jesus man you are so hot

A Little Too Drunk Starters:
  • “Oh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!”
  • "We watched some horror movie.. I think it’s called, ‘the Teletubbies..’?”
  • “Pants are just an illusion.”
  • “Shut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.”
  • “Hey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dog’s cheating on you..”
  • “Hey, the cat crashed your car.”
  • “I thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isn’t, so now we have a bouncy house.”
  • “It’s not a mattress, it’s my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.”
  • “[NAME]’s a VIP at that one strip club….. What’s it called again… 'Golden Corral’?”
  • “I’m bleeding?!”
  • “I have to tell you a secret…”
  • “You think it’s important that I lost my shirt?! You think it’s important?! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CAN’T FUCKIN’ TIE HIS SHOES!!!”
  • “I need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or I’m fucked.”
  • “I was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.”
  • “Look, man, I didn’t mean to pee on you.”
  • “Thanks for letting me room with you… By the way, vodka makes me gassy.”  
  • “You want to go to Taco Bell?”
  • “I lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?”
  • “Wow, you look so much better when I’m drunk. You should try it more often.”
  • “Hello, 911? Are you still awake?”
  • “Jesus told me to do it.”
  • “I’m really sorry I’m so creepy everybody…”
  • "This is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.”
  • “How many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.”
  • “Hamsters have feelings, too..”
  • “Who convinced me to come here?”
  • “The dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.”
  • “Look at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, that’d be cool..”
  • “You’re not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..”

anonymous asked:



Alright bitch, buckle up. Not only has God been dropping bitches and pushing them down flights of stairs, he gave our girl Dominique the temptation! Won’t he do it? Yes he will! Now it’s not 100% confirmed, but Dominique was talking about stomping out snakes AND she gave the camera the “imma fix yo ass” look your mom would give you when y’all were out in public and you were acting a fool, but she couldn’t do anything because white people were watching you after Paul left the room.

Paul, who might be fucking his cousin named 6 ½, was squirming like a mother today! He is SHOOK because he knows that either Jessica or Dominique got the temptation and not one of his ratty ass minions! 

Now bitch, when I tell you little man has the Napoleon Complex, his toddler ass has the fucking Napoleon Complex! He stays overcompensating for being 5′1 with his shitty ass. Like dude we get it you shop at Baby Gap stop yelling. 

So anyways, the garbage man and Eugenia got mad that Dominique washed her hands after she used the bathroom and did what they do best. Be some hating ass bitches. Eugenia’s trick ass even said she would beat Dom with a hot curling iron. Now I don’t know what Eugenia’s ass is doing out of Whovile, but she’s lucky it’s 2017 and I found God because if this was me pre Jesus I would’ve caught a case finale night and would’ve needed y’all to pull through with a gofundme so I could post bail. 

Speaking of gofundeme, Raven the Racist Ghost keeps going into the kitchen. Why? I don’t know. She keeps cooking like she’s a gourmet chef and her specialty is Salmonella on a plate. Like I know y’all used to come for @spunkyspy and her bacon, but this shit takes the cake. They’re are lucky my rude ass isn’t in the house because I would’ve hurt her feelings. 

Oh, CBS was on some real racist shit today and added a video called “Josh learns to speak” after all the white people in the house were mocking the way he speaks. Like newsflash people have accents and Josh is a 23 year old man that speaks 2 languages. So I can see why they edited out Paul’s blackface because they are just as racist as he is.

Waitress MC

Someone requested a HC for RFA+V towards a waitress MC, so here ya go~~

P.S. This might’ve deviated from the actual request, but I found it interesting ^^


–College life = no money + no time to cook because LOLOL = eat cheap food at a family restaurant to get a student discount

–Pleasantly surprised to find the food was pretty good and decent quality?

No please don’t feed onto (get it?) his shitty life schedule and giving him more of a reason to be a NEET

–He needs to get his shit together, and he knows that with this good and cheap food he won’t progress from Cute Boy to Manly, Responsible Man

–So he’s just internally screaming, a skill he’s mastered throughout his college life 

–But before he can spiral into thoughts like how to beat Seven in LOLOL, he hears bickering at a nearby table, and turns his head to look at MC looking very Pissed

–He almost mistook her for Jaehee with the resting Bitch Face that she had all the time while working for Jumin

–Curious, he peeked his head over the booth behind him and he saw that you were arguing about the price of a smoothie

--Lowkey him when he’s broke, but the customer was so disrespectful damn like have some chill bro

–He saw that the customer was about to snap at MC after minutes of pointless arguments, but MC shut em up real quick

–”Excuse me, sir, but we are past haggling in this time and place. If you’d kindly leave the premises and try to catch up to the present timeline, that’d be very much appreciated.”

–Yoosung internally screamed and fanboyed there and then

–He’d occasionally go to visit MC and chat, but he tried to be more responsible to suit her mature tastes


–He was eating out with his coworkers after rehearsal, because he’s a lil shit who only has beer and instant noodles at home hungry, and he hadn’t expected to see MC, with rags in your hands, in a dimly lit restaurant at 2 am

–”MC! What are you doing here?” MC gave him a tired smile, “College fees.”

–Ah. MC had told him about her financial troubles recently, but he didn’t think it would worsen to the point that she had to overwork herself at 2 am, probably getting very little sleep and less-than-enough eating

–Gdi, he knew his premonition dreams was trying to tell him something

–With his smooth charm and suave, he convinced the supervisor to let you eat with him and his coworkers

–But he had made a Very Huge Mistake

–His coworkers started to flirt with MC,and even though it was friendly (hopefully) he saw that MC was uncomfortable and kept smiling politely

–Eventually, Zen has had enough of it, and tells his coworkers on MCs behalf

–”Guys, I don’t think she likes to violate work ethics with flirting…”

—One of the guys saw this as jealousy and decided to target Zen’s insecurity which was a Very Bad Idea “What, just because we get a little bit more decent casting roles than you, you’re going to swoop away this young lady?”

–MCs polite smile immediately thinned into a disappointed scowl, “Excuse me, but shouldn’t you be able to discern my fake smiles from my genuine ones? If Zen, who you claim to be worse than you is better at that, then where do you stand, really?”

–They shut up immediately, and MC just sips her mango smoothie in silence

Zen thought that was slightly hot oh no


–Here she was, buying cat food for Elizabeth the 3rd during her lunch break. I didn’t fuckin sign up for this man what the shit

–But alas, she did it anyway because she’s a responsible lil bean <3

–So, as she was walking towards C&R with a bag of premium cat food, she heard a very familiar voice yell out: “Thief! Stop the thief in the ugly Christmas sweater!”

–Jesus Christ MC, you still have time to yell that part out? I mean considering she told Seven in his route ‘I love you’ when she was grabbed by Saeran I wouldn’t be too surprised

MC saw Jaehee, “Jaehee? What are you doing here?” and wordlessly, Jaehee threw the bag of cat food to MC and ran after the thief

–She went Sanic The Hedgehog because she’s Gotta Go Fast™

–She just judo-flipped the fuck out of the thief RIP You won’t be missed m8

Then she just. kinda dragged the thief to MC lmfao and asked for her cat food back

–She saw MC wearing a waitress’ uniform, and asked, “What did this man steal, MC?” Other than her time of course

–”We bought premium coffee beans recently, and couldn’t find a place to store them immediately and so we just put it under the kitchen counter, but he just…leaped over the counter and stole a jar of them.”

