jesus this is terrifying

astrological signs in love
  • aries: likes to fall deeply in love with incredibly insecure people and have an explosively passionate, yet volatile relationship... but hey at least it's interesting
  • taurus: likes to pretend they're so heartless that they don't even know how to fall in love, fails terribly every time
  • gemini: likes to fall in (and out of) love with anyone and everyone that crosses their path, multiple times a day. confuses all their friends (and themselves tbh) to the point of not even listening when they talk about love
  • cancer: does not like to fall in love, does it very grudgingly, throws adorable temper tantrum when they get called out on it, sulks, repeat
  • leo: falls in love rarely. completely, 100%, OH MY GOD BARBARA CALL THE POLICE stuck in love when they do. painful to watch honestly, but shit it's cute
  • virgo: likes to fall in love with nerds. every. single. time.
  • libra: likes to fall in love way too fast and make a complete fool of their weirdo selves trying to woo their unsuspecting prey (endearing and surprisingly successful)
  • scorpio: likes to bullshit their way through multiple "serious" relationships for years and years until one day they realize that they're in love w their gross best friend... but in a cute way
  • sagittarius: likes to fall in love from afar and watch the object of their desire go about their daily life, hoping senpai will magically notice them in their quiet little world of reflection
  • capricorn: falls madly in love, shows it, "JESUS WHAT HAVE I DONE", terrifies self and lover with erratic, confused behavior, takes it all back, runs away, pines for months, tries to be friends again and act like nothing happened (until alcohol attacks)
  • aquarius: ?? ?!?! ?? ? :) !! ? :(
  • pisces: likes to fall in love with people who have fallen in love with them, basks in love's glow for a few months, realizes they just needed attention, formulates an escape plan
2

Heeeeeeere’s Bertie :D 

(oh and I headcanon that before Bertie became satan’s amusement ride, he got into some sort of argument w Joey and was about to leave until Joey said something to piss him off, resulting in Bertie staying for a bit to bite the bastard’s head off, only to get beat up and severely hit in the head (which kinda explains why ink-monster-Bertie looks like he got jumped by thugs). Take a guess what happens next after that :>)

note: his design is actually based off of his ink monster form…head..thing…yeah.

some interesting drawing prompts for those lacking inspiration

-caught in the rain
-“what did i come in here for again”
-that face you make when you feel like you need to sneeze ,,,,,; bu T
-terrified laughing
-cryin real jesus tears
-that feel when you realize you left all of your homework at home
-was just woken up in the middle of the night by a loud sound outside the house for the eighth time and really salty abt it
-was just woken up in the middle of the night by a loud sound inside their room and preparing to die
-the cat keeps knocking stuff over
-mild ew
- :3c
-“is my clock broken or is that actually the time holy shit-”
- was splashed by cars a solid six times while walking home during/after the rain and ready to kill
-eXCELSIOR
-that just snapped out of a daydream in the middle of class and has no idea what the teacher is talking about feel
-slow down
grab the wall
-“pls move”
-“HEY HEY YOU YOU I DON ’ T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND”
-[ x files theme song plays in the distance ]
- “ha ha Holy Shit ™”
-“okay…. that sounds fake, but okay………”
-“alright but consider the following:”
-“if i hear your voice one more time i’ll shove a rusty spoon up your ass”

many of these can be left up to interpretation :^)

Me: I’m struggling to rewrite this political scene with Vlad, how do politicians speak? I want it to be believable.

ETD: why don’t you just base it on what they say in the news?

Me: I said believable, not terrifying. Jesus Christ. This is supposed to be a satirical romance with plot, not the embodiment of a real and living nightmare.

|Awkward Dinner| Peter Parker

Peter Parker x Stark!reader

Request:  Hi, are u tking in requests? Because I was thinking of one in which the reader is dating Peter Parker and her dad is Tony Stark (peter dindnt know) and she presents Peter to her dad in a dinner night and Tony is like :“You piece of shit,youre dating my daughter” and a lot of awkard conversations at dinner? I dont know, is it too mixed up? keep writing

A/N: Thanks for the request and I love the idea of the reader being Starks daughter so I had fun writing this :3

Warnings: ALOT of cussings, and mentions of sex and implied *wink wonk*

Words: 915

Part 2

Originally posted by dailymcugifs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you nervous?” I asked Peter, holding his arm while standing in front of the closed dining room doors.

“No- I mean… Yeah. I just hope your dad likes me.” He nervously chuckled.

“I know he’ll love you! I mean he’s really smart just like you. And funny- but kind of an asshole…” I smiled up at him.

“Ok…” He opened the door and grinned. “After you.” He motioned into the room.

“Thank you.” I giggled at him and walked past. My dad, who most call Tony Stark, was sitting at the table working on something projecting from his watch.

“Hey sweetie-” He said without looking up. Peter walked up beside me and froze.

“Uh-” Peter whimpered.

“Babe- are you ok?” I whispered to him. My dad looked up.

“Oh- hey Peter…” My fathers eyebrows furrowed. “What are you doing here?” He asked. My eyes widened.

