- Serbia: woman in a white dress, belting out a power pop ballad
- Austria: Dreamworks logo tries for a career as a boy band singer
- Macedonia: Classic pop song and/or political statement about fetuses not counting as people (at least in a ESC setting)
- Malta: woman in a white dress, belting out a power pop ballad
- Romania: Yodel, rap, giant cannons - peak Eurovision
- Netherlands: Coming soon to your mom’s iPod/the end credits of a Diane Keaton movie
- Hungary: Hungarian hipster rapping with traditional folk dancer backup
- Denmark: woman in a RED!!!! dress, belting out a power pop ballad
- Ireland: A Ballad From Ireland - this year a Disney number performed by a smol child
- San Marino: Your dorky parents embarrassing you by grinding on the dance floor
- Croatia: An opera singer and a Broadway singer fighting for control over the same body. Possibly homophobic, despite definitely pride-friendly scene decor. Might be a Brony.
- Norway: Macklemore enslaving Zer0 from Borderlands to bang on a drum to his generic pop beat
- Switzerland: The Beauty and the Beast live action remake looks great
- Belarus: woman in a white dress,
belting out a power pop balladsinging a happy cute folksong with her awkward brother on one of those Florida boats
- Bulgaria: Another smol child because like most things Biebermania hasn’t reached Europe until now
- Lithuania: Kill Bill - the Musical
- Estonia: Generic Soap Opera - the Musical. Saw Love Love Peace Peace and mistook it for instructions.
- Israel: Happy beefcake taking a dance break at the gym, who also watched Love Love Peace Peace.