that.

(She likes him a lot because of that, too.)

We see in the books that James’s Animagus form was a stag, and Harry’s Patronus takes the same form. Snape’s Patronus is a doe. Harry says that Lily’s Patronus was also a doe. It’s never explained how he knows this: it’s certainly not something he knew prior to viewing Snape’s memories, because he spent a lot of time speculating as to whose Patronus the doe was, and never thought of his mother. It may be knowledge which came to him while he was in tune with Snape’s memories, or while he was temporarily dead. Or maybe he’s guessing. So we don’t know for sure whether the doe really was Lily’s Patronus or not, but either way it clearly represents Lily to Snape and to Dumbledore.

I gather that in the U.S., stag and doe are generic terms for male and female deer. For this reason it is widely assumed, at least among American fen, that the fact that James is represented by a stag and Lily by a doe shows that they were perfectly, romantically compatible. It may be that that was what Rowling intended - and that she was let down by a lack of biological knowledge.

Be that as it may, this is a British story using British terminology, and here in Britain a stag or hart is a male red deer (whose mate is called a hind), and a doe is a female roe or fallow deer (whose mate is a buck). James’s and Lily’s symbols are different species, so the message seems to be “They may look superficially compatible, but really they aren’t.”

Roe deer stand 25”-30” at the shoulder, incidentally, fallow deer stand 30”-37” and red deer 37” to 51”, with males at the larger end of the range and females at the smaller. If the doe Patronus is a roe she could be as little as half the height of Prongs. If she is a fallow deer she may have silvery spots - many fallow deer are spotted or speckled.

Christmas Week, Day 3: James and Lily set up a Blind Date for Blackinnon, for thepunkpotato

 

“Marlene, this is Sirius Black, James’ best friend.” Lily said sweetly as she led her into the dining room, where James was split in half with laughter while Sirius was making the Turkey dance on the table.

“Err… hi?”

Sirius looked up, his eyes widened for a split second as he eyed Marlene up and down, then a charming smile stretched across his lips as he stood up to shake her hand.

“Enchanted.” He smiled crookedly, his flawless mane falling beautifully around his face.

“Pleasure.” She said, raising an eyebrow as she watched the Turkey perform a ballet. “Is this even allowed by the Minister of Magic?” she said, a snort escaping her lips.

“I wouldn’t know, unfortunately. I’m not really accustomed to care about the rules.” Sirius said smugly.

“Don’t you think he’s brilliant, Marls?” James said as he wiped the corners of his eyes on his way to take her in his arms.

“Well hello to you too, Jamesie!” She rolled her eyes.

“How are you?” he asked, smiling sheepishly.

“You didn’t tell me there would be someone else.” She said, raising her eyebrows at Sirius, who winked.

“Oh? A-are you sure?” Lily stuttered, glancing at James for help, but he merely shrugged. “I thought I had mentioned it on the phone… anyway! Have a sit.” She smiled innocently.

Marlene eyes Lily suspiciously as she led her to the seat in front of Sirius. She sat and ignored Sirius, who had taken his seat took.

“Well, I think we can start.” Lily smiled and, with a flick of her wand, she made the Turkey fall flat on its plate. “James, would you mind helping me in the kitchen? You two start, we won’t be long!” Lily said excitedly as she grabbed James’ arm and led him out.

“You guys barely ate!” Marlene called nervously.

“Just start!” Lily shouted back firmly.

Marlene frowned and glanced at Sirius just in time to see him look up at her from the spot he was staring at. She growled and adjusted her low-neck dress.

“So, since how long have you known this charming lovesick couple?” Sirius asked, once more distracted.

“Since, like, forever?” she said, glaring at him as she buttoned up her short vest.

“Nice dress you’ve got there… did your boyfriend buy it to you?” he smirked.

“I can take care of my shopping alone, thank you very much.”

“You do have a boyfriend, then?” he said, his smirk dying off his face.

“No, I’m not really into boyfriends, Sirius.” She rolled her eyes.

“Aye, girlfriends are way better, aren’t they?” His smirk appeared once more as he spoke.

“What- no!” Marlene said loudly, offended.

“No problem, I don’t mind lesbians. Not at all, actually…” he winked.

Marlene’s jaw fell to the ground. She spun around on her seat.

“James! Lils! You two better bring your arses here!” She called.

“Give them some space, they must be shagging.” Sirius said, his mouth full of Turkey. He sighed. “Ah, the magic of Christmas. So what are your plans after this date?”

Marlene turned to face Sirius, her eyes wide.

“This what??”

Sirius looked up at her, his cheeks looking like he had two bludger in his mouth.

“Don’t you know the meaning of a date, darling?”

“I know what’s a date you moron! I had no idea that-…” She froze. A little laugh escaped her face when realization hit her. “LILY!” she shouted angrily. “YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THAT I’M TELLING YOU!”

Sirius nearly choked himself with laughter.

“Merlin, those bastards are so smart…” he said in between two laughs.

“This is not funny!” she turned to face him, glaring.

“Oh come on, love. Imagine if they hadn’t planned this; we would have never met each other.” He said seductively, leaning across the table.

“Trust me, I would have survived.” Marlene scoffed. “I need to find a way to get back at them. Ugh, I can’t believe that-”

“If it’s a prank we’re talking about, luckily for you I happen to be the master of pranks.” Sirius said, examining his nails pompously.

“Really? And what do you suggest?” Marlene raised her eyebrows.

Sirius smiled crookedly and looked at her out of the corner of his eyes.

“Go out with me.”

“Fuck off.”

Sirius sighed dramatically.

“Just for a couple of weeks! And then we’ll break up, I promise. We’ll have the biggest fight ever and make them feel bad about it. And on top of that…” Sirius used his deeper, most charming tone as he finished his sentence. “You’ll earn a hot boyfriend who will know just well how to treat you right.” Sirius stretched his hand across the table. “Deal?”

Marlene glanced down at his hand and back up at him, a smirk stretching across her own lips. She took his hand.

“Agreed.”

—Three months later—

“Coming!” Marlene checked herself on the mirror quickly before opening the door of her flat. She froze.

“Sirius?” She smirked and crossed her arms at the sight of Sirius Black on her doorframe, carrying a dozen of Tulips in his arms.

“Hey.” He swallowed. “Listen, I know we broke up yesterday, we had a lot of fun and all –you were brilliant, by the way-, but now I just feel weird when I come home and there’s not that faint scent of burning food  anymore and those terribly slow and boring records playing and I don’t trip anymore over your heels and your scent is starting to fade off the bed sheets and the whole flat itself and I’m starting to fear that I’ll never feel again what I feel right now…” Sirius trailed off, knowing he was getting nowhere and he probably looked like an idiot. “My main point is… I’d really like it if we had another date.”

Marlene watched him, smiling fondly.

“These are my favorites.” She said, nodding at the flowers.

“Really? I… I had no idea…” He said, eyeing the Tulips as though he had never seen any before.

“Shut up, you moron.” She said as she jumped in his arms and kissed him.

Sirius smiled. Indeed, if it hadn’t been for James and Lily, they would have never met, and they both were glad for that.

3

Yay, my Jily Secret Santa thingie I submitted, a gift for @tenkuunoshiro. I wanted to do another post because it made me sad that I couldn’t make the images look the way I wanted them to while submitting to the Jily Secret Santa Blog :/ I guess I am still a newbie at tumblr sadly xD

Original post is over here

Happy Holidays to y’all :D