“Hey… Mr. Stark…” Peter quietly said.

“You know my dad?” I whisper shouted at Peter.

“Yeah! I mean he made my suit and all!” He threw his hands up, keeping his voice low.

“Y/N… I thought your boyfriend would be eating with us.” He said through gritted teeth. I feel like he already knew Peter was my so said boyfriend but wanted to hear me say it.

“Hehe… dad… You apparently already know Peter… my… boyfriend.” I smiled as best I could to hide my embarrassment. I knew that look. My dad had his ‘I’m going to kick someones ass’ look.

“You son of bitch-”

“Dad!” I snapped at my dad.

“You piece of shit-”

“Daaaad-”

“You don’t got daddy issues why you scoping after an almost carbon copy of me?” I groaned.

“Stop- let’s just… have dinner and be nice and- dad do not yell at him anymore.” I said while taking Peter’s arm and leading him to a seat next to me near my dad. We both sat down and my father sighed, swiping away his work.

There was an awkward silence as our food was brought out. Peters’ hand was clammy against mine and then he shook my hand from his. I looked down at the food which was steak.

“I’m sorry about my dad-” I began to whisper towards Peter. “I didn’t know you guys knew-”

“So, Peter…” My dad spoke up, catching our attention. “How long have you two been… a thing?” He asked.

“A-About… Eight months…” My dad growled at Peter’s answer.

“Sooo… How was work, dad?” I asked. I could tell Peter was tense so I put my hand on his knee and he slowly loosened up.

“It was-” He sliced his knife hard through the steak and the knife made a clang against the plate. “Good…” Peter gulped beside me.

“So, Peter… Does Y/N know? About the internship?” I could tell my dad was staring at Peter without even looking up.

“Uh… Um… Yeah…” My eyes looked up at my dad.

“I thought I told you not to involve anyone you cared about.” He said as he calmly set down his silverware.

“S-She accidentally found out- Mr. Stark.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass, Parker.” Peter tensed up again.

“Dad!” I yelled. Both boys looked my way. “Why can’t you just accept that Peter and I are dating and you can’t just be an asshole to him. It’s hurting me too!” I looked at Peter and he weakly smiled.

“I’m sorry honey… I’m just… Mad at Peter at the moment.” He mumbled. It clicked in my mind that Peter said he had gotten his suit taken away. I leaned towards Peter.

“Did he take away your suit?” I whispered to him.

“Yeah…” I giggled and then sighed.

“I have two children on my hands.” Peter nodded in agreement.

“Are you calling me a child, Peter?”

“No- No sir! I- was…” Peter hurriedly grabbed his water and started drinking from it to avoid the question.

“Listen- I’m totally fine with you two dating but I have some rules.” My dad held up one finger. “One- no sex.” I heard a choking sound from Peter and he coughed up some water. I guess we already broke rule number one. My dad didn’t even care and went on with the rules as Peter tried to regain breaths. “Two- mainly to you Peter- If you break her heart I really am going to kick your ass.”

“Yes, M-Mr. Stark.” Peter gasped and I patted his back.

“Three- no kissing in front of me. Four- If something happens to her you’re going to do everything you possibly can to get her back.”

“I would be doing that anyways even if you wouldn’t have told me too… Sir! S-sir…” My father rolled his eyes and his watch beeped.

“I have to go do something.” He pushed his seat back and started walking towards me. He kissed the top of my head and then looked at Peter. He just stared at him for a second. “Don’t expect me to kiss you either. I’m mad at you.” He turned around and walked out the door. Peter let out all the air he was holding in.

“Jesus- Christ. That was the most terrifying I’ve ever done.” We both laughed quietly and then leaned back in our chairs.

“I’m sorry- I thought that would have gone a lot better.” He shrugged.

“I mean… you could make it up to me.” He smirked down at me.

“Hm… do you want to break one of my dads rules?” I asked.

“What!? No! He might murder me!”

“Even if it’s rule number one?” I bit my lip and he whimpered.

“I-I think I could live with that…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: who wouldn’t wanna break rule number one with Peter ‘fuck me’ Parker

4. “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

Requested by: @peachyavaline

Word Count: 514

Pairing: Tony DiNozzo X Reader

A/N: h e c k this is the first thing I’ve written in a while and honestly I think it’s really cheesy lmao and i think i might have written Tony a bit ooc??idek


Being undercover with Tony DiNozzo truly was the highlight of your career.

Sure, the swanky hotel was a nice bonus, but Tony just made it all the better. You both stood in the elevator, watching as it slowly ticked upwards through the levels of the hotel.

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

You snorted. “Of course, Tony.”

“Just checking.”

The elevator doors opened, revealing the thankfully empty hallway. You made your way down the hall, coming to a stop outside Room 401. Fishing the key card you’d swiped from reception out of your pocket, you slid it into the door, which clicked open.

You looked back at Tony, who nodded and leaned against the wall, watching the elevator. You shut the door, eyes roving over the pristine hotel room. A thorough once over of the room revealed almost nothing. Apart from a used towel and a bag of clothes, the hotel room was clean, with no sign of the evidence you needed.

