jesus why did i do this

Finally finished this after butchering it on the first try. digital painting is NOT my strong suit, so i’m just not gonna worry about trying that style for now ~ w ~;


Bonus:

Sketch


Oh sweet beans what did I do to the colors and the face and the UGH D:

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

One morning Sirius Black saunters into the Great Hall with his hair in a bun and tie loose as can be. And he plonks himself down at the table and everyone just stares. 

Because his neck is covered in hickeys. 

And he’s all grins and showing them off like nobodies business.

And all the girls in the Hall are eyeing each other up like ‘Which one of you bitches got to do that? Fuck you why wasn’t it me…’

McGoangall just stares for second before averting her eyes. She can’t think of any rules he’s broken but Jesus Christ should that be allowed?

And James walks in, hand combing through his hair before he see. And he just raises he eyebrow and smiles.

‘Merlin Remus, get a bit carried away did we?’

And Remus is just siting there, red as tomato, wanting to die because it’s so embarrassing and someone is laughing oh no.. 

But secretly he is really fucking pleased with himself. Like, damn. I did that.


I don’t know man.. Wolfstar with hickeys just makes me happy.

Best Lines From Each Hamilton Song

Alexander Hamilton: You could never back down, you never learned to take your - TIME

Aaron Burr, Sir: Talk Less. Smile More.

My Shot: I think ya pants look hot ;)

The Story of Tonight: Raise a glass to freedom…

Schuyler Sisters: You want a revolution? I want a revelation!

Farmer Refuted: Is he in Jersey?

You’ll Be Back: I will kill your friends and family… to remind you of, my, love DA DA DA D-

Right Hand Man: Burr! Sir? Close the door on your way out.

Winters Ball: If you could marry a sister, you’re rich son. Is it a question of if Burr, or which one?

Helpless: Laughing at my sister cause she wants to form a harem: I’m just saying if you really loved me you would share him. HA!

Satisfied: … He’d be mine. She would say “I’m fineshe’d be lying.

The Story of Tonight (Reprise): You are the worst, Burr

Wait For It: When they died they left no instructions, just a legacy to protect 

Stay Alive: I’m a general. WEEE!!

Ten Duel Commandents: Okay so we’re doing this

That Would Be Enough: And if this child shares a fraction of your smile, or a fragment of your mind, look out world, that would be enough.

Guns And Ships: No one has more resilience or matches my practical tactical BRILLIANCE.

History Has Its Eyes On You: You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story.

Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down): Immigrants, we get the job done.

What Comes Next: Awesome. Wow.

Dear Theodosia: I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll make a million mistakes.

Nonstop: Hamilton wrote THE OTHER FIFTY-ONE

What’d I Miss?: I guess I basically missed the late 80’s.

Cabinet Battle #1: Turn around, bend over, I’ll show you where my shoe fits.

Take a Break: You’ve written “My Dearest, Angelica…. “

Say No To This: That was my wife who you decided to- fuuu

The Room Where It Happens: The art of the compromise, hold your nose and close your eyes.

Schuyler Defeated: They don’t need to know me they don’t like you.

Cabinet Battle #2: You must be outta your GODDAMN MIND

Washington On Your Side: SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS!!!

One Last Time: I’m sorry wha-?

I Know Him: They will tear each other into pieces, Jesus Christ this will be fun :D

Adams Administration: Siddown John YOU FAT MOTHER——

We Know: My god…

Hurricane: … We were sick and she was holding me, I couldn’t seem to die.

The Reynolds Pamphlet: You could never be satisfied, god I hope your satisfied.

Burn: You, you, you

Blow Us All Away: Everything is legal in New Jersey…

Stay Alive (Reprise): I know, you did everything just right.

It’s Quiet Uptown: Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

The Election of 1800: Well I’ll be damned…

Your Obedient Servant: Here’s an itemised list of thirty years of disagreements. Sweet Jesus

The World Was Wide Enough: America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: Oh I can’t wait to see you again, it’s only a matter of time.


Bonus Songs:

Congratulations: You know why Jefferson can do what he wants? He doesn’t dignify schoolyard taunts with a response

Dear Theodosia (Reprise): We bleed and fight for you, sometimes it seems that’s all we do.

Ten Things, One Thing (I genuinely can’t decide between these five so here you go):

- The sun is in my eyes. I am almost giddy as I watch it slowly rise over my New York City.

- I examine the gun that we shared. Philip never hurt a soul, he must have been so scared.

- I feel a sense of calm fill me, it’s not in his political interest to kill me.

- My Eliza is still asleep. I left her a letter, I could have written it better.

- They put us through our paces, we count to ten. God, I can’t wait to see her again.


