jfc you are 18 how can you have such a body

The "I know I have other things to write but these seem so cool/weird/etc" sentence prompt meme

Because I’m absolute shit and have a habit of coming up with sentence prompts instead of writing stuff I should be working on, I present this list of sentence prompt memes.

Send me a few of these and I’ll write a drabble based off of it, naturally it’ll be a reader insert. Be sure to include which character you’d like.

You can even use them as rp starters/fanfic/whatever.

1) “I’m like 85% sure that’s illegal but sure I’ll help you.”
2) “Don’t wake me up unless there’s a fire and even then don’t.”
3) “I don’t want to talk about them, they give me a headache, and they’re dumb.”
4) “So is that a no on the burning down the place?”
5) “Ok, I may or may not have started an occult.”
6) “Alright but you gotta promise you’re not gonna be mad if I tell you what happened.”
7) “Explain to me what exactly possessed you into thinking this was a good idea?”
8) “Just for that I’m gonna have to remember to kick your ass twice as hard.”
9) “It’s 3 in the morning, why is it always 3 in the morning when you call me?!”
10) “You meme loving fuck.”
11) “You say that like it’s supposed to be offensive.”
12) “Wanna know how many fucks I give? Negative six, you owe ME fucks to give.”
13) “I don’t see the problem…what…oooh you’re talking about the fires.”
14) “I love you but if you play that song one more time I will strangle you.”
15) “Those dead bodies were here before I even got here…well like half of them but that’s details.”
16) “So the apocalypse started and I may have had a hand in starting it, so um sorry?”
17) “If you get arrested I’ll bail you out…pfft let’s be real I’ll probably be in the holding cell with you.”
18) “How the actual hell did you manage to cause this much trouble in 5 minutes?!”
19) “Why is there someone tied up in the backseat of my car?”
20) “This is why you read contracts before you sign them!”
21) “Uh, there’s someone that’s shitfaced at the door and they say they know you, is it cool if I let them in?”
22) “They say this place is haunted…but I think that’s bullshit.”
23) “The amount of alcohol I’d need to drink to make me forget about this would literally kill me.”
24) “Your daddy issues are a real turn off.”
25) “I’m gonna punch you in the mouth…with my mouth…gently…several times….”

[I’ll add more as time goes on, feel free to add some!]

I wish, I really wish, that people would learn the difference between “sexual” and “provocative.”

Something that is provocative elicits a “sexy” idea without being outright sexual. Tight pants are provocative; ass-less chaps are sexual.

Normally it doesn’t matter if we use these words interchangeably, but when it comes to things like Yurio’s “Welcome to the Madness” skate, it helps to know the difference. I don’t think this is going to stop the antis from getting their bloomers in a bunch, but maybe it’ll help other people realize that there’s nothing wrong with Yurio’s performance, appreciating the aesthetic, or acknowledging the arousing effects it could have on Otabek.

I mean, first of all, when we talk about the issue of sexualizing teenagers in media, it is, more often than not, in the context of sexualizing teenage girls, and this is largely because of the omnipresence of sexualized girls and women in media contributing to the sexualization of girls and women in real life. This is a big part of rape culture, and why we fight so hard for the representation of women in media where they are not sexualized or treated as sex objects. I’m not saying that there isn’t a problem with sexualizing teenage boys (assumptions of hypersexuality in boys and men is a whole other can of worms), but I am saying that a teenage boy faces far fewer unwanted sexual advances due to what he wears or how he acts. Having a teenage boy perform a provocative piece in media does not have the same repercussions as having a teenage girl do the same. (This isn’t to say that you’re not allowed to find it uncomfortable, but you have to recognize that they are your personal feelings, and the piece itself does not actually contribute to a larger problem.)

That said, even when we rail against the sexualization of women and girls, we do so because the sexualization is either unnecessary, or it’s the entirety of the character. We absolutely recognize that women and girls have a right to be sexual and wear provocative clothing if they want to, but creators tend to handle it so badly that we implore them to stop altogether (until they can figure out how to do it right).