–Jaehee was pissed. How dare he even try to steal precious coffee beans? DIdn’t he know how pricey they can get? Furthermore, it was stocked for a restaurant, so it must’ve been of some degree of quality product—

–Jaehee subtly stepped on his stomach a little bit more

–MC made Jaehee a cup of coffee, which was perfect because Jaehee missed her whole lunch break just to get a bag of cat food and to catch a thief smh

–”Don’t worry, it’s on the house. But you can come to my house….anytime. ;)”

–Gdi MC you smooth fucker

–Jaehee’s face was red the whole time as she stomped to C&R


–So he had this brilliant idea of finally progressing from cat-obsessed man to cat-obsessed man WITH  A BUSINESS

–So one day he visited a cat cafe to see what it was like and to get ideas of opening his cat-themed business

–The first thing he saw was MC in a waitress uniform with cat ears on her head

–He looks calm but he’s actually like AAAAAAA WHAT THE HELL

–Additionally, the first thing he asked was “Do you have financial problems that you need my help in?” and MC almost looked offended if she didn’t know that Jumin was just a concerned Friend and Cat Mom

–Jumin was quick to dissipate the amused but Jumin doesn’t know that lol frown on her face by assuring her that he found it respectable for her to get a job at her age Dude I’m like in college what do you mean by ‘your age’

--MC recommended him a latte with cat art on the foam, which he immediately said yes to

–But he saw another customer giving you a hard time, and he just zoomed over there

–”Excuse me, is something the matter?” holy shit he sounded like he owned the place

–”Yes, your employee refuses to repay me for what my money is worth!” he nodded sharply to MCs direction, who just shut her lips even more and glared icily at the customer

–He pulled out his wallet and threw a 20 on the customer’s table, shocking both the customer and MC.

–”Didn’t you hear? People don’t serve things that have worth to worthless people. Take this as compensation and go.” DAMN SON YOU’RE MORE DRAMATIC THAN ZEN

–After the ordeal, he confronted the manager and tried to buy the shop from him, just so he can keep an eye on MC

Saeyoung / Seven / 707

–Okay so this boy is a secret agent, but he doesn’t do a very at good job at keeping it a secret

–For example, he just deadass went to restaurant to eat something other than HBC and Dr Pepper

–This would’ve been fine, were it not for the fact that he was oN A MISSION AND HE’S STILL IN HIS DISGUISE AS A MAILMAN


–So there he was,a mailman ordering a Happy Meal at McDonalds (not sponsored) and he’s waiting at the counter just chillin and waiting for his cheeseburger with fries and a limited edition toy on the new Cars movie

–A few minutes later, a bunch of suspicious looking dudes entered the restaurant, and their clothes were bunched with, what he suspected looks like firearms

–Secret agent instinct: ON

–And his suspicions were confirmed, as one of them approached the counter with feigned bravado and trying to exude some sort of confidence maybe??

–EIther way, it didn’t work very well, because even MC looked like ‘really m8 you coulda tried harder’

–Saeyoung didn’t know what he was thinking, but he didn’t want to cause a ruckus and any unnecessary trouble for MC

–He walked up to the guy, and pecked a kiss on his cheek.

–MC is wtf’ing

–The guy is definitely wtf’ing

–Saeyoung is DEFINITELY wtf’ing like what the hell what am I doing, why am I here, I want to walk away, Jaehee where are you pls help me get out of this BS

”Honey!” Saeyoung cooed, snugging closer to the man and cuddling his arm as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He caressed his arm, and stopped at his hands gripping his handgun in the pocket


–The man was so traumatised that he just,,, signalled his friends to scram

–”Saeyoung? Is that you–”


V / Jihyun

–I…..he’s blind….

–Well, he’s getting more blinder, anyways, MC couldn’t convince him to get the surgery. :’(

–He decides to spend the last days of his sight by looking at ordinary, normal, beautiful things.

–So one day he just walks along the roadside, camera hanging from his neck and his mind swarmed with sentimentality. 

–He saw a family restaurant, and it saddened him. He would be able to hear and smell, but he wouldn’t be able to see the bustling warmth of families. He wouldn’t even be able to see, or witness the birth of his own child that he’d someday make with MC.

–So he stopped by. He wanted to remember, and he if he couldn’t do so, he would leave an evidence of his memory through his photgraphs.

–”Jihyun!” There was only person that could call his name out like that, like they were excited to see him, that they anticipated his arrival. He smiled, feeling grateful that even if his sight would disappear, one thing that remained a steady constant in his life would stay that way.

–”MC,” he turned, and squinted. and widened his eyes as he vaguely recognized MC in a…waitress uniform?

–”You work here?” “Yep!” “Do you have financial problems?” Gdi no wonder you’re friends with Jumin 

–MC grinned impishly. “No, but I’m helping a friend with her shifts. Plus, the kids here are so adorable and well behaved!”

–MC turned around as she heard her name being called. “Coming!” then she turned to Jihyun, “Sorry, I’ll get back to you later, okay?” her hasty footsteps left an imprint on his memory, as if she herself radiated passion and warmth.She crouched down, wiping a little girl’s tears, and making goofy faces to cheer her up.

–Jihyun smiled. He took his camera, hands tentative. A shutter of a camera was heard, and he felt a smile curve his lips. It’s a good picture, he thought.

–The next day, he lost his sight.


Hey,,,you didn’t tell me I couldn’t write angst, okay. Plus, in the words of @mysplaced-pen, V is too easy to angst. This was requested by @herecometheohs ^^

Requests are open! 

P.S.: I’m really proud of Seven’s lmao

Chase Brody’s little visitors

Pit-pit-pat, pit-pit-pat. A series of knocks, accompanied by the voices of two small boys calling out to the one behind the door.

“Daddy! It’s me and Sam!”

“We come to visit!”

The little ones kept calling out to their father tirelessly but quit knocking against the door. Because knocking for 30 seconds is enough for tired knuckles. Vocalising their want to go in, however, was far easier; the boys were used to shouting and being loud whiles playing school. Holding each other’s hands, they waited for someone to answer them side-by-side, the siblings reunited for the sole purpose of visiting this house.

The older one, 8, tried out a different tactic, imitating a grown-up, gruff man, “Mr Chase! Your children are here, please let them in.”

Didn’t work. The younger one, 5, laughed at the funny voice, “That was silly!” The kid giggled.

But the older boy took offense, retorting, “Hey! That was my best man impression, Sam. You know that you can’t do it any better I can.”

The kid brother, Sam, taken-aback, shot, “Well, why not?”

“Because your voice is too squeaky!”

“Is not, Morty!” Sam’s voice rose a pitch.

“Is too!” Morty folded his arms to challenge his brother. “You should listen to yourself now!”

The squabbling got louder and louder.

“My voice is fine!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

The door opened, a lean, green-haired man popped his head out and kneeled to their level, “Hey Sam, Morty, quit it. Your voices are the same pitch. And-”

“Daddy!” The boys’ faces lit up like a hot toaster of love. They hugged Chase, embracing him and wrapping their arms around the Youtuber’s neck, forgetting their petty argument in a flash.

“Boys! You’re here!” Chase hugged his sons back tightly, murmuring, “Oh sweet Jesus, I missed you guys so much.”

The tight knot of sons and father held there for a good, long while… until Chase realised something.

“Where’s Mom?” He asked his boys.

Sam pipped up, answering, “Mommy’s at home, Daddy. She didn’t want to come with us.”

Morty joined in, grinning, “She thinks we’re at a sleepover with our friend Andrew because we told her that and then she dropped us off there but then we walked a few blocks to your place.”

Chase looked at them sternly but kindly, like at wilful, misbehaving puppies, saying, “I know you two really wanted to visit me, but we all know lying is bad.”

