jigsaw puzzle pieces

There is a truth to be found in what Jack Baker says about his son: the family are not truly killers, even his boy Lucas.

There’s an interesting type of truth to be found in the statement in regards to Lucas. That he is truly not a killer, at least not at heart. Lucas has murdered, tortured, and has proven not likely to stop such things. Even after his mind has become clear, given an immunity to Eveline’s control from a serum provided by her very creators; he continues his actions with a heightened sense of awareness ( a loose fitting word to how Lucas perceives the world after being pulled from Eveline’s influence). He takes pleasure from his actions, just as he takes disappoint in the failures of the abducted. He’s seeking for something beyond the bettering of his own inventions.

Lucas continued his abductions of individuals, continued acting as if he were under Eveline’s control to make her believe that he was still under her control; Lucas is an exceptionally smart individual, it would not have taken one in order to fool a child, genetically modified or not. Some of his actions are pretending. ( Which brings an interesting point– Lucas had never wanted to kidnap the Baker victims because it was wrong, but rather because he prefers not to physically be harming. The harm that Lucas does is usually through a third party, or object, and even physiological damage but he does not physically assault. Even when faced with potential confrontation of Ethan Winters he runs. He has never murder with his own hands, rather his inventions. It’s an interesting disconnect between the player and the game master.)  

While her control over Lucas was short, it did not leave without any lasting effects. Lucas was already mentally ill before the arrival of the tanker. Even before being officially diagnosed he murdered a child by starvation ( once again never really touching, rather a death by neglect ). In some fashion, as a child, Lucas did not understand his actions; while he had understood that he had murdered ( going so far as covering up the murder vis-a-vis the ‘bayou’ in order to remain a guiltless party ), there was the question of why Oliver had died, a very brief question, but still a question. Shortly after diagnosed, he began taking medicine, but Lucas stopped. Factor in the childhood trauma from the physical discipline of his father.

Eveline’s mold touched his mind. It unraveled everything that Lucas had been attempting to keep under lock and key so he could have a 'normal’ life. ( A normal life that he does not base too heavily on his own childhood, although the basics of a father and mother in a nice house stick. He would even argue for getting a job, one that uses his talents to the fullest, although he was never quite successful for varying reasons. He’s an asshole. ) Her 'mold’ was a key to unlocking the pieces of Lucas that were held back; the violent, the erratic, the more meticulous malicious pieces of his mind. ( There is, as well, a heavy sense of PTSD that comes after being freed from Eveline. ) It would be wrong to classify this Lucas as a true Lucas, he is a very complex and confusing person, he does being a 'sociopath inventor’.

He lacks a filter. There isn’t something to keep his invasive thoughts at bay, nothing to guide morality. There are actions, like nail pulling and teeth spitting and subjecting individuals to his ideas; these are things that he most ardently enjoys, things that a little less than kind and more than disturbed. Specifically, there’s a reason to the nail pulling/chewing/ripping, as they grow back quicker and knows that he can not really die, it’s become a way of calming himself.

Yet. Lucas has his moments. The moments where he is helpful, where he isn’t an entire asshole. Purposely leaving video tapes which Ethan ( or truly, any other victim ) can find, leaving the photographs and hidden treasure caches. Lucas Baker is an observer of the Baker family, employed by the same B.O.W manufacturers that had made Eveline; Zoe is helpful, yes, but Lucas is the only one whose not under Eveline’s control. Now, whether Lucas intentionally left the tapes is another question to be asked, another secret that Lucas will not reveal. It is, all of the helpful things he has done, another way at keeping people from assumptions. Keeping people guessing, because Lucas Baker does not like being pegged as one thing. He doesn’t want anyone to have a grasp on who he is, what he wants, and truthfully most aren’t capable of forming a solid conclusion on Lucas beyond asshole.

In a way, Lucas invites sympathy. He has this childlike quality about him, and he can be very charming. At other times ( really, most of the time ) he can be quite repellent, because he can be remorseless and erratic and hes an indirect murderer, and you’re reminded about what he did.

anonymous asked:

(Saracstic Ask) How to develop each function?