Just a quick note to say I didn’t forget Tomorrow There’ll Be More of Us, I just decided against including it because, in Lin’s own words, it’s more of a scene than a song. Really it’s just the The Story of Tonight sung over some quite, uneventful dialouge (very poetic given the content of that dialouge) so I decided to just leave it out. Anyways thanks for reading my random post I guess? Bye bye

Miscellaneous Clark Kent headcanons as relate to my little fic universe, that may or may not ever come up because who knows:

  • Little Clark was really susceptible to childhood superstitions for some reason. He didn’t go under ladders, he did the salt over the shoulder thing, he did not fuck with that Bloody Mary shit like NOPE I’M OUT THIS SLUMBER PARTY IS CANCELED, LANA GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND TAKE YOUR MURDER GHOSTS WITH YOU. He believes that he is over this as an adult but whenever his foot is about to fall on a crack in the sidewalk it actually stops like a half inch above the ground and hovers there. He does not notice he is doing this. No one notices, ever, because it is the weirdest subtle unconscious thing in the world. At least Martha’s back is safe?
  • I covered the picky eater thing in Christmas in Kansas but to be more specific his tastebuds are just really sensitive to certain chemical compounds? Not just in terms of things he won’t eat but also in terms of things that he expects to be there and he doesn’t really like foods that lack those things. Your two options to make him eat anything are to cover it in sugar, or cover it in garlic.
  • He goes through a lot of breathmints. Can you imagine if Superman saved someone and they were like “man i appreciate being alive but he had some really bad garlic breath”? He would be so horrified.
  • He has a ratty, fucked-up old shirt that he wears whenever he is making pasta with red sauce. Even Superman cannot stand against the ability of red sauce to end up on whatever you happen to be wearing. HE WAS SO CAREFUL THIS TIME, HOW DID A STAIN END UP ON HIS BACK THAT JUST MAKES NO SENSE. Clark Kent’s weaknesses: kryptonite, tomato stains.
  • His ability to perfectly imitate anyone’s voice was one of the first things to manifest themselves, but this wasn’t the kind of thing anyone noticed was weird. It definitely didn’t seem like a power. He was just a small child who could do a really good Kermit the Frog. He sang Rainbow Connection at a middle school talent show and all the moms cried.
  • He definitely has a playlist to cheer himself up and get pumped and it has Eye of the Tiger and You’re the Best on it. Probably also half the Top Gun soundtrack.
  • Clark Kent’s twitter is pretty standard snarky newsman except with more farming memes. No one can tell how ironic the farming memes are. They might not be ironic at all. Clark Kent might be really sincere, or he might just be so ironic that he has circled back around into sincerity. No one knows. He’s also really good at that thing where you retweet two things from a person that side-by-side reveal they are a dingus. I don’t know if there’s a word for that.
  • His Snapchat is all dogspotting, with occasional rare dance breaks. He’s a pretty good dancer since he found those YouTube tutorials. He does this thing with his hips that Lois finds deeply upsetting for reasons she cannot articulate.
  • Jimmy asked Clark how he got so fit once and Clark was like “uh, farming. farm. eyup.” But he kept pressing for deets and Clark ended up just telling him that he’d pulled a Milo of Croton??? He lifted a newborn calf over his head and then just did that every single day until he was lifting a cow over his head. Jimmy knows nothing about farming or cows or physical fitness and this seemed plausible enough to him.
  • He has a blog where he posts rejected articles and it is the wonkiest thing in the entire world because that is why they got rejected. Perry takes one look at these articles and is like “it will take more words than I want to pay you for just to explain the setup for this article and also there are five people total who care, in the world, including you”
  • He has to be really careful when he buys clothes because he needs to make sure that they aren’t too tight and he has full range of motion. He does not want to relive The Skinny Jeans Incident. Shirts that say ‘I flexed and the sleeves fell off’ are only funny until it happens to you, then they are just horrible reminders. Popped seams everywhere. There is no way to explain that without looking like a huge tool.
  • Even when Superman has a really shitty day he keeps it together until he gets home, but then he shuts the balcony door and peels off his costume and Clark does the Tina Belcher groan for like ten minutes while he takes a shower because he got covered in sewer mutant or space crab or god knows and UUUUUUUUUUGH. Fortunately the nice older lady in the apartment next door always seems to know when he has had a shitty day and she brings him pie.
  • She can hear his melodramatic bullshit from over at her place, that’s how she knows. They share a bathroom wall and it practically echoes. If she times it right he will answer the door before he has put a shirt on because he doesn’t want to leave her waiting in the hall. She does not know what his day job is and it definitely does not occur to her that he is Superman because her primary interaction with him is that he acts like a whiny bitch and she brings him pie so she can ogle him. She is a simple woman who enjoys life’s simple pleasures.
  • The Kryptonian language is really complicated in terms of tonality, context, word order, musicality, etc, and the written language reflects that. Things like the order things are in, how things overlap, colors, etc, are all important. So basically I really like the idea of his symbol being one that represents his family name and says that he is of the House of El. It’s really just basically his last name.
  • If Starfleet gets to have replicators then Krypton gets to have replicators and Jor-El definitely stuck one in the ship so his son would have, you know, food and clothing. But only Kryptonians can use their tech because they’re who the neural interface is designed for so whoops they got real lucky that Kryptonian babies love milk from Earth goats. Clark only started using the replicator later but it only knows how to make Kryptonian things and only some of those are useful to him.
  • Okay so here is where I tie those last two bullet points into something fucking dumb that you will take out of my cold dead hands: Clark got the costume out of the replicator. It didn’t necessarily understand what he wanted though? Like, the concept of a costume didn’t really translate, but it got the idea that he wanted an active uniform, so that is what it made. It’s brightly colored and has his last name on the front. Clark is wearing a Kryptonian football jersey is what I’m getting at. Later Kara will be VERY confused by this. Imagine ending up on an alien planet and meeting your cousin and he’s been fighting crime dressed like a quarterback.
  • Most telepathy does not work because different neural patterns. Diana can only manage it if she uses her lariat and even then it’s like trying to lasso a freight train that does not stop. It’s extremely disorienting. J'onn has just accepted that Superman can hear him but he’s not going to get anything back. It’s like the psychic equivalent of a dial tone for him. He’s trying to call his bro but their family has dialup. He tries not to fuck with it because he doesn’t want to poke around in Superman’s head blind and break something.
  • Clark can’t type with super speed because he’ll break the keyboard and the computer can’t keep up. Instead he uses shorthand along with a custom set of AutoHotKey macros and it is honestly infuriating how fast he can get things written with this setup. But also if he doesn’t have AutoHotKey on whatever he’s typing with then sometimes Lois will get an email like: ll] dyk f pw mde a dec wrt t $l stry? ]ck
  • A woman was told by her therapist to try talking to at least one person once a week but she decided to cheat by just talking to her empty apartment under the guise of telling Superman about her day because lol he can hear everything allegedly so this definitely counts and is what the doctor was going for with this. When she has to go to the hospital for a medical emergency she comes home and there is a note on her counter wherein Superman explains that he was worried because he hadn’t heard from her in a while, so he swung by to check on her. When he found out what happened he watered her plants and fed her goldfish and also that cat that he thought might be hers (she does not have a cat). She is completely mortified because she was just being full of shit she did not actually believe he could hear her oh god what all did she even say and whose cat is this???
  • Look if you are in Metropolis and you loudly say HEY SUPERMAN there is a very good chance he will hear it even if he doesn’t mean to. He is not trying to eavesdrop, that’s just what happens when you yell someone’s name in earshot.
  • He doesn’t wear the costume under his clothes because you may have noticed a running theme here where the universe is conspiring to ruin his clothes and leave him running around shirtless all the time. I mean thank god for the rest of us but he would rather not risk someone spilling their drink all over him somehow and suddenly his shirt is transparent and you can see the big S. It’s bad enough when it happens under ordinary circumstances. How often can one man get drinks spilled all over him? You would be shocked. Shocked. His eyes are up here, Lois.
Great Balls of Fucking Fire!