“But Mommy lies all the time!” Morty cried out, rambling, “She says ‘Daddy doesn’t love you guys anymore’ and-“

Sam joined his brother this time, interrupting, “And that we are going have a new daddy-“

“and that she’s fine when she’s angry or sad or crying-“

“and that you’re a bad daddy when you are not-“

The reality, the troubles hit him once more. Sobs racked Chase’s body, rivers of tears flowing down his face even as he pressed his palms to his eyes. Because, his wife’s ‘lies’ had some truth in them and it’s only because he hurt her, by being a fool and not giving her the security she needed like a man should. His insecurities that evolved around his broken marriage plagued him and tried to swallow him whole again. A coward and an idiot he was, attempting suicide twice and leaving without a scratch. He was not a man, he was a failure.

But, to his kids, he was their hero. The person who choose to be awesome in his own way, more than just a Bro average. Sam hugged Chase again and got a grasp of a hug back in return, while Morty patted his shoulder, both giving their best to comfort their daddy.

Morty clears his throat, trying to not have a lump there. The boy spoke, “Daddy, you’re better than Mommy because you hear us out and are nicer even when you scold us”

Sam added, “Even if you can’t cook!” The kid giggled his happy giggle.

Morty continues his prep talk, rubbing Chase’s back, “We love you even if Mommy doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. Because you are our best friend. The friend who protects us from bad guys and helps us with homework and playing sports and kisses our ouchies and gives great hugs.”

Sam nods, shaking his head up and down, and up and down in agreement, still hugging his hiccuping father. The crying Chase whispers, “T-thank you. Both of you”.

Now, Chase draws in deeper, shaky breaths. Steady breaths, pure affection and his sons’ love. He, Chase, will get through this. This conflict, his inner demons of instability. He’ll make it.

And that’s why after about ten minutes, the house is blooming with boyish laughter and joyful bickering, because the three boys are playing Mario Kart.

The battle for the children’s custody? Forget it, because Chase knew, that in the end everything will be good. Everything is going to be just fine.



AUTHOR : loricameback / loriwrites

GENRE : smut / oral, male / intercourse




My body felt fantastic. I stretched cat-like and slowly opened my eyes. I yawned as I began to focus. This was not my alarm clock…not my bed…not my house. I took a sharp breath in then remembered Bucky. A sigh of pleasure took over my body until I realized he wasn’t here.

Voices. I could hear people outside the door. Pulling the covers back and swinging my legs over the bed, I got up and searched for my panties. “Shit.” On my hands and knees I looked under the bed, in the covers. I didn’t even hear the door open.

“Nightstand kitten.” Bucky was right behind me, his metal fingers slowly caressing my cheek. I leaned into them and purred. He moaned, “I *do* love to hear kitty purr.” Still on my knees, I turned, licking my lips as I looked at the tent forming in his sweatpants. “Not yet doll. We need some nutrition.“ In his flesh hand, he offered me a plate with pineapple slices and put bottle of water on the nightstand.

“Thank you Bucky.” I kissed his lips softly and sat on the bed, eating the fruit. “You’re very sweet.” Trying to hold back a smile I said, “I *do* love the bad boy in you, but this is good too.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You like the danger, huh?” I nodded emphatically. The ridges in his left arm opened and closed as he flexed. The piece of pineapple I was holding slipped out of my hand.

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At 2P! Italy's funeral
  • <p> <b>2P! Germany:</b> Jesus, God in heaven, why didcha kill such a hot snatch? Hey, it's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, bless sinners - so we don't get caught. Another joke, man.<p/><b>2P! Japan:</b> I prayed for the death of Luciano Vargas many times, and I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.<p/><b>2P! America:</b> Hi, I'm sorry. Not really. Technically, I did not kill Luciano, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?<p/></p>

anonymous asked:

Jesus Christ, why do find Ozai hot?

Umm, this is an ambiguous question. You’re missing a noun there, so I’m going to try to answer this as generally as possible.

If you’re asking why I, Seyary, find Ozai hot? It’s because he is.

Look at the man:

Appreciate the smoulder. The perfectly manly jawline. That fucking ridiculously lustrous hair he probably gets combed thrice a day because he’s a diva. DEM CHEEKBONES.

I’m sorry. Even better smoulder. (I did not tweak this screenshot somebody please help me I can’t stop laughing!)

And he’s ripped as heck. Dorito proportions, six pack, wtf Ozai. Stop working out so much, you need to give other guys a chance.

Now, that’s my personal opinion on him. But since I’m not sure if you were asking about me, I’m going to address all possibilities from your question:

“Jesus Christ, why do you find Ozai hot?” could mean you’re asking Jesus Christ instead of me. No intent to offend any Christians with this answer of course, but Jesus has always been a man who was very kind-hearted, loved everyone even if they hated him, advised his followers to love even their enemies. Jesus Christ would tell you, Anon, that Ozai is hateful but you don’t have to be. The kingdom of heaven will be open for you if you’re not as hateful as Ozai. So hating Ozai is not something Jesus Christ would approve of (I went to catholic school, I’d know!), and denying his hotness just out of spite is a hateful practice. So don’t do it.

More importantly, the Bible’s ten commandments also establish that you mustn’t lie. The ninth commandment, was it? So Jesus Christ would not have lied and claimed Ozai wasn’t hot when Ozai is actually hot. He would have said Ozai is a very cruel man who needed to see the light from God, but he would have never thought Ozai was ugly out of spite for all the hideous things he did. So this is why Jesus Christ would hypothetically not deny that Ozai is hot.

Now, maybe the problem isn’t me or Jesus Christ. Maybe the question was meant to be: “Jesus Christ, why do I find Ozai hot?!”, alluding at you suffering from a severe crisis where you’re realizing Ozai is in fact hot as hell. Well, all the previous explanations apply. If you’re having such a crisis, don’t feel bad. We all know he’s hot. Doesn’t make him less of an asshole.

Nickelodeon say he’s hot too, see?

So maybe you were asking why did Nickelodeon say he was hot? I mean, I did post this screenshot once before so maybe that’s what prompted this ask… 

Anyways, fact of the matter is, Ozai was indeed designed to look like an older, scar-less Zuko. It was a cruel play from Bryke to make Zuko fans scream in outrage because they wanted to hate every little thing about Ozai, but if they hate his looks out of spite, they’re hating the image their beloved Zuko will have in the future (just, Zuko is scarred, of course). So yes. It’s hilariously cruel but it’s actually pretty funny. Ergo, even Zuko fans are forced to say Ozai is hot despite how much they may hate him, because if you were to think Zuko is hot and Ozai is not, it means you’re into teenagers only and if you’re over 18 years old you probably should be more interested in fully grown men instead of teenagers…

Lastly: SCIENCE proves Ozai is hot.

See this?

Just look at all that fire. A candle’s fire, according to wikipedia, is at 1,500°F, 829°C. Just how much heat do you think this shithead is creating through his bending? Yes, Azula’s fire is way hotter but that doesn’t mean Ozai’s isn’t. Try putting your hand in a fireplace and don’t get burned. You can’t. You can’t touch Ozai without getting burned either. Cuz’ he’s hot and his fire is hot, too (and hella aggressive, I don’t think he’d like being touched by strangers). Get it?

Long story short, Anon, if you’re actually indignant that people find Ozai hot, if you are simply not attracted to hot maniac bastards who want to set the world on fire

Originally posted by anoutlandishidea

well that’s on you, really. But it’s not every day that Jesus Christ and Science would agree on something. I’d say regardless of which one you prefer, you should believe them. Just sayin’.