Yurio’s performance is neither unnecessary nor is it the sole aspect of his character. From his introduction, he’s stated that he wants to do more mature pieces, he’s shown distaste over his “innocent” image, and he’s been genuinely pleased when he’s taken seriously as an adult. He wanted to do “Eros” from the start, and his free skate was built around showcasing his physical maturity as a skater. He desperately wants to shed the “kitten” and “fairy” image - he moved up from Juniors to Seniors as soon as he could (15 is the youngest you can be in seniors, but you can stay in juniors until you turn 19), he’s loud and brash and assertive, and he jumps at any change to prove that he’s not a child anymore. He’s getting to the point where he can take control of his life and his skating, and it’s pretty clear that he wants to stop being infantilized. He’s desexualized, to the point of dehumanizing him (“fairy” and “kitten” and even “ice tiger” remove his humanity; they seek to name him as something “other” and so it’s easier to ignore that he is a growing, maturing young man with his own thoughts and feelings and desires). So it absolutely makes sense that he would take the opportunity to use his exhibition skate as a chance to exhibit himself as a sexually mature adult. He is not “Russian Fairy” or “Kitten” - he is Yuri fucking Plisetski, and he will damn well be provocative if he wants to.

“Welcome to the Madness” isn’t some frivolously pornographic fanservice - it’s an actual effort to show Yurio as he sees himself: as an adult, as a sexual human being, as a person with a dark and radical sense of style. It’s his chance to debut himself without having to worry about jumps or scores or adhering to an aesthetic he no longer enjoys (if he ever enjoyed it at all - I can personally see Otabek’s “eyes of a soldier” observation as a hint that, since he was little, Yurio was determined to do what he needed to do to get where he wanted to be, regardless of how he felt about it). Otabek gets to be a part of this because Otabek has always seen Yurio as he is. Yurio was never “fairy” or “kitten” to him, and for somebody that has had to live with that typing because of his looks and his particular abilities, he greatly appreciates that Otabek looks past all of that and sees the truth of Yurio.

I honestly believe that Yurio would be fucking pissed at everybody trying to shame his performance, trying to desexualize him, trying to shove him into the “innocent” box. Ship or don’t ship Otayuri, but recognize that Otabek is, so far, the only person in Yurio’s life that has explicitly stated that he sees Yurio as a mature adult, and admires him for it. Otabek, an 18-year-old, sees Yurio, a 16-year-old, as his peer, his equal, and this is a hugely supportive and healthy aspect of their relationship - not because Otabek is sexualizing Yurio, but because Otabek is allowing Yurio to take control of his image on his own terms, and is supporting him in that endeavor.

“Welcome to the Madness” is a provocative piece, yes, and it’s meant to be. Because Yurio wants to be able to be provocative. But it’s not sexual. That is, as far as we’ve seen of it, nothing about it is euphemistic of sexual acts. He is showing off his body and his flexibility in a way that is sexy, and that’s the point, and he’s allowed to do that. That’s part of bodily autonomy. If you find it arousing, that’s all on you, because the piece wasn’t meant to be titillating fanservice, it was meant to be showcasing a young man taking charge of himself, his body, and his image as a skater. You don’t get to shame the creators for recognizing that a 16-year-old boy deserves bodily autonomy and the right to dress and skate how he wants.

okay but i saw a post where someone said that “john green writes about vulnerable 15 year old girls who need to be saved by a man” and like…have you ever actually picked up a john green book?

“fifteen year old girls”

  • Looking for Alaska: Leading lady Alaska Young, age 17, and supporting female character Lara Buterskaya, 17
  • An Abundance of Katherines: Important female characters Lindsey Lee Wells, 18, Katherine Carter, 18, and Katrina, 18
  • Paper Towns: Leading lady Margo Roth Spiegelman, 18, and important female character Lacey Pemberton, 18
  • Let It Snow: Leading lady The Duke/Angie, age undetermined but at least 16
  • Will Grayson, Will Grayson: All main characters are (mostly queer) males; supporting female character Jane Turner
  • The Fault in Our Stars: Leading lady Hazel Lancaster, age 16


