jhene chilombo

Fifty nine


I walked into the bedroom after Cayden, still feeling whiplash from his mood swings. He had made us leave the restaurant out of no where, not that I had really wanted to be there. I went and sat on the edge of the bed and he did the same.

“Look, we gotta have this discussion one way or another,” I said, looking at his beautiful, lightly freckled face.

“So let’s talk about it. But first, before we go anywhere, promise you gon stay to hear everything I gotta say. No running,” he said seriously.

“I’ll stay. Promise,” I nodded. I didn’t blame him for doubting me, I was guilty of leaving when it was convienent in the past.

“Good,” he said, taking my hand in his. The sign of affection made my heart skip a beat. I tilted my head to the side.

“So you really want a baby? It’s that serious,” I said.

“Yeah its that serious. I want the whole package, a family, with you. That includes a baby, or two,” he chuckled when I made a face at 2.

“Why are you thinking about it all of a sudden though? We just got married.” I asked, pain in my voice because I didn’t want what he wanted.

“I wanted ot for a while. But the sudden question was because of seeing the way you cared for me after I got shot…it made me realize what a great mother you’d make Randi.”

“Of course,” I mumbled, adding things up.

“I also realized…I want you to have something that’s part me, incase something happens to me. I’d know you weren’t alone,” he said. That silenced me. I didn’t say anything for a long time. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know Cayden thought about his possible death, he acted so nonchalant like nothing could touch him. But apparently, he thought about it, and wanted to prepare for it. “Know what I mean?” He said when I didn’t respond. I nodded.

“I get it,” and I did. That was like Cayden. He wanted to leave me with something, someone to be there when he couldn’t be, something to always remind me of him.

“I’m not pushing for right away if you not ready, but I’m hoping you’ll be on the same page that it’s in our near future,” he said. I went to speak but he put a finger up to my mouth. “Before you talk. I love you, even if I’m upset with you,” he added, then removed his finger so I could speak.

“I love you too Cayden,” I said.

“So tell me why you don’t wanna have my kids,” he said pouting. I laughed lightly.

“Don’t make it like it’s personal about you. If I was gonna have someone’s baby…it would be yours,” I said.

“So basically you down, great. Let’s get started,” he grabbed my waist and I almost wanted to give in.

“Hey,” I complained, escaping his arms.

“Fine. Why?” He said, sitting with his arms crossed.

“It’s a lot of reasons. First of there’s the issue of me messing them up for the rest of their lives with my insanity-”

“You’re not insane,” he said quickly.

“But I’m messed up. We both know it. That’s not fair to whatever kid gets stuck with me. It’s a lot of pressure to get things right. I can’t afford to make mistakes like I do now. It’s full time commitment, no get out of jail free card. You know I don’t do well in those situations,” I shook my head.

“You thought you couldn’t get married, but here we are. You can commit when you’re ready. You just do things on your own time. That’s aight,” he said quickly, moving closer to me. “What’s the other issue?”

“I don’t hate kids, if I have one I’m gonna love it. That’s the problem,” I said, letting out a breath because I was exposing my deepest fears.

“What? Loving a kid is a problem,” he said trying to understand.

“Yes it is. Then I have to be constantly afraid to lose it, and be always worrying about it, 24/7. I’ll never be able to function again,” I said desperately. He seemed lost still so I decided to try another explanation. “You know when you got shot? And they took you away from me at the hospital?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yeah, I sort of remember.”

“That was the worst moment of my life. Not being able to see you and care for you tore me apart. You’re my husband, and I love you, but imagine if that was a kid…our kid. I don’t want that kind of heartache Cayden. I can’t love something that much, what if I loose it? I already risked it with you,” I finished. Cayden’s face softened. He put a hand up to my cheek and the way he peered into my soul I wanted to give him anything he ever wanted.

“It’s a risk loving something so much, but it’s worth it,” he said. I wanted to ask how he knew but I realized it was because we had both risked it all to be with each other and it had been worth it. Cayden was the one, and i almost let him pass me by because of one bad relationship and a little personal drama. I closed my eyes, resting my cheek in his hand. It was the best feeling, like for an instant I knew exactly where I belonged and everything in life would be okay. We sat there in silence for a while, the only sound was us breathing and cars driving past the house. I wished at that moment that I felt the way Cay did so we could go back to when things were simple. I opened my eyes after several minutes and he was closer than he had been before. His lips hovered dangerously close to mine and I suddenly remembered we hadn’t had sex in 2 weeks. He seemed to remember too at the same moment because his lips crushed mine as I gripped the front of his shirt. I wasn’t sure how this was going to fix anything, but I went with it because, well, I needed him. His hand slid from my cheek, down my neck to the hem of my shirt. It found its way under my shirt and cupped my breast firmly. He kissed me like we had all the time in the world. I started unbuttoning his nice dress shirt hastily.