Roy: Ha! I knew there was something else! I can read you like a book, Sonia. I could tell how nervous you were from the second you walked through the door. Not to mention the fact you hardly looked at me at the dinner table-
Sonia: You know Roy, I didn’t come all this way to hear you gloat.
Roy: It’s not gloating if it’s true.
Sonia: If what’s true?
The air around them grows slightly colder.  
Roy: You came here because you felt guilty.
Sonia says nothing. After a moment Roy sits down next to her. He looks away from her, not wanting to see her face.
Roy: It’s alright, Sonia. I know. I’m going to fucking vomit if I have to say his name. But I know.
Sonia: No, you don’t know, Roy. You don’t know anything.
Her voice sounds wobbly. She looks at the floor again.
Sonia: I was with him last night. It was the first time since…the time you found out about. And I couldn’t go through with it. For a few different reasons. Because it felt so wrong, because Genevieve’s still in hospital and-
Roy: Wait. He’s cheating on his wife while she’s in hospital? How low can you go? Jesus Christ. He deserves to have a red hot metal rod shoved up his arse. Sideways. What a fucking slimebucket-
Sonia: Alright, Roy. That’s a whole other story but please don’t get sidetracked. The main reason I couldn’t do it was…you’re right, I felt guilty. I felt slimy and horrible and worthless. But I couldn’t have gone through with it anyway because…I’m not physically attracted to him. The only man I’ve ever been physically attracted to in my whole life is  is you, Roy. I just wanted to tell you that. And I think…a huge part of that attraction is because when all is said and done I still love you. And I’m sorry I blamed you for Violet not showing up. And I’m sorry for sneaking around behind your back. I’m just so sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you and our marriage.

After a little while she puts her hand on top of his. The clock continues its inexorable ticking while he watches Claudia float away, like a child letting go of a balloon.

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pairing: jasmine cephas-jones x reader

summary: reader and jasmine are long-time friends, who one day decide to hook up. no strings attached. it was a good idea in theory.

warnings: swearing, alcohol mention, D/s, bondage, temperature play, a tiny bit of spanking, sex toys (? is that something i need to warn about i don’t even know), i vaguely mention a couple details about the movie “remember me” which deals with 9/11 so if you’re very sensitive to that this might not be for you. i don’t mention any real specifics about 9/11 itself but better safe than sorry if this is a topic that triggers you.

word count: 5,014

a/n: ah yes day two of the @hamwriters write-a-thon!! here this is my inbox is open for comments concerns complaints etc love u happy reading

The soft patter of rain on the window of your apartment fades into the background as you hit “play” on the remote. Friday night movie nights with your best friend are even better when it’s raining, so you’re perfectly content with the storm outside. You pull the fluffy blanket up to your chin and settle into the back cushion of the couch.

“Really?” Jasmine sighs as she walks into the living room, bowl of popcorn clutched against her chest. “You had to pick the saddest movie on Netflix?”

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“This is ridiculous,” Dean mutters as he rolls out his mat, side-eyeing the fuck out of his brother. His sweatpants are already sticking to his legs with the heat of the room, and for the first time in his life, he wishes he’d worn shorts. “I’m gonna suffocate,” he declares. “I’m gonna die doing hot yoga and it’s gonna be embarrassing.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Would you calm down?”

“Ha!” Dean scoffs. “Easy for you to say. Look at you, with your goddamn hippie man bun and your short shorts and—”

“—These are regular shorts, Dean—”

“And with your fuckin’ tank top you’re in your natural habitat! Jesus, Sam, you’re like the king of the motherfucking granolas!”

“And you’re being a little bitch,” Sam counters, getting himself set up and sitting, cross-legged, to center himself. He closes his eyes. “The physio said this is the best thing for your shoulder, so we’re here. Now shut your trap and take it like a man.”

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maryannlores  asked:

Can we have a sequel of that drabble where Gabriel was flirting with the chubby reader? Like, they go out on a date but s/o starts to feel self-conscious when she overhear a bunch of douchebags and Gabe is just mad as hell (ノ∀`♥)

Ahhh in glad so many people enjoyed that fic!! I’ll gladly keep it going so here’s a sequel!!

This was your third date with Gabriel Reyes and you still were nervous as hell. He was a lot more kind than you had expected him to be, super sweet and ber romantic.

Instead of something fancy like the last two times he took you to a bar/dinner. He claimed they had the best damn burgers and shakes.

So as he went up to place your order you day alone at the bar. You wore some shorts and a cute top, feeling a little more confident than usual. Besides it was hot as hell today.

“Jesus, didn’t know they allowed whales to est here.” You heard a man a few seats down say.

You shifted and bit you lip, knowing they were talking about you. His buddies laughed and made even more comments. Soon tears were pooling in your eyes as you moved to leave.

Gabriel stopped you at the door, face softening when he saw that you were crying,“Cariño… What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, not wanting to cause any trouble. But as he gently hugged you and pressed a kiss to your head you broke.

“S-some guys were, were making fun of my… My weight.” You admitted meakly, watching his face go from caring to one of rage. He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Stay here cariño.” He said before marching over to the guys. He didn’t even let the man finish his sentence before punch him square inthe jaw. He then proceeded to punch the other two and yelled at them angrily in Spanish and English.

Eventually he got the guys to walk over to you, making you want to hide. They men lined up in front of you, heads bowed as they apologized before running out of the place.

The bar was silent before going back to its normal chatter as Gabe pulled you close,“Are you alright?”

“I- yes!! Thank you. You, you didn’t need to do that…”

His face softened again as he brushed your hair gently,“Yes I did. You’re beautiful. They had no fucking right to say any of those thing.”

Flushing you smiled shyly before peeking around at the bar,“Do- Should we leave…?” You asked soffly, worried you two cause trouble.

He simply gave to a smirk,“No. In a regular and the owners know me well enough that they’d know I would cause trouble for no good reason. No come on, our food and shakes should be done. ”

Was gonna post this on the fourth (literally just cus it has fireworks) but just got finished a few minutes ago so ;-;
Ta daaaaaa
It isn’t nearly as detailed or long as I wanted to be, but I reaalllllly don’t wanna revise it. ;3; so sorry if it ain’t my b es t work.
Here tis! The New Years Eve(?) Incident set in Underfell
Enjoy :)

