jesus christ these signs

“i was gonna say getting stoned in my basement, but–”

and so get stoned they did, the end.

first impression of the signs, from an Aquarius
  • Aries: usually p cool & magnetic- a lot of fun, chill & a lil distant in some way, polar opposite in all the best ways
  • Taurus: attractive & appealing at first but hella shallow & boring
  • Gemini: Jesus Christ super attractive & funny like??? One of the only signs I can be myself around love y'all
  • Cancer: actually usually pretty cool friends but also super extreme with everything. can be hella exhausting.
  • Leo: super funny & exciting- someone you wanna hang with
  • Virgo: always nitpicky & emotionally argumentative??? Sign most likely to need a chill pill
  • Libra: gr8 people & friends but o h m y g o d make a decision & stop pretending avoiding the truth isn't lying
  • Scorpio: why is everything the end of the world with you guys I seriously don't have the energy
  • Sagittarius: rly positive, honest & giving but y'all can be too loud n selfish emotionally, bordering on cruel
  • Capricorn: super interesting at first but after awhile become irritating & pessimistic, self centered
  • Aquarius: generally p chill & laid back, friendly but not overly sociable & gr8 people to talk to. Better friends than lovers.
  • Pisces: nice people to have in your circle, but also kinda too nice, can be hella creative when they actually have motivation and get off their asses. Super sensitive & they always cryin
Clean Me, Daddy | 30.03.17
  • Phil: "Why aren't you cleaning us?" said Candice. Oh...
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: Last time I did a live show, I accidentally ordered 300 cleaning wipes.
  • Dan: I know. I've seen them.
  • Phil: So, you can have the honour of cleaning them.
  • Dan: Excuse me?
  • Phil: The webcam. It's a bit grubby, so you know give them a clean. Give them a wipe. Someone just said "clean me, daddy".
  • Dan holds the cleaning wipe with regret. Phil burst out laughing and Dan starts speaking in a high pitched voice.
  • Dan: Yeah, I read that too. What is this?
  • Phil: It wasn't this weird when I did it!
  • Dan: There's a section of your live show where...
  • Phil: No, it's not a section!
  • Dan: ... you clean them?
  • Phil: No, I'm just saying we're slightly blurry and they'd like to see us in 1080pHD quality.
  • Dan: No, you planned this. It's a section where you clean the audience. Now everyone is saying "clean me".
  • Phil: They liked it. Just do it! I'll make the sound effect.
  • Dan: There's dozen of tens of thousands of people saying "clean me" right now.
  • Phil: Dan, clean them. Clean them!
  • Dan: Jesus Christ.
  • Phil: Do it! It's what you signed up to do.
  • Dan suppressing a regretful chuckle, Phil grinning so damn wide.
  • Dan: Oh my God, stop! The chat! Frick. Even the YouTube comments are going to be ruined. Oh, whatever you fricking..
  • Dan wipes the webcam while Phil makes the sound effect.
  • Phil: That's the noise of the cleaning wipe. Look how clear we are now though. My pores are here.
  • Dan: And yet, I feel dirty.
call out post for aquarius

you guys try way too fucking hard to be hipster and it gets annoying. you’re also the most extra sign like jesus christ, chill out? no one gives a fuck. and for some reason, you have this desperate need to be liked and have a giant group of friends just like every other air sign out there. but for some reason, you demand respect from people and think everything you say is Just and Accurate like bitch sit down?? you ain’t a leo so stop this foolishness. oh and you guys just looove picking at all your imperfections until it drives you absolutely insane like why do you love hurting yourself?? oh and when it comes to love?? lmao nah.. you guys love being chased but you also hate letting others get too close and you push everyone away when it gets serious. you guys are the type to fall in love with your best friend but by the time you fall in love, your bff already married with three kids because you’re so fucking slow. also, you’re just like libras because you want everyone to like you but you don’t want to return the feelings. you also probably shopped at hot topic in high school and had coloured hair at one point.

+ other signs.

