jessse

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More shit on my DA & tumblr

A fan non-canon comic based on the popular RPGmaker game OFF by the awesome Mortis Ghost - tumblr/DA/twitter and his team Unproductive Fun Time.

so much orange. so, i know you guys are patiently waiting for these pages. and believe me, i wanna whip these out at least weekly. stuff gets in the way though, but that does not mean i’ll stop making this comic. hell no. 

with that said, expect a new page later this week. i think it’s time for a scene change soon ;)

Did you ever realize something about yourself,

and think, how haven’t I realized this before? This is food related and personal, so if you find food chatter triggering, turn away now.

Today I went out for lunch. Not with anyone, just walked over to a little restaurant nearby and had some chili and a baked potato, and scrolled my phone. Nothing remarkable.

But I never do that. I’ve made a habit of eating at my desk. I eat at my desk to avoid the awkwardness of eating in our communal kitchen/sitting area. NYC is this city that is filled with fad diets and restriction and pressure to eat the “right” foods (i.e. the almighty Salad) and to avoid “bad” foods (i.e. the dastardly Carb). It just so happens that I don’t buy into this way of thinking, this food culture, because I’ve worked very hard for some semblance of a healthy relationship with food, thank you very much.

So when I bring in pasta (yikes!) or a sandwich (with TWO slices of bread, or god forbid, a ROLL) I can hardly enjoy it between the commentary about how everyone else is avoiding carbs because that’s the only way to lose weight, I should really try using at least a whole wheat wrap, etc etc. And the days when I bring in a salad, or some brown rice and veggies, it’s always “oh I WISH I had the self control.. I just never have time to prep things ahead of time.. Are you on a diet Val?”

To avoid that, I started eating at my desk. And inevitably, over time, the carb-haters will come over on pasta days and sandwich days just to *look* at my glorious lunch, because obviously they could never eat this themselves.

So when I went out for lunch today, I realized that for the whole hour, I was calm and happy just scrolling my phone and enjoying my food. Because lately, I’ve actually been having anxiety / panicking during my lunch hour. Most days I have had to get up halfway through my meal to go to the ladies room so I can calm myself down and watch my heart rate go down as well. It’s terrible. I was thinking maybe it had something to do with what I’m eating, but couldn’t find a pattern.

But today I had none of that. And I realized, it’s not my food. I think the weird social pressure in my office is to blame. I used to have extreme stress when it came to eating through college, and I think it’s bringing me back to that place.

So, long story, short: I’ll be taking my lunch outside from now on. Whatever I decide to eat, I’ll be eating outside where I can enjoy the food and not worry about the commentary and hushed conversation. I feel really glad that I realized this today. Really glad.

More shit on my DA & tumblr

A fan non-canon comic based on the popular RPGmaker game OFF by the awesome Mortis Ghost - tumblr/DA/twitter and his team Unproductive Fun Time.

No one has ever seen The Batter this hyped before. so hyped.

for those of you who know the game, i hope your getting hyped like i am with the approaching events to come :)

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Daily Recap | Monday 8.22.16

What a roller coaster of a day! I woke up early this morning feeling sluggish but ready to get to the gym. I got in a good sweat on the elliptical before work – 3.45 miles. I’m a bit out of the gym routine at this point and it felt so good to be back.

Lunch was a delish bowl of leftover veggie-packed shepherds pie. YUM!

On the way home from the train, I started to feel frustrated and panicky. I tend to struggle a lot with alone time - I love to have it, but over the past few years, it’s been a time when I would overindulge.. wine, junk food.. you get the picture. But with the encouragement of a good friend, I was able to change my mindset and do the one thing that felt like a decent replacement: run. It wasn’t a pretty run, or a fast run, and I stopped often to walk. My right side was aching for a while and my shoulders were tight. But aside from all that, I felt so good. Getting my shoes on and spending time on the trail was just what I needed. Years ago, I would have grabbed a bottle of red and some chips and dip and spent the night on the couch with my favorite TV show. But tonight, I got changed, and got outside and got another 2 miles under my belt. I came home, showered, and ate the leftover turkey meatballs that I had planned on. I drank plenty of water and watched some Grey’s Anatomy. I didn’t have any snacky urges. I connected with another awesome friend. I felt really content.

Now the windows are all open for the first time since the spring and a cool breeze is floating in. Today ended up being a really, really good day. Now that I’ve overcome this habit once, and replaced mindless (emotional?) eating with something positive, I feel like I have the ability to do it again. After two-ish weeks of flip-flopping and being kinda half-committal toward my goals, I feel like I’m back.

Sending a huge thanks to @mybigfatfitlife and @losingmydemons. You two ladies are simply fantastic.