(Title because everyone titles their shit ‘humans are weird’ and telling these posts apart is a pain in the ass!) So, saw a post about aliens not being all that great with human swearing. (Wish I’d saved the damn post!) And my first thought was ‘Ah, yes, good! Go with that! That is awesome!” They pointed out that aliens wouldn’t understand swearing such as “Fuck!” or “Asshole!”. I thought “Motherfucker” would be another great one to add to the list. But what about the more um…inventive swears? For example (these are all ones that I use or have heard used):


Human: “Jesus Christ on a crutch!”

Alien: “Where? And how was your deity hurt? For that matter, how did your deity board the ship?”


Human: “Well fuck me sideways!”

Alien: “I do not think that is anatomically possible for either of us…”


Human: “I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you fine sir are the fucking cactus!”

Alien: “Fucking…cactus? Why would you wish to engage in coitus with a dessert plant? Wouldn’t it hurt?!”


Human: “Son of a biscuit eating bull dog!”

Alien: ?????


(Damnit, now I’m on a roll.) But consider some of these other things. What about human name calling? Like, the original post touched on that a bit with the ‘asshole’ comment. But again, what about the more inventive name calling? Children call each other ‘meanie’, ‘poopoo head’, and ‘meanie head’. Those would be confusing enough. Now picture an alien having to deal with adult name calling. Some of my friends have been known to use the following:

  • Twat waffle
  • Cunt biscuit
  • Shitlet
  • Douchebag
  • Ass goblin
  • Fuckwit
  • Ass clown
  • Captain Obvious (and their partner, Sergeant Sarcasm)
  • Butt Munch
  • Fucktard
  • Dick face
  • Shit nibbler (or nibblet)
  • Cheeky dickwaffle
  • Pecker head
  • Dingleberry

Can you picture an alien reacting to THOSE? And what about colloquialisms? What about those stupid sayings that don’t entirely make sense, but we use them anyway? Like, check out some of these beauties, and just imagine the alien’s glorious confusion over some of these:

 Human: “I am dragging so much ass that I am wiping out the tracks behind me!”

Alien: “Human you can’t leave tracks on a spaceship, nor is you posterior currently touching the ground.”


Human: (doesn’t trust some space pirate) “You can shake his hand, but you’ll have to count your fingers afterward.”

