jfc fred

Fred and George Weasley || Male reader

“It’s like she’s trying to make my life a living hell! “ [M/n] groans as he throws himself on his four poster bed face first, Fred and George already in their own beds beside his since they didn’t have to spend four hours in Umbridge’s hellish office getting lectured about talking in class. Really, all he did was turn around to ask the person behind if they had an extra quill since his had broken in half but she wouldn’t accept his completely reasonable explanation and instead forced him to listen to her shrill and ugly voice for hours on end.

“She is, mate, she’s definitely trying to make yours and everyone else’s life a living hell and she’s doing a pretty good job of it. “ comes George’s voice from his right, he turns to take a look at the male who was working on a prototype for a joke box he wanted to make.

[M/n] almost fumes “But why is she so horrible to us especially! I don’t know what I did for her to be such a bi- “

“Woah there [N/n], we got first years just a few rooms away from ours, no naughty words. “ teases Fred with a melodic tone from his left, [M/n] let’s out a groan and turns onto his back with a loud sigh before closing his eyes.

“Y’know it’s probably because she hates Harry so much and we’re pretty close to him but either way…. “ mutters George as he abandons his little project and moves over [M/n]’s bed, pushing him a little to get enough space to fit comfortably before wrapping his arms around [M/n]’s waist and holding him there for a moment “Just calm down. Soon enough we’ll leave all this in our rear view and that stupid witch won’t be able to bother us anymore. “

[M/n]’s eyebrows don’t move from their furrowed state despite and soon enough Fred joins them, complaining about being left out and lays his head on [M/n] chest “She’d probably try to murder us if she found out about this. “ laughs Fred

“Right you are Fred, “ chuckles [M/n], she already hated heterosexual relationships with a passions (probably because she could never get laid) so [M/n] didn’t even want to think about she would do about their relationship should she ever so much as hear a rumour about it “…say how about we give the ‘wonderful’ professor Umbridge a little present tomorrow? “

Fred and George locked eyes “You thinking what I’m thinking? “ questioned George.

“Only if you’re thinking what I am. “ answered Fred before they both broke out into a smile.

“You’re both thinking the same thing, she’d be the perfect person to try the U-No-Poo on, right? “ [M/n] smiles along with them.

Rumours have it (the ones started by Fred and George at least) that Delores Umbridge was unable to use the bathroom for two entire weeks after that day and stayed consistently grumpy throughout the whole of it. The twins found the punishment of cleaning up the common rooms for a few weeks all the more worth it considering the mirth it brought to [M/n]’s eyes.


fred & george hc

They had a prank war against each other so intense in fifth year that it ended with a concussion (fred) food poisoning (george) a months worth of detention for both, a hall in the school being closed, two days in the hospital wing and no less than 15 howlers from molly by the end.

(also percy being beyond exasperated the whole time like jfc y’all cmon )

From a non reader

I have never read or seen Harry Potter, because I haven’t had time. However I’ve picked some things, here’s what I’ve learned.

  • Draco is gay
  • Umbridge is a peice of shit
  • Snape was bad and everyone hates him but his death was a travesty
  • No one really cares about Voldemort and he’s made out as a joke.
  • Harry is one sassy pal
  • Daniel Radcliffe is RADcliffe
  • Ginny was a lil slut
  • There’s six fucking Weasley’s and they’re all ginger with freckles.
  • Hermione is the best female character to ever exist and J.k. Rowling made her the best feminist icon possible.
  • Harry can talk to snakes but can’t get that cho chang Bitch (who is she???)
  • James potter is from all the fuckboy Wattpad stories
  • Umbridge is an utter garbage s h i t person and she deserves death apparently
  • Suddenly Lily and James are the focus? Is there like a spinoff with them bc they have their own fandom
  • Draco was gay for Harry
  • Nevil long bottom became nevil thiccbottom jfc
  • Apparently Fred doesn’t have an ear and knowing why is enough to make me read the books.
  • Dumbledore was also gay??

That’s all I got for now folks, take care.

so whenever anyone asks what "my type of guy" is

it’s like

i have no clue

because so many different things attract me

i mean

sometimes it’s humor

sometimes it’s silence

occasionally i’m attracted to a total charmer

but usually it’s just someone awkward

i like some who are brawny

some who are brainy

some that pretend to be bad

and some that pretend to be good

some are very young

and eons old

sometimes the person i’m attracted to isn’t even a guy

i mean srsly

you feel me?



Fred, I still have my blazer on. That means I’m in work-mode. I need a second to decompress before I can start hearing about who’s High Priestess and who’s nearing the end of their fertility cycle. So, until this jacket comes off, I need you to be a big ol’ hushpuppy. That clear?