“It’s gonna wrinkle,” I mumbled against his lips when he threw it on the floor. It was a new wifely duty habit to worry about things like that. He chuckled and pulled away for a brief moment.

“I’m not worried about it,” he said, moving his lips to my neck.

Pretty soon all our clothes were off and Cayden was hovering over me, my leg in his hand and his mouth travelling down my body. When he came back up to my face I put my hands on either side of his head. I wanted to say something, that I missed him i think, but I got distracted when I felt his length against my thigh. So I kissed him instead and let him take over all of me.

We were in the bed still naked, my head resting on his chest with his arm around me. I rested my hand on his rock hard stomach. Catching a glimpse of my rings the harsh reality hit me again.

“How are we supposed to raise a baby with your job?” I whispered.

“We can figure it out,” he said, playing in my hair.

“That’s comforting,” I said sarcastic.

“If you get pregnant and you want me to quit I’ll do it,” he said. I looked at him in confusion but he seemed serious. I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“And do what?” I asked.

“I got a lot of hustles, I know people,” he shrugged. “I got investments in companies and shit.” I did know that. Cayden could own an entire company if he really wanted, buy a sports team, all that.

“So you’d leave the game, just like that?”

“If that’s the condition to change yo mind. I can do something else, I went to business school remember,” he said. I bit my lip.

“Cay…” I sighed.

“Just think about it. It’s on the table,” he said. This was brand new. I never imagined Cay would leave his job for anything. I had to admit now that he was laying out an entire plan I was gonna take him seriously and think about it.

“I’ll think about it,” I said. He smirked.

“That’s all I wanted.” He pulled me in closer.


I smirked when she said she was gonna think about it. That’s all I needed. I was a master of persuasion, especially on her. If she was even considering it, I could push her the last little bit. Plus, I knew deep down she wanted my kids, she just didn’t know it.

“Does this mean we’re ok?” She mumbled. I ran my thumb over her lips.

“We’re ok,” I nodded. She smiled and it hit me how much I had missed that smile. I felt bad for the way I’d treated her the last while. It also wasn’t good for my game, if she was mad at me she wouldn’t agree to the whole baby ordeal. This was like getting her to marry me all over again. “I’m sorry I been mean to you,” I said.

“Me too. I can be a bitch. But you already know,” she giggled. I shrugged and made a face of ‘imma stay in my lane’. She laughed. “Smart.”

“We’ve been through some shit,” i said.

“We have,” she nodded. “We still together.”

“I ain’t gonna let no shit separate us, I can’t think of anything that would change how I feel about you…even this kids drama. Even if im mad or whatever, I still love you,” I told her sincerely.

“Good. Because I like what we have,” she intertwined her hand with mine.

“I like all the sex that we have,” i said. Her jaw dropped and I shook with laughter. The look on her face was priceless. My crude ways still surprised her.

“That’s my cue to go wash up,” she said, getting up from the bed. She pulled my shirt on and I watched her go into the bathroom.

She came back in a towel and sat on the edge of the bed putting lotion on.

“I also forgot,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“So you really had Jermaine jumped,” she laughed. I chuckled. I had forgotten already.

“I heard he was pretty shook,” I said with a shrug.

“Real shook, he basically left China. Hasn’t contacted her in weeks,” she smiled big. It was funny to see her so excited about beating someone up.

“She tell you?” I asked. She took off the towel to lotion the rest of her body.

“She came and asked me if you jumped him,” she said. I cackled.

“Dead ass? What you say?”

“I said no,” she said in a ‘duh’ tone.

“So you lied,” I smirked. “You didn’t have to though.”

“You weren’t the one who actually did it so I didn’t lie,” she shrugged.

“Wow babe.”

“But I need you to talk to Rambo for me,” she looked at me with a smile. I narrowed my eyes. She was plotting.

“About?” I pressed.

“China. They were feeling each other at your birthday. She wants him so, tell him it’s me asking. He’s scared of me so he’ll do it,” she said. Rambo was on the receiving end of one of Randi’s heated moments when he came over and burned the white sofa with a blunt and since then he didn’t fuck around with her. I thought it was funny.