Alien: Promptly hides human’s hands, he didn’t know that that space pirate was a finger stealer! Or that finger stealers were a thing! Are their own tentacles close enough to count? Should they be worried? Don’t worry, I will protect your fingers my human!


Human: “We better dock soon, because I’ve got to pee like a motherfucker/ racehorse/ mother racehorse (that last is my families fusion of the two. Dont ask).

Alien: ???? (doesn’t compute) ?????


Human: “I’m so hungry I could eat a (insert large animal or item of choice. Such as ‘Spaceship’)!”

Alien: Races off to warn captain that they need to up the human’s food intake before it eats the ship right out from under them!!!!


Human: “He’s slicker than owl shit!” 

Alien: ?????


Human: “I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!”

Alien: Gets migraine trying to picture how a human with one leg could kick anything, much less as a competitor.


Human: “Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off! Your hair is not on fire!”

Alien: Freezes mid-step to stare at human. “W-what?”


Just picture all of these guys!

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

3

throwback to that one time Spencer tried to drag Aleks into the ocean and Aleks turned into a fucking pro wrestler

youtube

but please, but please, have you all even SEEN this classic, this work of transcendent Aesthetic , this fashion statement of statements, this 95 Theses nailed upon the door of the church of JESUS CHRIST WHERE DO I BUY THAT OUTFIT, this late 90s pop country jam that dares to ask the question, “what DO you wear in the desert as you reject a bevy of beautiful identical men??? what is the Leopard Print Vibe you ought to have during that part in a country song where you just stop singing?” you’re just saying words, Shania. you’re just speaking. these men aren’t good enough for you to sing at them. they can’t even keep you warm in the middle of the night, why the fuck should you waste a bar on them. where did you get your hat box and can I have it. please. let me impress you much. 

one day i’ll have coffee with Jesus
ask Him all the questions swimming around in my head
like
“do you take cream and sugar too?”
and
“why did he hurt me?”
and
“are you proud of me?”
and
“do you see the good in everything or do you get sad sometimes too?”
and
“can i do both? because most days i do.”

i’ll hug Him
and
He’ll hug me
the father
the son
the holy spirit
all three

i mean i haven’t read kings rising in a while so my facts might be off but it just struck me how fucking ridiculous damens speech was for his trial. like, maybe most people put a case together with evidence and facts and witnesses and i realize that yes damen did eventually do that with Pascal.. But first he just HAD to Release His Gay like damen jfc u are more extra than laurent i swear. this is like being president being on trial w the supreme court like ‘umm ur honor i LOVE him like u dont understand how Gay i am and how tender & pure our love is therefore i am right sorry i didnt make the rules’ like damianos  c h i l l 

MY B.A.P BLUE THEORY

I think I get the relation between the 3 color series. Ok we all know this is the moon. The difference is that for NOIR and ROSE the moon was a crescent. And the meaning is the transition between past and the future. Its the change. I think its also the meaning of the crescent moon for the Romans and Christians. We know that HONEYMOON is about freedom. And what we can see in some teasers pics is the dragonflies.

We can see the dragonflies on some teasers pics. We know that dragonflies mean freedom and transformation.

EXTRA: Did Jongup knew it when he drew the dragonflies? haha

The BLUE color means freedom but it’s also the color of the sky (and what can we see in the sky? The moon).

On the security warning the message is “start a new project” . –> like the New Moon ?

IN CONCLUSION: the 3 colors serie are connected with the moon. NOIR was for the darkness/trahison, ROSE for the REVOLUTION and BLUE is the color which means FREEDOM.

Blue color/dragonflies/moon are related as a symbol and all means FREEDOM, LIGHT and TRANSFORMATION

The title song contains the word MOON, but why did they choose “HONEYMOON” for the concept if it means FREEDOM. One thing I can say is that many korean honeymooners go in Jeju Island for their honeymoon and B.A.P filmed the MV in Jeju ^^

About the signification of the NEW MOON:

“The New Moon marks a new beginning, it’s time to start new things or to initiate new projects. If you have a professional or loving project, start at the time of the New Moon. A fortnight after, the Full Moon will illuminate the sky and will bring you or not success to your project.”

–> “Bring you OR NOT success to your project (remember the Security Warning “start a new project”). Maybe something bad will happen because we saw a grave on the teaser.

+ On a B.A.P article it says “ Honeymoon is about fighting for freedom no matter how hard the reality finding own colour and light

 –> The message of the song is “fight for your freedom NO MATTER WHAT”.

So BLUE is representing an end but also a fresh begining~~

BONUS:

I was always asking why did Youngjae do this gesture (this is the cross sign)

The cross sign is related to the Christianity. Plus dont forget these pics

Jongup acted like Judas who wanted to betray Jesus. And jongup betrayed Daehyun and killed him.

In the Skydive chore, Daehyun is standing like if he did the Crucifixion?

The Group Project

(Jimin is jealous when his best friend and roommate, Taehyung, has a date with the girl Jimin has a crush on.)

Warning: 8000 words and 75% of this is pure smut. MMF sex.  Dirty talking.  Disrespectful name calling.   The usual.