How to develop Se

To fully experience that rush of living in the moment, you must jump off a cliff. Don’t have the guts? Well, you obviously don’t, since you don’t have enough Se. You may also train yourself by riding a rollercoaster repeatedly until you cannot remember who you were or feel anything anymore. The only thing you will be able to experience is the appreciation of this moment. Beautiful, isn’t it?

How to develop Si

This one is quite easy. Just go take those SAT vocab practice tests for fun. Here’s a link: https://www.vocabtest.com/ If you can memorize everything, your Si is at the top of the game!

How to develop Ne

Get high.

How to develop Ni

One cannot “develop” psychic abilities, one can only be born with it. Just go find a fortune teller, or a crazy INFJ.

How to develop Te

Model from the best. Remember that bully from your elementary school? Yes, you remember them, don’t you? Strong Te has that lasting effect on you. Pretend to be like them and go boss people around. Your Te will go through the roof in no time.

How to develop Ti

To have a fully developed Ti, you need the following items:

  • 20 of the most frustrating chain puzzles you can find
  • 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle (the whole thing must be the same plain color)

Solve them, take them apart, put them back together again 10 times, and you will be able to solve anything the world throws at you from then on.

How to develop Fe

Put on a “free hugs” T-shirt and go stand at the busiest mall in the city for 5 hours per day for 1 month. You’ll learn to absolutely, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, devotedly be in love with people (no sarcasms intended), just like Fe-doms.

How to develop Fi

You must learn to FEEL! And express that FEEL! - Go watch 100 movies that make you cry. Here are some examples:

  • The Notebook
  • ET
  • Grave of the Fireflies
  • A Walk to Remember
  • P.S. I Love You
  • Marley & Me
  • Toy Story 3
  • Inside Out

Good luck,

-eilamona
[ Get MBTI Sarcastic Functions on a mug, shirt, or tote bag ]

(I am not responsible for anything that happens to you should you choose to follow my advice).

[ send sarcastic asks | previous sarcastic answers ]

dexter starters ( showtime’s dexter s2ep2.)