Cuddling with Johnny
  • hey
  • i have this and other johnny request to do today lmao
  • but anyways who r y’all doing lol idk what to say here
  • let’s start this right away k
  • soooooo,,,,,,
  • so, let me tell you that this giant loves cuddles
  • not a surprise, i know
  • he just really likes skinship a lot and specially if it’s with you
  • so he’s always hugging you and kissing you
  • he’s the type of boyfriend that tells you to sit on his lap even if there is a free seat right beside him
  • and also the one that secretly would give you hickeys in your neck while you’re sitting in his lap and then laugh when he sees you trying to hide them with your hair and clothes
  • we’re talking about seo younghoe here what were you expecting, he’s a bitch sometimes too
  • but when it becomes to cuddles oooOOoH bOy
  • he loves them
  • but he wouldn’t cuddle when there are members around
  • he thinks that those kind of moments are really intimate and i mean why would he cuddle with you if hansol would be staring at both of you the whole time
  • like no thx lmao
  • so normally y’all cuddle each other before sleep when he’s at your place
  • but he also loves it when he’s cuddling with you while watching a movie until y’all get sleepy and end up napping together
  • or when one of you can’t sleep well at night and you start talking about really intersting stuff like existentialism, philosophy, literature, etcetera
  • or when both of you are in silence, just caressing each other skins and giving kisses to each other
  • he just loves cuddling with you okay
  • and there’s not an specific position that he likes the most
  • but since he’s like 5 meters tall it’s more convenient for both of you when he’s the big spoon
  • and he’s not complaining
  • “having my arms around your waist while your back and shoulders and neck are exposed for me to give you lots of kisses and hickeys ¿? sIGN Me tHE fuck Upp”
  • jesus christ dis boi
  • but let’s go to the story now
  • you invited him to your house for a sleepover
  • and you already finished having dinner
  • “what about watching a movie before going to sleep, babygirl?”
  • “fore sure hun”
  • but both of you knew that your lazy asses would fall asleep in the middle of it so you decided to wash up first
  • and everytime both of you wash up together he would always distract you for your skin care routine because he’s always playing around jfc
  • so he always finishes first 
  • and while waiting he loves hugging your back and just look at both of you in the mirror
  • “we’re such a cute couple”
  • “wow you look really pretty with no makeup”
  • "did i tell you how sexy you look with those panda pajamas, babe?”
  • and excuse me but his voice in your ear as you have his arms around your body sounds like heaven to me
  • yeah, even if he’s saying the most stupid thing ever his voice iS SO SEXY I’M HZDDFHJSJKHJSDLKS
  • so when you started to blush and smile shyly his heart melted
  • “actually, forget about the movie, cutie, we’ll end up cuddling anyways”
  • he would hold your hands and take you to your room
  • ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • don’t worry only cuddling i promise
  • he would basically jump over you and start ticking you
  • “jOHNNATHAN STOP YOU BITCH I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THISSSS”
  • and he would stop but instead he would start giving you kisses all over your face, still making you laugh
  • and your relationship itself is like this
  • he making you laugh your ass off with his silliness aw
  • “why are you doing this to me, i hate you”
  • “because i adore you and all your cuteness”
  • “uh really? tell me more about it”
  • you would place your arms around his shoulders as you look at him in the eyes
  • and he would smile widely at you, showing you that adorable eye smile that he has
  • “i can go on for hours if you want me to, babe”
  • he would slowly lay beside you but always keeping you close to his body, giving you kisses on your cheeks
  • unnecesary update of my life: i’M DYING AS I WRITE THIS BECAUSE I LOVE SEO YOUNGHO SO MUCH
  • ALSO I’M REALLY ANGRY BECAUSE EITHER SPACE JAM OR THE DARK CRYSTAL ARE IN NETFLIX
  • and you would turn around to face him and look at his pretty features
  • “jesus christ you’re so beautiful, babe”
  • and you would just blush because of all the cumpliments he’s giving you
  • and i swear that everyday is like this if you have this angel by your side
  • i feel like he really want you to be aware of how deeply in love his with you and how perfect your physical appearance is in his eyes
  • so compliments is a everyday thing
  • and then he would kiss you because he just can’t stop himself anymore
  • his heart was beating so fast because of how much he loves you
  • and yours was beating just as fast, and omg i’m so soft
  • “you’re so important to me, y/n, you don’t even know”
  • he’ll say in between kisses and soft caresses
  • and the end lmao
The Signs as my English class reading Romeo and Juliet
  • Ares: "you lie" "nah dog"
  • Taurus: "It says 'washing' so piss right off."
  • Gemini: "is that his sword or his dick?"
  • Cancer: "fucking the maids, he fucking the maids."
  • Leo: "you gutless ass."
  • Virgo: "the naked weapon is out, it's been drawn."
  • Libra: "Tybalt's looking for dick, that ass."
  • Scorpio: "is it pants on or pants off?" "I don't know what satellite channels you get, but I'm gonna say pants on."
  • Sagittarius: "pass that sword you hoe."
  • Capricorn: "they fight. Clank clank."
  • Aquarius: "This is granddaddy-o"
  • Pisces: "You're 40 years old Jesus Christ
The Signs as my music on shuffle:

Aries - Jesus Christ by Brand New

Taurus - Sweetness by Jimmy Eat World

Gemini - Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer

Cancer - Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

Leo - Hallelujah by Paramore

Virgo - Drown by Bring Me The Horizon

Libra - Native Tongue by Paramore

Scorpio - The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang

Sagittarius - Through Glass by Stone Sour

Capricorn - Come As You Are by Nirvana

Aquarius - Keep Fishin’ by Weezer

Pisces - Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis by Brand New

*the signs are stuck in a troublesome situation*

Ophiuchus - (speaking behind the signs)  Don’t worry, I got this.

Aries - What the fuck was that?

Ophiuchus - It’s me, Ophiuchus.

Capricorn - Jesus Christ, is that a joke?

Ophiuchus - No, I’m the thirteenth sign!

Aquarius - Whatever, just no one put that thing in any tropical zodiac charts.

The Cross Our Badge

We Catholics have a great share in this Exaltation of the Cross. It is our special trust, our badge, our glory. Like the first Christians, it is ours to honour, to use, to be known by. Those who have fallen from the true faith have laid it aside as childish and not fit for the mature. But the Gospel was preached to the childlike, and the Kingdom of Heaven reserved for them. So we will keep our childlike ways, and loyally use the sacred sign. We will make it with reverence, with confidence, with joy. And the day will come when we who are signed with the Sign of the Cross upon our foreheads will go forth to meet our Redeemer, and He will acknowledge us to be His own. Like Constantine, by that sign we shall conquer.