“Fuck you, Kim Taehyung! FUCK! YOU!”  Jimin was livid.  “I’ve never said a single thing to you about all the shit I have to put up with as your roommate!  All the times I’ve had to crash at a friend’s place because you brought some girl back to our dorm room for the night!  I can’t remember the last time I spent a whole week able to sleep in my own bed because of you!  And all those times I woke up to find some chick I don’t know in your bed?  Like you couldn’t just go somewhere else to fuck them? Did you really have to screw them in our room while I was asleep?”  Taehyung opened his mouth to answer, but Jimin cut him off.  “And I wasn’t even asleep for all of them!  What was that one girls name? The one with the short hair? Jungin? Jungah?  Just because you took her into our bathroom to have her suck your dick doesn’t mean I didn’t hear EVERY FUCKING THING that happened in there!  You are so fucking vile!  The things you said to that girl… the sound of her choking on your dick while you called her a slut?  What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Some girls like that shit,” Taehyung replied calmly.  “She definitely liked it, that’s for sure.”

Jimin rolled his eyes dismissively.  “The point is that I’ve never said anything to you about how you’ve stuck your dick in half the women on campus.  Despite the fact that you are always inconveniencing me in order to get your rocks off, I’ve kept my mouth shut.  It’s your life and it’s not really any of my business.  But this is TOO FUCKING MUCH!  I thought we were friends?  I never thought you would totally screw me over like this!”

“We are friends!  I didn’t do this to screw you over.” Taehyung and Jimin had been randomly assigned to be roommates in their small single room dorm room their freshman year and immediately became the best of friends.  Taehyung was on a scholarship that paid for his student housing on campus and Jimin couldn’t imagine living with anyone other than Taehyung, so despite the cramped quarters and the arguments frequently caused by the lack of privacy, they continued living together in the dormitory.

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I detest the idea that God has to do something good for me in order for me to be able to praise Him and love Him.
I gave Him praises yesterday and someone said, “What did He do now?”
Why do we need a reason to praise God? The answer: we don’t. God is worthy of our praises literally every moment of every day. I could be drowning in sorrows and I would still be singing His praises. I’ve done that before and I’ll continue to do so. God owes us nothing, yet He gives us everything. How much more worthy of our praises could He be?

Clean Me, Daddy | 30.03.17
  • Phil: "Why aren't you cleaning us?" said Candice. Oh...
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: Last time I did a live show, I accidentally ordered 300 cleaning wipes.
  • Dan: I know. I've seen them.
  • Phil: So, you can have the honour of cleaning them.
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: The webcam. It's a bit grubby, so you know give them a clean. Give them a wipe. Someone just said "clean me, daddy".
  • Dan holds the cleaning wipe with regret. Phil burst out laughing and Dan starts speaking in a high pitched voice.
  • Dan: Yeah, I read that too. What is this?
  • Phil: It wasn't this weird when I did it!
  • Dan: There's a section of your live show where...
  • Phil: No, it's not a section!
  • Dan: ... you clean them?
  • Phil: No, I'm just saying we're slightly blurry and they'd like to see us in 1080pHD quality.
  • Dan: No, you planned this. It's a section where you clean the audience. Now everyone is saying "clean me".
  • Phil: They liked it. Just do it! I'll make the sound effect.
  • Dan: There's dozen of tens of thousands of people saying "clean me" right now.
  • Phil: Dan, clean them. Clean them!
  • Dan: Jesus Christ.
  • Phil: Do it! It's what you signed up to do.
  • Dan suppressing a regretful chuckle, Phil grinning so damn wide.
  • Dan: Oh my God, stop! The chat! Frick. Even the YouTube comments are going to be ruined. Oh, whatever you fricking..
  • Dan wipes the webcam while Phil makes the sound effect.
  • Phil: That's the noise of the cleaning wipe. Look how clear we are now though. My pores are here.
  • Dan: And yet, I feel dirty.
Cradled In Love

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Words: 2217

Warnings: “Angst to fluff to smut”. NSFW gifs (you know me by now!!)

Anon asked “I’m on vacation with my so called family which is breaking apart at the moment and um it’s really hard to be here with them and I can’t really enjoy this vacay so is there a possibility if you could write a tom holland one shot to cheer me up maybe with angst and fluff and smut and beautiful words of yours.. I don’t want to be here with these people and I want to cry every second of the day.”

A/N: So this is my first non-Bucky/Sebastian fic. It’s special because the anon who asked is having a super bad day…I know how it gets when family is a bitch to deal with (trust me all my extended family are a bunch of assholes!!!!) Anyway, here you go and I hope I did him justice. SENDING HUGS AND KISSES YOUR WAY LOVELY PERSON.