You turned back to the door, hearing three small knocks; your warning.

You slipped out the door and locked it behind you, just in time to see the elevator doors open, revealing a tall, blonde haired man. His eyes narrowed as he stalked out of the elevator.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growled, his knuckles turning white on the strap of the laptop bag slung over his shoulder.

You turned to Tony expectantly, who immediately blurted out a string of broken English in the most ridiculous fake German accent you’d ever heard.

Holding back your laughter, you watched the visibly agitated man glare as Tony blabbed about being lost on the way to the room, eventually pulling out a key card and showing it to the visibly agitated man in front of him.

“409. Down the hall,” he spat, jabbing his finger impatiently down the hall before unlocking his own and slamming it behind him.

You managed to get all the way back to the room before collapsing on the bed, laughing your ass off. “You couldn’t have picked a more ridiculous accent, could you?”

“You’re lucky I didn’t go with the French one,” Tony replied, throwing himself onto the bed next to you. “You find what we were looking for?”

“Room was clean,” you said, propping yourself up on your elbow. “Did you see that bag he had with him? What’s the bet its all in there?”

“Question is, how do we swipe it without him noticing?”

“I might have to be deaf, DiNozzo, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be persuasive when I want to,” you grinned. “Unless you’d like to charm him with your alluring German accent.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

You chuckled, trailing your hand down the sheets and twining your hands together. “Do we know how long until he leaves for dinner?”

“Another three hours, give or take,” he replied, toying with your fingers.

“Well, Agent DiNozzo, I’m sure there are more fun things we can do until then,” you smiled, pressing your lips against his.

Reddie headcanons

- They call everything a date. Eating together at the cafeteria at school? A date. Richie walking Eddie to class? A date. Waving at eachother in the hallway? A date. 

- When they do go on real dates though they call it meetings. They have so much fun with that because they’re dorks. 

- Everybody always assumes that Richie is the protective and dominant one but Richie is the softest, dorkiest, most awkward nerd in the world.

- Eddie is so sassy though. Also he’s pretty scary when he gets angry. 

- Once a guy grabbed Bev’s butt at a party and Eddie kicked the guy on the leg and grabbed his collar to let him know what’s up.

- They’re so soft. Like they’re together all the time, napping, cuddling, watching movies, going for walks. 

- They like taking polaroids of eachother. 

- They show eachother new songs all the time, making mixtapes and stuff. They just love music. 

- Richie likes singing and playing the guitar and he practices a lot and Eddie gets so proud every time he learns a new song. He’ll be cheering and clapping making Richie blush. 

- Richie likes writing letters for Eddie and cute little notes that he puts into his locker or in his backpack or in his books. He just loves making his boyfriend smile. 

- When they go to parties Eddie gets way too drunk and Richie comforts him all night as he throws up. This happens every single time. 

- Eddie tries his best to make Richie stop smoking but he also thinks it’s kinda hot. Like, Richie with his curly hair and huge glasses wearing an overzised denim jacket with a cigarette between his lips is a sight that’s hot enough to make Eddie pull him into the bathrooms to make out. 

- Everything’s enough to make Eddie pull Richie into the bathrooms to make out though. They do that a lot. 

- So. Many. Hickeys. Usually Richie’s neck is the one to be covered in purple and red marks but he loves giving Eddie hickeys as well, Eddie just never lets him. 

- They still bicker a lot though and Eddie pretends to be mad at Richie a lot. He’s never really mad. 

- Richie lets Eddie design all of his tattoos. Eddie is terrified at first because “jesus Richie, they’re fucking permanent”. But he actually really like that Richie lets him do that. 

- “You should get a tattoo as well Eddie”. “That’s not going to fucking happen trashmouth, forget it”. 

- They’re just the cutest boyfriends I love them so much.

A majority of religious people think they’d follow Jesus if they were around during that time but they wouldn’t because Jesus was a liberal trying to take down big government and that’s what most modern relgious fanatics are most terrified of. They’d be the ones watching Jesus getting beaten. They’d be the ones who follow him at first but abandon him as soon as things start getting ugly. They’d be the ones throwing stuff at him and degrading them as he carries the cross. Jesus would be the young person speaking out against gun violence. Jesus would be the person begging for rich people to share some of their money with people who have absolutely nothing. Jesus would be the one protesting the government taking away peoples’ freedom in picking their own damn food by sending them a box of pre-packaged stuff and cutting their food stamps while spending billions on the military. Jesus would be exactly what so-called religious people are terrified of. It’s so twisted that Jesus is associated with conservatives and not liberals because Jesus IS a liberal in every way.

gentlemangeek  asked:

Please...i need to know which other students are hufflepuffs

??? In my mind these people are potential candidates. Tbh mirio is just there because he reminds me of cedric diggory but not dead

If you guys disagree CHILL. IT’S JUST A HEADCANNON. I feel the roast travelling dangerously close to my fragile soul eep