  • LFA: Alaska Young, potentially bipolar, incredibly strong character who refuses help when she doesn’t need it, only shows vulnerability when she really trusts someone (because let’s face it, everyone’s vulnerable in some ways”
  • AOK: fuckin…Colin is more vulnerable than Katherine is tbh, and same with Lindsey. he depends on other people and their approval more than either of them. Lindsey, like Alaska, only shows vulnerability when she truly trusts someone, and that ends up being Colin (and partly Hassan). Lindsey talks about how her journey to popularity was all of her own making, something she did entirely by herself. She didn’t depend on anyone else for it.
  • PT: Margo actually addresses this claim specifically, when she tells Q that he only came after her “because you wanted to save poor little Margo from her troubled little self, so that I would be oh-so-thankful to my knight in shining armor that I would strip my clothes off and beg you to ravage my body.” She totally shoots down the idea that she needed Q’s help and that he could save her somehow.
  • LIS: this is the only one I could actually see an argument for, although the Duke makes it pretty clear that what she does and with whom is her business, and rejects the boys’ claims that they’re just worried about her well-being (which is bullshit)
  • WGWG: how the fuck would you think Jane is vulnerable she’s literally this impenetrable vessel of awesome who comes to her own conclusions about guys without any guy’s help
  • TFiOS: Hazel is only vulnerable in the physical sense, which, granted, is pretty drastic vulnerability, but this is never exploited for the purposes of the story or by Gus. He’s not going to save her, and they both know it.

“who need to be saved by a man” - i literally have no idea how anyone fucking thinks this

  • LFA: Alaska Young is a feminist. Alaska Young is a feminist. Alaska Young repeatedly calls out her male friends for objectifying women’s bodies, for having gender-specific double standards, and for treating women like they need to be saved. Alaska makes is very clear to Pudge that she does not need to be saved by him or by any man. She criticizes him for even having this idea and iterates that the only one who can “save her” is her.
  • AOK: I will grant that Lindsey Lee Wells does not do anything to change the shitty things in her situation until Hassan and Colin come along. But this is because of their friendship, not because they’re men and not because of romance. Having people from the outside take one look at her relationships and say “dude, this is fucked up” and ultimately (accidentally) reveal just how shitty her friends and boyfriend are was what finally made her realize how unhappy they made her. It wasn’t because Colin swooped in and made her realize these great injustices that were committed against her.
  • PT: Again, Margo directly addresses this when she accuses Q of only coming after her to get into her pants and be the hero. Furthermore, to say that it was only a man who went after her to help her is to ignore the whole premise of the entire last third of the book, which is about the camaraderie that comes with a group of friends working toward a goal and realizing the depth of those relationships. All four of them wanted to rescue Margo because they thought she was dead.
  • LIS: When the Duke confesses her feelings to Tobin, it’s of her own accord, because her own feelings were welling up and she couldn’t keep them in anymore. It wasn’t because of anything he did, for christ’s sake, it was because she wanted to. He himself had no bearing on that decision.
  • WGWG: Will Grayson #1 (the straight one) may have been the one who planted the seed of the idea that Jane’s boyfriend wasn’t good for her, but again, it was she who eventually decided he was right and chose a new course. She would’ve done the same regardless of who suggested it.

basically just actually read his books if you’re going to talk shit and don’t make shit up about them please go fuck yourself if you’re that stupid

List of moments where Levi Ackerman has shown he cares PART II!!

Ok, so after all this time, there are still some people saying that Levi is cold hearted and selfish and i’m kinda sick of it… so i wanted to make this list so all of us, Heichou Lovers, can shove this to their faces and prove that he is actually a very caring person. This is mostly from the manga, so there will be spoilers.  PART II.

12.-He comforted Armin when he was feeling guilty for becoming a murderer. 

13.-The moment he apologized to Hanji for the deaths of their comrades. It was one of the first things he said to her in that chapter, after not seeing each other for a while.

14.-His face when Hanji got shot in the cave, in the mission to rescue Eren. Levi, as Isayama himself said it, express himself through body language more than words and i’ve noticed that the magnificent evil genius isayama-sensei really draws his eyes containing and showing us all of those emotiones Levi isn’t speaking about.

15.-Apologizing to Eren because, at the end of the day, the burden is on his shoulders…and let him choose, remembering us his whole “A choice with no regrets” speech. Levi knows how guilty Eren felt when the previous squad were killed and knows that those feelings may come back after making this particular new choice. 