Permanent Tag List: @meganlane84 @mizzzpink @bringmetheemobands @kimistry27 @fireandicewillsuffice @vacam79 @amrita31199 @badassbaker @feelmyroarrrr @aekr @sexy-sea-basss @isaxhorror @actual-bucky-barnes-trash @cassandras-musings @kimistry27 @mo320 @ssweet-empowerment

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Perfect

Originally posted by jugheadjones94

Anon requests:can I request a Jughead Jones imagine where the reader moved from Riverdale a few years ago and comes back while the Jason Blossom death mystery (she knows what happened and all even Ms. Grundy) she and Jughead had a past together (like Jughead and Archie liked her and they were bffs but she liked Jug more) and they still love each other and Jughead sees her at school and it hits him that she’s back but he’s dating Betty and Archie still likes her and it pisses off Jug. The ending’s up to you :)

Could you do a Jughead x reader based on Perfect by Ed Sheeran??

Pairing: Jughead x Betty, Archie x Reader, Jughead x Reader

Description: An old childhood crush returns, and of course, drama ensues.

Warnings: none

Word count: 2,208

A/N: wow okay so I totally strayed from the prompts but I’m hoping you like it anyway?? Anyhow, enjoy!


I found a love for me

Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet

Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

Jughead stood in the school hallway by Betty’s locker, talking and laughing with her.  His eyes almost missed a figure walking past him, but at the last second his gaze flickered to a girl striding down the hallway.  He did a double take as he realized who it was.

“(Y/N)?” he muttered under his breath, interrupting his conversation with Betty.

“What?” Betty asked, looking over her shoulder at the girl who just passed by.  “(Y/N)?  Didn’t she used to live around here or something?”

“Yeah,” he answered, breathless. “Yeah, but then she moved.”

“Well, I guess she’s back,” Betty replied, then steered the conversation back to their previous topic. Jughead nodded and responded to everything Betty said, but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the girl who returned to Riverdale.

Jughead was not the only member of (Y/N)’s childhood to be shaken by her return; Archie spotted her roaming the hallways later that day.  His heartbeat started to quicken as the feelings for his childhood crush rushed back to him.

“(Y/N)!” he yelled, following her down the hallway.  She turned around at the call of her name, and when she noticed Archie, she broke out into a grin.

“Archie!” she exclaimed, walking towards him.  “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he answered, and they soon fell in step as they began to walk in the same direction.  “How are you?”

“I’m great,” she beamed.

“So you’re back,” he noted, a smile never leaving his face.  (Y/N) smiled and nodded.

“I am,” she replied.  “Just moved back a few days ago, actually.” The conversation lulled for a moment, neither (Y/N) or Archie knowing what to say.  “So how’s Jughead?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“He’s good,” Archie answered. “He’s got a girlfriend now.”  (Y/N) froze.

“Really?” she questioned, painting a smile on her face.  “Who?”

“Do you remember Betty Cooper?” Archie asked, and (Y/N) nodded.  “He’s dating her.”

“Oh wow,” (Y/N) fake laughed. “Honestly, I always thought she had a thing for you.”

“She did,” Archie shrugged, “but I didn’t feel the same.  She moved on to Jughead, I guess.”  The pair fell into a moment of silence again before the ringing of the school bell broke it.

“Well, I have to get to biology,” (Y/N) said, moving away from Archie.  Before she got too far, Archie called out after her.

“Hey, do you wanna catch up sometime?  Like maybe meet at Pop’s tonight?”  

“Yeah,” (Y/N) smiled.  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

That night, when (Y/N) entered Pop’s, the first face she saw was not Archie.  Rather, it was Jughead, who she had not yet seen since she moved back. Scanning the diner to make sure Archie wasn’t waiting for her, (Y/N) walked towards Jughead’s booth.

“Jughead, hey,” she greeted as she approached his table.  He glanced up from his laptop to see (Y/N) standing over him.

“(Y/N),” he said with wide eyes. He slowly closed his laptop lid, then gestured for her to sit.  “You’re back.”

“Yes,” she nodded, “I am.”  Before Jughead could say anything else, the bell on the door jingled, signaling a new customer had entered.  It was Archie.  “Well,” (Y/N) said, standing up, “that’s my cue to leave.  See you around, Jug.”  Jughead tensed at the use of his old nickname, and he watched as (Y/N) walked over to Archie and sat across from him in a booth.  He felt his blood boil every time she laughed at something he said. Constantly, he reminded himself there was nothing to be jealous of, he had a girlfriend.  Somehow, that only made his longing for (Y/N) worse.

‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

Jughead, Archie, and (Y/N) were in third grade.  It was a hot summer day, filled with sticky popsicle hands, grass tickling the bottom of bare feet, and a bright sun radiating an immense amount of heat.  The children were running around in (Y/N)’s backyard with not a care in the world.  Suddenly, (Y/N) tripped and scraped her knee.  She cried out in pain, causing the boys to turn around in shock.

“(Y/N)!” Jughead exclaimed, both him and Archie running over to her side.

“Are you okay?” Archie asked, examining her knee.

“I’m fine,” she pushed both boys away.  “It’s just a scrape.”  This didn’t relieve the concerned looks from either of the boys’ faces, and (Y/N), looking directly at Jughead, repeated that she was fine.  Jughead reached out a hand and helped her up.

None of the children knew it at the time, but one day Jughead and (Y/N) would reflect on this day and realize that at this moment, something in their relationship changed.  There was a shift from friendship to love, and it all started on the day where (Y/N) scraped her knee.