  • “ i finally get a chance to kill and i can’t do it.”
  • “ and now all my secrets are floating to the surface.”
  • “ how did i lose it? how do i find it again?”
  • “ how can i solve a crime when i can’t even solve what’s wrong with me?”
  • “ has a nice ring to it, no?”
  • “ last thing ___ needs is another serial killer.”
  • “ why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.”
  • “ what would i do without you?”
  • “ grandma really talks like that?”
  • “ you get the point. right, bitch?”
  • “ fucking people don’t want our help.”
  • “ this stuff never gets to you?”
  • “ i’m more of a cry on the inside kinda guy.”
  • “ what? i’m so over that.”
  • “ just… prove it to me.”
  • “ it’s like you’re just fucking with me.”
  • “ couldn’t pick a worse time, right?”
  • “ hey, how about you take off? let me handle this.”
  • “ i couldn’t let you do that.”
  • “ i owe you.”
  • “ i can’t even go there.”
  • “ this one’s on us, man.”
  • “ i have to focus. tune everything out.”
  • “ timing could be better.”
  • “ … oh. it’s you.”
  • “ who else you got following you?”
  • “ go ahead. try it. i’ve been waitin’.”
  • “ this neighborhood? it’s full of crazies. i’d lock my doors.”
  • “ bathroom’s all yours.”
  • “ we ran outta glasses?”
  • “ come on, give it a chance.”
  • “ sweetie, what’s the matter?”
  • “ what kind of weird?”
  • “ no. no, calm was what i was 35 minutes ago. pissed is what i am now.”
  • “ hey! who want’s eggos? i got blueberry, or chocolate. or both.”
  • “ assholes! they did everything but help.”
  • “ which assholes were you talking to?”
  • “ i didn’t ask for your help, or your advice.”
  • “ i’ll never understand how people deal with death. why they can’t just… put it in it’s place.”
  • “ not exactly ideal in the element of surprise department.”
  • “ i have to find a new way to dispose of the body.”
  • “ you totally douched me in there.”
  • “ you clocked a guy in a bar who touched your arm…“
  • “ well, thank you for the fucking vote of confidence.”
  • “ hey. just visualize that door of opportunity opening up wide for you, bro, and just walk right through it.”
  • “ you keep up with this woo-woo shit, imma walk right through you.”
  • “ that come with a story?”
  • “ well, you should be more careful, amigo.”
  • “ they had to bring in outside talent. which would be moi.”
  • “ bet this guy never expected his work to see in the light of day.”
  • “ i bet you’re right.”
  • “ still, it can’t be easy to hide a body nowadays.”
  • “ you shittin’ me?”
  • “ hypothetical: how do you make sure disposed body stay disposed?”
  • “ don’t all those run the risk of contact with the outside world?”
  • “ you got a better idea?”
  • “ there is no such thing as the perfect crime. not in my experience, anyway.”
  • “ well, we have something in common.”
  • “ miss me?”
  • “ i need to clear the decks… and my head.”
  • “ they, uh… ate my puppy.”
  • “ you may have to get closer than you like.”
  • “ i’m doin’ enough damage on my own.”
  • “ that was a yes. sounded like a no, but… yeah.”
  • “ you scared the shit outta me.”
  • “ how you doin’?”
  • “ don’t! you fuckin’ asked… so, how am i doing? i’m just fine.”
  • “ come on, don’t get the shakes now. this is no time for performance anxiety.”
  • “ i’ve been waitin’ for you.”
  • “ come out, come out, wherever you are!”
  • “ what the hell is wrong with me?”
  • “ it’s okay, i got you.”
  • “ don’t leave me! please, don’t leave me!”
  • “ want me to knock out some doors? or maybe some heads?”
  • “ what fucking asshole left this here?”
  • “ it’s ‘special agent’ fucking asshole.”
  • “ frankly, you’re more of a leader than a team-player.”
  • “ i’m not convinced you play well with others.”
  • “ i feel like a jigsaw-puzzle missing a piece.”
  • “ i’ve been calling you for hours.”
  • “ i kinda pulled an all nighter.”
  • “ it’s, uh… it’s taking me to places i never thought i’d go.”
  • “ he was such a destructive force. why can’t you just put him behind you?”
  • “ i’m just gonna make you late.”
  • “ dammit, ___!  i need you there too.”
  • “ you have no idea what this feels like.”
  • “ can’t wait to get another door slammed in my face.”
  • “ that’s it. put that out into the universe, alright?”
  • “ look on the bright side. comically, we’re batting a thousand.”
  • “ please, don’t shoot me, miss/mister.”
  • “ if i believed in god. if i believed in sin… this is the place where i’d be sucked straight to hell… if i believed in hell.”
  • “ i’m so sorry for your loss.”
  • “ i’m not sorry.”
  • “ you’re still here.”
  • “ i killed you.”
  • “ no. you just took my life.”
  • “ so how do i make you go away?”
  • “ i’m not like them.”
  • “ now, if it helps, i can tell you it’s not your fault, what you did to me.”
  • “ i’m not human.”
  • “ no. you’re just fucked up.”
  • “ you think it’s as simple as that?”
  • “ excuse me, i opened this by mistake.”
  • “ today it is all about the win. i think we really should enjoy this.”
  • “ i really appreciate your support.”
  • “ it was simple, really.”
  • “ all i had to do was put myself into the mind of a killer. hardly a stretch.”
  • “ trust me, you’re not going anywhere this time.”
  • “ who the fuck are you?”
  • “ that kind of talk is just gonna bring you closer to your victims.”
  • “ no, maybe you didn’t do the deed, but the blood is on your hands.”
  • “ a lot of blood is on your hands.”
  • “ why do you care about these people?”
  • “ why are you doing this to me?”
  • “ i’m not so much doing this to you as i’m doing it for me.”
  • “ you leave pain wherever you go.”
  • “ you kill me, what do you leave behind?”
  • “ look at that, steady as a surgeon.”
  • “ this kill was just the first of the loose ends i needed to tie off.”
  • “ i need to see you.”
  • “ i’m just dropping somebody off, can it wait?”
  • “ a shoe? you wanted to see me about a shoe?”
  • “ i didn’t have a lot to hope for until i met you.”
  • “ you gave me something to believe in when i didn’t even believe in myself.”
  • “ it’s not your fault.”
  • “ it was totally an act of impulse.”
  • “ what are you trying to say, that you planned on acting on impulse?”
  • “ that’s where you disappeared to at all hours of the night like clark fucking kent.”
  • “ if the eyes are the window to the soul, then grief is the door. as long as it’s closed, it’s the barrier between knowing and not knowing. walk away from it and it stays closed forever. but open it, and walk through it, and pain becomes truth.”
  • “ i’ve been preparing for this my entire life.”
  • “ it’s annoying, isn’t it?”
  • “ i’m not taking the bait.”
  • “ you’re up late.”
  • “ you don’t need to do this. you don’t need to do this now.”
  • “ temporary insanity.”
  • “ you’re right. i smell like a fucking sewer.”
  • “ i had to say goodbye in order to reconnect with what’s really important. with who i was.”
  • “ rest in peace… i am.”
PLL 7x11 Playtime - (long) thoughts