16.-The scene where Kenny told him they are related. I don’t think i have to say anything about this, just look at them…….. okay, i’ll say something anyway, because his face is too precious and i wanna give him a hug he looks so shocked, trying to find answers to why he was left alone back then. Look at his goddamn eyes, people! Isayama really puts all of Levi’s emotions in his beautiful eyes 

17.-He was worried about Erwin and his possible death on the battlefield. Given that Levi is such an asshole when it comes to show feelings using actual words, he tells Erwin he’s going to break his legs, if that’s what it takes to make him stay… but Erwin understand this, the commander isn’t surprised or angry by this statement, he LAUGHS. He knows Levi. He understands that that is his particular way of saying he cares… for his friends’ life and for the success of the operation. 

18.-Another scene that goes without saying anything. But i will say something about it anyway, because jfc and i can Armin and Eren look excited about going to the ocean and making a promise, that Levi (maybe) knows isn’t easy to keep. My headcanon (and i bet a lot of fans agree) is that the Shingashina Trio reminds Levi of Isabel, Farlan and himself (’cause, you know, similar af).  But, it doesn’t matter what you believe this scene means (because nobody knows for sure) the Captain still looks upset… and maybe he’s even drinking alcohol. 

19.-He helped Historia rescue kids from the underground. I mean, COME ON! Any person that rescues kids from starving to death and not seeing the sunlight  is a caring, sweet person. I swear to god this man is fucking perfection. Isayama always throws these little hints of Levi being warm hearted.


He appreciates the efforts of his subordinates. In fact, the only moment he smiled so far in the manga was saying “thank you” to his squad.

Every leader that acknowledges his subordinates’ efforts and actually thanks them is a great leader. Most of them think “it’s their fucking job”. I don’t think the only reason why the soldiers in the SC feel inspired by Levi is because he’s strong, i think it also has to do with his attitude towards them and the missions. 

And well, the next panel talks by itself and this time i really won’t say anything. 

And yes, there will be a PART III (there’s just a shit ton of material)



Summary: Dan doesn’t handle solitude very well, so when Phil leaves for a five-day family reunion, he’s got a tough week ahead of him. Good thing his boyfriend is super creative with his office supplies. 

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG-13 bc of my godawful attempts at hinting at smut that i can’t write jfc it’s so bad

Word Count: 4225

A/N: my brain’s melted out of my ears and i’ve had at least three nervous breakdowns in the past three weeks, but my IB exams are finally over! thank you guys so much for being patient as I struggled through them - it means a lot to me that so many of you were excited for my fics to be updated! as promised, here’s a quick oneshot i wrote to show my appreciation that you all stuck around. thanks for being wonderful :)

beta-d by my memechild constipatedhowell (who may or may not be writing the smut part of this fic later hmmm)