“I’ll let him know,” I said, looking at her caressing herself as she put the lotion on her thighs then her arms. Even though we had just messed around I was feeling for another round. I mean I had 2 weeks to make up more. She walked past me to go get dressed but I grabbed her arm. She looked over at me. I tugged her until she was right in front of me and i wrapped my hand around her waist.

“Let me get a little taste,” I said, my teeth sinking into my lip.

“I showered,” she complained.

“I’m bout to make it shower again,” I said, pulling her until she ended up on the bed. She let out a shaky breath and I knew I had her. I pushed her knees apart and ran my thumb down her centre. Then I dipped my head down and ate my favorite meal.


I couldn’t really be bothered with the drama of Randi and Cayden because as of yesterday, Ty had decided to come out to his parents and family, and he wanted me to go with him for support.

I was nervous because that would be the first time I met his family, and that wasn’t exactly an ideal first meeting. I didn’t know his family so I wasn’t sure what to expect, would they be disgusted with me, blame me for Ty’s feelings, throw bibles at me? I was preparing for the worst.

When I got home I called Ty to ask what time we where going.

“Ill come by around 11, we gotta drive like 30 minutes,” he said. I sighed a dramatic sigh.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I said, still concerned. “What if things don’t go well.”

“Baby I’m sure,” he grumbled.

“Did you just call me baby?” I said. He paused and I grinned.


“You did,” I teased, laughing.

“Whatever Cole-” he started but I interrupted him.

“I’m just playing babe,” I said with a smile.
“I will be there tomorrow, at 11.”

“Aight,” he said, and I could just picture him blushing.

“Ok then. Night,” I said, then we hung up. I got up to go and get ready for bed. When I was changed and laying in my blankets I was tempted to text Randi asking how things went but I figured she still didn’t wanna hear from me. She said I betrayed her trust when I told Cayden about the pregnancy test and I had apologized but she was still upset. So I didn’t text.

The next morning I woke up and got in the shower. I made sure to shave up and all that as well since I was gonna be seeing Ty’s parents. I made sure to at least put some product on my hair and out a comb through it. Once I was done I left the bathroom in a towel and made my way to my room. I got some boxers on and before I could do anything else, the door bell rang. I left my room and went to go get it.
Ty stood there, looking good in jeans and a Polo shirt with a chain.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” I said back, leaning in to kiss him. He pecked my lips before brushing past me.

“You can finish getting ready, I’ll chill,” he said, walking to the living room with his hands in his pockets.

“Aight, just need 5 minutes,” I said. He threw himself on to the couch and turned on the TV. I left him to go get dressed.

When I came back out and saw him lounging I couldn’t hold back my thoughts anymore.

“Nigga you all comfortable and chill like you don’t have a care in the world,” I said, going through cupboards in the kitchen.

“Well, I don’t” he said. I glanced over at him.

“So the fact that you about to tell your family that you’re gay after 25 years means nothing to you? You not nervous or nothing?” I pressed.

“I’m not nervous, I’m okay,” he said.


“I just realized it’s not that serious man,” he said. I went over to sit beside him on the couch with my bowl of cereal that I had thrown together. “I mean, I almost died… telling my family the truth shouldn’t be a big deal. I’m tired of hiding and pretending,” he said, looking me in the eye like he was looking through me, all the way to the inside.

“This calm cool and collected thing…it’s hot,” I said. He chuckled and put his hand on my leg.

“Don’t be nervous, my family not that bad. Usually,” he said.

“I haven’t met someone’s family before, or brought someone home or whatever,” I confessed. I then started thinking that Ty had probably brought girls home in the past which would make this even more awkward.

“It’s not that serious, plus they saw you at the hospital already….they just thought you were one of my niggas,” he bit his lip.

“Great,” I mumbled, drinking the left over milk in the bowl. I then got up to go clean after myself. Once I was done I went and brushed my teeth.

“Aight, let’s get this over with,” I said, standing by the door. Ty turned off the TV and got up. He bent over to put his shoes on and I slapped his ass. He got up quickly, jumpy as ever.

“Nah we not gon be doing that cuh,” he said seriously. I laughed at how red his face got. He put his shoes on angrily and stormed out. I got out and locked the door behind us.

We had a chill drive to his parents house listening to Kendrick Lamar’s album because I still hadn’t and Ty was outraged at that. As we got closer I saw Ty’s cool and collected exterior start to fade. I didn’t say anything though.

When we pulled up to the house, which was nice, he paused after turning the engine off. I took his hand and looked over at him.