Overall, for a premiere episode, it was slightly underwhelming in the sense that it doesn’t justify the appearances on Ellen, GMA, Facebook lives, etc. But as a general episode of PLL, it was honestly great. Like I’ve always said, season 7’s episodes are incomparable to season 6 which was a total flop.

I am OBSESSED with this board game! What a brilliant idea for the reveal of the endgame. If every episode is structured by a couple moves on the game plus (somewhat interesting) filler, they’ve got a recipe for success.

The board game is so high tech, which unfortunately reminds me of LucAs. I hope not, but it’s likely. The board in general is great. Can’t wait to see what the rest of the tasks are.

Whoever wrote the episode, kudos to you. This episode had some of the best writing. Forget plot progression, answers, and all that good stuff. I’m talking actual writing. The words and dialogue between characters. Holden’s comment about having a heart attack was a nice touch for long time fans and Veronica and Spencer’s scenes were tragically beautiful. “What did she tell you?” and “what do you think she told me?” - and all those comments about Veronica still being Spencer’s mother at heart; and Mona saying “too bad about Noel. Not really” (homage to their season 1 relationship) - the writing was overall great.

When I see people complain about getting no answers, I just scroll past it. I’m not going to let unnecessary negativity get in my head. I was actually shocked that Spencer confronted Veronica about this and that was an appropriate amount of answers for one episode. I’ve seen people say that we weren’t told anything we didn’t already know - but I think that’s our theory caps talking. We already knew everything Veronica said (and that there was a second shooter; AD) because we theorised it months ago. Seeing our theories verbalised in the show are probably coming across as if nothing is happening because we’ve “known” for so long. But things WERE answered. What a big moment for the PLL series - Veronica freaking admitted to Spencer not being her daughter!

Oh how could I forget: I GOT IT RIGHT!!! Peter and Mary are Spencer’s parents and Peter got Mary pregnant thinking it was Jessica. SO FAR, ONE THEORY IS CORRECT! Let’s see if I stop there for the rest of the season or if I manage to get anything else right…

(Please don’t forget that there was a 1 week later note on screen. Spencer and Toby didn’t get out of the hospital in all of 3 minutes. People complain over nothing.)

Yvonne will not make it out of that coma, no doubt about it.

During the episode I was kind of frustrated at the amount of time they spent on Mona and Hanna and the fashion thing. But, now typing this, I’m smiling. THEY ARE GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS. This fashion thing is just a symbol that the writers are using to show that every time Mona tries to help the girls, she gets treated like shit. Just like when Hanna threw out Mona’s bridal shower card unnecessarily. Also it shows Mona’s power over Hanna. This is just the beginning. This filler is going to blow up into something massive and it will reveal Mona’s true alliances down the line. It may be boring now to watch, but they’re going somewhere with it. Keep an eye on it.

I was shocked that Ezra is still staying with Aria without consideration of the circumstances. I thought Nicole would pose a bigger obstacle.