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The 100 S02E09 Recap: Remember Me
  • <bloody hands>
  • Abby: daughter are you okay
  • Clarke: uh no
  • Clarke: I'm having a panic attack
  • Clarke: wait
  • Clarke: now I'm not
  • Clarke: cool
  • Lexa: I need your boyfriend's body
  • Kane: dude
  • Kane: that's not fair
  • Kane: we did so much for you
  • Kane: you know
  • Kane: after killing 18 of your people
  • Kane: but like
  • Kane: you know
  • Lexa: ...
  • Lexa: k so we'll expect the body in the morning
  • <squad exits>
  • Abby: ugh
  • Abby: they're being lead by a child
  • Abby: how disgusting
  • Kane: ...
  • Kane: you know you're useless right
  • <outside>
  • Clarke: so I know Finn just died
  • Clarke: but we need to kill him more
  • Clarke: sorry
  • Raven: ...... >:c
  • Finn: ..... >:c
  • Clarke: Finn don't look at me like that
  • <awesome theme song>
  • <mountain clubhouse>
  • Jasper: raising the music isn't suspicious at all
  • <horse road>
  • Clarke: Finn plz stop following me
  • Bellamy: babe are you okay
  • Clarke: no not really
  • Clarke: Finn won't stop following me
  • Bellamy: ...
  • Bellamy: okay well what if I spy on mount weather
  • Clarke: uh how about no
  • Clarke: I can't lose you too
  • Bellamy: pfft
  • Bellamy: I don't take orders from you
  • Bellamy: unless you're into that
  • Bellamy: wait what
  • <vampire layer>
  • Random vested man: We can monitor people in the fucking forest but don't notice people escaping our own base
  • <sleepover time>
  • Bellamy: come sleep with me?
  • Clarke: alright so
  • Clarke: I know I confessed my undying love to you
  • Clarke: but
  • Clarke: Finn just died
  • Bellamy: awh okay
  • <the 'adults'>
  • Kane: so what are we gonna do about my good friend Jaha?
  • Abby: ...
  • Abby: right
  • Abby: I forgot about him
  • Abby: can we just pretend he never left the Ark?
  • Kane: ...
  • Kane: um no
  • <Clarke wakes after a minute>
  • Finn: babe just the tip?
  • Clarke: omg Finn no
  • <meeting place>
  • Bellamy: nuu my gun :'c
  • <mountain's art museum>
  • Miller: Mount Weather has sledge hammers sitting around so
  • <grounder camp>
  • Lincoln: I am the Rosetta stone
  • <Lexa gives Clarke the torch>
  • Clarke: I don't think I can do this
  • Finn: c'mon babe
  • Finn: I'll help light me on fire
  • Clarke: oh in that case
  • <fwoosh>
  • <weather mount>
  • Jasper: the teensy bandaid on my neck helps whatever wound its covering
  • <camp>
  • Lexa: I had a girlfriend
  • Lexa: and she died
  • Lexa: love is scum
  • Clarke: ...
  • Clarke: I'm still upset
  • Clarke: but a little turned on
  • <Hogwart's grimier banquet room>
  • Kane: booze makes everyone happy
  • Kane: :D
  • Dying man: I am not happy
  • <Bellamy knocks Clarke's glass away>
  • Bellamy: man I'm cool
  • <mount weather>
  • Jasper: well this is a win-win situation
  • Jasper: FOR MY LIPS
  • <grounder dungeon>
  • Finn: girls plz stop fighting
  • Clarke: omfg
  • Clarke: stay out of this, Finn
  • Clarke: I don't need your flack right now
  • Octavia: Clarke
  • Octavia: I think you need to get those ten concussions checked out
  • Octavia: like asap
  • <still in the room>
  • Abby: what you're feeling is normal
  • Abby: it'll fade with time
  • Clarke: ...
  • Clarke: mom?
  • Abby: yeah?
  • Clarke: you know I'm hallucinating right
  • Abby: uhh
  • Abby: yeah
  • Abby: ...
  • Abby: k maybe that's not normal
  • <happy clubhouse>
  • Monty: security is so good here
  • Monty: I got a hazmat suit
  • Monty: and a canister
  • Monty: and a cart
  • Monty: and tricked a guard
  • Monty: all without suspicion
  • Monty: woo hoo
  • <grounder dungeon>
  • Grounders: sorry, alliance is off
  • Grounders: we don't like when people try to kill us
  • Everyone: :c
  • <central camp>
  • Abby: Clarke
  • Abby: stop talking to your hallucination and get your ass out here
  • <Clarke runs out>
  • Bellamy: baby be careful
  • <mount weather>
  • Monty: I'm so glad the guard took an hour long coffee break
  • <Gustus's funeral>
  • Raven: the radio works!
  • Raven: what now?
  • Clarke: Bellamy, you should go to the mountain
  • Bellamy: ...
  • Bellamy: but
  • Bellamy: I thought you were worried about me
  • Bellamy: y'know
  • Bellamy: about me dying
  • Clarke: sorry babe
  • Clarke: I was being weak
  • Clarke: it's worth the risk
  • Bellamy: ... :'c
  • Fandom: ... :'c
  • <later>
  • Abby: daughter
  • Abby: I got you Finn's ashes
  • Abby: cuz I'm helpful
  • Clarke: jfc mom
  • Clarke: just go back to the ark
  • <mount weather torture shack>
  • Monty: maybe that guard wasn't so stupid
  • Monty: where are my pants

i can’t tell you what to do w ur life and pictures of ur body but jfc you’re a CHILD LEGALLY (and most likely mentally like???? no trust me u don’t even understand how young u r. i did similar things when i was younger and now it makes me feel sick 2 think about all the attention i got from people who were WAY OLDER THAN ME AND KNEW BETTER.)

so please lmao if you’re under 18 and posting nudes/asking for sexual tmi asks/ANYTHING THATS GROSS/ILLEGAL FOR ME TO LOOK AT please just tell me so i can unfollow you now and save myself a lot of trouble. (,:

anonymous asked:

Tips on making a girl cum? My girl and me planned a cute date this weekend and I know we are going to end up fucking

start by teasing the fuck out of her. bite her neck and moan in her ear, whisper all the things you want to do to her as you’re slowly grinding into her and grabbing at her waist pulling her further into you. pin her down and lock eyes because this moment is special, I don’t care if you’ve fucked 18 girls or if this is your first time because none of those other times matter, only this girl does. work your way down her body kissing every inch and gliding your tongue down until you get to her thighs, playfully bite at them (but not too hard because its really sensitive skin), she can feel your lips and every hot breath so take advantage of that. when it comes to eating her out don’t rush into it, slowly slide your fingers into her at first until she lets out that first gasp and “oh fuck” then gain speed until she’s screaming at you not to stop, and thats when you do. stop what you’re doing and moan in her ear how badly you want to taste her/ how wet she is for you/ anything that basically points out how you have a girl dripping for you and she will instantly nod with the most desperate eyes because now she doesn’t even want you anymore she fucking needs you to do just that. don’t just lick you actually need to taste her, this girl is giving you everything she has in this moment and you better fucking appreciate that. focus on the clit and don’t be afraid to change your speeds and read how she reacts to you, but most girls will make it pretty apparent as to what they want at this point through a series of moans and more “oh fuck” “fuck me” “harder” etc. don’t stop until she literally pulls your head up and then let her taste herself off your lips, you can be aggressive and make her yours or you can take your time and show her how badly you want her to be yours. remember its all about her and don’t get frustrated if she “takes forever” because thats just you being a pussy, get your head down there and make that girl yours and if you’re lucky she’ll do just as good a job for you. and don’t forget to tell her how fucking good she tastes because jfc that is the hottest thing you can say to someone with their cum still on your chin- good luck.

extrajordinary  asked:

hello! i found you in the douwe bob tag and would love to hear about his concert you went to! and how he called you baby! love from a sad australian who can't see him haha

hi! i hope you’re ready for a long story because i am absolute douwe bob trash and i need to talk about him a lot. (i’m actually so much trash that i’m in a douwe bob trash group chat). and don’t worry, sad australian, maybe you will see him one day!!

so, the day before yesterday, douwe announced that he would give a spontaneous concert in a small record store in amsterdam. obviously, i had to go because 1) i am douwe trash and 2) i live in amsterdam so it was very easy for me to go. the concert started at 2 pm and me and my friend arrived at like 1 pm because we wanted to be in front (as one would like to be when they are seeing douwe). so suddenly, it was only 1 pm, i heard a sound that i had never heard before in my life, so amazing and beautiful i thought my soul would leave my body. but there he was, douwe bob, already in the record store because he was gonna soundcheck, and i was sitting there with like 6 other people?? jfc im weak. so he was like walking up to the stage and he was just like: hey guys, is it cool if i’m gonna soundcheck for a bit? LIKE OBVIOUSLY IT IS. oh my god he looked so good, keep in mind that this is the first time i ever saw him in real life and that he was wearing a low shirt and i was one meter away from his ungodly neck tattoo. jfc. so he soundchecked for a bit and then left again with a wave and a ‘see you in 45 minutes!’ and i was just sitting there like: wtf just happened. but at the same time, it all felt very casual you know, so that was really nice. jfc i’ve only done the soundcheck bit and that was 15 minutes i’m so sorry about what’s still to come.

SO at 2 pm the actual concert started and keep in mind that it was really hot in the store because there were lots of people and it was pretty hot outside. my son douwe arrived and got on stage and the first thing he said was: ‘are you guys drunk yet???i know i am.’ and then he laughed and i died. he started the concert with History, which is awesome because it’s one of my fav songs from Fool Bar so i felt very blessed. let me tell you, he is even better live than on his album, i didn’t know it was possible but it is. so after history, he asked the audience what song they wanted to hear, and he got a few requests, and he was like: ‘alright, now i’m gonna play a song that nobody asked for’ what a little shit. i love him. so he played Cynic, which i wasn’t complaining about at all because that’s one of my faves as well. reminder that it was really hot in there, so douwe was like: ‘guys, i’m gonna play one more song and then we are moving outside because i’m dying in here.’ so he was about to play Take It Off, and before he started, he was like: ‘we can also just all undress, that would match the song as well. but only if you’re 18 or older.’ ah yes my baby is so good. so he played Take It Off, which was awesome as well, and then he was like: ‘okay guys, now let’s all go outside because i’m dying and i’m sure you are too!’. this was, of course, an awesome idea, but i was standing in front which meant that i had to wait until everyone was moving. remember who was also in the back of the store, very close to me?? that’s right, douwe bob.

