jesus christ what is this shit

im always shocked that ppl really genuinely love and care about hux from star wars because while i was watching the movie my literal ONLY thought about him was “god that guy is ugly” and then after the movie i saw all this shit about some dude named hux i didnt even know who the fuck he was i had to look him up on google dot com like what the fuck movie were y’all watching that this was a character that mattered even for a second cuz it sure wasnt star wars the force fucking awakens jesus christ 

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

the signs as shit my english teacher has said

aries: if you start you essay with “In the book The Great Gatsby…” im gonna throw you out that window 

taurus: elvish looks nothing like that

gemini: when we get back, you’re playing the trumpet or I’m failing you

cancer: oh I forget this class doesn’t get irony

leo: I’m definitely lawful good, c’mon, have you met me?

virgo: you guys know what raisins are right?

libra: *uses the word ‘artifice’ 13 times in 3 sentences* 

scorpio: “Jesus Christ” Just Jonathan will do, thanks

sagittarius: I wonder if [Ryan Ross]’s an asshole

capricorn: I respect any song that has heavy breathing as a bass line

aquarius: I fucking hate sublime, like we get it. you smoked weed once and it was cool

pisces: Hamlet’s long, but he’s worth it

signs as things said at my (public) school

second edition!! bc the first was pretty popular

aries: “damn, i strive to be that extra”

taurus: “i’m christ reborn

gemini: “get blocked and reported and deported and aborted”

cancer: “take it from this straight white cis male…you can’t do this”

leo: “being awake is suffering”

virgo: “what’s the point in fire drills? isn’t the point of living…dying?”

libra: “fuck you and pouring milk before the cereal”

scorpio: “i just snorted on my cocaine”

sagittarius: “yeah, i voted for memes as the yearbook theme”

capricorn: “they’re so cute together but the ship name is shit so it’s not going to work out i guess”

aquarius: “jesus loves everybody except you

pisces: “one day, my rebel lifestyle is going to get me kicked out of college”

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ fuck dUde mother fuckinG facebook movie bullshit jesus can you fucking bElieve this shIt goddamn creator of facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winklevoss twins goddamn rowin the boat fuck yo shit I cant even fuckin believe this shit have you seen this shit Fuck I just watched this shit Fuck Jesse EisenberG man motherfucking spiderman spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build sHit with his barE hAnDs fucking best friend shit jeSse Eisenberg I’m very tired No man I’ll just talk aBout the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to bE sO interested in the shit I have to say about the facebook movie fUck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over spiderman crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented facebook I don’t like dying I can’t think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented faceboOk Who the fuck invented Facebook

MARK ZUCKERBERG

Harry Potter and His Complete Lack of Shower Etiquette.

Harry tossed his uniform over the back of the sofa as he flicked open the top few buttons of his shirt and entered the kitchen to get himself a long drink of water. He was hungry; Draco had already ordered Chinese. The take-out containers sat on the table, neatly arranged in the centre under a Stasis, with two plates, forks and the paper-wrapped chopsticks laid out ready. 

But it was a sudden craving for something cold and sweet that hit him and after pointlessly digging around in the freezer for a few seconds, he gave up and went looking for his boyfriend. He could hear the shower running now, as he walked further into the flat and the muffled humming that seemed strangely magnified as it echoed off the wet tiles. 

The bathroom door was ajar and Harry elbowed his way in. Draco was a long, blurred form in the tub behind the curtain, his hands in his hair as he lathered. He hummed the chorus of the song for a fifth time - he was pants at memorising the rest of the lyrics.

Snorting softly, Harry curled his fingers around a fistful of the damp curtain and pushed it aside with a careless, “Hey, are we out of–”

But his question was drowned out at Draco’s vague humming morphed into a severely high-pitched shriek as he turned around to face Harry, both hands flying down between his legs to cover his bits. Sweet smelling suds of shampoo ran down the sides of his face and his hair was sticking up in wet bunches. The shower was still running, pouring onto his shoulder and back, the steam rising around him like a cloud. His eyes were huge and round with shock and his mouth was open in a scream that went on and on. 

He was frankly completely adorable.

“Stop screaming.” Harry rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Draco, it’s just me. Are we out of ice cream? I saw a tub in there last week–”

“GET OUT!” Draco shrieked, lifting one hand to violently point a soapy finger towards the door, spattering Harry with streaks of apple scented water. “YOU ILL-MANNERED WRETCH! GET OUT!”