“I’m proud of you for doing this. I know how hard it is, I’ve done it. You got this,” I said. He nodded.

“Thanks,” he said. Then we got out of the car.

His mom opened the door. She had an apron on, and you could tell she had been slaving in the kitchen.

“Tyrese! My baby,” she said, opening her arms. Ty went to go hug her and I smirked.

“Hey mama,” he said. She turned to look at me with a smile.

“You brought your friend!” She said.

“This is Cole,” he said.

“Ah yes! The one that went to school with Cayden,” she turned to me. “Good to have you darling. Come in now, don’t just stand there!”

We walked inside and sat in the living room. She poured us iced tea.

“Your sister is gonna be happy to see you. She should be down any minute,” she said.

“She not working today?”

“Tonight,” she said.

“Ty!” A voice came from the doorway. I looked over to see who must have been his sister. She looked like him.

“Kimy,” he said, getting up. She came over and the hugged. “How you been baby sis? You don’t return my calls.”

“I work, you know that,” she laughed. “Gotta make money for 2.”

“Where is my nephew anyway?” He asked. I didn’t know he had a sister or a nephew.

“At his dads. If I’d known earlier you were coming I would have switched weekends,” she said.

“I’ll see him next time. Well I’m glad you’re here, now I can talk to you at the same time as mom,” he said. I shifted in my seat. Kimy sat down.

“Talk to us about what honey,” his mom said. Ty looked over at me and I figured he was about to drop the bomb.

“I wanted to introduce you to Cole,” he said.

“You wanted to introduce us to your friend?” His mom said.

“My boyfriend,” he said. The room fell completely silent and I cast Ty a look. I didn’t think he was just gonna drop it like that.

“Your what?” Kimy said.

“Boyfriend. As in relationship,” he said. I practically saw his mom’s heart stop.

“Ty?” She said, hand on her chest.

“What Ty is trying to say, is that he’s been lying to himself and to you for a long time. He’s finally come to terms with who he is, and he’s hoping you guys can accept him as well,” I said. Their eyes turned to me.

“Ty is…coming out?” Kimy said.

“Yes,” I said. Nobody said anything for a long time. I drank my tea to pass the time.

“Tyrese,” his mom said.

“Yes mama” he said.

“How long have you been keeping this from us?”

“A while. I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said. She sighed and ran her hands down her thighs.

“Cole,” she turned to me.

“Yes ma'am?” I said.

“You’re dating my son,” she said. I nodded. “Well its nice to meet you,” she said, giving me a smile. I smiled back.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I said.

“Kimy, start warming the food. We’re making a bad impression not feeding a guest,” she said.

“Yes mama,” Kimy said, getting up and leaving.

“That’s it?” Ty said. “We’re all gonna sit down and eat?”

“What else is there to say? You said he’s your boyfriend didn’t you,” she shrugged. “We wanna get to know him.”

“Ok,” Ty said.

“Ok,” she said, getting up and putting her apron back on.

We all sat down at the table and his mom prayed then we started eating. Like nothing had happened. His mom and sister asked me about myself they told me about Ty when he was little. It was…normal.

We got in the car to start driving home and Ty started laughing.

“I don’t know what the fuck is funny. I can’t beehive you dropped it like that on your poor mom,” I said, putting my seat belt on.

“What’s funny is my mom likes you. My mom likes my boyfriend. It doesn’t even sound right,” he said.

“She took it really well,” I mumbled, crossing my arms.

“What,” he said.

“I’m jealous,” I chuckled. “If my coming out had been that easy, I wouldn’t be so messed up now about my family.”

“You should introduce me to them,“he said.

"It’s your funeral,” I said. “Let’s go home. I’ve had enough drama these last 2 days. Plus I have to workout since i missed training yesterday.”

“Aight,” he said, and pulled out of the driveway. I was happy for him that this had gone well. We drove in silence for a while. I assumed her was thinking about his mom and sister. I was thinking about a few things.

“Are you thinking about your family?” He asked. I shook my head.

“No. I’m thinking about Randi actually,” I said.

“Why?” He asked, confused.

“She’s mad at me,” I said. He laughed.

“It’s Randi,” he said, “you know she a drama queen.”
I laughed.

“I know. But she seemed pretty serious. I don’t know, I’m not used to her not talking to me. She got me all soft and shit,” I sucked my teeth. “This is why I don’t make friends with females.”

“I know you guys are really close. She’ll get over it,” he said.

“I hope so,” I said.