so we were walking outside (very slowly because it was super busy and no one was moving) , and i told my friend, who was walking next to me: ‘dude, i just lost 10 kilos standing there’ and i expected my friend to reply, but he didn’t, because someone else did. now you can already guess who someone else was, and you are correct: IT WAS DOUWE WHo was apparently walking behind us, also stuck in the huge group of people. he overheard me and he was like: ‘yeah, me too, it’s insanely hot here. but i could use losing some weight.’ and i was shocked for two reasons. 1) douwe initiated a conversation with me and 2) have you seen him???? he doesn’t need to lose weight. so i told him: ‘no man, you look great, you don’t need to lose weight’ and he laughed and i died and then he had to push his way through the people because he had to get outside and perform somehow. so my son went outside and he literally climbed on a container. (i was a bit more behind here because all the people in the back of the store were outside more easily obviously but hey)

then douwe proceeded to play Slow Down and i felt my soul leaving my body because whoa he is so cute and beautiful and talented and dhufgyuad. during the song, he did the infamous 10 seconds of silence, but some people already continued singing and he was like: ‘what the fuc guys?? haven’t you seen eurovision?’ and he looked so offended i’m laughing again just thinking about it. so then he said the also infamous: ‘i love you too baby’ and i just aidfhs he is so cu te. SO then unfortunately the concert was already over bc like i said it was very small (did i say that?) BUT not to worry because much more awesome things were still to happen and meanwhile i’m getting seriously worried about this reply’s length. 

THE concert might have been over, but douwe is perfect so he went back inside so he could sign things and meet people and all that. i was still pretty close to the store, so i was one of the first to get something signed which was AWESOME. i told him how much i loved the concert and he laughed and was like: ‘i’m glad you liked it. i especially liked it when we went outside because i was dying’ and i was like: ‘yeah man, i felt the same.’ and we just talked a bit and he took my phone and we took a selfie (HE TOUCHED MY PHONE HE TOOK THE SELFI E). i walked away, dazed and happy and satisfied with everything that had happened. BUT NO, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAD HAPPENED. MY SELFIE WITH HIM WAS BLURRY. I FELT ALL FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS CRASHING DOWN ON ME. i mean, i’m not a dick so i wasn’t going back in line and ask for another one, and i met him and we talked so i was like: it’s fine it’s cool i’m seeing him again in 2 months i can live with this. so i walked outside and my friend was like: ‘ no bente you have to ask him for another picture together’ but im not a dick???? still, something inside me told me to wait and when he was done with autographs, he walked outside and i just (how did i get the courage) i walked up to him and i was like: ‘hey douwe, can we please take a quick picture because my other one was blurred?’ and he was like (HERE IT COMES THE MOMENT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR): ‘ah baby (BABY), i’m so sorry but i have to go’ so like, i already had my picture and i was like: ‘ooh no don’t worry it’s fine,’ and before i could even finish he just looked around and was like: ‘you know what, fuck it, let’s take a picture,’ AND I WAS NOT PREPARED AND I STILL HAD TO TURN ON MY CAMERA but it was okay because douwe took my phone (again) and we took two more pics and tHEY WERENT BLURRED and i was like: ‘thank you so much! have a safe trip home’ and he was like: ‘no problem and thanks! see you around’ SEE ME AROUND? WHEN ????/? and then he left and i was left standing there with two incredible thoughts: 1) i was the last person he took a selfie with #honored and 2) HE HAD CALLED ME BABY. BABY . MY CELEBRITY CRUSH CALLED ME BABY.

and that concludes the story of one of the best days ever aka the day that i met douwe bob and he initiated a conversation with me and he called me baby. and i was eye to eye with the neck tattoo. 

here are the selfies if you’re interested (also if you’re not interested):

the blurred one rip 

the one after he called me baby


i’m sorry about the length i hope you enjoyed my adventures!