“Oh my god, I fucked you in here only this morning!” Harry reminded him incredulously. “I’ve seen you naked literally every single fucking day for over three yea–”

“HARRY, I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING EYE!” Draco bellowed, eyes bulging manically, hands curled into fists. “I HATE YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT!–”

“Fine!” Harry was already backing away. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath as he exited the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind himself so that the continued screams of have you no sense of propriety whatsoever and how is it that I’ve ended up with a shamelessly indecent, completely uncouth piece of shit like you faded away to muffled screaming coupled with the steady gush of the shower.

Harry laughed for a whole ten minutes.

(Insp.)

Fav lines from BTS fanfiction (pt.1)

“He’s delicate! He won’t survive in there!”
“He’s not delicate, his biceps are bigger than your goddamn thigh.”
“HE DRINKS BEER WITH HIS PINKIES OUT, HE’S DELICATE.”


Yeah, that’s right, we’re not even dating and I still paid, whuddup. Gentleman level wildebeest right here.


and for christ’s sake Yoongi touch his ass at least once you vanilla piece of shit. remember the you-know-whats are in those kitty socks i keep in the back of our closet❤ have fun being a Gaylord no matter what jesus loves you!!1!1!


“12/10 would quantum smash into the fourth dimension,”


“you know what i think? you should date someone that ruins your underwear and not your makeup”


“I don’t believe in vanilla cheesecake unseasoned hardboiled eggs shit if it’s just a quick fuck,”


“Just you wait Min Yoongi. You will rue the day you insulted my weenis.”


“Don’t you dare put your meat juice in my cereal,”


“He looks like he belongs in heaven, right next to the giant bowls of lollipops and the Cat Fancy magazines.”


i’ll send u my address in like 2 sec i have to go look @ the mailbox bc i forgot it


Jeongguk hiccups out a sob. “Oh my God,” he sniffles, letting the tears run down his face in hot, wet streams. “Your dick is so cute.”


[MIN.Y has removed KIM.N from the group]
KIM.S: Yoongi-yah I’ve told you so many times you can’t just remove people like that it’s rude!
[MIN.Y has removed KIM.S from the group]


“I would sell you to satan for one cornchip,”


“YOU ARE AN IMPURE CHILD, REPENT AND PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH,”


“I am going to get out of this chair specifically to kill you, you little shit,”


“I’ve been in a relationship with my hand for the past 23 years,”


“Silence, peasant number 5,”


“I am a good bean, so please take care of me”


“Jeon Jungkook is, in fact, a living meme.”

i’m sure people have talked about it before but the potential for hilarity with a fake ah crew gavin who doesn’t know how to drive is so great to me

like maybe they’re in the middle of a heist and gavin and michael are paired off to cause mayhem somewhere, and they need to make a quick getaway but michael managed to smash up his glasses somehow (fuckin’ knew i should’ve worn contacts goddammit) so he tosses gavin the keys like “i can’t see shit, you gotta drive”

and gavin looks at michael, wide-eyed, and says, “well, i don’t know how.”

there’s a good few seconds of silence, and then michael deafens absolutely everyone in their right ears over the comms. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T DRIVE YOU’RE FUCKING TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW MIGHT AS WELL SHOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING CAR UP MY ASS FOR ALL THE GOOD IT DOES US JESUS CHRIST

they manage to make it back, michael driving and gavin yelping in terror every seven seconds, that’s a tree, that’s a tREE, michael, michael(YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW YOU DON’T GET TO COMPLAIN SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP)

and then michael collects the crew and points at gavin like “somebody better fuckin’ do something about this.”

jack sighs and hauls gavin out the door by his arm. they return less than an hour later. gavin looks sheepish. jack looks haunted. 

“what happened?”

“we went to an empty parking lot so he could practice. like three acres of empty space.”

“and?”

“he managed to find and crash into every single fucking light pole. every single one. my car looks like it rolled down fucking mount chiliad.”

ryan shrugs and stands up and drags gavin back out to that same parking lot in his own car, gavin protesting the entire time. he gets gavin behind the wheel and then pulls a handgun out of his jacket and points it at gavin’s right knee.

“hit anything with my car and i shoot you. and then i’ll shoot you again for getting blood on the upholstery,” he says, talking over gavin’s yell of alarm. (gavin would argue with that logic but, well, ryan’s armed and he isn’t.)

it totally works. nobody can figure out why gavin always looks so stiff while he’s driving, though. keeps his hands at ten and two come hell or high water. ryan is quietly smug.