Holden’s return was too corny. “Oh you work here!?” His scenes were probably the most boring of the episode. Whilst it was absolutely great to see this friendly familiar face, I felt underwhelmed that they spent the highly anticipated return episode talking (very slowly and frustrating) about where they want the reception for the wedding to be. That should’ve been saved for a later episode, if not cut out completely.

Bitchy Ali. Hell yes. Welcome back. Please don’t go away too soon. But I did feel bad for Paige. That was just way too bitchy to bring up Paige’s history in the meeting. No one is the same person they were in high school. Paige should’ve slammed back harder because Ali was the worse person in high school.

I know Emison is endgame but… I do like Paige. Always have. Paige is always right about Ali and I won’t forget the accuracy of what Paige said to Emily last finale: call me when you decide to cut the strings with your puppet master.

ALI MIGHT NOT BE PREGNANT. Don’t forget Sasha said at Paley Fest “well Ali says she is (pregnant)” - she didn’t even let Emily come to her appointment!! She’s hiding something. Every time Paige gets in the way, Ali drops a bomb: a kiss, a “I’m pregnant”, “I’m broke and alone, please stay, don’t go out with Paige,” etc. She might not be pregnant after all.

Detective Furey can get lost. I just don’t like him. Is Tanner coming back? What about Holbrook? I liked them. Shit cops obviously, but they were entertaining characters. I hope they’re back before the end.

What was that tiny jigsaw puzzle piece Spencer got and put under the iPhone in the board game? Is that supposed to reveal a picture or something?

So did AD reveal themselves to Jenna - is that what the final scene was? And duh, the liars really thought Jenna and Noel were AD? They didn’t pause to think “where is the A and D coming from then?” I liked hearing that confirmed out loud though.

Overall - an underwhelming PREMIERE, but a fantastic general PLL episode. They’ve got a great formula for success with this board game. I want the girls to turn on each other (but know that they’re doing it because they’re forced! It won’t ruin the friendship.) I want drama. And despite what anyone says, yes we did get some answers and I can’t wait to see what piece to the puzzle we get next week. Another shoutout to the person who wrote this episode because the Veronica/Spencer/Mary reveal was beautiful.

Dragon Quest VII: Ok, before you get into your first battle, we really need to introduce the world to you! Explore the town and be sure to talk to everyone so you get a real feel for this world and the people in it. Now go to the other town. Don’t worry, there’s no monsters to get in your way! Talk to everyone here, too. Alright, now go back to the first town. Now head over to the big shrine, then go to the little shrines, they’re technically right over there but the path goes all the way around the island (again, don’t worry about monsters). Now, there were some puzzles here, but we simplified them a little bit! Head back to the big shrine again, and figure out where to put those pieces of equipment. Now go back to the first town, then the second town, and then back to the big shrine one more time. All you have to do is solve the three piece jigsaw puzzle, and then you’re ready for your first battle!

Dragon Quest VIII: Who are you? Who are they?! Where’s the princess?!! DOESN’T MATTER, LOOK OUT, SLIMES!!! GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!!

Anne - S1 - Episode 1

“Your will shall decide your destiny”

An exploration of the first episode of Anne the Series (aka ‘Anne with an E’). This episode is such a wonderful introduction to the characters and setting of the re-imagined Anne of Green Gables. Unique in tone and rich in nuance. It provides so many layers for fans to discuss! Click the ‘Read More’ link to head into spoiler territory…

Keep reading

2

A 75 × 112 rectangle can be cut up into 13 squares, which can be rearranged into the initial rectangle in two different ways. One way was found by Brooks, who was so pleased with this dissection that he made a jigsaw puzzle of it, each piece being a square. His mother then tackled the puzzle and eventually succeeded in putting the pieces together, but not in the way Brooks has found!

The mysterious powers of spider silks

Spider silks, the stuff of spider webs, are a materials engineer’s dream: they can be stronger than steel at a mere fraction of weight, and also can be tougher and more flexible. Spider silks also tend not to provoke the human immune system. Some even inhibit bacteria and fungi, making them potentially ideal for surgery and medical device applications. Exploitation of these natural marvels has been slow, due in part to the challenges involved in identifying and characterizing spider silk genes, but researchers from the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have now made a major advance with the largest-ever study of spider silk genes.