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes you’re holding mine

Archie asked (Y/N) to Pop’s again. And again.  And again.  On the fifth visit, Archie confessed his feelings for (Y/N) and asked if they could call these trips to Pop’s dates.  (Y/N), although deep down she knew her heart belonged to someone else, agreed. Neither of them payed any attention to the slamming of the door at the front.  Jughead had stormed out after hearing the exchange.

“We should have a double date,” Archie suggested to Jughead one day during school.  Jughead rolled his eyes, slamming his locker shut.

“Why?” he questioned and began strolling down the hallway.  Archie followed.

“Because I think it’d be fun,” he answered, oblivious to Jughead’s jealousy.  “I mean we were both super close with (Y/N) when we were younger, and it’s not like her and Betty are strangers.  I think it’d be fun.”  He walked off, leaving Jughead alone to his thoughts.

Jughead weighed the pros and cons of going on this double date.  On the one hand, maybe having Betty and (Y/N) together in the same room as him might help set himself straight.  He was sick of feeling guilty every time he was around Betty.  But on the other hand, he was afraid of seeing (Y/N) with Archie.  Sure, he saw them together at Pop’s all the time, but if both of them were sitting in front of him, he would not be able to look away.  He’d be forced to watch as Archie wrapped his arms around (Y/N), and he’d have to see her laughing at all his jokes.  And the worse part would be that as he sat next to Betty, the only thing he’d be thinking about is how he wished to be in Archie’s place.

Finally, Jughead made up his mind and texted Archie his answer:

Yes.  Let’s do the double date.

The night of the double date arrived, and Jughead was second-guessing his decision.  Maybe this was a bad idea.  Or maybe it’ll be fine.  No, this was an awful idea.

They didn’t do anything fancy for the double date; all four of them agreed that Pop’s was the best place to go.  When Jughead arrived at the diner, the only other person there was (Y/N).  He approached the booth and slid into it across from her.

“Hey,” he greeted.  She smiled.

“Hey, Jug,” she responded. Neither of them said anything else, both of them caught up in their own whirlwind of thoughts.  This is how it should be.  This is how they should be.

“This was a mistake,” Jughead finally said, breaking the tension.  He stood up and began to exit.

“What are you doing?” (Y/N) called out after him.  He stopped and spun on his heel, but he didn’t come back to the table.

“Leaving, (Y/N), I’m leaving,” he answered, his voice sharp.  (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“I know that, dumbass, I mean why?”

“Because I can’t do this,” he threw his hands up in the air in frustration.  “I can’t sit across from you and watch you be happy with someone else.” Neither (Y/N) or Jughead noticed that Betty and Archie had just entered the diner.

“Why?  You can’t be happy for me?” (Y/N) demanded, stepping a tiny bit closer to Jughead.  He shook his head.

“No, I can’t,” he replied.  “Not when you’re happy with someone else.”  

“Then who do you want me to be happy with?”

“With me, goddammit!” he shouted. (Y/N) froze.

“With you?” she repeated, quieter. Jughead buried his face in his hands.

“Jesus,” he mumbled into his skin, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Well since you did,” (Y/N) took a couple more steps closer to Jughead, “why don’t you explain yourself?”

“I’m in love with you, okay?” he shouted, throwing arms up.  “Is that what you wanted to hear?  I have been in love with you since the third grade, and then you fucking left.  So I started dating Betty because I thought she made me happy, and dammit she does make me happy.  But then you came back, you just had to come back.  Now Betty, poor Betty, she doesn’t have a clue.  I still love you, (Y/N), but now you’re dating Archie and this is just a big pile of shit.”  (Y/N) stood there motionless, unable to move.

“Since the third grade?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.  Jughead nodded.

“Jughead,” Betty finally gained the courage to speak.  Her voice caught the attention of both Jughead and (Y/N), causing their focus to snap over to the blonde and the ginger standing in the entrance.

“How much of that did you hear?” Jughead groaned.  Betty smiled sadly.

“All of it.”

“You must hate me,” he said, and Betty shook her head.

“No, Juggie, I don’t hate you. But I do think you should’ve told me how you felt.”  She walked up to him, kissed him on the cheek, and then slowly walked backwards. “I’m not going to keep you from the girl you love.”  She sent him one more sad smile before exiting the diner, leaving Jughead, Archie, and (Y/N).

“Jughead,” Archie started, but Jughead held up his hand to stop him.

“No, Archie, this isn’t about me,” Jughead said.  “It’s about (Y/N).”  Both of the boys turned to face (Y/N), and she couldn’t help but recall that time when she scraped her knee.  That time where both of the boys showed concern for her, but she only appreciated it from one of them.

“(Y/N)?” Archie questioned. “It’s okay if you don’t want to… you know.”  She looked at him sadly.