Tantalizing: 07

Originally posted by jikookfantasy

Tantalizing: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08
Ship: Jungkook | Reader
Description: Back in high school, you were nothing more than a nerd Jungkook wanted to deflower, to get a good fuck from. When he sees you at the club, though, things have changed drastically, and his dominance starts to teeter on the edge.
Warning: Dom!Jungkook, Intercourse, Oral, Blowjob, Hair Pulling, Tons of Fucking Angst, Masturbating, Exhibitionism, Overstimulation, Slight Degrading Names?
Word Count: 6,631

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Here we go again..................

That MTV interview with the photographer was a well written piece of propaganda for “Bare with me”, basically saying that love is love, and it is beautiful in all forms. The stuff about Lauren and Lucy was all propaganda to prop up the narrative.

The photographer and the wardrobe lady were only saying what they were advised to say. LIES! (though the wardrobe lady decided to fuck the narrative a bit with the “sisterly and maternal connection”) Management did the same thing with DWTS. Val was advised to lie about when and where he had his first meet up with Normani for DWTS. They had been rehearsing for days before that Houston Rodeo, yet they wanted to push the narrative to the general public that the girls were in on the surprise, and helped introduce Mani to her dance partner. Why? To show how much they support her decision to do her own thing.

My point is, they (management) have no problem getting outside forces, other than the girls, to help sell their narrative. The ladies who did that photo-shoot with Lauren and Lucy are no different. Why have the photographer say what she said? They needed someone, other than Lauren or Lucy, to confirm that Laucy was real, to prove that Camren wasn’t. That one interview killed three birds with one stone. It confirmed Laucy, destroyed Camren, then destroyed Laucy, all at the same damn time. Brilliant actually.

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WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS IS MY PRECIOUS LOVE ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD SERIOUSLY TAKING CONTROL AND GRABBING HIS BOYFRIEND’S SHIRT WHILST UNBUTTONING IT AND WALKING HIM BACKWARDS TO GOD KNOWS WHERE TO DO GOD KNOWS WHAT JESUS CHRIST ON A BIKE

Clumsy Party

A human ranger, elf rogue, succubus alchemist, an Android wizard and sherrif npc are in an alien ship trying to destroy it when it takes off suddenly and roughly. I’m the dm.
Me: “Okay. So the ship wobbles and began launching into the air. I want you all to make a dexterity roll to see if you keep your balance.”
Rogue: *rolls a 5* “Welp.”
Me: “you fall right on your ass.”
Ranger: *rolls a crit fail* “Uhhhh.. what does this mean?”
Me: “Well uh.. you smack your head on one of the engine rooms panels and fall unconscious. You take two damage.”
Android: *also rolls a crit fail*
Me: “Jesus Christ. You hit the glass wall holding the engines power source and the electric current shocks and paralyzes you.”
Succubus: *again, rolls a crit fail*
Me: “oh my god. You’re unconscious too. You smack your head against the wall and slump on the floor. This is insane.”
Npc Sheriff: *rolls an 18* “What the fuck is wrong with these people?”

This was a random improv bullshit campaign I did with just dice and a notebook.

Zelda in BotW is an amazing character. If I had to make a list of the 10 best characters in the LoZ games, I have a hard time imagining she wouldn’t be on it. And nearly everything I’ve seen from other people who have played the game has been bursting with positivity and appreciation for this Zelda. 

However, I’m unfortunately not surprised to have eventually run across someone calling her “a miserable cunt” and a “shitty little shit bag” who is “demoralizing [Link] into oblivion” with over 100 people liking/reblogging their post. 

There are a couple of things to say in response to this. For starts, Jesus christ calm down. It’s wild to me how ready people are to hate characters for almost anything (and it overwhelmingly happens with female characters–jeez I wonder why). And second, did we even play the same game? Because you know what the WORST we ever saw Zelda acting towards Link was? 

That’s… that’s it. She told him she didn’t need an escort and shouted at him to stop following her. And this wasn’t just the worst that Zelda ever acted towards Link. It was also the ONLY time we saw her shouting at him or being mean to him. Was it rude/crummy/something Link didn’t deserve? Totally. Was it her being ~a miserable shitty little shit bag cunt that fucking destroyed Link’s sense of self worth~? Hell no. How the hell do you extrapolate THAT MUCH out of such a small scene? 