“THANK FUCKING GOD,” was the first thing you heard upon your arrival at Grillby’s. Subsequently, Papyrus came stomping over, looming over you angrily.
“Uhm, hi?” Jesus, you hadn’t even been here five minutes and you’d already managed to piss someone off.
Wait. Did he say shit-faced?
He suddenly gripped your wrist, dragging you over towards a counter where you could see Undyne, Alphys, and a pile of clothing on a bar stool that must’ve been Sans.
You were guessing he was the shit-faced idiot.
“Let go of–” You managed to pull your wrist out of Papyrus’ grasp. “Jesus, man–”
You rubbed your wrist, glaring at him as he left.
Man, he was on edge tonight. Sans must’ve really pissed him off.
Speaking of Sans, you looked over at him only to see him face-down on the counter with his mouth open, pouring drool over the wooden bar and the side of his face.
Rolling your eyes, you walked over and pushed him off the stool.
“hey, wha’ the fuck–?” He scrambled up with a bit too much difficulty, wobbling back and forth as he tried to regain balance. “wha’ the hell w’s tha’ for?” His voice was heavily slurred, making it hard to understand.
You crossed your arms. “You aren’t the most presentable when drunk, are you?” He looked sweaty and hot and tired and most definitely wasted. Even someone who had never drank could say as much.
“fuck off,” he spat, going back to sit on his stool. “th’s party sucks. didn’ hav’ anythin’ better ta do.”
“Well, when Papyrus said there was an emergency, I didn’t expect…” You gave him a disgusted look. “This.” You sighed, pulling up a stool and sitting next to him. “I can’t believe this is how I’m spending my New Year’s Eve.”
“like you ‘ave anythin’ better to do.”
You punched him in the arm, making him curse under his breath and rub where you hit him.
“At least try not to be a dick?”
“dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout sweetheart,” he smirked at you, winking. “never anythin’ of the sort.” His smile was very delayed and it looked like he didn’t even have full control over his mouth.
“God, how much did you drink?”
He chuckled. “s’a secret.” You looked over at the counter where more than a few bottles and just as many shot glasses sat.
“Jesus Christ…”
“dun worry ‘bout it,” he glared, laying his head in his arms. “i think imma… take a nap…”
You slapped the side of his head.
“You can’t sleep,” you demanded. “Papyrus said they’re leaving for the fireworks soon and I do not want to be left–” You looked back at where Papyrus and Co. used to be. “….alone with you.”
You quietly swore to yourself.
Now you’d have to drag him out to the park, find Papyrus, convince him to take Sans with him…
“Come on,” you stood up, patting his back. “Let’s head over. If we hurry, we might be able to catch up.”
“nah, m’good.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
He sat up from the counter and glared at you. “man, yer pushy tonight.”
“Grown-ups tend to get pushy with small children.”
He looked away. “fuck you. m’stayin’ here.”
“Get up before I make you.”
“go ahead. i’d like to see you try.”
Fired up, you wrapped your arms around him, lifting him up and turning him around on the stool. You turned your back on him and grabbed his legs from behind, boosting him onto you in a piggyback ride position.
He slightly resisted at first, but gave up and just leaned against your back.
“whatever.” Sans mumbled. “i dun even care anymore.”
You angrily started your trek, ignoring people’s stares as you stomped out the front door, struggling to hold him up.
“god, you’re heavy.” When you said that, you could swear you felt his body warm up against you.
“’m all bones! you’re the one who weighs 500 pounds.” He spat defensively.
“At least I don’t look fat.” You yelped as his body became hot. He held onto you tightly as to not fall off as you wobbled to the side.
“fuck you.”
“Fuck you.”
The rest of the time of you walking there, you were both silent. You could feel him fidget every so often; nuzzling up against you, repositioning his hands and legs, lifting and resting down his head.
At a certain point you swear you felt him drooling. You just grumbled to yourself, walking faster.
Finally, you reached the park.
You walked around, looking out for Papyrus. You’d think he wouldn’t be that hard to find, but after about 5 minutes, you couldn’t take holding Sans anymore and gave up. You decided on going to a nearby hill where you could get a good look of the whole park. Maybe you would spot them from up there.
With much effort, you finally got to the top of the hill, throwing him down on the snowy grass with a grunt.
He shouted when he made contact with the floor, opening his eyes. “jesus. we there yet?”
“Yes,” you said victoriously, panting a little bit. “god, for a skeleton you sure weigh a lot.”
“whatever,” he mumbled, rolling to the side.
You sighed, throwing yourself down on the cold, frozen grass.
Damn, that felt good. You were so sweaty in your coat. You sat up just long enough to take the thing off and set it beside you.
After a few moments of you laying down and catching your breath, Sans turned around to face you.
“man, do i really make you that hot?”
“Shut up.” You glared at him, too tired to move and hit him. He chuckled, rolling onto his back and putting his hands under his head to prop it up.
In the minutes of you sitting in silence, you propped yourself up as well and scanned the park for Papyrus. You wouldn’t be entirely surprised if he and Undyne and Alphys just went somewhere else. If you could, you would leave Sans too if you had the chance. But as good as that sounded, he was so drunk and you didn’t want to be responsible for him getting run over by a car or something.
Eventually you gave up, laying back completely and looking up at the sky. It was getting really dark and you wondered if midnight would strike soon.
New year new you, right? Maybe this time, things would take a better turn.

Though that didn’t seem very plausible if the universe decided to keep pushing this idiot skeleton back into your life. If anything, this next year was probably going to be much worse.
“don’t humans make out at midnight tonight or s’mthin’?” Sans asked out of nowhere, pulling you out of your thoughts.
You turned your head toward him, giving him a questioning look. “Why? Don’t tell me you want to kiss.”
“fuck no,” he glared, keeping his eyes upward on the stars. “jus’ thinkin’ about how dumb your guys’ traditions are.”
“Wow, thanks,” you mumbled. “And yes, people do kiss at midnight.” You followed his gaze, looking back up at the sky. “I always thought it was dumb, too. But maybe I’d think differently if I ever had someone to actually kiss.”
Following your response, he was oddly quiet for the next few minutes despite your thinking he’d come up with some clever reply. It caught your attention enough to make you curious.
“Have you ever been with someone?”
“…yea.” He said after a minute.
“Really?” You sat up, looking over at him with genuine surprise. He didn’t seem like the relationship type. “Who?”
“none of yer fuckin’ buisness, that’s who.”
“Come on!” You hit his knee. “Now you have to tell me.”
“don’t have to tell you shit.”
“Yeah, but it’s annoying.”
“look, i’ve been together with tons of chicks,” he said angrily. “new one every night; nothin’ serious.”
“Woah wait,” you put up a hand. “You’re telling me that back in the Underground, you were a total player?”
He smirked up at you. “whaddya mean back in the underground?”
You rolled your eyes. “I don’t believe it for a second.”
“you don’t gotta believe nothin’,” he chuckled. “what c’n I say? chicks love me.”
“Now that’s complete bullshit.”
“hey, i’m a fuckin’ catch!” He sat up and pushed you, knocking you to the side. “you’re jus’ jealous cus yer a virgin.”
“God,” you sat up, pushing him to the side as well. “Take a fucking joke! And you don’t know anything, so back off!”
“well, maybe if you weren’t such a fuckin’ bitch all the time, i wouldn’t get pissed!” He yelled, his face steadily becoming more red.
“God!” You threw your head back in anger, scooting away from him. “Why can’t we ever have a nice moment without you screwing it up!”
me screwing it up!?”
“fuck you!”
“Fuck you!
You crossed your arms, turning away from him angrily. God, you couldn’t even look at him right now. You two could never just sit and joke without him getting defensive.
What the hell was wrong with him?
As you both cooled off, you sat in silence for several minutes. Eventually, as you always did, you got over the argument and we’re ready to move on. This wasn’t the first time, and wouldn’t be the last, that you guys got into a fight like this. No use lingering over things, you guessed.
“It’s almost midnight,” you said, making him avert his attention over to you.
“so what?” He grumbled.
You shrugged. “I don’t know. So some fireworks should be going off soon.”
“that supp’se to excite me?”
“Just… saying, I guess.” You breathed. Man, you were bummed. You thought that maybe, just maybe, tonight wouldn’t suck.
For the next while, Sans was awfully quiet; enough to grab your attention.
“What are you thinking about?” You looked over as he flinched and you could see through the darkness that he was blushing.
“uh, what? nothin’.”
“C’mon,” you looked out over the park. “I can never tell what’s going on inside your head.”
“there’s a good reason for that.”
You sighed, hugging your knees. As you were about to speak, you saw people around the park starting to lay down and look up.
“Must be midnight in a few seconds.”
You leaned back on your hands, looking up at the stars. Well, he could ruin your fun, but he wouldn’t stop you from seeing these fireworks. You’ve been waiting for them for months.
You glanced down at the people as there was a collective roar across the park, all chanting the same thing.
“hey,” Sans said suddenly, but you kept your eyes forward as to not miss anything.
“…’m i a bad person?”
You quickly turned your head to the side, giving him a surprised look. “What?”
He was looking at the people below and wearing a sad expression, making him look softer than you’d ever seen him. Your immediate thought was to say no, but…
“I, uh…” He looked up at you, his face wearing a pleading look.
“you hate me?”
You shakily sighed. “…No. No, of course I don’t.”
He chuckled, scooting a little closer to you. “but how much you actually like me?”
“Well, I-I mean…” before you could finish, he leaned in close, pressing his hand on your cheek as to steer your mouth right into his.
He kissed you intently, quickly wrapping a hand around your waist and pressing your body against his. You could feel the heat resonating from his body as you placed your hands on his chest to keep yourself from falling on top of him entirely.
Everything went silent: the fireworks, the people screaming, Sans’ breathing; it all disappeared and you couldn’t move.
You didn’t resist, still from the shock of the situation, until he started to run his hands up your back through your shirt. As soon as you felt his hands get high enough to reach your bra strap, you pushed off of him and blindly swung your hand. The back of it smacked hard against his face; hard enough to make him fall onto his back and grip where it made contact.
You scrambled up, shaking. “I-I KNOW YOU’RE DRUNK, BUT JESUS!”
Instead of replying, he just stared up at you with wide eyes, which were now a soft white opposed to his usual deep red.
“HOW-HOW LONG HAVE YOU–” You took a step back. “I-I didn’t know you thought about me like that!” You could feel yourself start to get almost angry at him.
“i don’t!” He said quickly, scrambling to stand up as well. “no fucken way, no! It’s jus’, uh, jus’ tradition, right? i dunno!” He flung his hands around in the air as he spoke. “i’m drunk and wasn’t thinkin’ and it’s was in the moment; nothin’ fuckin’ more!
“then–” You pointed to where you were previously sitting. “then what the fuck was that and all about? with–with the ‘bad person’ and the ‘you hate me’ thing you were really freaking me out and then you kISSED ME after being all soft like that don’t even try to tell me that wasn’t at least a little premeditated!”
“i am gonna tell you, cus it was!” He shook his head. “i mean, it wasn’t! i meant it wasn’t!”
“God, if I knew you were thinking that and we’re gonna be all pervy, I would’ve gladly left you up here alone!”
“i wasn’t being pervy!’ He shouted. “fuck, i’m sorry i did anything! shoulda just let you be alone like you prolly are on every other holiday!”
“Fuck you!” You screeched, starting to walk away. “Good luck getting home without me!”
“thanks!” He yelled after you sarcastically. “it’ll be easy! and when i get there, i’ll make sure to wash out my mouth with fuckin’ soap because of how disgusting that fuckin’ was!”
“GOOD!” You stopped just long enough to scream back at him as you were going down the hill. “I HOPE THAT WAS A TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE FOR YOU!”
“fuck you!”
“Fuck you!” You screamed before bolting down the hill.
You can’t believe he kissed you. Was he getting close with you all of this time just to make a move on you?
You felt something bad settle in your gut.
You really hoped he was lying and that he didn’t enjoy that as much as you did.