“Archie,” she began, “I love you. I truly, truly do.”  Jughead deflated at this, and he was about to exit the diner when (Y/N) continued.  “But I can’t lead you on like this.  You’ve been one of my best friends since we were little, and I don’t want anything to ruin that.”  She didn’t have to say anything else, because Archie nodded in understanding.  He hugged (Y/N) tight, and they stood embracing each other in the diner, Jughead watching.  They pulled apart and Archie nodded at Jughead before he, too, left the diner.

Jughead and (Y/N) stood facing each other in the oddly vacant diner.

“So…” (Y/N) drawled.  “You love me?”

Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Neither of them had any idea of what to say, so they agreed to go home and meet up again tomorrow.  Both (Y/N) and Jughead stayed awake the whole night, wondering what they were going to say to the other the next day.

That fateful day arrived, and (Y/N) walked into Pop’s, immediately spotting Jughead sitting in a booth.  She approached the booth, and as she neared it, Jughead looked up at the sound of her footsteps.  He smiled.

“Sorry, I’m kind of a mess today,” she laughed, gesturing to her disheveled state.  She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of leggings with a small hole in them, and her hair was falling out of its ponytail.

“You look perfect,” he whispered, not intending for her to hear it.  However, he realized he said it too loud when he saw her smile.  She sat down across from him.

“So you love me,” she repeated what he had said yesterday, and Jughead nodded.

“I do,” he replied.  (Y/N) pursed her lips for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed.

“I love you, too,” she finally said, barely above a whisper.

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know

She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets

To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids, but we’re so in love

Fighting against all odds

I know we’ll be alright this time

Darling, just hold my hand

Be my girl, I’ll be your man

I see my future in your eyes

It’s A Boy Girl Thing | 01

Jung Hoseok | Comedy | Smut | Slight Angst | IABGT!au 

You’d always wondered what it would have been like if you and Hoseok had grown up liking each other, if you had had a childhood friend for a neighbor instead of a sworn enemy. While you would literally rather gauge your eyes out with a spoon than be forced to have a conversation with your shit for brains neighbor, a class trip to the museum and one wonky statue places the two of you under a body swap curse with no set way to reverse it.

word count: 8k+


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shit my history prof says

some of the bullshit that’s come out of his mouth between my Medieval History and Western Civ 1 transcribed into RP sentence meme form. have a party with it, change pronouns as you need to.

  • “You shouldn’t walk through fire. That’s why God made it so hot.”
  • “Well, I’m ___, so of course I need a GIANT GUN.”
  • “I don’t care what fancy magic armor you wear, if a fat man with no pants hits you with a cleaver, you’re dead.”
  • “He’s like a walking encyclopedia of useless shit.”
  • “___ scared the shit out of everyone back in the day. That’s something that hasn’t changed.”
  • “And it was at that moment I realized there would be no peace.”
  • “YOU’RE THE SHIT!”
  • “At my age, the only thing that scares me is an IRS tax audit.”
  • “You can’t even get me to walk up a block to get a sandwich.”
  • “Come on, it’ll be fun! Do it for Jesus!” 
  • “This is one thing Europe is good at. Exporting violence.”
  • “I’m sorry, I find it a little hard to believe that a bunch of guys smoking hash can attack anything. Unless it’s like, a pie.”
  • “One crossbow bolt later and I learned that toothpaste makes excellent makeshift wall Spackle.”
  • “The question isn’t why or how it could fall, the question is how did it last that long.”
  • “If you haven’t seen a breast yet you need to get out of the house.”
  • “First thing’s first, I’m kind of an asshole.”
  • “And that’s why my girlfriend doesn’t take me out to nice places anymore. Which is good, because I didn’t want to go in the first place.”
  • “Moral of the story? When something isn’t yours, you treat it like shit.” 
  • “I like woodchucks. They’re the fat kids of the forest.”
  • “When the wind blows it’s like Satan’s hairdryer.”
  • “This cognac’s so expensive it’d be cheaper for me to do crack.”
  • “It’s like you know what they’re saying but you’re having a stroke.”
  • “No one likes you when you sleep with their wives and husbands and children.”
  • “Don’t do that. You’ll get warm. Then you’ll get sleepy. Then you’ll get dead.”
  • “This war takes fucking FOREVER.”
  • “It’s like going on a road-trip with Stalin. Like, there are fun times, where you’re in Vegas and drinking together, but then you’re digging your own grave in the desert because he thinks you cheated at blackjack.”
  • “He’s pretty much his sugar daddy.”
  • “Children are like little drunk people.”
  • “If you’re going to go all the way to another country and then still eat McDonald’s, you’re kind of an asshole.”
  • “How many prostitutes can you put in a boat? Let’s find out!” 
  • “I say it’s a dead dog story, but I promise there’s a funny ending.”
  • “It’s like crack, if crack was cheese.”
  • “Picture a Playboy mansion gone wrong.”
  • “It’s like living in some bizarre fantasy porno.”
  • “He smells like something from the X-Files.
  • “There are a lot of ways to die, but not many quite as stylish.”
  • “Why? Aesthetic.”
  • “If you’re looking for a back tattoo this is the one you want.”
  • “Why does he succeed? He has a plan. Sounds stupid, but not many people have one.”