Just to help paint a larger, and more negative picture of Zelda, let’s talk about another memory. In the first memory, which was of Zelda preforming the ceremony to appoint Link as her knight, Zelda was acting very clearly depressed during the whole thing. That would have conveyed to Link how unhappy Zelda was with him being her knight, which would have surely made Link feel shitty. So there, that’s something else people who hate this Zelda can point to. But you know what? If you want to analyze things like this, Link also made Zelda feel shitty. Oh, sure, we all know that Link made Zelda feel shitty because of her own insecurities about being a failure of a royal princess while Link had successfully become the master of the Master Sword. But Link’s own behavior also made Zelda feel shitty. We saw in the third memory that Zelda would try to talk normally with Link. Talking casually and cheerfully about making adjustments to one of the Divine Beasts because that’s what she was passionate about! But Link… would never say anything back in response. He was silent. He was her appointed knight, but he wouldn’t even talk to her when she tried to talk to him. In fact, at that point Link had NEVER spoken to Zelda, as she expressed in her diary 

Imagine if their situations were reversed, and we saw Link talking to Zelda and Zelda refusing to respond to him and just staring at him with a blank expression–and then Link wrote in his diary about how stressful that was for him and how it made him feel like she thought he was a failure and hated him. The people who hate BotW Zelda would be jumping on that as an example of what a bitch Zelda was to Link. Even though when Link did it to Zelda, there’s no problem whatsoever apparently. Link was just a smol little precious angel that was cowering beneath Zelda’s “toxic belittling and dominance,” as one person described it. 

(And real quick… you know who was ACTUALLY “belittling” and “demoralizing” Link? Fucking Revali. You know, the guy who would walk right up to Link and go on a giant, passive aggressive and mockery-filled rant at Link about how he’s better than Link and Link doesn’t deserve the expectations that others have of him. I still think Revali is a solid character because it’s good to have a diverse cast with varied personalities and different relationship dynamics with each other. But for crying out loud, how is anyone going to hate on Zelda for how she acted towards Link early on when Revali was there being a straight up dick with 0 tragic character motivation behind him to make us sympathetic to why he acted like such a wad?) 

Of course I don’t believe that Link deserves any hate for being silent around Zelda for so long. Just like how I don’t believe that Zelda deserves any hate for the way she acted towards and felt about Link in the early memories. They were two youths who had the weight of the world placed upon their shoulders. Link’s ability to express himself was crushed by the weight of the expectations and judging eyes of everyone around him. Zelda lost her mother, was denied expressions of love from her father, was terrified that she was a failure who would doom the world to destruction because of her inability to access her powers, and was was stuck with a successful, brilliant knight who she assumed hated her and had no way of being told otherwise because HE WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER. 

But despite all that the two became close. Link saved Zelda’s life. Zelda reevaluated how she thought of him and even apologized for her past behavior 

Zelda made an effort and kept talking to him, trying to get him to open up to her. And eventually he did, and she was able to learn the reason why he wouldn’t talk to her, or anyone, in the past. They traveled together. She examined his wounds after battle. They went out to collect specimens in the fields together. Zelda tried to get Link to lick a frog in the name of science. Link taught Zelda how to bond with her horse. They saw their home fall to Calamity Ganon and learned of the deaths of their family and friends. Their world collapsed. They fled. They defended each others’ lives, each saving the other. Zelda spent 100 years suffering alone to contain the abomination that destroyed their land while Link recovered from the injuries he gained protecting her. They fought together again. They freed Hyrule from 100 years of darkness and set out once again to rebuild their kingdom together. 

But yeah. Zelda was such a cunt, right? 

I mean, you can’t please everyone. That’s just to be expected. People are different. People have different attitudes and values, and like and enjoy different things, so there’s no piece of media that everyone will have the same thoughts and feelings on. It’s like how on the Nintendo eShop, BotW for the Wii U has 4719 five star reviews… and 21 one star reviews. You can’t please everyone. But again, jesus christ some people are just ready to violently hate Zelda for having extremely well developed character flaws and a rocky start to her relationship with Link that was the result of both of their individual issues clashing and preventing them from connecting and understanding each other even though they both felt nearly the exact same way. And even if you want to insist that everything bad about their early relationship was 100% Zelda’s fault alone, I wonder how Zelda could possibly make up for it… maybe putting in the effort to develop a very positive relationship with Link, saving his life just as he had saved hers, and spending 100 years in Ganon Jail would be enough to make up for it? 