thebonnielassofyvie  asked:

Congrats on the 1k! Can I have option 1 please? Prompt: Bellarke doing pranks, someone does the Pavlov experiment on Roan

thank you so much, Eponine! =D

your bellarke fic:

You know those baristas who always, without fail, drop whatever it is they’re doing just to make good-intentioned but also largely aimless small talk with their regulars?

Yeah, Bellamy’s not one of those baristas.

As far as he knows, neither is Clarke.

Which is why it’s so fucking surprising when she starts chatting with Roan, all the time.

The thing is, Clarke could have picked literally anyone else. They have plenty of regulars coming in every day who seem far more approachable than Roan — or, at the very least, far less likely to turn your brain to mush with a single, well-placed glare.

But, no, Roan is the one that Clarke smiles extra bright for, the one that gets asked by Clarke about his day, the one that gets an extra biscotti slipped in with his coffee, on the house.

She even starts bringing mints to work. Just so she can whip them out of her pocket and offer him one, every single morning.

Bellamy just doesn’t get it.

And, well, yeah, there’s also the tiny problem of his crush on Clarke.

So, whatever, it kind of sucks to have to stand there and pretend not to watch her borderline flirt with this hot, taciturn man who comes in every day in a different shiny, sleek suit. (Even on Saturdays. Jesus, what does this guy do?)

“Do you think she’s doing it because she knows exactly how miserable it’s making me, or because she doesn’t know?” he wonders one weekend over beers with Miller.

“I think you’re making entirely too big a deal out of the fact that your co-worker talks to customers,” is all Miller has to say on the subject, both eyes firmly fixed on the sports bar’s widescreen TV.


Until  Dawn sentence starters
  • “ Well it’s definitely creepy down here. “ 
  • “ I feel like someone’s watching us.”
  • “Did you see it?”
  • “You were looking at your phone, you dip! What are you tweeting!? Hashtag there’s a freaking ghost after us?!”
  • “Should have paid more attention in climbing class”
  • “You mean gym?”
  • “Can’t we all just get along?”
    “No… you’re not real! No… you’re not…" 
  • "Oooh! Sleepover! C-can we order pizza?”
  • “Hook, line, and sinker for every little stinker!" 
  • "Get BACK! Stay the hell away from me!”
  • “We’re freezing our buns off out here." 
  • "Whoa, easy there cowboy.”
  • “No need for violence, “
  • “"Come on guys, we’re all friends here, right? “
  • “I am such an idiot, I was so dumb.”
  • “Nice shootin’ tex. “
  • “You guys are jerks, you know that?”
  • “Famous last words.”
  • “This is all getting really out of hand, okay?”
  • “He saved my life. And I watched him die.”
  • "Why did ya hit her man?! Why’d you have to fucking hit her?!" 
  • "If these things… Wendigos… are, or, were human… do they still have some aspect of humanity in them?”
  • “I didn’t really figure you for the glass half empty type." 
  • "That bitch is on crack or something.”
  • “Why do you hate my jacket?" 
  • “No, no, no, no. LIVE AND LEARN!”
  • “ Jesus hot sauce christmas cake”
  • “Go suck an egg! “
  • “Well actually the towel didn’t turn out to be the best outfit for fighting killer maniacs”
  • “I’m going to murder their fucking face off.”
  • “I MADE you believe in the world I created and I showed you parts of yourself you were to afraid to visit-”
  • “fuck nuggets”
  • “ I had it under control. Hundred percent. Hundred and ten. “
  • “They don’t like fire.” 
  • “/I/ don’t like fire!”
  • “Let’s party like we’re fucking porn stars! “
  • “The past is beyond our control.”

Too Hot To Handle

So I kinda wrote a different kind of fanfiction. It’s nothing as in depth as my other fics so I am going to post it here. ENJOY!!

                    ***Actor, Real Person Fanfiction, Walking Dead RPF***

Featuring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan X Original Female Character, Norman Reedus and others..

Rating: Mature


Aria St. James opened her restaurant four years ago to mixed reviews and crippling debt. The first year she literally lived at her job, a sleeping bag under her desk unrolled ever night to sleep for a few hours. By year two, the crowds were thicker, the reviews better and Aria actually bought a condo to live in when not working. Eventually, she was able to delegate and have actual days off. 

Coming back from a full week off, Aria was swamped with paperwork. She’d kept tabs on the place while away, watched the numbers and all the vital orders and shipments but going through it all in person was time consuming. 

“Hey boss.” Her head sous-chef spoke from the doorway. “Have a good vacation?”