As they report today in an advance online paper in Nature Genetics, Penn scientists and their collaborators sequenced the full genome of the golden orb-weaver spider (Nephila clavipes), a prolific silk-spinner that turns out to produce 28 varieties of silk proteins. In addition to cataloguing new spider silk genes, the researchers discovered novel patterns within the genes that may help to explain the unique properties of different types of silk.

Keep reading

6

“You know when you’re doing a jigsaw puzzle and the piece looks like it should fit exactly, but it doesn’t? So you try to squeeze it in, but you know it’s not the right piece. But you’re lazy, so you leave the piece there. You [really should] find the right piece - and she’s the right piece “ - Ellen DeGeneres

anonymous asked:

My life is like a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces are everywhere and it's hard to put together. There was once someone who tried to fix me, but now they're gone forever. I could be complete, but there's pieces broken and lost. Like the distant memories of happiness, that I've forgot. I'm useless, a disappointment, a waste of space. I look in the mirror at night and look in disgrace. My life is hopeless. There's no love for me. Which is the only thing that could make me happy. I want to die.

Please please please hang on everything is going to be so good so soon you just need to hang on. I Know these words may not help you but I promise someone is going to walk into your life and light it up.

I just want you to stay for me, okay? I know you dont know me but i love you. i do. 

Headcanon

Spy, despite all his insider knowledge, despite knowing his team mates better than they know themselves, is terrible at gift giving. He picks out strange and awkward gifts that nobody wants, worse than anything your grandma could send you. 

He buys Scout toys, but toys for young kids, like a six piece jigsaw puzzle. He’s so genuine about it though, at the time of purchase he truly thinks, “Scout is young, he will enjoy this.”

He’ll get Medic a juicer, even though he’s never seen Medic express an interest in diet fads or cooking. Soldier receives a potted plant, something that requires daily maintenance and tender care. It ends up a pile of dirt in the common room. He buys Heavy the oddest fashion, things that are ‘all the rage’ that are clearly not actually trendy but just ugly. 

There’s not even last minute gifts, they’re just bad. 

Demetri Martin quote starters
  • I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  • I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
  • Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
  • About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’
  • I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
  • Whenever I’m on my computer, I don’t type 'lol’. I type 'lqtm’ - laugh quietly to myself. It’s more honest.
  • I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, 'I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ And I said, 'I am.’
  • Words have power, you dumb piece of shit.
  • Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
  • There’s an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don’t know it. I don’t speak Russian.
  • I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says, 'go outside’.
  • What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.
  • I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said “Happy Birthday” on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote “Jesus” on it.
  • I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane.
  • My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
  • I think it’s interesting that 'cologne’ rhymes with 'alone.’
  • One time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
  • I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word 'fortnight.’
  • My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next.
  • I like to use 'I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
  • I got some new pajamas with pockets in them. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.
  • Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die.
  • I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I’m not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
  • It’s very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
  • You’re a dick! You deserved this! Also I’m sorry I broke your leg.
  • My friend named his car. And I don’t want to be judgemental, but… what a dork.
  • I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It’s so cool.
  • I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
  • I need to develop some patience — immediately.
  • I bought a clock, and then the big hand broke off it. I didn’t want to throw it away, so I just added -ish to every number.
  • I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something, it’s at least a little bit funny.
  • I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.
  • I do flash mobs alone sometimes. It’s me just showing up somewhere.
  • I’m the king of calling myself the king of things.
  • Don’t be so quick to judge others. Take your time and really get into it.
  • People worry too much about what other people think when they should just be worried about what I think.
  • The world is full of wonder, especially if you never do any research into anything.
  • Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.
  • For some reason rocking chairs don’t rock sideways.
  • I just wanted to waste a little more of my time. Okay. That should do it.
  • The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
  • It’s go time! And by “go” I mean “go sit down”.
  • I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
  • My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
  • I have an air mattress. It’s great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.
  • When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.