…nah. You’ve got to imprison yourself for at least TWO HUNDRED years to make up for telling someone to stop following you one time. Totally. 

Hot Like Burning

Sterek, 2.5K words, Teen

AU, Firefighter Derek

In which Derek is the grumpy neighborhood firefighter, and Stiles is a bit of a lovestruck idiot.


Stiles winces as he turns the corner, unbearably nervous like he always is whenever he drives Lydia’s car, and pulls into the fire station. He offered this morning to help her with any errands she needed, and she asked him to take her car to the fire station and have them install the car seat. Stiles had no idea this was even a thing—seriously, how hard is it to put in a car seat?—but unsurprisingly, Lydia is as fastidious about her unborn child’s safety as she is about everything else.

He parks just outside the front door, careful not to block the big bays with the two fire trucks, and wanders inside. “Hello?” he calls out. There’s a noise coming from the other side of the fire truck, so Stiles keeps walking in that direction, then nearly trips over his own two feet.

There’s a guy, crouched down as he washes the wheel well of the fire truck, and Stiles is 101 percent sure that he’s the most attractive person he’s ever seen. He’s frowning, as if he’s pissed at the task in front of him, but it only serves to show off the sharp cut of his jaw under a very nicely-shaped short beard. He’s wearing a tight short-sleeved SFFD t-shirt, which is wet in patches and very clearly showing off the muscled physique underneath.

“Holy shit.”

The guy’s head jerks up at that, his eyes wide, and his gaze locks with Stiles’ for a long second before slowly drifting down the rest of his body. Stiles damn near forgets how to breathe because yep, this impossibly hot dude is most definitely checking him out.

Stiles has never believed in love at first sight, and he still doesn’t, but as of this moment he most certainly does believe in…familiarity at first sight? Cosmic connection? Just plain lust? He has no fucking clue.

But he yelps a little in surprise, then actually manages to trip over nothing, only catching himself by clutching the pillar next to him, which oh fuck, is actually the fire pole. He finally rights himself, grimacing with both arms spread for balance, and then slaps a hand over his eyes with a plaintive groan.

“Oh my god. Hi, hello, my name is Stiles. Uh, any chance we can start over and pretend that this excruciatingly embarrassing encounter didn’t happen?”

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club penguin bans sentence starters
  • "i'm a fucking piece of pizza,"
  • "holy shit toto, we sure as fuck ain't in kansas anymore,"
  • "i ain't fucking with these christmas lights anymore,"
  • "why is the only angry one black?"
  • "get in loser, we're going sledding,"
  • "jesus fucking christ, that cookie hot as shit,"
  • "ah yes, my meth lab is ready,"
  • "i need this life vest 'cos i'm drowning in the pussy,"
  • "i could kill you right now, no one would wear you scream,"
  • "i could go back and pretend to be you,"
  • "fashion police, you're definitely under arrest,"
  • "you're tearing this family apart, ___"
  • "what do you mean you're being murdered? that's illegal, people can't do that,"
  • "i'm wanted for stealing yo girl/boy,"
  • "wanna hear a joke? your future,"
  • "i would like to order all the money,"
  • "when i see stars i think of you. because you're only beautiful from a distance,"
  • "do it for the vine,"
  • "you dress like an idiot,"
  • "girl/boy, are you because i want to take you out,"
  • "hey you forgot something. your social life,"
  • "help me hide this body in here,"
  • "did you just propose, using emojis?"
  • "do drugs they said. it will be fun they said,"
  • "it's called capitalism,"
  • "thank you for helping me commit cannibalism,"
  • "shit, we on national television,"
  • "bitch, throw one more snowball at me,"
  • "can you leave my house please?"
  • "i'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch,"
  • "can i pay you in swag?"
  • "excuse me, do you know where i can find the booty?"
  • "what the flipper?"
  • "santa isn't real,"
  • "what do penguins do in a race? they peng-win,"
  • "a milkshake ain't a goddamn pizza,"
  • "locked up because my eyebrow game was too strong,"
  • "man, look at all this fuckin' dope,"
  • "fuck it, i ain't running,"
  • "hey, do you wanna join my gang?"
  • "i'll ask my mom,"
  • "smooth as butter,"