“Good Javie. It was good, now I’m drowning in fucking paperwork.”

“Yeah well that’s why you get the big bucks.”

“Yeah and the big ulcers.”

They both chuckled and went over the supply orders coming in, as well as any staff issues that came up while she was gone. It was close to opening time when Aria finally made her way into the kitchen. She did inventory and checked on all the equipment finding everything in working order. 

“I’m glad you guys didn’t burn the place down while I was gone.” She remarked at the staff meeting prior to opening the doors. A few laughed and she asked, “So anything exciting happen while I was gone?”

“Oh my god! You missed it!” Cheryl gasped, her blue eyes wide and mouth gaping. 

“What?” Aria asked, cocking a sculpted eyebrow. 

“We had a few tv stars in here.”

“Oh yeah, who?”

“A few actors from The Walking Dead!” The waitress said with a huge smile. “They were so flippin’ hot!”

Snorting Aria crossed her arms and commented, “I haven’t seen it.”

“God you’re so boring.” Javier muttered, elbowing her. “Do you know Boondocks Saints?”

“Yeah, I saw it once I think.”

“The guy who plays Murphy, Norman Reedus was here. Jeffrey Dean Morgan and another guy… uh what’s his name?”

“Andrew Lincoln.”

“Yeah him.” Javier exclaimed, “You totally missed it.”

“Sounds great.” She deadpanned, “Anything important happen?”

“They posted pictures of their food. We’ve been swamped ever since.”

Smirking she replied, “Well that’s excellent. I like free publicity." 

Dinner service went quickly and Aria got back into the swing of things seamlessly. She finished the last round of main courses and began preparations for dessert when the hostess came bursting into the kitchen.

"Oh my god. They’re back. Well two of them." 

"Who?” Aria asked while plating a decadent chocolate dessert. 

“Norman Reedus and Jeffrey Dean Morgan!” She shrieked before clapping her hands over her mouth with wide eyes. “Oh my god they’re so hot, like so hot and they’re asking to meet the chef!”

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Let’s Go Camping - Cashton


I should probably start putting warnings on these so…

WARNING: Smut, smut, and more smut

“Luke and Michael literally suck,” y/n groaned as Calum laughed in the driver’s seat.

“They weren’t ready yet,” Ashton said back laughing. “We kinda told them this morning we were going camping.”

“Well they need to be fucking prepared!” she yelled back. “I’m seriously so fucking mad.”

“They’ll join us tomorrow. Come on, the three of us can still have fun!” Ashton whined just as Calum pulled into the camping ground, the three of them hopping out, pulling out the tents, sleeping bags and pillows deciding the beers and food could wait until later. “I’m really glad you came up with this idea, y/n. We haven’t gone camping all together in…”

“Three years, Irwin. Three long, hard, lonely years,” she said back helping the boys to set up shop. They only had three tents mentally deciding each group of boys would share a tent while y/n had one to herself. By time they were finished setting up, it was close to dinner time, having taken them almost five hours to get to the secluded camping ground to not be disturbed by anyone. “I need some beers, boys.”

“Yes, princess,” Calum teased pulling out three folding chairs while Ashton tossed her an Allagash before popping open his own, sitting down in front of the blazing fire in front of them while Calum ended up dragging the cooler full of beers over before grabbing one for himself. “Do you think one cooler full of booze will be enough or should I text Luke and tell him to grab some more?”

“Is that even a question hood? Because the three of us can hold at least six each, and that’s eighteen beers which means it’ll be half gone before tonight’s over,” y/n stated, Ashton laughing slightly.

“Babe, you can’t handle six beers.”

“Are you calling me a lightweight, Irwin?” she questioned.

“I have to agree with him, princess. You’re about ready to pass out at four shots of tequila,” Calum chimed in. She pouted slightly before chugging the rest of the beer before motioning to Calum for another.

“Since when have I ever been able to handle hard liquor? The both of you should know tequila shots and I don’t mix well.” the boys downed the rest of their beers, opening another can each. The conversation went back and forth for awhile until their third beer when the topic changed to the celebrities version of hot or not.

“Mila Kunis?” Calum questioned as y/n raised her beer as if she was calling dibs.

“Hot as fucking hell. I’d do her in a mother fucking heart beat. Umm…Ryan Reynolds? God he’s so hot as well.” She propped open her fourth beer, about ready to just shotgun it for the fifth, which she did, both Ashton and Calum watching in awe as she tossed it into the fire ready to bring on beer number five

“Jesus, y/n…slow down, will you?” Ashton laughed causing her to roll her eyes, the effects of the alcohol hitting her at once.

“No, I will not slow down. You two just need to speed up. Now, Irwin, Ryan Reynolds, hot or not.”

“Not. The only man I think is hot is Will Smith,” Ashton said laughing as Calum downed his beer.

“Hey Calum, y/n, hot or not?” he questioned wanting to know his friend’s response.

“So hot,” Calum stated sipping at his beer, a stupid smirk on his face. “What about you, Irwin?” she was looking between the boys, a knowing look on her face even though her brain couldn’t process anything that was going on at the moment.

“Hot as hell,” Ashton mumbled back tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “What about you, babe? Is Calum hot or not?”

“Hot,” she said simply as if it was nothing important.

“And Ashton? Is Ashton hot or not, princess?”

“Hot,” she said once again, finally letting it click in her head what they were doing. “I have a very serious question, boys.”

“Go ahead, babe,” Ashton responded sipping his beer as she stood up wobbly as she pulled her shirt off as both boys watched carefully, their bottom lip between their teeth as she unbuttoned her shorts, pulling them down letting them fall to her ankles.

“Can this be our little secret? Just between the three of us?” she asked sweetly moving towards Ashton, sitting on his lap and running her fingers through his hair.

“And what exactly is our little secret?” Calum asked standing up moving behind her, pulling her hair lightly for her to look at him.

“Me taking the both of you in that tent over there,” she whispered pointing over to the boys’ shared tent. “I’ve always wanted to fuck Cashton.” Calum started kissing at the side of her neck.

“Then why haven’t you said anything, babe?” Ashton asked running his fingers up and down her bare thighs.

“Because I didn’t know what you would think, but now I’m too drunk to care,” she muttered as Calum left hickeys along her skin. Ashton watched her face contort with pleasure as Calum’s hand moved to grip at her clothed chest. Ashton brought a hand up, using his thumb to tap at her bottom lip instructing her to open it, taking his thumb in her mouth.

“Such a pretty princess,” Calum muttered against her skin before pulling the straps of her bra down, unclasping the back letting the fabric fall onto Ashton’s lap. “Do you know what would be sexy as hell? If you rode Ashton’s thigh. I think Ash would love to see you get off on his thigh, princess.” She bit her lip adjusting herself so she was only straddling one of his thighs, Ashton bringing both hands to her hips as she started to roll them against his clothes thigh. She gripped onto his shoulders as her hips moved faster, moans now escaping her lips.

“Fuck…just like that, baby girl. You like riding my thigh?” Ashton asked, watching her, grabbing her ass in the process. “Like the view, Cal?” He asked noting he was palming himself through his jeans watching her get off on his best friends thigh. Y/n turned her head slightly catching a glimpse of Calum.

“Fuck, yeah,” he responded watching as her head fell into Ashton’s neck as her body shook with her orgasm. “That’s probably the hottest thing I’ve seen.”

“What do you want next, love?” Ashton cooed in her ear as he ran his fingers through her hair. She pulled back from his neck looking backwards towards Cal who was still watching her, his jeans now by his ankles as he palmed himself through his boxers.

“I wanna suck Cal,” she muttered turning her body completely, still perched on Ashton’s lap, his hands running up and down her sides. He made his way towards her, dropping his boxers as she leaned forward a bit so her face was level with his crotch. She ran her thumb over his tip, his hips bucking immediately causing her to giggle. “I’ve barely touched you.”

“Listen, princess, I’ve wanted this for a long time,” Calum breathed as she ran her hand up and down his shaft. “It’s not going to suck itself.”

“You’re an impatient little bastard, aren’t you,” she teased earning a smack on the ass from Ashton.

“Play nice, baby girl. I really don’t think you want me to punish you,” Ashton rasped pushing her head forward to Calum’s crotch. She opened her mouth letting him enter her, one hand at the base of his cock, the other on his hip. She wasted no time bobbing her head taking as much of him as she could, her hand rubbing against the area’s her mouth couldn’t reach. Each time she got to the tip, she sucked harshly causing him to groan loudly, his hand tangled in her hair as Ash continued to rub at her sides. “You look so good you your mouth around Cal’s cock, babe.”

“Doesn’t she? She’s doing such a great job, Ash…but don’t you think she can take more?” Calum asked in a strained voice. She got the hint grabbing at both of Cal’s hips pulling him closer to her so her nose was pressed against his pelvic bone. “Fucking hell, you’re so good at this, princess.” Calum pulled her head off of him, a line of saliva was made from her mouth to his cock before falling onto the ground. “Stand up, princess, and help Ash over there get his clothes off.” She quickly got off the drummer turning to face him grabbing at the hem of his shirt, tugging it over his head before pulling down his jeans and boxers all too quickly. She could feel Calum tugging at her panties from behind before pulling them down her legs onto the ground. “Do you want to take her first, Ash? Or should I?” Calum turned her head slightly towards him, pressing his lips to hers for the first time that night while waiting for Ashton’s response.

“You can take her. I want her to ride me,” he said with a smirk on his face. Calum pushed her towards Ashton, forcing her head down to his crotch.

“Face down, ass up, princess,” he said smacking her ass causing a loud moan to escape her as she started to rub the red tip of Ashton’s cock. He pumped his length with the latex over it a few times before entering her slowly, a whimper escaping her lips when he was fully inside of her, instantly rubbing against her g-spot. He pulled out quickly, leaving his tip inside of her before slamming back into her, repeating the action over and over as moans escaped her lips. “Suck Ashton’s cock.” She did as she was told, Ashton tangling his hands in her hair helping to guide her head while Calum pounded into her relentlessly.

“M’gonna cum,” she muttered as best she could feeling Calum’s hand reach around to her clit, his thumb from his other hand poking at her other hole causing another moan to escape her, Calum sticking it inside of her sending her over the edge, clenching around him as he released into the condom before pulling out.

“Someone’s into anal,” he breathed chuckling catching Ashton’s eyes, a devilish smirk on his face. “We’ll save that for a more private venue, though.”

“Come on baby, come ride my cock,” Ashton coaxed patting his lap. She swung her legs over him, her knees resting on either side of him as she lined him up with her hole, easing her way onto him as they both let out graphic moans, y/n leaning in to press her lips to Ashton’s as she circled her hips against his, his arms circling around her to pull her closer to him. She started slowly bounce up and down on top of him, Ashton letting his hand fall down to her clit rubbing small circles knowing she would cum quickly, this being her third orgasm of the night.

“It’s too much,” she whimpered resting her face in his neck, her body twitching from the contact, Ashton continuing his movements loving the feeling of her clenched wound him.

“One more, baby girl,” he moaned, y/n nodding her head in response, not moving it from his neck as he hit her g-spot over and over edging her release on. “Cum for me, baby. I know you have to.” She did as she was told, her entire body shaking as she screamed, Ashton releasing from the sight of her squirting on him, her body still shaking from the power of her orgasm as he pulled out of her. “Jesus fucking christ…”

“She squirted,” Calum muttered, eyebrows raised as the girl attempted to catch her breath. “You know, we should really do this again soon.”

“Remember, this is between the three of us, alright?” she asked looking up from Ashton’s neck, earning a nod from both boys before placing her head back into his neck, exhaustion overwhelming her.

anonymous asked:

Ohhh my hecking Jesus Christ,,, I just thought of My Main Man Tsuki™ during sex. hoooooooo boi,, Can you do some head cannons for nsfw Tsuki ????? It would be,, The Best™

AHAHAHAH I RELATE ME AT BOKUTO 25/8 anyways, im sorry this took so long gah i hope you like this!! :))

-what a fucken tease

-i bet he loves teasing

-probs has kinks like orgasm denial

-you think he’s a smooth talker?? imagine him in bed

-i think he is really into body worship

-hot damn

-however gets really flustered when you try to take charge

-suck on his neck and he is a helpless

-tries to keeps his moans on the down-low but you always encourage him let loose

-despite him being quiet he loves to hear your lewd whimpers and moans

-gets a teensy bit cocky when you scream his name or beg

-when he gets horny in public, just imagine him whispering dirty things into your ear AGHSFDASHDFKHAG

-if he wants to make love to you hooo boy ya’ll ain’t stopping anytime soon

-i’d think sex with him is so rough despite his lean body

-sex with him is amazing i can’t 

//CLEANSE AND PURIFY PURIFY AND CLEANSE touken ranbu ishikirimaru ref im sorry im so lame @gixxa but ho my gosh that was intense phewwww. welp i hope you like this!! and i am so sorry everyone for being so inactive!! i will try my best to post more gah!! 

Shame/Less 5/7


A/N: I highly suggest reading the author’s notes at the end. They will put some of this in context.

You’d apologized to Tony so much for the destruction of his Italian furniture in your room that he had grown beyond sick of hearing it, and just to shut you up about paying him back, had taken the jar of quarters on your nightstand. You had a funny feeling that the jar was just sitting on a shelf in his lab, unused, and that he would return it to you once you got over feeling so horrible.

           Bucky had checked in with Steve every night for a week, and on the day he finally came back to the Tower, you were nowhere to be found, not even present for the celebratory dinner that came as a reward for finishing a mission and destroying one more HYDRA base.


           You stiffened.

           “Can I come in?”


           He peeked around the door. “Are you okay?”


           “You’re not in heat, are you?”

           “No, I’m not,” you retorted, all your frustration suddenly bubbling up at his question. “But that’s exactly what you would think, isn’t it, you disgusting piece of shit?”

           He staggered.

           “I am so fucking sick of being defined by a label that I didn’t ask for!” you shouted. “And you—you stupid, fucking asshole—you wormed your way right in, didn’t you? Hoping that one day I’d just get over everything and want to fuck you when I got in heat, that we’d bond and you could just take over my life and get me pregnant with a bunch of your little babies and make me take care of your house and spread my goddamn legs whenever you wanted me to? That’s what you fucking wanted, isn’t it? You fucking Alphas, you’re all the same, you’re soulless, predatory monsters, and all you want is a little slave to take care of everything! Well, I’m not gonna fucking have it, Alpha, I grew up in a family of those who tried to make me just that, they made sure I knew how worthless I was, how I failed them when I was born an Omega, and I swore to myself I’d never let a man make a slave out of me! And then you come along, and you make me like you, and then you go off and fuck another Omega and I realize you’ve basically manipulated me into being jealous—you’ve turned me into exactly what I never wanted to be, a mindless, obedient, sex-driven, worthless Omega! I hope you’re fucking happy with yourself!” You took a breath. “So go ahead, why don’t you fucking stick it between my legs? Come on, you fucker, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

           Bucky turned on his heel and left.

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